Can't Let Go

[wonderingmommy]

Okay, guys. This is the first serious post I've done, but I need some support. I don't know how to let go.

I don't remember if I've told my story here yet or not, so I'll make it brief. While I was in college I went a little crazy. I met a guy who I fell in love with. We dated for a year and planned to get married--and we were sexually active. I found out I was pregnant this past June. He said some really awful things about the baby (we both were a little overwhelmed), and I broke up with him. I had my little girl February 12th, and her father and I began to talk again. Suddenly I realized that I was (and am) still in love with him.

He has apologized for what has happened before, as have I. He says he still loves me and that he would like for us to find a way to work it out. At the same time, however, he has started talking to other people. There's this one girl in particular,and now it looks like he might visit her. It's tearing me apart. He swears that his relationship with her is just one of friendship and support, but were that the case, why would he be going to see her? I know that I have to let him go. We're not together anymore, and we may or may not reconcile. But I'm still very much in love with him, and I have a very strong desire for our family to be whole. He says we have a chance...but what if we don't? I'm not handling this well, and for my sake and my daughter's, I need to get this under control.

I'm sorry this post turned out so long. Anyone have any ideas about how to handle this?

 

[awbree]

Having never been in a situation like that, I'm not sure I'm very qualified to give anyone advice. To tell you the truth, I would probably be in the same confused state as you are. I have dealt with not being able to let someone go but there was never a child involved. I would just do some serious praying and see what God has to tell you. Hopefully someone else here has more guidance they could give you. I feel bad that I'm not able to help you more but I did want to let you know that I will pray to God to give you an answer.


God Bless You

 

[GreatistheLord]

I am very sorry for your situation. I have to agree with awbree that only by prayer will you get through this.

God is with you.

 

[Crusading_Ostrich]

I am very sorry for your situation. I have to agree with awbree that only by prayer will you get through this.

God is with you.

In some ways I agree with this, some I disagree. Prayer alone with nothing else is...um...in my opinion waiting for a handout. YES it is important to prayer, and necessary to pray. However I think that we as people need to keep persevering while in prayer.

FOr the situtation, never been there so this is just my opinion from a stranger far far away. (and from a guy so...) Placed in that situation myself, I would be very careful of what might happen. To add biblical value to this lowly speel it says somewhere in the NT that someone cannot serve two masters as he will love one and hate the other. Hence I (personally) would be very careful in my dealings with the other person for just such a reason. Another way I suppose would be to confront the aforementioned person about serving 2 masters and demand loyalty - a lot more direct and brave approach.

Hope things go well with ya.

 

[JPPT1974]

Also go and seek counseling as well as a Christian pastor in order to know what you need to do. But most of all, go to the Lord in order to plan for you what He wants you to do and to follow the right path regardless of what the world and other people try to say.

 

[~BelovedDaughter~]

I hope everything works out and remember what I said, ok? I'll be here anytime you need me.

Best wishes and God bless!
Mary<><

 

[Sketcher]

To add biblical value to this lowly speel it says somewhere in the NT that someone cannot serve two masters as he will love one and hate the other. Hence I (personally) would be very careful in my dealings with the other person for just such a reason. Another way I suppose would be to confront the aforementioned person about serving 2 masters and demand loyalty - a lot more direct and brave approach.

How do you see that applying here? If it's the guy loving both women, they are not his masters. If I were the guy and that was said to me, I'd be offended not because of my sin but because it she'd not be making sense and is still mad at me.

 

[Stanfi]

Yes, prayer is important.

First I urge you make your relationship with Jesus is exactly where it needs to be. Pray, Read your bible, and get yourself a group of Christian friends that you can trust to help you bear this burden. The first step is to get you focus of attenion off of this pain in your life and onto Jesus.

You have devleoped a soul tie with this man. Something that usualy happens when people become phyiscally intimate. Just because this person is not with you, does not mean the soul tie goes away. So you experince a loss, and with loss pain.

 

[wonderingmommy]

Mary--I will, and thank you for talking with me. You're a really good person.

mrstace--when you're sitting in a true love waits rally, they tell you exactly that, but you only half believe it...maybe in time I can help someone else avoid the temptation and the consequences thereof simply because I've been there.

The situation is much better now. He and I have agreed to be friends for now and let anything else that's going to happen between us happen of its own accord. I made a snap judgement about the girl he's talking to, and I realize now that I jumped to a bunch of conclusions I shouldn't have--they really are just friends, and she really only wants what's best for all of us. I owe her a lot for her patience and willingness to hear me out without judging me.

Thank you all for your input--I really appreciate the support everyone has offered.

 

[Stanfi]

wonderingmommy,

I just said that, because so many times people end up hurting and they have no idea why. So many people don't understand why they can't "get over someome" or forget about someone. They just don't understand. Soul ties and emtoional attachment is completly foreign to a lot of people. I just always try help people understand why.

John 8:32, You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free!

 

[JPPT1974]

Yes, prayer is important.

First I urge you make your relationship with Jesus is exactly where it needs to be. Pray, Read your bible, and get yourself a group of Christian friends that you can trust to help you bear this burden. The first step is to get you focus of attenion off of this pain in your life and onto Jesus.

You have devleoped a soul tie with this man. Something that usualy happens when people become phyiscally intimate. Just because this person is not with you, does not mean the soul tie goes away. So you experince a loss, and with loss pain.

Prayer is indeed important as well as reconciliation in your relationship to Jesus. Also reading you bible and devotions as well as having friends keeping you accountable to leaning on the Lord and not letting you slip away.

 

[~BelovedDaughter~]

I hope that you're not upset about what I've said...If I've upset you, I'm truly sorry. I really do want to be a friend and if I've hurt you, please accept my apologies.

Mary<><

 

[wonderingmommy]

Right now, I'm really just too angry to be hurt. I feel betrayed.

 

[~BelovedDaughter~]

I know things are going better now, right? Remember I'm praying.

 

[wonderingmommy]

It's a roller coaster. One minute I know I can handle it; the next minute I'm falling apart. Keep praying.

 

[~BelovedDaughter~]

Will do! I'm not giving up on you.

 

[pamper_lamb]

Hi wonderingmommy,
Thanks for your sharing. After i have read what you have posted, i can feel that you are pinning hopes and confused at many times. I can't tell you what to do but i try to help you to sort out your thoughts and hopefully you will handling this issue well.

First of all, ask yourself these questions:
1)is this guy truly sincere on what he say? Remember action speak louder..
2)Are you really can't give out? Have you focus and submit to God for His will and wisdom to deal with this issue? if you have, God will guide you through
3)Is your past keep hunting you? remember only Satan knows your past and make you guilt and keep you away from God. If you are, pls you have to pray in these area...
4)Ask God whether issit His will to marry this guy?
5) There is no trust in this relationship, are you able to build the trust with him if you are able to you won't be feel insecure and jealously and possesive over him.most of ur problem solved
Lastly, yes pray, if you lack of wisdom ask God for it, in order to do His will, u have to die on your own will and only focus on Him, you will hear Him. By doing His will,He then can bless you more.

 

[boilerblues]

My best recommendation is to find a church family that can support you as you work through things. They can help you sort through decisions for the future and support you as you deal with the roller coaster of your life.

 

[JPPT1974]

Find a church family that will accept you. But most of all that you will accept. And also share fellowship with one another. As well as see each other from one another's perspective. Also share each others likes and dislikes and interests.

 

[wonderingmommy]

I'm crushed. I'm dealing now with postpardum depression and was seriously contemplating suicide a couple of weeks ago (I'm seeking treatment now--through the local church and with a psychologist).

But tonight Jaime's father said something that I can't imagine anyone ever saying. When I broached the subject of trust with him, he said something to the affect of "Well, I can't trust you either." So I asked him for an example of a time when I had lied. He said, "There's one thing you didn't keep your word on. You didn't kill yourself." It makes me sick just to think of it.

We're going to seek counseling together. It's the only way I can be comfortable with him being involved with her. But that doesn't change what he said.