Career Frustration

[ciaradawn]

I also posted this in the service-member's dependent's forum, but I thought I might get more feedback here.

I am really at a frustrating point in my life right now and I just need some feedback. I know that many of you have been, or currently are, in this same sort of situation.

I'm moving to Monterey with DH in January (we are having the ceremony in December on his exodus). I graduated from college with a BS in Psychology 6 months ago. I haven't gotten a job because I didn't see the point in getting one when I'll just be leaving here. I had an opportunity for a great job, but it would've taken a lot of time away from planning the wedding; it would've cost the company a lot of money to train me and then have me quit and them have to train someone else, and I just didn't feel right doing that to them. So now I'm just sitting on my butt planning a wedding and I just feel useless. I know that it will get better when I get out there and can get a job, but I just have this overwhelming feeling that my life is completely out of my control.

For you career women who are married and followed your husband around; how did you do it? I want to have children eventually; but I have always wanted a career. I want to go to graduate school very badly. I want to get a degree in Forensic Psychology (not forensic science); I am interested in working as a consultant to companies and lawyers and being an 'expert' witness in court cases; determine competency, criminal profiling, jury selection, determining "insanity", that sort of thing. http://www.wcupa.edu/_ACADEMICS/sch_cas.psy/Career_Paths/Forensic/Career08.htm

I have considered getting my degree online, but I don't really know how practical that is; especially since my degree deals with PEOPLE and LABS and the sort of thing that might be difficult to do online. I don't know how long it will take to actually get my degree; but from what research I've done; I would need to go straight through & get my PhD instead of just a Masters. And that can take several years. . . .. . So what happens if DH and I get stationed somewhere, and I get into a PhD program that will take 4-6 years to complete, and then he has to PSC? I don't want to be away from him; but I have always wanted to have a career and this is of great interest/importance to me.

I am also worried about getting my degree and then having to move afterwards and not being able to get work because I haven't been 'established' in that area as a credible source. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA It's all just so frustrating and confusing! I just need some opinions and words of advice from people who have been there or are going through the same thing.

Thanks in advance!!!

 

[justanobserver]

Your going to Presideo of Monterey? Hubby going to be taking Langauge courses?

I cant answer your question in the OP due to I was the soldier who got shipped out and family stayed behind.

But I can tell you that the area there is nice, lots to see and do, the base itself is is pretty nice (havent been on it since 1996 tho) and there are colleges/universities with a 30 mile radius.

I live just over an hour east of there but when I get over that way, I make it a point to spend some time at the Monterey Aquarium. Worth the time to see.Plus stroll up Cannery Row on the Embarcdero with the little special clam chowder shops...

oh yum!

sorry I aint of any help. but it is a lovely area - dont know if you will be able to afford to live off post tho. its pricey there. There use to be housing at Ft Ord but the base shut down.

 

[ciaradawn]

Ft. Ord is still used for housing & I that might be one of the places we're looking into. We're gonna do gov. housing b/c we won't be there for that long; maybe a year. And a year isn't long enough to get a degree, so the schools in that area won't be much help.

But I have been hearing GREAT things about the Presidio. I went out there a couple months ago and that's when we got married (ceremony to be held in Dec.) We did go to the aquarium and cannery row & fisherman's warf. I'm excited that I'm going to be able to live in such a great area with so much to offer!

 

[Autumnleaf]

Look into working at the base in your field.

 

[BoazB]

Sometimes the Lord opens the most unsual doors, but we want it to happen NOW.

Sorry, I can't give you really good advice, as I was a lone troop and could go anywhere. Having said that, sometimes the powers that be can be convinced to be kept in an area (and sometimes not, unfortunately). The suggestion of being used in your field on the base sounds good.

 

[Gwenyfur]

well with your current degree have you considered voluteering yoru knowledge to local shelters, battered women, homeless etc...

it's great on grad school applications, plus it lets you get some practical experience in working iwth people.

It may look a little hairy now, but G-d does open doors...and if spending time apart is part of hte plan...let's face it...deployment and non-dependant friendly stations are out there...then that's G-d's plan...

Patience is hard when you're feeling so useless and wanting to move forward...but in G-d's timing it will come together.

Hang tough!

 

[Andoverpolo]

Hey,

My situation is a lot different, I come from money and I am able to afford to fly back whenever I have time. My wife has similar school and professional goals as you do and with our kids moving around is impractical so I just set up camp in Charleston and come back to visit. It works for us... but not without problems. I miss her desparately when I am away, and since I can't talk to her or communicate she worries terribly. This puts a lot of strain on us... the worst part is that she is latina and has that latin temper.

I think, if you can afford it, the best thing to do is live in one place and let your husband move around... visit each other as often as you possibly can (you go to him and he comes to you). You do not want to be in a place in the future where you regret marrying him and believe me that thought will go through your mind (I know it has for my wife). Once things settle down a little bit then find a place together for a permanent life. The nice thing about the military is that this constant shifting is NOT forever.

This is really difficult for the recently married, I can't think of anything other than my wife and little girls and everything I am missing right now, it was the same when I was in Iraq and Afghanistan for the summer. And I regret every minute of being in the military on the count of it, but I wouldn't change a thing and in my better moments I'm happy to be here keeping my family and country safe from maniacs. Being away constantly takes its toll but it makes your moments together so much sweeter. All of that tension, frustration and anticipation is thrown into your first kiss when he gets off the plane.

Best of luck

 

[ciaradawn]

THANKYOU everyone for the feedback!

Sometimes the Lord opens the most unsual doors, but we want it to happen NOW.

Yes, I want that door to open now! LOL I just need to be patient. But I also feel that I should be preparing and I don't know where to start. I know that God has a plan and I'm on the right path; I'm just waiting for that door or window to creak open

well with your current degree have you considered voluteering yoru knowledge to local shelters, battered women, homeless etc...

it's great on grad school applications, plus it lets you get some practical experience in working iwth people.

Patience is hard when you're feeling so useless and wanting to move forward...but in G-d's timing it will come together.

Hang tough!

I posted my thoughts in another forum as well, and they suggested the same thing. I think I will definately look into that. I would like to also have at least a part time job as well; because I think we will need it. I have volunteered in the past and I enjoyed it; so I think I will do it again in a shelter or mental health facility.

You're right, it's hard to be patient because I am feeling useless and I want to move forward NOW!!! I just have to wait for that door to open.

Hey,

I think, if you can afford it, the best thing to do is live in one place and let your husband move around... visit each other as often as you possibly can (you go to him and he comes to you).

I hadn't thought of that. I hope I can eventually find a good school that's close to a big airport or a military base of some kind; maybe that would make it a little easier.

You do not want to be in a place in the future where you regret marrying him and believe me that thought will go through your mind (I know it has for my wife). Once things settle down a little bit then find a place together for a permanent life. The nice thing about the military is that this constant shifting is NOT forever.

haha good to know! It's good that we don't have kids to worry about. We want them eventually, and I don't want to wait forever. In my perfect world I would be done with school before I get pregnant; but in the real world it could take up to 6 years to get my PhD; and I don't know that I want to wait that long to have kids. I suppose people get pregnant and then finish their education right? It happens a lot. I just don't want to be one of those people that doesn't go back. But I have a pretty strong will.

This is really difficult for the recently married. Being away constantly takes its toll but it makes your moments together so much sweeter. All of that tension, frustration and anticipation is thrown into your first kiss when he gets off the plane.

Best of luck

Thanks for your feedback Andoverpolo. I know it will be hard; impossible sometimes. But I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. He knows me so well and I know that he will do whatever it takes. He wants me to get my degree almost more than I do!!! I'm so lucky to have such a supportive husband.