Can't have babies...

[Saint Polycarp]

I won't go into full details in this thread, but long story short, my "female parts" don't work well...and as a result, my doctor told me after various testing, ultrasounds, appointments, that my chances of conceiving are very, very slim. He even went on to say that if need be, they'd have to burn holes in my ovaries just to get me to ovulate!This is actually a problem that I've been having for years but wasn't able to get treated because I didn't have the proper medical care. Thankfully I do now.

I feel like this is a cruel joke honestly. I'm going to school for child development, I've worked with children almost my entire working life, I want to make a career out of it, etc...and now I can't flippin' have babies.

And what makes me feel even worse, is that I've been finding out that many people I know, went to school with, work with, etc. are popping children out left and right. Except for me. Even people who aren't married are having more children than I am!

I'll admit I am a little angry. I blame myself for not taking care of this sooner, but turns out even if I had wanted to get pregnant the minute I married I couldn't have because my body's chemistry's been off even well before that.

And this is going to sound extremely unChristian but whenever I hear about people blasting others about having lots of children ("lots" in this age meaning more than 3) I just want to smack them in the face for their impunity and thoughtlessness. Okay, I'm done being mean now

I honestly feel like crying sometimes. Just when my husband and I have reached a major and good turnaround in our marriage relationship, and I'm finishing college and will start working full-time, and my husband and I have starting talking seriously about building a family, this is what happens. What makes this worse was at a recent family function we attended, all everyone did was ask me when I was going to have a baby, and why haven't I had one yet, etc. Talk about insult to injury!

And my husband...well I don't think he's been handling this as well as he'd like me to think. He usually dismisses my concerns with an off-hand comment about how we "can always" adopt. As if it was just as easy as going to the grocery store and buying milk.

Go to a fertility specialist. There are choices that u may have.

 

[dies-l]

Go to a fertility specialist. There are choices that u may have.

There might be. My wife and I chose not to, but I would encourage other infertile couples to make this decision on their own. Just be mindful that some fertility clinics exist primarily to sell IVF treatments, which is a procedure that should cause some concern among Catholics and anyone else who believes that life begins at conception. But, IVF is not the only option for treating infertility, so if that is where God is leading you, fertility treatments might be an option. The important thing is to seek God's guidance in determining how you proceed and trust that there are many ways that He may still bless you with a family.

 

[dusky_tresses]

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers.

I have considered seeking a specialist in fertility issues, but my doctor actually wants me to hold off on that just yet because of the other health issues I have to contend with. Turns out, not only are my organs having issues, but my body in its present condition would not be able to bring a pregnancy to term healthily. He'd like me to make sure that I am healthy first, which is understandable. I've been experiencing a lot of symptoms in the past couple months which he'd like to remedy first.

I was honestly scared that I'd have to get a hysterectomy but there's nothing wrong with my uterus thank goodness. I also am against IVF and other reproductive technologies which I find morally questionable, so there's no worries there.

And honestly this has made me question whether or not I'd be fit to be a good mother at this time. As strange as this sounds, I don't know if this is God's way of telling me something.

But seeing all those little babies and pregnant women at the doctor's doesn't make me feel any better

 

[Davidnic]

And honestly this has made me question whether or not I'd be fit to be a good mother at this time. As strange as this sounds, I don't know if this is God's way of telling me something.

God helps us bring good out of bad, but do not question your fitness. That road can lead to bad places for you. We don't know why God allows things like this to happen, but we do know He brings more out of it that we can and turns it to Good. That is hard to see right now. Focus on the good that can come in the future despite hardship rather than looking at it as a comment on you from God.

 

[Michie]

I'm sorry dusky_tresses.

I've been through it myself on many different levels. All I can do is offer you my prayers & that God grants you peace & direction.

 

[dies-l]

T
And honestly this has made me question whether or not I'd be fit to be a good mother at this time. As strange as this sounds, I don't know if this is God's way of telling me something.

Fertility and one's ability to be a good parent have nothing to do with each other. In my career, I encounter plenty of deadbeat parents who seem to be perfectly fertile. I have also known many great parents who struggled through infertility.

But seeing all those little babies and pregnant women at the doctor's doesn't make me feel any better

My wife has struggled with that too, especially since God's plan for us at this time does not seem to include us having an infant. Even though we both know that God is leading us to adopt an older child from foster care, there is just something about a baby that makes your heart melt.

God will reveal to you his plan for your family, but it may take time. Seek His comforting embrace in the meantime.

 

[WarriorAngel]

x I will add you to my prayer intentions.

 

[ElizabethHelen]

I'm struggling to get pregnant as well. I only want to be a mother, to nurture, to love and make sure that my child has a much better life than i did. However, it's not happend. At all, planned or unplanned, i'm only 18 and it's not right.

So, i can slightly empathise. I think it has something to do with my weight though. I'm 5' 0/1" and 11 stone

I hope it eventually happens for you. For me, it's probably God deterring becaus he either thinks i'm too young or not ready. I just don't think he realises sometimes how much it can break ones heart though.

 

[CruciFixed]

To the OP I am so sorry to read about your struggle and its things like this that I struggle to find answers for all the time. I can have babies but I struggle with why good people don't get children and why child abusers can pop them out like their bodies are pez dispensers.

Maybe God has an alternative purpose for you but I know this doesn't help you right now. I hope that whatever God's plan is for you it will be seen. Keep praying....ceaselessly.

 

[benedictaoo]

You are in my prayers Dusky... don't give up hope.

 

[tadoflamb]

My wife and I have been through the same thing. Though I came into the flock late (2002), at the time we were trying to conceive. We did manage to conceive couple times but never came to full term. Now that we've found ourselves very middle aged, very stable, very Catholic and very childless, I can't help to think if I'd listened to my heart a long time ago maybe we would have had the time to take care of all this.

You certainly have my deepest empathy. I think it's great that you're so young and open to life. I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers.

 

[dies-l]

I'm struggling to get pregnant as well. I only want to be a mother, to nurture, to love and make sure that my child has a much better life than i did. However, it's not happend. At all, planned or unplanned, i'm only 18 and it's not right.

So, i can slightly empathise. I think it has something to do with my weight though. I'm 5' 0/1" and 11 stone

I hope it eventually happens for you. For me, it's probably God deterring becaus he either thinks i'm too young or not ready. I just don't think he realises sometimes how much it can break ones heart though.

As someone who has made some foolish decisions in my youth and as someone who has struggled with mental illness (and, you indicate you do as well, in your siggy), I would strongly encourage you to wait to have children. At 18, you probably are too young and unready to be a mother. If you also suffer from any sort of mental illness, you might really want to spend some time with your therapist working through this issue. I am not a doctor or therapist, so I can't offer any substantial advice on how to deal with such issues, other than to say that my experience suggests that 18 is too young to be trying to conceive.

As for the issue of mental illness, I have made great strides in the past several years. I thank God that I was unable to have a child earlier in my life when my illness was largely unresolved. I would have been a terrible parent. In the past several years, I have seen a lot of healing in this area, and God has prepared me to be a fit parent. I don't know your situation, but I would encourage you to pray and seek God's direction as to whether you yourself are mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically capable of parenting a child.

 

[dusky_tresses]

Eighteen is too young, that's true but I think it's wise for her to try to understand why her body isn't working the way it should be.

 

[dies-l]

Eighteen is too young, that's true but I think it's wise for her to try to understand why her body isn't working the way it should be.

True, if that is the case, but my understanding is that typically one is not even really considered for infertility until they have been attempting to get pregnant for at least a year. Many fertile couples even try for several years before being successful. If, in light of this, there is reason to be concerned, it's certainly worth a trip to the doctor. I am just concerned when I see someone so young actively trying to get pregnant.

 

[Gwendolyn]

It took my parents about 5yrs to conceive me. Do not lose hope.

 

[Aibrean]

My cousin and her husband have been married for (I think) about 10 years. The doctors told her they couldn't have children. They tried to adopt in the US and were disallowed because they had asthma. They had to adopt from China. They had their first adopted child about 4 years ago (he's really adorable). They decided to adopt again. We got a letter in the mail about their second adopted child from China they were welcoming.

My mom asked me if I heard the news and I said that I got the letter in the mail and she said "Well that's kind of weird" and I asked why. "She's pregnant." My mom told me. So now they are going to have two babies at the same time, one from birth and one from China!

I personally have PCOS and I'm prepared for a long, and hard road. We are going to be trying in the spring and I've already talked to my gyno this week. Because I'm on the pill (because of PCOS and lack of ovulation) my chances are incredibly higher in the first 2-3 months after stopping them. You can have children, they just might not be biologically your child. Personally I find a lot of moral issues with surrogacy and IVF as well so I don't really consider those an option for me either but I am completely open to adoption. Kids need parents just as much as we want kids.