Can't sort through the noise

[The PitIsLit]

Hi all. I hope this post reaches everyone well in this difficult time. I'm mainly seeking prayer or any advice someone might have for a really troubling thing I've been going through.

I've been a super devoted Christian for most of my young life. I'm talking going to church four days a week, reading the bible through at least twice a year while taking part in multiple bible studies, and praying at least 30-60 minutes a day (at my peak I would wake up at 3am so I could pray four hours). I had such a close relationship with God for so long.

Then in 2010 I had a scary experience where i felt like my body was taken over. When I got out of the hospital I was diagnosed with a schizoid mental disorder. Its caused me a lot of difficulties due to extreme mood instability. I kept praying that God would help me overcome it and eventually He answered with a no, my answer was that I'd have this pain for the rest of my life.

As time has gone on I realized that everything that had kept me close to God was part of my delusions and what I thought were answers to prayers were hallucinations.

I've become scared to pray because the things I thought were God weren't and, as my illness has progressed, they've been telling me to do scary things. I've pulled back from my faith a lot because I dont want to be taken over by the delusions and hallucinations again. Because of this I feel hollow inside, I'm missing God from my life.

My sense of reality has become really blurred. I cant tell the difference between God and the hallucinations and I cant tell if my memories, the foundations of who I am, are real or not. I feel like of disappeared into nothingness with no way out.

Anyway, if anyone can offer prayers or advice on how I can safely approach God again I'd be eternally grateful. I do still offer short prayers of thanks but exercising my faith seems to trigger the delusions. Despite everything my heart is still with my God, I just hope what I'm doing is good enough for Him.

Love and Peace

 

[plain jayne]

You are in my prayers.

Hebrews 4:16 says that "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

 

[kingsdaughter85]

You will be in my prayers

 

[SANTOSO]

Hi all. I hope this post reaches everyone well in this difficult time. I'm mainly seeking prayer or any advice someone might have for a really troubling thing I've been going through.

I've been a super devoted Christian for most of my young life. I'm talking going to church four days a week, reading the bible through at least twice a year while taking part in multiple bible studies, and praying at least 30-60 minutes a day (at my peak I would wake up at 3am so I could pray four hours). I had such a close relationship with God for so long.

Then in 2010 I had a scary experience where i felt like my body was taken over. When I got out of the hospital I was diagnosed with a schizoid mental disorder. Its caused me a lot of difficulties due to extreme mood instability. I kept praying that God would help me overcome it and eventually He answered with a no, my answer was that I'd have this pain for the rest of my life.

As time has gone on I realized that everything that had kept me close to God was part of my delusions and what I thought were answers to prayers were hallucinations.

I've become scared to pray because the things I thought were God weren't and, as my illness has progressed, they've been telling me to do scary things. I've pulled back from my faith a lot because I dont want to be taken over by the delusions and hallucinations again. Because of this I feel hollow inside, I'm missing God from my life.

My sense of reality has become really blurred. I cant tell the difference between God and the hallucinations and I cant tell if my memories, the foundations of who I am, are real or not. I feel like of disappeared into nothingness with no way out.

Anyway, if anyone can offer prayers or advice on how I can safely approach God again I'd be eternally grateful. I do still offer short prayers of thanks but exercising my faith seems to trigger the delusions. Despite everything my heart is still with my God, I just hope what I'm doing is good enough for Him.

Love and Peace

Dear one,
I was once depressed. I didn’t like who I will become. Much less I expected that others would like me. I was afflicted because of my iniquities. I considered myself as sheep who have been comforted by the rod of the Lord.

I have been far from the Lord. I even didn’t know how to pray. This is what I did then. I wait on the Lord. That is how I draw near God.

In the beginning, I didn’t know how to change myself. But I was told that if you wait for a doctor, you can wait for God. Wait is wait.
Since I didn’t have the strength to pray or much I didn’t know what and how to say. I consider I can wait. Likewise, I have used all my intellectual abilities, or other resources to change my life but to no avail. So then I can do with waiting.

Though visibly may seem nothing change, I just believe that God noticed me. At first, I didn’t know what I am waiting for. Eventually, I knew I should wait for His steadfast love and mercy.

As day to day, during that times, I waited for God for 3 hours more or less. I just consider more or less time is not important as long as I wait for Him. Eventually I have strength to look for holy man or woman of God ; I was looking for their prayers on the YouTube, books and Bible. I would write and collect their prayers and said their prayers daily. Eventually as I followed their prayer and I began to understand more and more things that I didn’t understand or perceive before.

So waiting on God for His steadfast love, has become a reality daily for me. And have given me the strength to follow the Lord. The strength of the Lord has a been a driving force for me when God unveiled my eyes to notice these verses:

that according to the riches of His glory He (God the Father) may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being (heart), -Ephesians 3:16
so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith'that you, being rooted and grounded in love, -Ephesians 3:17

I never noticed or knew then, that I have to pray this to God the Father —that I have to ask Him to be strengthened in His Spirit in my heart so that Jesus can dwell in my heart.

So I was excited and amazed about this strengthening or the strength of the Lord, that I consumed everything that the Lord said in the Bible that He strengthened.

Eventually, the Lord leads to understand this on how to draw near Him:

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. -John 6:63

When the Lord met a Samaritan woman whom then the Lord considered that they didn’t know whom they worship and the Lord said:

God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth." -John 4:24

So to draw near God, we should draw near His words that He has spoken — that are Spirit and Life.

When we regard the words that God has spoken as Spirit, His Spirit gives us that life to be united with His Son, Jesus Christ.

In order to regard the words that God has spoken as Spirit, we need to treasure His words in our hearts and minds and gave our strength to meditate His words.

As our Heavenly Father have said:

My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. -Proverbs 4:20
Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. -Proverbs 4:21
For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh. -Proverbs 4:22
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. -Proverbs 4:23

So dear one, when we treasure His words in our hearts and keep them with all viigilance, the Spirit of God flow with the springs of life.

Dear one,
Don’t worry about delusion but one is needed said our Lord, that is, to sit at the feet of Jesus and hear His words.

Don’t be bothered with delusions and hallucinations, but just keep the love of Christ burning in your heart.

For we heard:
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. -Romans 8:37

So dear one, let us seek to understand and perceive how our Lord first loved us in His words. Then our love for Christ will grow.

So then, not even delusions or hallucinations will separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

May God’s grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and our Savior Jesus Christ.

 

[Unqualified]

I will pray for you. But with mental illness you just got to find away to cope. Try praying God to shut doors and no man can open. I know your heart is focused on Jesus. Maybe you can use your gift a little bit, then more and more. Prayer opens a door and many cannot cope with the doors open. I have found away to cope, pray to God for yours.

 

[har_habayit]

Hi all. I hope this post reaches everyone well in this difficult time. I'm mainly seeking prayer or any advice someone might have for a really troubling thing I've been going through.

I've been a super devoted Christian for most of my young life. I'm talking going to church four days a week, reading the bible through at least twice a year while taking part in multiple bible studies, and praying at least 30-60 minutes a day (at my peak I would wake up at 3am so I could pray four hours). I had such a close relationship with God for so long.

Then in 2010 I had a scary experience where i felt like my body was taken over. When I got out of the hospital I was diagnosed with a schizoid mental disorder. Its caused me a lot of difficulties due to extreme mood instability. I kept praying that God would help me overcome it and eventually He answered with a no, my answer was that I'd have this pain for the rest of my life.

As time has gone on I realized that everything that had kept me close to God was part of my delusions and what I thought were answers to prayers were hallucinations.

I've become scared to pray because the things I thought were God weren't and, as my illness has progressed, they've been telling me to do scary things. I've pulled back from my faith a lot because I don't want to be taken over by the delusions and hallucinations again. Because of this I feel hollow inside, I'm missing God from my life.

My sense of reality has become really blurred. I cant tell the difference between God and the hallucinations and I cant tell if my memories, the foundations of who I am, are real or not. I feel like of disappeared into nothingness with no way out.

Anyway, if anyone can offer prayers or advice on how I can safely approach God again I'd be eternally grateful. I do still offer short prayers of thanks but exercising my faith seems to trigger the delusions. Despite everything my heart is still with my God, I just hope what I'm doing is good enough for Him.

Love and Peace

Hi there. I know this post was made two and a half years ago, but it doesn't hurt to respond, because who knows who will read it.

If you're still here, just know that I have been going through the SAME thing for almost 13 years. It sounds like you had some kind of psychotic break or manic episode in 2010. My journey with full blown mental chaos started in 2011. That's when I had my first psychotic break and psychiatric hospitalization. Ever since then it has been a very, very slow recovery, with some amazing victories and some crushing defeats.

Five years ago, I was living in Washington D.C. and I thought I had kicked mental illness's rear end and that my U-shaped parabola was only going to curve up from then on. Alas, I took a major, and I mean major dive this summer. I've had to apply for social security disability. Of course, I have a few job offers coming through, and I HAVE to take them, because I can't afford to wait another year while the government takes their time to analyze whether or not I meet their criteria for disability payments.

I really, REALLY resonate with your thoughts about not knowing whether your mind is talking with you or God. I have never been able to distinguish between the voice of God and the voice of the devil until recently. Obviously, to really tell the difference, you have to spend some quiet time with God, which is something that almost none of us spend significant amounts of time doing.

I can tell you that I have learned that the peace of God comes from your spirit, and if it is present, which it hardly ever is for me, it tends to "float up" from my spirit and it illuminates my mind and my thinking.

Remember, God is a Spirit. Jesus said that in the fourth chapter of John. In the letter to the Hebrews, God is called "the Father of spirits." He is a Spiritual Being. If He will communicate with you, many times He will choose to do so spiritually, although He can communicate with you anyway He wants.

Do you speak in tongues? I know this is a bizarre comment to some people and they think of crazy Pentecostals, but I have really found that speaking with my spirit man, making the sounds that come naturally to me as I try to exercise my "spiritual language" really helps in knowing what the will of God is.

When you are speaking with God in your spirit, that is a realm that Satan cannot touch, nor any power of darkness. Satan is the prince of the power of the air and he has the ability to influence your THINKING, your attitude, your emotions, and your flesh. Satan has absolutely ZERO authority over anything that is of our spirit "man."

I honestly don't know how Christians can operate without speaking in tongues. I mostly talk with God in English, but there are times when I know that Satan and his demon team assigned to me are listening to what I am saying, and I feel a snare is coming. In those moments when I sense that demons are listening to my conversation with God, I will start talking with God in tongues.

There is no way to know whether God, the devil, or your mind is talking with you, unless you are taking time to build your spirit man or woman. God will always speak to you through peace and especially through peace in your relationship with Him.

The realm of hell is so, so crafty. I have had SO many delusions that I thought were from God but they turned out to be from a completely psychotic mind. I am really happy to read your post, because I felt like I was the only one.