Can't have Kids

[Goobersmooch]

I've been trying for almost 14 years to have children and have not been sucessful and we have tried everything. I am pulling my hair out and I finally give up. The worst part is there is one day a year where I get really really sad and depressed about this and that is Mother's Day. I cry and usually won't go out. Does anyone else have this happen? There will never be a Jacob Samuel or a Julia Rose. Well not in my family that is. I just wondered if I was alone in this or is there anyone else out there going through this?

Melanie

 

[dews]

Have you gone to the doctor to find out why?

 

[mm1228]

You are not alone in this. I thankfully at the age of 17 was blessed with a dear daugther but my husband and I have always wanted other children. Unfortunately it doesn't look like we will be having anymore as every month I am not pregnant. Yeah there is those occasional times (about every 6 months) where I think this might be it but my hopes are dashed as always. Mother's day is one of the hardest for me. Yes I have a child but when you can literally at times feel another child in your arms and all your friends around you are having children it is just really hard when you can't. I don't think anyone truly understands unless they have been there.

Sorry for rambling. You will be in my prayers and hopefully this Mother's Day might be a little bearable.

 

[Goobersmooch]

Have you gone to the doctor to find out why?

Yes, We know why. My husband is sterile.

 

[Goobersmooch]

You are not alone in this. I thankfully at the age of 17 was blessed with a dear daugther but my husband and I have always wanted other children. Unfortunately it doesn't look like we will be having anymore as every month I am not pregnant. Yeah there is those occasional times (about every 6 months) where I think this might be it but my hopes are dashed as always. Mother's day is one of the hardest for me. Yes I have a child but when you can literally at times feel another child in your arms and all your friends around you are having children it is just really hard when you can't. I don't think anyone truly understands unless they have been there.

Sorry for rambling. You will be in my prayers and hopefully this Mother's Day might be a little bearable.

Thank you so much. I ache about it so much. I also have dreams about having a baby and being a rotten mom. This one time I dreamt that I took the baby home from the hospital and did not feed her or change her diapers for two days because i forgot. I felt so bad after that.

 

[HeyHomie]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Your life is not over simply because you can't have kids. It's possible to live a fulfilling and rewarding life without children.

Concentrate on the things you did before you got so tied up in trying to have children. Do you do art? Do you like to travel? Do you like to read stacks of books? Do those things!

You can involve yourself with children in other ways. Volunteer at a Boys/Girls Club. Be a youth worker at church. Be a Big Brother/Big Sister.

I also recommend you look for non-parent support groups in your area. Do a web search under "Childfree" and your city and see if anything turns up.

Remember, above all else, that you are not an "incomplete" person just because you don't have kids. You already have a complete family: you and your husband.

 

[dews]

Keep praying.

 

[katelyn]

I'm sorry. Have you considered any alternative ways of having a baby?

 

[Linnis]

Would you consider a sperm bank or adopting?

 

[reneed70]

I, too am in the midst of a long-term battle infertility. Mine is due to PCOS, a disease which causes me to be anovulatory. It is devestating. People who have children have no idea the gut-wrenching pain infertility can bring. So the suggestion to get a hobby and that life goes on doesn't cut it. Not to be rude...sorry if I sound that way. Year and year of constant disappointment can wear you down emotionally. Praise God for His mercy and grace or I think I would truly be nuts by now. Watching everyone around you get pregnant with barely an effort and their families grow...it is so sad to me sometimes. I dread Mother's Day too, I know without a doubt I will cry thru the entire service like always, so I decided this year I wasn't going. God understands a breaking heart. PM me friend if you ever want to talk. I am 35 and feel like time is running out. We are now considering adoption but WHOA does it cost a lot. I pray if that is where God is leading us He will help us find a way to finance it.
I don't want to be pregnant, I want to be a mother.
Sorry to write a book here
Renee

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I have PCOS as well; I have just decided that if I ever get married, I'll adopt or not have any children. I was sad last fall when I first found out I had PCOS because I love kids, but now I'm pretty much indifferent. If having children isn't what God has in mind for my life then I will be fine with that.

 

[HeyHomie]

ISo the suggestion to get a hobby and that life goes on doesn't cut it. Not to be rude...sorry if I sound that way. Year and year of constant disappointment can wear you down emotionally.

If you spend the rest of your life mourning the fact that you don't have children, it could possibly undermine sanity. My wife and I realized this, so we decided that we were going to stop being disappointed year after year and move on. We accepted the fact that we couldn't have kids and re-evaluated how we were going to live our lives. The day we threw out all of our charts, books, etc. was the day a great weight was lifted off of our shoulders.

Let me recommend a book: Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again.

 

[Goobersmooch]

I, too am in the midst of a long-term battle infertility. Mine is due to PCOS, a disease which causes me to be anovulatory. It is devestating. People who have children have no idea the gut-wrenching pain infertility can bring. So the suggestion to get a hobby and that life goes on doesn't cut it. Not to be rude...sorry if I sound that way. Year and year of constant disappointment can wear you down emotionally. Praise God for His mercy and grace or I think I would truly be nuts by now. Watching everyone around you get pregnant with barely an effort and their families grow...it is so sad to me sometimes. I dread Mother's Day too, I know without a doubt I will cry thru the entire service like always, so I decided this year I wasn't going. God understands a breaking heart. PM me friend if you ever want to talk. I am 35 and feel like time is running out. We are now considering adoption but WHOA does it cost a lot. I pray if that is where God is leading us He will help us find a way to finance it.
I don't want to be pregnant, I want to be a mother.
Sorry to write a book here
Renee

I understand to well your pain my friend. My cousin has 2 children from 2 different fathers and she just got married and shes pregnant again. she made th comment after her second child that if she got pregnant again she would give it to me. People never mean those things and you know it subconciously but when it happens it still hurts really bad. However, on the other side of the coin I have a friend who has been trying to have a baby for as long as I have and been unsucessful- I just got an email from her saying she is pregnant and I am SO happy for her. I want to jump for joy because I know she struggled hard for that baby. I have been praying she will have a healthy pregnancy. She is due in December. Praise God! As for me, deep down inside i know God must think I would be an awful parent so he is sparing me in the long run from hurting an innocent child.

Thanks!

Melanie

ps i will pm you sometime.