Can you have a healthy marriage without trust?

[Stringaling]

I'll PM you..

 

[Leanna]

Thank you all for the replys. Specifically I'm talking about mistrust that stems from a persons past experiences. Past experiences and upbringing lead them to have difficulty trusting others as their mind quite often has doubts and they are afraid they will be hurt again. I know that lack of trust hurts a relationship even when there is no reason for mistrust to exist. It hurts both parties involved. Question, how can it be overcome when one person is always mistrusting the other? Can counseling help?

Stringaling: I'm curious to hear about your experiences with mistrust in a relationship and what became of it.

Can yu be a little more specific? What is there not to trust? How does it affect your relationship? IE there is more paranoia, more phone calls.... she expects you home on time.... ?

 

[agyevesam]

Trust is the foundatian of any relationship. Marriage or otherwise. If you can't trust the other person, you don't have a future.

 

[VHOLLOWAY]

if you dont have trust you have fighting, accusing, insecurities, mocking, ect... there must be trust no matter what

 

[ChildByGrace]

Lack of trust can be overcome. I would say that councelling may well help. You need to be able to show your SO that you are different to the person that has hurt them in the past.

No a marriage cannot be healthy without trust - but you can work on it and gain that trust

 

[amx]

I don't know you and I hope you are asking for good reasons. I realized last night that someone could take the majority opinion and argue to be able to do things that your spouse is not comfortable with. "Honey I'm going out drinking with the guys and couple of hot babes. Don't tell me I can't because you have to trust me. IF we don't have trust in our marriage what have we got." You've got a mess in a scenario like this one. We all have to strive to operate within appropriate boundaries.

 

[strangelittlefaerie]

I don't know you and I hope you are asking for good reasons. I realized last night that someone could take the majority opinion and argue to be able to do things that your spouse is not comfortable with. "Honey I'm going out drinking with the guys and couple of hot babes. Don't tell me I can't because you have to trust me. IF we don't have trust in our marriage what have we got." You've got a mess in a scenario like this one. We all have to strive to operate within appropriate boundaries.

Ick, agreed.

That's why it's important to be both trusting and trustworthy! Trust is earned.

 

[Leanna]

I don't know you and I hope you are asking for good reasons. I realized last night that someone could take the majority opinion and argue to be able to do things that your spouse is not comfortable with. "Honey I'm going out drinking with the guys and couple of hot babes. Don't tell me I can't because you have to trust me. IF we don't have trust in our marriage what have we got." You've got a mess in a scenario like this one. We all have to strive to operate within appropriate boundaries.

Yes, that's what I said..... I am suspicious of the question

 

[Matthew79]

I don't know you and I hope you are asking for good reasons. I realized last night that someone could take the majority opinion and argue to be able to do things that your spouse is not comfortable with. "Honey I'm going out drinking with the guys and couple of hot babes. Don't tell me I can't because you have to trust me. IF we don't have trust in our marriage what have we got." You've got a mess in a scenario like this one. We all have to strive to operate within appropriate boundaries.

You're right to be worthy of being trusted one must prove themselves trustworthy. I'll try and be a little more specific. Going out drinking with a bunch of drunken guys and scantly dressed women wouldn't make myself worthy of trust. Neither would having female friends that I met and/or talked with alone especially if she didn't know them. Behaviors like that would tend to make someone mistrustful of another.

I'm talking about everyday situations. She believes at times that I would rather be with other women who she considers prettier than herself. If the clerk at the checkout stand is a women, she asks if I think she is pretty (If I say no, then she assumes I'm lying and obviously if I say yes she's angry). This doesn't happen all the time but often enough. I have told her often, I love her, and I think she is the most beautiful woman there is, and I'm not interested in finding someone else. I am very scensere about this but she has trouble believing me.

The same situation occurs at the gym or anywhere else in public where she see's women who she thinks are more attractive then herself. She's worried about any conversation I have with another female for fear I'll find her more interesting than her and leave her for that. She worries that I will leave her for someone else or do something behind her back that she wouldn't approve of. It really troubles me that she thinks this way of me sometimes.

 

[amx]

You're right to be worthy of being trusted one must prove themselves trustworthy. I'll try and be a little more specific. Going out drinking with a bunch of drunken guys and scantly dressed women wouldn't make myself worthy of trust. Neither would having female friends that I met and/or talked with alone especially if she didn't know them. Behaviors like that would tend to make someone mistrustful of another.

I'm talking about everyday situations. She believes at times that I would rather be with other women who she considers prettier than herself. If the clerk at the checkout stand is a women, she asks if I think she is pretty (If I say no, then she assumes I'm lying and obviously if I say yes she's angry). This doesn't happen all the time but often enough. I have told her often, I love her, and I think she is the most beautiful woman there is, and I'm not interested in finding someone else. I am very scensere about this but she has trouble believing me.

The same situation occurs at the gym or anywhere else in public where she see's women who she thinks are more attractive then herself. She's worried about any conversation I have with another female for fear I'll find her more interesting than her and leave her for that. She worries that I will leave her for someone else or do something behind her back that she wouldn't approve of. It really troubles me that she thinks this way of me sometimes.

Two things
First listen to her heart. What this boils down to is she wants to be reassured. I would probably try to avoid seeming interested in any other females. Are you doing something that makes her uncomfortable? Are you locking eyes with these females or doing things that could be thought of as flirtatious? Think about it and ask your wife.

Second we would like to know what you've done in the past to create the anxiety she has now?

Also my husband recommends reading "Every Mans Battle" This book will help you keep your mind pure and will help her feel more secure with you if you will implement their advice. One caveat read it before your wife does- actually my husband recommends not letting your wife read it if you can prevent it. Somethings it's better to not be enlightened about if you don't need to know.

 

[Leanna]

You're right to be worthy of being trusted one must prove themselves trustworthy. I'll try and be a little more specific. Going out drinking with a bunch of drunken guys and scantly dressed women wouldn't make myself worthy of trust. Neither would having female friends that I met and/or talked with alone especially if she didn't know them. Behaviors like that would tend to make someone mistrustful of another.

I'm talking about everyday situations. She believes at times that I would rather be with other women who she considers prettier than herself. If the clerk at the checkout stand is a women, she asks if I think she is pretty (If I say no, then she assumes I'm lying and obviously if I say yes she's angry). This doesn't happen all the time but often enough. I have told her often, I love her, and I think she is the most beautiful woman there is, and I'm not interested in finding someone else. I am very scensere about this but she has trouble believing me.

The same situation occurs at the gym or anywhere else in public where she see's women who she thinks are more attractive then herself. She's worried about any conversation I have with another female for fear I'll find her more interesting than her and leave her for that. She worries that I will leave her for someone else or do something behind her back that she wouldn't approve of. It really troubles me that she thinks this way of me sometimes.

This isn't a trust issue.... this is insecurity. She is very insecure. There is really nothing you can do than to continue to reassure her. Also volunteer to tell her these same things even when she is not insecure just to build her up.

 

[fsujag]

This is my first post on this site so I'm going to jump in feet first. Is trust neccesary in a relationship......yes. Can it be broken.......yes. Can it be forgiven ......yes. Will it be forgotten........never. I know this because I went through it 20 years ago. If you have a happy relationship you will be suprised on how many people will try to disrupt it because they don't have what you have. But for your self you have to move on and built your relationship past trust. I know it's confusing but as you get older and your marraige does also you have a chance to built trust or get closer in that relationship. You can't go your own way for it to survive but must depend more on your spouse then all others to rebuild you trust. So I guess I'm saying is rebuild your trust by getting closer and build a stronger and more durable trust.

 

[heartnsoul]

Thank you all for the replys. Specifically I'm talking about mistrust that stems from a persons past experiences. Past experiences and upbringing lead them to have difficulty trusting others as their mind quite often has doubts and they are afraid they will be hurt again. I know that lack of trust hurts a relationship even when there is no reason for mistrust to exist. It hurts both parties involved. Question, how can it be overcome when one person is always mistrusting the other? Can counseling help?

Stringaling: I'm curious to hear about your experiences with mistrust in a relationship and what became of it.

The person who is having difficulty trusting needs to get counseling and heal. Without healing, the person will constantly live in fear and will not be able to give and receive love 100% and live a happy and free life. Trust is the foundation to every relationship, especially our relationship to Christ. There is so much freedom and joy in being able to commit 100% and trust in God. The same applies to being able to trust others. It's a grieving process to heal. The person will need to get in touch with those emotions and experiences that caused the hurt and allow themselves to feel those "feelings". Then the process involves letting go of those experiences, taking the pain to God and being patient with oneself to heal. Time does heal all wounds. After healing takes place, the person will hopefully have a different perspective of the situation and will be emotionally healed. There is a great radio program "New Life Ministries" that has a book out called "Healing Is A Choice." It's been noted as an excellent book worth reading. You can order the book at their website: www.newlife.com

May that person get help soon and begin healing. God wants us all to live a life to glorify Him and be free to love others.

 

[heartnsoul]

You're right to be worthy of being trusted one must prove themselves trustworthy. I'll try and be a little more specific. Going out drinking with a bunch of drunken guys and scantly dressed women wouldn't make myself worthy of trust. Neither would having female friends that I met and/or talked with alone especially if she didn't know them. Behaviors like that would tend to make someone mistrustful of another.

I'm talking about everyday situations. She believes at times that I would rather be with other women who she considers prettier than herself. If the clerk at the checkout stand is a women, she asks if I think she is pretty (If I say no, then she assumes I'm lying and obviously if I say yes she's angry). This doesn't happen all the time but often enough. I have told her often, I love her, and I think she is the most beautiful woman there is, and I'm not interested in finding someone else. I am very scensere about this but she has trouble believing me.

The same situation occurs at the gym or anywhere else in public where she see's women who she thinks are more attractive then herself. She's worried about any conversation I have with another female for fear I'll find her more interesting than her and leave her for that. She worries that I will leave her for someone else or do something behind her back that she wouldn't approve of. It really troubles me that she thinks this way of me sometimes.

I agree with the other posts. It is definitely an insecurity issue. A lot of women go through this phase of insecurity, especially in their younger years. Your wife will need to learn to love herself and find her ultimate security in God. Her security in God will heal her of the insecure behaviors and attitudes. In the meantime, to help her personally/spiritually grow and heal, you may want to be extra conscious of what you say or do so that you don't cause her to feel even more insecure than she already is. Do your best to compliment her and let her know how much you value/admire her. It may be helpful for her to join a good woman's bible study group that can help her deal with those emotions. Above all else, it's crucial for her to recommit herself to God and strengthen her relationship with Him.

The only way she will completely heal from her insecurities is for her to strengthen her walk with God and find her security in God and God alone. Focus your marriage on spiritual growth and things should begin improving. Realize it's not you...it's a heart issue between her and God. Don't take it personally...just be the best husband and friend you can be to her and leave the rest up to God. May God bring healing to her and your marriage.