Caring more for my dad

[Jo1]

Hi everyone my dad is 75 years old and he lives near us (10 min walk) in a house on his own.
We have noticed over the last couple of years the deteriation of my dad.
Things like calling me my husbands name and vice versa.
We are caring for him more now. Either my husband or me goes round first thing and makes him a cup of tea and toast in the mornings.
He isnt really looking after himself properly. We have to switch his gas fire on now, as he has forgot how to turn it on. Though he does have central heating.
He hasnt been to the docs for a couple of years, and I have been saying for a while he needs to go.
Anyway things have come to a bit of a head recently and we have realised that he needs more help. We cant do it all on our own. I certainly cant Sometimes I have just got so low because of it. Though its not dads fault of course. He has only Dave(my husband) to help him. Which is hard at times. Sometimes I feel angry and guilty as I think sometimes he expects too much.
The nurse came round other day and said he needs his bed downstairs and extra help, care assistants. I dont think he even washes in the morning though he does manage to dress himself.
Also that he needs an assesment at a local hospital, when the nurse asked him how old he was he couldnt even tell her The doctor believed he has dementia which I believe he does.
Its hard, I recently lost my nan couple of months ago and she went down hill fast and I feel like Im going through this with seeing dad the way he is.
I dont know whats going to happen now, we are due to see the doctor with him Friday and we will have to take it from there..
I dont want my dad to go in a home, though I know we couldnt cope with having him stay with us. Though you have to deal with the guilt which is the hardest thing of all. Cos I know thats what dad would want.
I think its more difficult in a sense because my dad brought me up, and he is the only close relation I have left. So to lose him would be just awful I dont want to think about it, but I know it will happen.

 

[FaithfulWife]

Dear Miss Jo,

My gramma and grampa were married forever, and when gramma got colon cancer and had to have care, grampa moved to the nursing home with her. At first he was fine but he gradually got dementia too and I felt so awful having them in a home. Then I went to VISIT grampa. He thought it was living in a hotel! And "Room Service" brought him is meals and he could eat in bed while he watched baseball games. *HE* was thrilled! I was the only one who was guilty. He was not aware of where he was so he was okay with it. And I decided if he was okay with it I would be too.

Miss Jo going to a home does not mean you love your dad any less. It means that you are putting him where he can get the daily medical care and attention that he needs. Now one option you may want to consider if you have it in your area is an in-home care-giver. This is someone (usually a college medical student of some kind) who stays at the house and in exchange for room and board, fixes meals every day, helps with some easy care (like brushing hair or dressing) etc. It works for the student because they get a place to live at a price they can afford. And it works for your dad to have someone around who sort of keeps an eye on him and helps out a little with those daily things.

 

[secretchristian]

only thing i can say his, pray to the almighty make a promised to him fight with the almighty to give your dad peace, the god who healed my dad and made him walk will do the same thing to all,

i was a sinner i prayed, i prayed my heart out he heard he and to this day he leads me in his wonderful ways

there is none like him
there is nothing he cant do

 

[RoseyK]

Hi Jo We are going thu similiar issues with my mom. My mom lives with my sister and her health which wasn't that good has gone downhill since November. Right now she is in a nursing rehab facility. She tried to come home a week ago and fell the 2nd day she was home. It is hard on me not being able to take care of my mom.....but it is even harder on my sister who lives with the everyday stress. We finially came to the realization that the best place for my mom right now is the nursing /rehab place. We did some looking around and found one that had an opening and was close to both of us.... a real feat since I live in DE and my sister lives in PA. Of course, there was grumbling from my mom, but now she has the help she needs getting up out of bed, walking, helping with her shower and getting to the bathroom.

When making your decision, try to take yourself out of the picture (it is hard) and try to see what is best for everyone involved.

Your dad's safety should be a top priority and if he is forgetting things.....he shouldn't be alone for his own safety.

I will be praying.

 

[RuthD]

I am praying for you and your dad and your husband. I pray that the caregivers give him all the help he needs. Sounds like he needs 24/7 help. My mom needed constant care too, I had feelings of guilt too. Much love to you, Jo. {{{Jo}}}