Card or no card?

Katie's Mom

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Hi,

I recently got divorced from my husband of 16 years. Our daughter passed away five years ago and the date of her passing is coming up. It's one of the most difficult days of the year for both of us. The purpose of our divorce was not to cut ties forever, but to remain on good terms and grow individually. To make a very long story short, this is no longer the case. The divorce process turned out to be very difficult and my ex-husband showed a side of him that I have never seen at this intensity. At one incident, he yelled that he wants me out of his life forever. All in all, I am completely heartbroken, have no idea what happened, and he refuses to communicate with me about important financial matters. I know that he has another person in his life...this was going on before and during our divorce, but he will not confess it to me. I'm trying to be compassionate, control my anger and move forward with my life. I am reaching out to my women's church group, my sisters and several Christian friends to get through this pain. All the being said, my ex husband and I are not on good terms...it's not what I want at all. Next Tuesday is my daughter's "angelversary." I'm very conflicted about sending him a card saying something like, "I hope you feel her spirit and love today and have thoughts filled with joy and happy memories." Nothing about us...just about her. My intent is to not reunite with him or improve our relationship...I don't think it's healthy and I need to work on my relationship with God. I also don't think it's possible. I just feel like it's the right thing to do as a human being and as a co-parent to our daughter. Any ideas?
 

JAM2b

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If he does not want contact then it would be intrusive to send a card. Since he is the one who wanted to cut ties, it would be inappropriate to continue to reach out to him in any way for any reason. If he has a change of heart, he can contact you. He is probably trying to establish some closure and a new life.

It's OK to let go. You don't need him to be able to grieve and heal for yourself. Seek bonds with other people.
 
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