Can't believe I'm back here at this part of the forum

[BlondieLashes]

Hi. I'm Courtney. I'm a former escort, stripper and porn model. I used to drink and use Vicodin heavily. I have been clean for 10 or so years. I just recently started having cravings again for Vicodin and could use some support - I can't use again. I'm married and have a son to take care of. I could lose it all for some stupid drug.

 

[chilehed]

Hello, Courtney. Sorry you're struggling.

What kind of support system have you had in the past? Were you ever a part of NA or AA?

Whether or no, I strongly suggest you become a part of either one. Online support is of extremely little benefit; there's nothing like spending time with people in the real world.

http://www.na.org/?ID=phoneline

 

[BlondieLashes]

Thank you chilehed. I used to attend NA. I agree that it's best to have face-to-face support. For reasons that I won't go into it's a bit impossible for me right now (not making excuses, it's just reality). I am doing much better though. The cravings are gone and a dear friend of mine has been really supportive and encouraging which has helped. Thanks again for your reply. It's much appreciated!

 

[servant of Merciful Love]

Praying for your strength, hope, and healing ~

 

[stedfastgirl]

Courtney,
I know where you're at so here's my advice. First, don't get caught up in the "whys" and the "I can't believe its". That's what the devil wants you do to keep you confused. Just focus on the matter at hand, and that is your craving. Just because you have a craving doesn't mean you satisfy it. I too struggle with this and it REALLY STINKS. So I feel for you.

Go back to the basics. One day at a time, or even cut the day in half. Get your mind off of the craving. Divert yourself with reading scripture, quoting scripture really helps me and do it out loud is even more effective. Remember, Jesus fought temptation by speaking the Word out loud.

The cravings will pass. They always do. You didn't get 10 years clean by feeding into your cravings or your thoughts of craving, did you? You're an inspiration to me. I too have a similar past as yours but not that glamarous. I was in the streets. I had to take myself right to the bottom for whatever reason. Self torture is what I chose back then.

I actually just relapsed after 18 months. This was the longest stretch of sobriety I've ever had. My relapse lasted for 24 hours. I have been clean a month now but I am just now starting to pick up my bible and pray everyday. The seperation from God is so horrible!!! The seperation from Him is WORSE that the relapse itself!! I still have some darkness inside me that is so hard to shake. But little by little I'm coming back. So don't do it no matter what okay? I hope I helped you Courtney. We have a sisterhood so here's my hand squeezing yours.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Michele,

Thank you so much for your message and encouragement! What a blessing you are! Good for you for having a month clean! The toughest part is the beginning and you are doing it!

I am blessed that my craving has gone by the wayside. Part of it from praying and reading and encouragement from a good friend and part of it because I know I couldn't risk my family's well being. I was just having a rough patch.

I am sorry to hear you were in the streets. I can't imagine. It was hard enough being where I was. We have a Survivors of the Sex Industry forum here in the recovery section that you are always welcome at if you need to talk about it.

Thanks for the hand squeeze...right back to you! Stay strong and I will too! God bless you my sister and thank you again!

Courtney

 

[rturner76]

One thing that works for me, and I know you have made it through your craving but they creep in when you least expect. I read my Bible until I feel the Holy Spirit enter my body. Then I keep reading in that spirit until I feel I have really received the message that will apply to my situation. I meditate and pray on that and so far, I haven't been let down by that process. I just also want you to know that I know how underhanded and kniving those craving are and when they are making sense to me like I start to buy into some BS I'm selling myself. I say outloud NO! F That! That's BS! But I say the real thing and it kinda kelps to get me looking for that Bible. I got 1 year clean from heroin that's some hard stuff to kick!

 

[BlondieLashes]

Thank you so much for the reply rturner76! You have some really encouraging words of wisdom! Having one year clean from heroin is amazing!

I am sick right now and cannot reply at length, but wanted to thank you for the encouragement! Keep fighting the good fight!