Can't find God. :[

[winterbluebells]

I tried hard at first, although my obstacle was always that I couldn't tell anyone off the internet. I spent hours, though, on the computer, writing out long emails about my struggles with finding God to people, and my OCD, which was also, and is also, a massive obstacle. At one point the stress it caused was terrible...it's not quite so bad now, but it's still bad, and I wish it would go away. It caused so many problems with finding God, and it still does. I also get angry because I'm so unhappy, angry with God, frustrated, and that's a proble.
But the main problem is, I just can't make myself believe. It's that simple. I read the Bible. I don't understand it, and that's another problem. But I just can't make myself believe. I pray. But I just can't bring myself to be sorry. I'm looking for God because I'm scared. I'm not sorry. I should be, but I'm not, and if I am, it's so remotely small I can't recognize it. There's just no certainty of God: too many questions but there just doesn't seem to be God.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

There are a couple thoughts that I have. One, have you considered trying a different version of the Bible tohelp you in understanding the scriptures?

I've found that a small group Bible study has been helpful in finding understanding and a safe place to ask questions.

I'm not sure how your OCD impacts your understanding and thinking about God, but I'm sure that it can cause problems. May you find the understanding and beliefs that you desire.

 

[God's Salvation]

winterbluebells, I have been where you are, seeking God with seemingly no response from Him. But I reached a point where I knew He existed: I, myself, was proof of His existence, my body so miraculously designed. So I sought Him all the more, and He revealed Himself to me through my life, through my experiences; He brought me to a point where I understood what makes life worthwhile: being loved by others and loving others. He showed me Himself in love. When I understood love, then I began to understand the Bible better, all that talk about love and faith began to make sense to me.

I was very angry with God but at the same time I needed Him very much. How long did it take me to find God - over two years of searching and praying. Everyone is different: it may take you more or less time, but if you don't give up on God, He will bring you to a better place. I was in the depths of despair, but God is changing all that, and now I have hope.

I feel born again, a new life. Now I find that I am a babe in Christ and I need to grow and mature. It all takes time, but if we do not give up on God, He makes a way.

Sometimes we can't understand our life until we reach a further point and look back. I am finding this to be true.

I will pray for you tonight, winterbluebells, and you continue to pray as well.

 

[Autumnleaf]

God is everywhere. If you don't feel his presence it is because he took it away for you to endure The Dark Night of the Soul. It is a gift even though it may not seem like it at the time.