Can you commit adultery

[Saucy]

...when you're not married?

The bible says that lusting after someone is committing adultery with that person, but that was in a time when practically everyone was married and were married young. Now, we live in a time when being single is the "new" thing and people are waiting into their mid-to-late 20's or even later to get married. There are lots of reasons why, that I won't go into.

But I've always wondered this. Being single, unattached, unmarried, isn't it a rightful thing to lust after another person and go through that whole courting ritual? If you don't lust after them, why get married? Is lust in general a bad thing, or just lusting after someone other than your spouse?

Can you commit adultery when you have no one to commit adultery on?

 

[SnowyMacie]

The best explanation I have heard is that if you have sex with a person, and then you each marry someone else after you break or whatever, then you have had sex with another person's spouse and thus have committed adultery.

I think that makes sense, but then it also causes me to take a step back when I think "well, how exactly are they unfaithful and such?"

Then you can also say, sex = marriage. Well, technically if you have sex with person A and break up and such and then marry person B, are you "divorced" from person A?

 

[MehGuy]

I remember my youth pastor saying that if you have sex with someone you pretty much marry them spiritually..

And I asked him.. well then.. I guess it isn't sinful to have sex with someone as long as you don't have sex with anyone else. He said "argghh uhaghh".

 

[Saucy]

But we're not even just talking about having sex here. We're talking about lusting after another person while we're single! It's a profound idea for sure, just like hating someone is equal to murder.

How can we NOT lust while in a courtship/relationship that is leading to marriage? Is this verse only referring to married people? Is lust bad only if you're married and it's directed towards someone other than your spouse? Because in a relationship, you're going to lust. That doesn't mean you have to indulge in those lusts.

I kinda see it like this. We will always have urges and thoughts and temptations. Jesus Himself was tempted. Is the sin actually having the urges, thoughts and temptations? Or is the sin indulging in the sin that came to mind for us to do?

 

[MehGuy]

It's impossible for someone not to lust.. unless they were asexual..

What if you're lusting after a fictional cartoon character..

 

[Guy Incognito]

Bookmarked so I can post in this later

 

[SnowyMacie]

But we're not even just talking about having sex here. We're talking about lusting after another person while we're single! It's a profound idea for sure, just like hating someone is equal to murder.

How can we NOT lust while in a courtship/relationship that is leading to marriage? Is this verse only referring to married people? Is lust bad only if you're married and it's directed towards someone other than your spouse? Because in a relationship, you're going to lust. That doesn't mean you have to indulge in those lusts.

I kinda see it like this. We will always have urges and thoughts and temptations. Jesus Himself was tempted. Is the sin actually having the urges, thoughts and temptations? Or is the sin indulging in the sin that came to mind for us to do?

I saw this good analogy

Say you see your neighbor and his new car in the garage. You like the car, you want the car, you can see yourself driving around in the car and having a good time, you might go and compliment your neighbor. But that is as far as you go.

Same situation, but instead of being a good neighbor. You get jealous. Perhaps you act mean to your neighbor, mocking him, gossiping about him, or you vandalize the car(why should he have nice things!?!), perhaps you go as far as to steal the it? Thats the lust.

You don't have a car, it would still be wrong to go into that second paragraph. I don't see sexual fantasy outside of marriage is okay, in marriage is I don't know. I do think lust actually is when you start going "I want that instead of what I have."

 

[KitKatMatt]

What if you're lusting after a fictional cartoon character..

That's called schediaphilia, and I've always wondered that as well. How do Biblical verses apply to people who are fictional?

 

[Stravinsk]

...when you're not married?

The bible says that lusting after someone is committing adultery with that person, but that was in a time when practically everyone was married and were married young. Now, we live in a time when being single is the "new" thing and people are waiting into their mid-to-late 20's or even later to get married. There are lots of reasons why, that I won't go into.

But I've always wondered this. Being single, unattached, unmarried, isn't it a rightful thing to lust after another person and go through that whole courting ritual? If you don't lust after them, why get married? Is lust in general a bad thing, or just lusting after someone other than your spouse?

Can you commit adultery when you have no one to commit adultery on?

In my understanding, sexual desire does not equal lust.

It's lust when it threatens to consume you and tempts you to do something immoral.

It also doesn't equal adultery. A person not in a committed relationship cannot commit adultery, because the committing of adultery means the breaking of very serious trusts.

It is true that Messiah is talking about sinful heart and desires in that passage. But it's not wise, imo to equate that to actually following through. That's far worse. But it has to start with the thought/desire before it graduates to action.

 

[Going Merry]

Lust to me is looking at something and you get that 'thirst' of want.

So looking at someone and getting that thirst is adultery to me. Can call it sexual immorality / adultery etc. Doesnt matter. Both are equal in my eyes.

I also view the same way as other sins. A strong hatred for someone is the sin murder, for example. So because of this I view everyone as a murderin' adulterer :3

 

[Purge187]

Lust to me is looking at something and you get that 'thirst' of want.

So looking at someone and getting that thirst is adultery to me. Can call it sexual immorality / adultery etc. Doesnt matter. Both are equal in my eyes.

I also view the same way as other sins. A strong hatred for someone is the sin murder, for example. So because of this I view everyone as a murderin' adulterer :3

By Christ's definition we all are adulterers, murderers, etc., because we have all lusted after or hated someone at some point. I think that's the point of those verses from Matthew--Jesus is pointing out how rampant sin is and how we need Him all the more because of it.

 

[Guy Incognito]

That's called schediaphilia, and I've always wondered that as well. How do Biblical verses apply to people who are fictional?

Lust is lust; fictional or not, if it's causing you to have sexual thoughts (and you're not trying to flee from them), it's sinning.

And I honestly don't see an issue with taking this passage at face value; if I look at someone lustfully, I have committed adultery in my heart. It means I need to not look at a woman and start thinking 'how much 'fun' I could have with her'.

 

[Spunkn]

No it's not right to lust after someone when you're not married. There's a difference between lust and sexual attraction, and just being attracted to someone in general. If you can't control your thoughts about someone and your imagination is starting to run wild, then you're probably thinking things you shouldn't be and you need to control yourself better.

 

[KitKatMatt]

Lust is lust; fictional or not, if it's causing you to have sexual thoughts (and you're not trying to flee from them), it's sinning.

And I honestly don't see an issue with taking this passage at face value; if I look at someone lustfully, I have committed adultery in my heart. It means I need to not look at a woman and start thinking 'how much 'fun' I could have with her'.

Sexual thoughts are something most humans have, we are sexual beings after all.

Whether or not someone thinks it's a sin, that's something that will vary.

I don't think having sexual thoughts in general is a sin, personally. I think it's a sin when you, say, are actively entertaining thoughts about performing a sexual crime. But that's just me, and I understand this issue is personal, so I'll leave it at that

Just curious, though, as someone with schediaphilia- since it is better to marry than have a heart that burns with lust, how exactly would that work for us? I've heard of a man in Japan marrying a dakimakura, but I think that's just plain silly.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I don't see it as adultery if neither the person doing the lusting or the object of the lust happens to be married. Then it's just simple sexual desire and not something to be concerned about. But if either party is married, it does cross the line imo, and needs to be strictly controlled.

 

[Stravinsk]

I don't see it as adultery if neither the person doing the lusting or the object of the lust happens to be married. Then it's just simple sexual desire and not something to be concerned about. But if either party is married, it does cross the line imo, and needs to be strictly controlled.

Lust can happen in marriage. And by that I mean the prohibited kind, towards a spouse.

I see lust as a desire not reigned in by love. I also see it as a desire not reigned in by morality in general. It ain't ok to marry my aunt. Or my sister if I had one.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Lust can happen in marriage. And by that I mean the prohibited kind, towards a spouse.

I see lust as a desire not reigned in by love. I also see it as a desire not reigned in by morality in general. It ain't ok to marry my aunt. Or my sister if I had one.

Yes, but lust and adultery are not the same thing.

 

[Guy Incognito]

Sexual thoughts are something most humans have, we are sexual beings after all.

Whether or not someone thinks it's a sin, that's something that will vary.

I don't think having sexual thoughts in general is a sin, personally. I think it's a sin when you, say, are actively entertaining thoughts about performing a sexual crime. But that's just me, and I understand this issue is personal, so I'll leave it at that

Just curious, though, as someone with schediaphilia- since it is better to marry than have a heart that burns with lust, how exactly would that work for us? I've heard of a man in Japan marrying a dakimakura, but I think that's just plain silly.

pm'ing lol

 

[Saucy]

People have sexual desires with fictional characters?? I mean, I can understand seeing a hot person in a movie, but a cartoon or character in a book?? As an author, I can understand loving a character and associating with them, but the thought of that character causing sexual lust?? I guess there is a whole market for that sort of thing

 

[KitKatMatt]

People have sexual desires with fictional characters?? I mean, I can understand seeing a hot person in a movie, but a cartoon or character in a book?? As an author, I can understand loving a character and associating with them, but the thought of that character causing sexual lust?? I guess there is a whole market for that sort of thing

You're right, there is a whole market for it. A few big websites hosting drawn pictures and stories. There is a term for it specifically, but I won't mention it in case people hurry off to Google it

There aren't many scientific resources about it, though. I have yet to find a paper written about the subject, as interesting and strange it is. Mostly just definitions floating around, no real studies yet.