Can you be radical together?

[bluegreysky]

I was in touch with God during part of college, and then again much more deeply in 2012 and ever since.
Since I was just a teen, I often get a longing for something more. Something big. Something that makes an impact on my life and others.
When I've put my focus on God, that longing shifts from selfish stuff like becoming popular in my peer group to more meaningful stuff like "how can I help alot of people experience God's love?"
It's a question that's gone unanswered for years, though that desire to do something in life will impact me frequently.

There was also something else I wanted.
A marriage.
God gave me that, finally after five long years of waiting for the one He had for me to heal some from his post traumatic stress.
No doubt there are thousands of signs that God gave him to me and me to him to have and to hold.
But he needs safety. He needs routine. He needs calm.
He doesn't need "radical". That would mess with his condition.

I still go on wishing God would do something big with my life.
After obtaining a college degree that didn't have any jobs at the end,
not being too smart with money, and my stint with rebellion,
it's left me with some years wasted and alot of resources lacking.
I couldn't just go and travel and do stuff for people.
The money and the means aren't there.

Last night I was laying awake thinking about 3 people.
One is my newest role model Katie Davis.
She gave up her comfy life to go live in 3rd world Uganda amonst poverty and disease to rescue babies and teach everyone about Jesus.

The second one is a guy I actually know personally.
I went to college with him. After college, God used him to be one of those radical people, and his life is thoroughly unpredictable. One minute, he's doing a world race. The next, he's moved to Texas to work in a ministry there.

The third one isn't a Christian.
It's Mark Zuckerberg. He invented Facebook. I was watching "the social network" over the weekend, which I got from Netflix. He started that because he was mad at an ex girlfriend and he wanted to start a webpage to compare college girls in hotness. how mature. It crashed the Harvard network because it was so popular, and he got asked to help start a new website. The movie was all about his struggles to make deals with or against his friends and face lawsuits because he stole some ideas.
It was a story of money and fame. Which is rather sad.
But I was inspired by how he started a ball rolling that effected millions with one little website.

But then I realize that all 3 of these people who have done something huge in life have one thing in common: none of them have gotten married.
Or had a lasting relationship for that matter.
The problem with being busy changing the world, be it for God or for fame, is that you don't have time to really devote to a marriage.

It makes me wonder.
I often feel sad, like I missed out on something. Like my life was meant to have another purpose as well as to be a wife.
And no, it wasn't "mother".

My husband recently asked what I want out of life.
I thought hard on it. I really don't see God placing us in a 3rd world situation, but then again who knows?
If we stay here and lead a simple life, I imagined myself settling down in a community either this town or a new one,
and becoming that go-to person. The one who you can call when there's a need. The one who tutors your kids. Who hosts the parties for an engagement or a baby shower. Who volunteers at church. Who makes an impact. Who makes friends out of foes and newcomers. Who comes to the rescue. I know a few of them here, live in this town.
I want to be that person, driven by God's love.
Right now I don't have what it takes or the resources to get there.
I do at least have the social networking.
Thanks mark. ha ha.


I want to pray for God to make something of my life, but not for something that would stress out my husband. lol.

 

[grasping the after wind]

If you pray to God to make something of your life are you willing to accept what He decides to make of it or will you only accept Him agreeing with what you want to make of it?

 

[DZoolander]

Have you seen "It's a Wonderful Life"?

 

[akmom]

That is a common sentiment, I think. Paul talks about it in 1 Corinthians 7:34-35.

"There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

"And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction." (KJV)

The thing is, not every one is "called" to be unmarried. I don't think everyone can, and Paul acknowledges that too. I am reminded of a missionary from Nigeria that came to our church to help with a campus ministry back when I was in college. Two girls in my college Bible study came forward with complaints about him, because he would try to have devotional time, and ended up "pursuing" them. He apologized for it, and I do think he was sincere in that he wasn't in the ministry for the purpose of being a predator, but it was a vice that compromised his ability to be effective in ministry. Just as marriage is clearly a distraction to ministry, so can the desire for marriage be an impediment to effective ministry. So I think it is important to know your calling.

I know there are many missionary couples, too. However, I did know an incredible woman - a pianist at my childhood church - who divorced her husband because she could not handle the demands of missionary work. It is definitely something that cannot be forced. Not every couple is called to ministry either.

I find that my responsibilities as a parent make it very difficult to do anything else. I struggle with having a job, getting housework done, volunteering. I tend to bite off more than I can chew in those regards, and constantly think how much more effective I could be if I could focus on just one thing. But I really longed for children and they're the best part of my life. So I'm glad about where I'm at. But I definitely feel like life can be one trip to very large buffet with a very small plate! And it sounds like that's kind of where you're at right now.

 

[mkgal1]

Most of the time....the "radical" (especially for you, BGS, in your husband's situation) is in the daily things....not the HUGE things. We don't normally see just how radical things like genuine love and integrity are until many years have passed (even then, it may only be seen by others). It reminds me of this devotion from Oswald Chambers:

Drudgery is the test of genuine character. The greatest hindrance in our spiritual life is that we will only look for big things to do. Yet, “Jesus . . . took a towel and . . . began to wash the disciples’ feet . . .” (John 13:3-5).

We all have those times when there are no flashes of light and no apparent thrill to life, where we experience nothing but the daily routine with its common everyday tasks. The routine of life is actually God’s way of saving us between our times of great inspiration which come from Him. Don’t always expect God to give you His thrilling moments, but learn to live in those common times of the drudgery of life by the power of God.~Get Moving! (2) | My Utmost For His Highest

 

[bluegreysky]

Ok don't take this thread to mean I want to trade in marriage for ministry.
I am thrilled to be married. I wanted to be married.
It's just I and my husband have unrealized passions in life... things we can make careers and pastimes of and still enjoy being married.
In fact, I think we would be happier if we were living our lives to the fullest.
Right now, I am a bank teller in a mundane situation.
And he's going back to college. to do accounting. not even what he really wants, but its what will pay the bills without being too "people oriented" for his PTSD to handle.
We are just sitting here in our 9-5 and a our tiny condo in suburgatory waiting for the God to make the next move on the homefront.

 

[DZoolander]

Well, I don't necessarily think that it's due to the fact that married women "care for the things of the world" - or that there's some intrinsic difference between a married woman or a single woman...or heck...even between a man or woman.

Rather - it's a matter of differing life priorities.

Say that your radical vision was to go to Africa and assist in some missionary work there/help with the whole Ebola thing/give care/etc... Then say that your boyfriend's "radical" thing was working with inner city kids in Chicago. Odds are - as "radical" as you both may be - you have differing focus and in order to make it work one/both would have to compromise.

I say "boyfriend" instead of "husband" there because you can carry it to it's next logical step without as much drama - which would be "carried to it's fullest extent - it would be either breaking up or someone compromising/giving up their vision".

It really does kinda boil down to that. Rarely, if ever, will you find anyone in life that is so symbiotically in tune with you that you can do "radical" things without putting stress on the relationship. People have different interests, different push-buttons, things that motivate them, etc...and that's what you're contending with.

Usually when you get married - unless you've happened across that individual that happens to have the same vision/passion that you do (on being "radical") - you both find a common ground - which normally is focusing your attention on benefiting the world locally/bringing children into the world that will be a benefit to it/etc.

 

[.chrys.]

Over the years, I've learned to appreciate the idea of blooming where you're planted. If it's in the dirt, bloom. If it's on a rock, bloom. If you're blowing in the wind and settle down somewhere else, bloom.

These are nice ideas: Quotes About Make A Difference (72 quotes)

“Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said,
"It made a difference for that one.”

 

[bluegreysky]

what if it's underwater? lol

 

[bluegreysky]

What I keep wondering is "if God placed it in my heart to desire to really do something with my life and have passions and pursue them, then why did he give me a husband with special needs that involve stability, calm, routine, etc...because he can't have a chaotic uncertain life where he doesn't feel safe?" Then I wonder if that's just ME wanting to pursue those things and God's plan for my life was simply the marriage to be 100% use of my energy.

 

[Thunder Peel]

If it's any consolation I've been through the same thing. I think most people at some point have dreams about impacting the world and leaving behind a positive difference. What I've learned is that most of us will have to settle for the mundane and average in life; only a select few are blessed with being world-renowned artists, activists or scientists. That doesn't mean that that everyday life can't be fun or exciting but it's easy to get into the routine and just wonder if that's all we're meant to do. The 9-5 grind tends to cause a lot of self evaluation, or at least it does that to me.

I sympathize because I know the feeling, like you're called to do something big and incredible and instead find yourself stuck in rush hour traffic daydreaming about what you'd rather be doing. I'd love to be playing music every night in front of 50,000 people or making great films. I've realized I'll never be Bono or Peter Jackson and I've made my peace with that. If I didn't exist the world wouldn't be missing anything, whereas the world would be a very different place without the writings of C.S. Lewis. I learned to deal with it and I'm grateful for all God has given me, yet that gnawing to do something bigger never really goes away. I will always want to be a professional musician and do something relating to that field. I've just learned to deal with it.

I don't even know if that made any sense or if that was what you're talking about. I had too much pizza for lunch.

 

[DZoolander]

Well, my feeling has always been that God doesn't "give us" people. We choose people on our own.

 

[ex-pat]

May I ask if you have read Proverbs 31 with a view to your care for your husband with PTSD?

Before you say "that's not a big, radical thing", remember that in today's world to provide an orderly house, work outside the home, care for others, and do this while making peace all around you is incredible. To be gentle, supportive of your husband's studies, and to show to everyone by your actions that you are a Christian, and Christ lives in your heart and mind always, may perhaps be all that you are called to do NOW.

School is always stressful, and just having someone caring for him might be HUGE for your husband.

What do I mean by showing by your actions that you are Christian? I mean things like not cussing at the person who cuts you off in traffic, telling the shops that gave you too much change, or missed charging you for an item of groceries. I mean giving a few dollars to the person in front of you in line who hasn't got enough money for her groceries. I mean being kind and sympathetic to the frazzled young mother in church trying to control her kids...and being kind to the kids. Can you offer to coordinate something that will be HUGE for a family? Can your church "adopt" a family in need at Christmas, providing them with food, clothes, etc? Some people put soap, diapers, and laundry detergent on their Christmas lists...it's heart-breaking. Can you run this with love and joy in your heart? Can you help out at a food pantry, a homeless shelter, a crisis pregnancy centre? Does your bank have any special charities they help fundraise for? Can you do something quiet at home, such as prepare Christmas cards for soldiers serving overseas?

Can you become a Big Sister to a child in need? To be a mentor and a role model? Can you visit elderly in nursing homes, or shut-ins, either on your own, or through a ministry at church? Can you bring them flowers, or blankets, or puzzles, or small gifts to brighten their days?

How about animals? Can you buy food or other needed items for an animal shelter?

Can you do what you choose with the light of Christ in your eyes, so that your life shines for all? If you do not have time for these things, can you organize a prayer chain, and just PRAY during your commute to work and back.

Your " radical job" might be revealed to you in strange ways!

BTW...what was your degree in...the one you can't find a job in?

 

[Hetta]

But then I realize that all 3 of these people who have done something huge in life have one thing in common: none of them have gotten married.
Or had a lasting relationship for that matter.

Mark Zuckerberg has been married for 2 years, just sayin' ... now you can carry on.

 

[bluegreysky]

May I ask if you have read Proverbs 31 with a view to your care for your husband with PTSD?

Before you say "that's not a big, radical thing", remember that in today's world to provide an orderly house, work outside the home, care for others, and do this while making peace all around you is incredible. To be gentle, supportive of your husband's studies, and to show to everyone by your actions that you are a Christian, and Christ lives in your heart and mind always, may perhaps be all that you are called to do NOW.

School is always stressful, and just having someone caring for him might be HUGE for your husband.

What do I mean by showing by your actions that you are Christian? I mean things like not cussing at the person who cuts you off in traffic, telling the shops that gave you too much change, or missed charging you for an item of groceries. I mean giving a few dollars to the person in front of you in line who hasn't got enough money for her groceries. I mean being kind and sympathetic to the frazzled young mother in church trying to control her kids...and being kind to the kids. Can you offer to coordinate something that will be HUGE for a family? Can your church "adopt" a family in need at Christmas, providing them with food, clothes, etc? Some people put soap, diapers, and laundry detergent on their Christmas lists...it's heart-breaking. Can you run this with love and joy in your heart? Can you help out at a food pantry, a homeless shelter, a crisis pregnancy centre? Does your bank have any special charities they help fundraise for? Can you do something quiet at home, such as prepare Christmas cards for soldiers serving overseas?

Can you become a Big Sister to a child in need? To be a mentor and a role model? Can you visit elderly in nursing homes, or shut-ins, either on your own, or through a ministry at church? Can you bring them flowers, or blankets, or puzzles, or small gifts to brighten their days?

How about animals? Can you buy food or other needed items for an animal shelter?

Can you do what you choose with the light of Christ in your eyes, so that your life shines for all? If you do not have time for these things, can you organize a prayer chain, and just PRAY during your commute to work and back.

Your " radical job" might be revealed to you in strange ways!

BTW...what was your degree in...the one you can't find a job in?

Well, I went to college for public relations. there ARE jobs, but I'd have to move to NY or LA. I'm not making a $6000 move for a job I don't know if it will hold up. The ones that are related here in FL, they say "must have 2 years experience". well shoot.
It's ok. I only got a degree in that because my parents paid for college, but would only pay for something that fit into a neat 4 year plan and I didn't like any of the other options that fit the calendar. The ones I did like, they required extra years and more money and whatever.
One day, I'll go to tech school so I can be a dental assistant or something.
In the mean time, I will continue to collect my mediocre teller paycheck with its very comfortable benefits that give me paid holidays and allowed my hubby to get his teeth checked for the first time in 6 years and just try to milk the spare time I have since I'm neatly packaged into a 9-5 with mostly free weekends. You can't get that from waitressing or working at a department store.
As far as milking the evenings and weekends, I was doing an awesome job getting asked to cook all the food for every event at church and involving the members when they were celebrating something, but that slowed down. Need a new creative outlet.

If you read earlier posts, I don't do so well with elderly folks.
But I do have a heart for babies, puppies and homeless families.
I really want to help other PTSD vets.
Ultimately, I want to create a service in my area that merges wounded warrior project with celebrate recovery, and offers the various vets (especially the new ones that came from Iraq) a weekly thing where they get to worship for 1/2 an hour, then listen to a guest speaker motivate them, then get into little private groups and talk and form a buddy system. The combination of God-centered fellowship and one-on-one time should prevent more of them from self-harm.
If you call that 1-800 number the VA gives you more than twice, you get baker acted.
This would be a system where they are free to talk and dish and work through things without unnecessary drama.
I don't know how I would accomplish that.
What's funny is, my own husband doesn't really want to hang around other afflicted vets too much because their pain seems to aggravate his pain.

 

[bluegreysky]

Mark Zuckerberg has been married for 2 years, just sayin' ... now you can carry on.

He has!? I looked up his facebook and I only saw pics of him by himself at home and no relationship status. Don't married people usually have a ton of pics of their wedding day and doing cutesy stuff with their spouse? all my friends do.

 

[Angeldove97]

Your opening post made me think of a post Just4Jesus made in the Parenting section- a Mother- with her quiet every day actions- is just as radical. I teach about 130 students every year- I will never know what becomes of each of them but I pray that I have shown each of them some of Christ's love for them and I consider myself radical for that.

Anyway, here is Just4Jesus' post:

I posted this in my blog and had no idea that it would touch others the way it touched me. So I want to share this with as many as I can.

I'm invisible.......

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Pick me up right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress;it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read -- no, devour -- the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals-- we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand-bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home.

And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

http://www.christianforums.com/t6710278

 

[Hetta]

He has!? I looked up his facebook and I only saw pics of him by himself at home and no relationship status. Don't married people usually have a ton of pics of their wedding day and doing cutesy stuff with their spouse? all my friends do.

Just a random link about his wife: Mark Zuckerberg's wife Priscilla Chan reveals why they donated $120m towards education | Mail Online

Maybe he prefers to keep his profile professional. I don't have any photos of my wedding day on my profile, and the only time I have photos of my husband is when we do something together like our recent vacation. Friends/family know we're married, we don't have to go on about it all the time.

ETA: I'm glad I posted this link because in it she says she is a generally a private person, and stays away from publicity. Maybe he has kept her off his profile because she prefers her privacy. I think it's a good thing that he respects her privacy.

 

[mkgal1]

I wanted to share a quote from that book, "Keep Your Love On", that I think pertains to this topic:

Each display of love, no matter how seemingly small, is a powerful act of spiritual warfare that removes anxiety from the environment and replaces it with freedom and safety.

Is that not radical enough?

I love what AngelDove quoted..."the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

 

[.chrys.]

what if it's underwater? lol

Then you bloom!