can't handle the grief

[Little Miss Shy]

I'm finding it so hard to deal with the death of my Grandad. He was so much more than a Grandad to me, he moved in with us after my Granny died when I was 10 and he became such an integral part of our family.

He was on holiday with some friends when he died, so we totally weren't expecting it. The police came round to tell us the day after it happened. No one was in, I arrived home to find a police car parked in our driveway and a police lady knocking on our door. She told me and then I had to phone my mum and tell her. This happened almost 5 weeks ago but we only had his funeral last week because of having to bring his body back to the UK etc.

The first couple of days afterwards I was in complete shock, then after that uni started again and although it was hard I got on with everything knowing that God was supporting me. A couple of days before the funeral I started having a hard time dealing with the grief again and since then it has just got worse. After the funeral it suddenly hit me that he is actually gone and won't be at home when I come back from uni.

His death has brought back so many emotions and feelings from other deaths in the family that I thought I had got over. Ontop of the depression/ED and everything else it is all overwhelming me. One of my grandad's died when I was 8, my granny died when I was 10, an uncle died when I was 12 and now I have lost my other grandad.

On top of all this, one of my best friends had a miscarriage a couple of days ago. I need to be strong for her as she handles her grief.
I don't know what to do. I can't focus on my work, I've lost my will to fight everything I'm struggling with. I just want to curl up and disappear.

 

[GMRELIC]

I am so sorry for the grief you are having to go thru, Grief is a terrible thing, It is like tital waves, you finally think you might be able to stand again then another wave of grief comes along and knocks you back down. I am nearly 10 months into my griefing process, over the accidental shot gun death of my 15 year old son. sometimes the grief is all I can bear, but by the grace of God I am able to make it thru each minute.
People will tell you take it one day at a time, I disagree, take it one minute at a time.
I will be holding you and your family in my prayers, God Bless

 

[hat lady]

Don't curl up and disappear. Like you miss your granddad others would miss you.
You are normal reactions to grief. There are many stages to grief.

Talk to you mom about your feelings. It is good to get them out. Talk about all your memories about your granddad that helps, too. Your granddad will always be with you. He is apart of you.

If you don't feel better within a week a so, go talk to your minister, or a counselor. They will be very gentle and help you recognize and understand how you are feeling and how to handle all the emotions.

It is hard when someone close to you dies. But there is help, seek out that help. Your granddad would want you to do that!!

 

[Grady]

Dear Little Miss Shy,
I am so sorry you are going through this grief. I lost my mother suddenly a few months ago. I know what it is like to feel the pain to the point that it is unbearable. However, I have come to realize that know one passes from this world without God's complete knowledge and permission. Although He allows tragedy, He weaves it into His grand design, which will be revealed to us in due time. I was reminded that He, too, is familiar with grief. Although it was His will, He lost His son. I am convinced that Jesus' death not only secured our redemption, but also allowed us to be confident in the fact that God is intimately knowledable with our pain of loss. He will bring you through, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Remember, God never wastes pain. I will be praying for you.
Love,
Grady

 

[doofus125]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I can also relate very much to what you are going through. My aunt passed away about 3 1/2 weeks ago, she was only 56 and we were very close and spent alot of time together and I'm takeing it very hard. It wasn't until the memorial service 2 weeks ago that the depression and denial started. It's very hard to loose someone you were close to. I'm considering entering counceling because I am just not copeing with it. I just sleep and cry all the time when I'm not working and even at work I just cry. Luckily I work with a couple of guys who understand so they don't make fun of me. Hang in there and stay close to God, I know for myself I have returned to him after being away for a while and he has provided comfort through others. You need to talk to someone like I do though. Either a friend or counceling. Take Care.

 

[DavidD]

I will not candy coat it it hurts to lose a loved one. But God is bigger than any hurt.
I will not pretend to know what to say but I will pray.
Pray that you continue and not run away but towards God and continue to accept God's love.
Iwill pray that God will use you to touch others who hurt with His healing love.
And yes I will pray that God comforts you with His sweet love.

 

[John 15:13]

PRAISE THE LORD!
R.T. Kendall's book The Thorn In The Flesh addresses this very issue:
While we may seek to live life to the full, enjoying every day that God gives, the breakthroughs in our Christian walk seldom come when things are going smoothly. God seems to choose our dark times-the problems, difficulties, pains, temptations, and suffering we experience-to draw us closer to Him and deeper in our personal [walk].

 

[VivDaGurl]

Little Miss Shy

Death of a loved one is always very painful and it will come back to visit you especially on the anniversary. You find it hard for you to accept it is because it's too sudden and you didn't expect it to happen. It's like you have not said goodbye to your grandpa before he leaves you. You have missed this part.

I would like to suggest you to do this. Take a piece of paper and pen. Start to write down whatever you want to tell your grandpa. Tell him how much you had missed him and how much you've loved him. Tell him whatever you want him to know. Then, pull a chair and start reading the letter as if your grandpa is sitting on the chair there listening to you. After that, it's your choice to keep the letter or burn it away.

It's not the time that will heal the pain within a person but it's the process that you are going through. The loss you've encountered is a total shock to you and it's not a surprise that you feel that way. It's very normal....Little Miss Shy, if you need anything or a pair of listening ear, PM me, ok?

 

[darketernal]

May you find comfort in the thought that your Granddad loves you and would want to see his grandchild move on with her life. It was his time and God has called upon him to return home. Remember this world isn't our real home, one day God will call you and you will be re-born into that other world and reuinited with your Granddad.

 

[LilRitt04]

I can understand what you are going through. My favorite grandma died about 10 years ago (10 years this June). Its hard especially through the Holidays. But you cant be sad. You Grandpa wouldnt want you to be sad. Realize that he is in a better place and he is watching over you with every footstep you take. He is flesh maybe gone, but his spirit isnt. Just stay strong...