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Can't sort through the noise

Discussion in 'Recovery Related Spiritual Advice' started by The PitIsLit, Jun 3, 2021.

  1. The PitIsLit

    The PitIsLit New Member

    United States
    Hi all. I hope this post reaches everyone well in this difficult time. I'm mainly seeking prayer or any advice someone might have for a really troubling thing I've been going through.

    I've been a super devoted Christian for most of my young life. I'm talking going to church four days a week, reading the bible through at least twice a year while taking part in multiple bible studies, and praying at least 30-60 minutes a day (at my peak I would wake up at 3am so I could pray four hours). I had such a close relationship with God for so long.

    Then in 2010 I had a scary experience where i felt like my body was taken over. When I got out of the hospital I was diagnosed with a schizoid mental disorder. Its caused me a lot of difficulties due to extreme mood instability. I kept praying that God would help me overcome it and eventually He answered with a no, my answer was that I'd have this pain for the rest of my life.

    As time has gone on I realized that everything that had kept me close to God was part of my delusions and what I thought were answers to prayers were hallucinations.

    I've become scared to pray because the things I thought were God weren't and, as my illness has progressed, they've been telling me to do scary things. I've pulled back from my faith a lot because I dont want to be taken over by the delusions and hallucinations again. Because of this I feel hollow inside, I'm missing God from my life.

    My sense of reality has become really blurred. I cant tell the difference between God and the hallucinations and I cant tell if my memories, the foundations of who I am, are real or not. I feel like of disappeared into nothingness with no way out.

    Anyway, if anyone can offer prayers or advice on how I can safely approach God again I'd be eternally grateful. I do still offer short prayers of thanks but exercising my faith seems to trigger the delusions. Despite everything my heart is still with my God, I just hope what I'm doing is good enough for Him.

    Love and Peace
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. plain jayne

    plain jayne Active Member

    United States
    You are in my prayers.

    Hebrews 4:16 says that "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
  3. kingsdaughter85

    kingsdaughter85 Well-Known Member CF Ambassadors

    You will be in my prayers

    SANTOSO Well-Known Member

    Dear one,
    I was once depressed. I didn’t like who I will become. Much less I expected that others would like me. I was afflicted because of my iniquities. I considered myself as sheep who have been comforted by the rod of the Lord.

    I have been far from the Lord. I even didn’t know how to pray. This is what I did then. I wait on the Lord. That is how I draw near God.

    In the beginning, I didn’t know how to change myself. But I was told that if you wait for a doctor, you can wait for God. Wait is wait.
    Since I didn’t have the strength to pray or much I didn’t know what and how to say. I consider I can wait. Likewise, I have used all my intellectual abilities, or other resources to change my life but to no avail. So then I can do with waiting.

    Though visibly may seem nothing change, I just believe that God noticed me. At first, I didn’t know what I am waiting for. Eventually, I knew I should wait for His steadfast love and mercy.

    As day to day, during that times, I waited for God for 3 hours more or less. I just consider more or less time is not important as long as I wait for Him. Eventually I have strength to look for holy man or woman of God ; I was looking for their prayers on the YouTube, books and Bible. I would write and collect their prayers and said their prayers daily. Eventually as I followed their prayer and I began to understand more and more things that I didn’t understand or perceive before.

    So waiting on God for His steadfast love, has become a reality daily for me. And have given me the strength to follow the Lord. The strength of the Lord has a been a driving force for me when God unveiled my eyes to notice these verses:

    that according to the riches of His glory He (God the Father) may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being (heart), -Ephesians 3:16
    so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith'that you, being rooted and grounded in love, -Ephesians 3:17

    I never noticed or knew then, that I have to pray this to God the Father —that I have to ask Him to be strengthened in His Spirit in my heart so that Jesus can dwell in my heart.

    So I was excited and amazed about this strengthening or the strength of the Lord, that I consumed everything that the Lord said in the Bible that He strengthened.

    Eventually, the Lord leads to understand this on how to draw near Him:

    It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. -John 6:63

    When the Lord met a Samaritan woman whom then the Lord considered that they didn’t know whom they worship and the Lord said:

    God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth." -John 4:24

    So to draw near God, we should draw near His words that He has spoken — that are Spirit and Life.

    When we regard the words that God has spoken as Spirit, His Spirit gives us that life to be united with His Son, Jesus Christ.

    In order to regard the words that God has spoken as Spirit, we need to treasure His words in our hearts and minds and gave our strength to meditate His words.

    As our Heavenly Father have said:

    My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. -Proverbs 4:20
    Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. -Proverbs 4:21
    For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh. -Proverbs 4:22
    Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. -Proverbs 4:23

    So dear one, when we treasure His words in our hearts and keep them with all viigilance, the Spirit of God flow with the springs of life.

    Dear one,
    Don’t worry about delusion but one is needed said our Lord, that is, to sit at the feet of Jesus and hear His words.

    Don’t be bothered with delusions and hallucinations, but just keep the love of Christ burning in your heart.

    For we heard:
    No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. -Romans 8:37

    So dear one, let us seek to understand and perceive how our Lord first loved us in His words. Then our love for Christ will grow.

    So then, not even delusions or hallucinations will separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

    May God’s grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and our Savior Jesus Christ.