can ocd be beat? is there a way for ocd to be managed to where a person can live a successful life with having ocd? i ask this because i really want to have a successful life regardless of having ocd.
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can ocd be beat?
- Thread starter drummingman
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Yes, I had terrible OCD about violence etc for months upon end until this past May. The way I started getting rid of it was by giving up a lot of stuff. I gave up my non-Christian friends, alcohol, tobacco, and lots of other things that were not pleasing to God. I still have one or two vices and I still struggle with OCD from time to time. But focusing on having a pure life and better relationship with Jesus has made my OCD decrease 100x.
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to my knowledge there is nothing that i need to cut out of my life that would make my ocd better. if that had been the case with you would you still feel that your ocd could have been beat?
also, got some cool songs on your play list. meshuggah is one of my favorite bands. and the dead poetic lyrics are great as well. great cd by a great band! got to see them on the new medicine tour with demon hunter. great tour!
also, got some cool songs on your play list. meshuggah is one of my favorite bands. and the dead poetic lyrics are great as well. great cd by a great band! got to see them on the new medicine tour with demon hunter. great tour!
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Bellicus
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By my experience it has helped to understand how OCD works. For example thoughts that keep repeating is caused by trying to not think these thoughts. And the cure is not to try to think these thoughts and the same time not try to not think them, but to simply not spending so much energy on them.
For example if I tell you to not think about a pink rat. If you try to not think about pink rats, then the first thing that probably come to your mind is pink rats. And that is a OCD-thought. By trying to not think about it, you are already thinking about it. But who wants to think about pink rats all the time? It is just absurd to think about pink rats. It is better to use the thoughts for something better.
There is lots of thoughts that run trough our heads and there is little we can do about that, but what we can do something about is what thoughts we choose to focus on.
I'm not sure if that helped you, but at least that have helped me a bit, to just understand how it all works, and to see why the things that happen, happen.
When it comes to OCD behavior (like repeating certain tasks) I have no experience.
God bless.
For example if I tell you to not think about a pink rat. If you try to not think about pink rats, then the first thing that probably come to your mind is pink rats. And that is a OCD-thought. By trying to not think about it, you are already thinking about it. But who wants to think about pink rats all the time? It is just absurd to think about pink rats. It is better to use the thoughts for something better.
There is lots of thoughts that run trough our heads and there is little we can do about that, but what we can do something about is what thoughts we choose to focus on.
I'm not sure if that helped you, but at least that have helped me a bit, to just understand how it all works, and to see why the things that happen, happen.
When it comes to OCD behavior (like repeating certain tasks) I have no experience.
God bless.
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xMMKayx3
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yes. i'm really super OCD about cleanliness and organization.
i also have an anxiety disorder and probably borderline,
so for me, whenever stuff started piling up,
i had to turn to organization and i did it until people were sick of me
bring it to God, that's all i can say.
now-a-days, i only do it when it needs to be done, or when i really AM stressed out
and it's not so much my first impulse.
i also have an anxiety disorder and probably borderline,
so for me, whenever stuff started piling up,
i had to turn to organization and i did it until people were sick of me
bring it to God, that's all i can say.
now-a-days, i only do it when it needs to be done, or when i really AM stressed out
and it's not so much my first impulse.
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I believe that OCD can be beat: it just takes time, understanding of the disease, understanding of your specific OCD obsessions, and above all else, the grace of God and God's strength, joy, and love in you.
In the darkest of times, hang onto Christ!
In Christ,
-pw
In the darkest of times, hang onto Christ!
In Christ,
-pw
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in my own life my ocd just can rule my me with an iron grip that is so hard to beat. i want to know how to beat the ocd but it just seems to get me a lot. im trying to get better but its really hard to do so for me. as is i just cant seem to beat my ocd for very long. i may get the upper hand on it one day but it never lasts for good to where i can have lasting peace. im trying so hard to beat my ocd and i dont know how. i want so bad to have a successful life but i dont know how because of how the ocd causes me so many problems in my life.
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im not tring to be negative but i just dont see how ocd can be beat. in my life it just keeps pounding away on me and beating me down. today has been an awful day for me and the good days are still filled with struggles in my mind and emotions. i spend a good 95% of my days dealing with and trying to beat my ocd. it just always comes back and beats me up all the time.
what can really be done to beat this awful disorder? it seems that we are all searching for that answer. but for me i have not found a way to beat it. im still open for peoples suggestions and things like that. but its just very hard to see any way that the ocd can me beat for good.
what can really be done to beat this awful disorder? it seems that we are all searching for that answer. but for me i have not found a way to beat it. im still open for peoples suggestions and things like that. but its just very hard to see any way that the ocd can me beat for good.
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Everlasting33
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It sounds like you are really fed up with your OCD and it can sure feel discouraging and frustrating.
What specific areas of your life does OCD impact? Do you struggle more with compulsions or obsessions? Do you have any particular phobia?
let me know
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hi steeler.
my ocd effects my salvation and walk with God and music and drumming. if you check out my "still struggling very hard" thread just i also just posted in tonight you will see how it effects my salvation all the time. when it comes to music and drumming i deal with fears that God is going to take those things away from me because of my sins and mistakes all the time.
my ocd effects my salvation and walk with God and music and drumming. if you check out my "still struggling very hard" thread just i also just posted in tonight you will see how it effects my salvation all the time. when it comes to music and drumming i deal with fears that God is going to take those things away from me because of my sins and mistakes all the time.
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Everlasting33
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I bet there is a lot of anxiety with all of these fears.
How do you perceive God?
What purposes do you have to hold onto the obsessions of salvation?
What would happen if you let go of some of your needs to obsess?
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there is a ton of anxiety with these fears because these things mean so much to me. my salvation and walk with God is the most important things in my life. and right after my friends and family, which thank God the disorder does not attack, music and drumming comes next.
i try to perceive God as all loving, but my ocd makes me feel like i am always messing up and that God is disappointed in me all the time. i know that my perception of God is messed up because of all of the things in my head right now. i mean, as is im having a very hard time feeling like God has forgiven me for possibly walking away from him and rejecting him tonight in a way that i feel like i may have. i feel like i have to hurt myself physically in prayer to show God that i mean what im praying. i struggle with feeling like i never live up to what i should because of my sins and mistakes.
the reason why i obsess about my salvation all the time is because i feel like im walking away from God and rejecting him all the time. this in turn makes me feel like i may be lost and going to hell. so i have to pray to be forgiven for however i rejected God and walked away from him and i have to pray to be saved and taken back so i know that i am saved and im on my way to heaven and not hell.
as far as letting go of the need to obsess i dont know how i could on the issue of my salvation because thats my soul. how could i not worry about that considering that if i were lost i would be going to hell?
as far as letting go of the need to obess over music and drumming its possible that i would start to feel like it would be wrong for me to listen to music and to drum (i was at that place for a long time and it caused me immense pain and suffering).
i try to perceive God as all loving, but my ocd makes me feel like i am always messing up and that God is disappointed in me all the time. i know that my perception of God is messed up because of all of the things in my head right now. i mean, as is im having a very hard time feeling like God has forgiven me for possibly walking away from him and rejecting him tonight in a way that i feel like i may have. i feel like i have to hurt myself physically in prayer to show God that i mean what im praying. i struggle with feeling like i never live up to what i should because of my sins and mistakes.
the reason why i obsess about my salvation all the time is because i feel like im walking away from God and rejecting him all the time. this in turn makes me feel like i may be lost and going to hell. so i have to pray to be forgiven for however i rejected God and walked away from him and i have to pray to be saved and taken back so i know that i am saved and im on my way to heaven and not hell.
as far as letting go of the need to obsess i dont know how i could on the issue of my salvation because thats my soul. how could i not worry about that considering that if i were lost i would be going to hell?
as far as letting go of the need to obess over music and drumming its possible that i would start to feel like it would be wrong for me to listen to music and to drum (i was at that place for a long time and it caused me immense pain and suffering).
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Everlasting33
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Would you say your underlying fear is fear of going to hell and being punished?
It sounds like you are really focused on your mistakes and sins and how there is a perceived separation between you and God.
If you feel or think something as "sinful" you then feel guilty and ashamed and believe God is totally disappointed in you. And then the cycle begins...round and round. Tiring and pretty depressing huh?
I believe you acknowledge that your current thought processes are not healthy and is causing you much distress.
Here are some questions to ponder on:
What are your expectations for God? What is he supposed to provide for you?
How often are you "allowed" to mess up?
You say you have a hard time feeling forgiven. Tell me, what does "forgiven" feel like?
Do you constantly feel condemned by yourself? If so, how does it feel?
What would it feel like if you could be free of the obsessions?
What kind of things do you do that you feel like God is rejecting you for? Does this apply to all human beings or just you?
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well for me fear of going to hell is huge. its the biggest fear that i have because of all that it implies, separation from God and eternal suffering.
not all of my sins make me feel like i reject God and walk away from him, just certain ones. the things that i do that especially feel and look like they are just awful to me are the ones that give me the most struggle. like what im going through now.
feeling guilty and ashamed is a big part of the cycle that is for sure. the sins that get me the most though are the sins where i feel like i have rejected God and walked away from him though. other sins do bother me and do cause me planty of struggle but not as much as the rejection sins.
i guess that my expectations from God is that he will help me with these problems to where they dont rule my life and that he will give me peace and strength to deal with these problems. also, although i would not call it an expectation, i want God to forgive me for my sins when i ask for forgivness for them.
i know that the bible makes it clear that God will always forgive any number of mess ups and sins that we commit. but the issue of losing my salvation has been something that i have struggled with for a long time. like now, it feels like i just cant get forgivenss for the things that i have already beggeed for forgivenss for which in turn makes me feel like i may be lost.
for me feeling forgiven is a peace that comes over me to where i am able to rest. its hard to decribe it completely but when i feel forgiven i dont have the anxiety that i have when i dont. it just feels like everything is ok in the area of sin when i feel forgiven.
i do deal with a lot of condemnation. when i am under such condemnation it just beats me down. i feel awful inside and it wont let me rest or have peace a lot of the times.
i am assuming that being free of obsessions would mean that i could have peace that lasts. i am also gussing that i would not have to worry so much all of the time and that i would not have to spend so much time trying to fix things and make things right. i say that im guessing because im really not sure what being free from obsessions would really be like because i have not been free from them in a good while.
i do all kinds of things that makes me feel like God is not happy with me. sometimes its big things and other times small. im sure that there are things that others would feel like they have sinned that i do. but other things i know that other people would not be bothered by them, but i am.
not all of my sins make me feel like i reject God and walk away from him, just certain ones. the things that i do that especially feel and look like they are just awful to me are the ones that give me the most struggle. like what im going through now.
feeling guilty and ashamed is a big part of the cycle that is for sure. the sins that get me the most though are the sins where i feel like i have rejected God and walked away from him though. other sins do bother me and do cause me planty of struggle but not as much as the rejection sins.
i guess that my expectations from God is that he will help me with these problems to where they dont rule my life and that he will give me peace and strength to deal with these problems. also, although i would not call it an expectation, i want God to forgive me for my sins when i ask for forgivness for them.
i know that the bible makes it clear that God will always forgive any number of mess ups and sins that we commit. but the issue of losing my salvation has been something that i have struggled with for a long time. like now, it feels like i just cant get forgivenss for the things that i have already beggeed for forgivenss for which in turn makes me feel like i may be lost.
for me feeling forgiven is a peace that comes over me to where i am able to rest. its hard to decribe it completely but when i feel forgiven i dont have the anxiety that i have when i dont. it just feels like everything is ok in the area of sin when i feel forgiven.
i do deal with a lot of condemnation. when i am under such condemnation it just beats me down. i feel awful inside and it wont let me rest or have peace a lot of the times.
i am assuming that being free of obsessions would mean that i could have peace that lasts. i am also gussing that i would not have to worry so much all of the time and that i would not have to spend so much time trying to fix things and make things right. i say that im guessing because im really not sure what being free from obsessions would really be like because i have not been free from them in a good while.
i do all kinds of things that makes me feel like God is not happy with me. sometimes its big things and other times small. im sure that there are things that others would feel like they have sinned that i do. but other things i know that other people would not be bothered by them, but i am.
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Everlasting33
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Thanks for the informative post.
It is a known fact that human beings have this natural tendency to constantly seek comfort and pleasure. Although not entirely a bad thing, we must not commit ourselves to change simply to seek out peace and joy but also struggle and some defeats along the way. If we are always set on comfort and what always feels good then any painful circumstance becomes an immediate crisis instead of a learning experience.
We must learn to accept a struggle, a fight, a disappointment.
Why does it seem so hard to feel forgiven? How do you know that God hasn't forgiven you?
It seems like you are constantly driven by what it "feels" like is true. For instance, "Well if I feel forgiven, then I must be. If I feel saved, then I must be. If I feel lost, then I must be."
sometimes our tainted or flawed perception can make any feeling "feel" wrong. Does this make sense?
It is a known fact that human beings have this natural tendency to constantly seek comfort and pleasure. Although not entirely a bad thing, we must not commit ourselves to change simply to seek out peace and joy but also struggle and some defeats along the way. If we are always set on comfort and what always feels good then any painful circumstance becomes an immediate crisis instead of a learning experience.
We must learn to accept a struggle, a fight, a disappointment.
Why does it seem so hard to feel forgiven? How do you know that God hasn't forgiven you?
It seems like you are constantly driven by what it "feels" like is true. For instance, "Well if I feel forgiven, then I must be. If I feel saved, then I must be. If I feel lost, then I must be."
sometimes our tainted or flawed perception can make any feeling "feel" wrong. Does this make sense?
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no probelm at all.
for me when i have peace and something comes and messes up that peace it just crushes me anymore. i think its because i have been dealing with such hard struggles for so long that im just weak. i really dont learn anything from my suffering and struggles. i really dont know how to learn anything from it or what i can learn from it. i just try to deal with the struggles until they go away. i have never really gleaned any deep information from any of the suffering that i have gone through over the last few years. i dont know if thats because there is really nothing there to learn or if its because i dont know what im supposed to be learning and how i can learn it. thats why my suffering seems pointless and seems to do nothing but cause me pain.
the reason why it seems so hard for me to feel forgiven is because of all of the sins and mistakes that i make and think that i make when i pray. if i say the words wrong or if i make a wrong facial expersion or any other number of things i feel like i have done wrong and that makes me feel like God has not answered my prayers most of the time. i dont know that God has not forgiven me in those cescircumstances but it just feels like he has not. and i know that just because my feelings say that God has not forgiven me that that does not mean that he has not. but its realy hard for me a lot of the times to believe that God has forgiven my sins when i feel so much like he has not.
the way i feel drives almost all of this. i know its not good to rely on my feelings but its hard to fight them all the time. its hard to tell myslef that God has forgiven my sins when i feel like he has not. and its hard to tell myself that im not lost if i feel like i may be. its just such a fight with my feelings all the time and a lot of the times i have to try to convince myself that something is right when it comes to what i believe. i have to talk to firends and family members and ask them for their thoughts so that i can have more confidence that what im believing is true. i say it this way because 9 times out of 10 i already know what they are going to say. but i have to hear it so i can have more strength to beileve that what im believing is the right thing.
i totally agree with you that our flawed preception can make any feeling feel wrong. i know that i deal with that a lot. its just hard for me to know when its just my flawed perception is causing me to feel like im wrong or when i am really wrong. and thats a big part of the battle for me because i get confused. almost 100% of the times my friends and family tell me that its just the ocd and the devil messing with my head. most of the times i believe them, but there are those times where i feel like the way im feeling may be real. and thats where a lot of the struggle lies.
so many of the times when i beg God to forgive me of my sins i dont feel forgiven because of those things that i feel like i do wrong before or during or after praying for the forgivenss. thats why i spend so much time praying for forginess for the same things over and over again until i feel like i have done it good enough. and most of the times i will just feel like the culmination of begging for forgivness so much has caused God to grant me forgivness. this could take 5 minuets or in a bad time it could take hours of praying for forgivness for the same sin over and over again.
most times i also feel like i have to ask for forgivness in a detailed way for my sins. that means more things that i can mess up when im praying for the forgivness. i almost never can just pray "please God forgive me for all my sins". i have to do it in that detailed way to feel like God is forgiveing me of the sins. this is very hard on me most times because of all that can go wrong when i am praying for forgivness in this detailed way.
thanks for talking with me about this steeler. it means a lot to me.
for me when i have peace and something comes and messes up that peace it just crushes me anymore. i think its because i have been dealing with such hard struggles for so long that im just weak. i really dont learn anything from my suffering and struggles. i really dont know how to learn anything from it or what i can learn from it. i just try to deal with the struggles until they go away. i have never really gleaned any deep information from any of the suffering that i have gone through over the last few years. i dont know if thats because there is really nothing there to learn or if its because i dont know what im supposed to be learning and how i can learn it. thats why my suffering seems pointless and seems to do nothing but cause me pain.
the reason why it seems so hard for me to feel forgiven is because of all of the sins and mistakes that i make and think that i make when i pray. if i say the words wrong or if i make a wrong facial expersion or any other number of things i feel like i have done wrong and that makes me feel like God has not answered my prayers most of the time. i dont know that God has not forgiven me in those cescircumstances but it just feels like he has not. and i know that just because my feelings say that God has not forgiven me that that does not mean that he has not. but its realy hard for me a lot of the times to believe that God has forgiven my sins when i feel so much like he has not.
the way i feel drives almost all of this. i know its not good to rely on my feelings but its hard to fight them all the time. its hard to tell myslef that God has forgiven my sins when i feel like he has not. and its hard to tell myself that im not lost if i feel like i may be. its just such a fight with my feelings all the time and a lot of the times i have to try to convince myself that something is right when it comes to what i believe. i have to talk to firends and family members and ask them for their thoughts so that i can have more confidence that what im believing is true. i say it this way because 9 times out of 10 i already know what they are going to say. but i have to hear it so i can have more strength to beileve that what im believing is the right thing.
i totally agree with you that our flawed preception can make any feeling feel wrong. i know that i deal with that a lot. its just hard for me to know when its just my flawed perception is causing me to feel like im wrong or when i am really wrong. and thats a big part of the battle for me because i get confused. almost 100% of the times my friends and family tell me that its just the ocd and the devil messing with my head. most of the times i believe them, but there are those times where i feel like the way im feeling may be real. and thats where a lot of the struggle lies.
so many of the times when i beg God to forgive me of my sins i dont feel forgiven because of those things that i feel like i do wrong before or during or after praying for the forgivenss. thats why i spend so much time praying for forginess for the same things over and over again until i feel like i have done it good enough. and most of the times i will just feel like the culmination of begging for forgivness so much has caused God to grant me forgivness. this could take 5 minuets or in a bad time it could take hours of praying for forgivness for the same sin over and over again.
most times i also feel like i have to ask for forgivness in a detailed way for my sins. that means more things that i can mess up when im praying for the forgivness. i almost never can just pray "please God forgive me for all my sins". i have to do it in that detailed way to feel like God is forgiveing me of the sins. this is very hard on me most times because of all that can go wrong when i am praying for forgivness in this detailed way.
thanks for talking with me about this steeler. it means a lot to me.
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Everlasting33
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I understand this is a huge struggle for you. You acknowledge that reliance on feelings can be destructive but you don't feel you have the self-control.
The number one thing that both psychology and theology stress (or they should) is that human beings do have a choice. We all have a choice in how destructive our behavior is. We have a choice to change, accept, and tweak our thoughts and actions.
For example, bipolar disorder can sometimes be attributed to irregular chemical imbalances. For the most part, human beings cannot control their brain chemicals but they can control the extent, frequency and durability of the disorder by taking medications and so forth.
So, while we may be limited in some ways we can improve in others.
One of the most creative ways of learning from our struggles is through insight and discovery of our past, our motivations, and our expectations of ourselves and others.
It sounds like your obsessions say two things: I do not have enough self-control to silence my thoughts and feelings, and I don't trust myself or God. You don't trust that God has forgiven you so you pray and pray and pray. You don't trust your ability to pray and then you feel anxious and you feel God hasn't forgiven you.
I can see how anyone, including you, can feel stressed out and totally tired by this process.
There does seem to be a basic distrust of God and yourself. More often than not, this distrust has been learned in childhood. I struggle with OCD tendencies and I can attribute most of them to my childhood. It is much easier to say "Oh, I am feeling this way because of the distrust that happened with my parents" than "I am feeling this way because I am weak, messed up, and lost."
While it is essential that we examine our pasts for answers, clues, and revelations we must also let it go when the time comes. I have figured this out in my own life. I have received a ton of helpful information that has encouraged growth and movement in my life. But, if you dwell on the past too much you lose your drive and focus for the present so it is a tough balance for sure.
But, you do need to take some of the focus off yourself. The constant obsessions only create misery for you. My advice would be to examine your past, apply those insights to your present, eat healthy and exercise, challenge the false beliefs, and attempt to rely on truth instead of feelings.
The number one thing that both psychology and theology stress (or they should) is that human beings do have a choice. We all have a choice in how destructive our behavior is. We have a choice to change, accept, and tweak our thoughts and actions.
For example, bipolar disorder can sometimes be attributed to irregular chemical imbalances. For the most part, human beings cannot control their brain chemicals but they can control the extent, frequency and durability of the disorder by taking medications and so forth.
So, while we may be limited in some ways we can improve in others.
One of the most creative ways of learning from our struggles is through insight and discovery of our past, our motivations, and our expectations of ourselves and others.
It sounds like your obsessions say two things: I do not have enough self-control to silence my thoughts and feelings, and I don't trust myself or God. You don't trust that God has forgiven you so you pray and pray and pray. You don't trust your ability to pray and then you feel anxious and you feel God hasn't forgiven you.
I can see how anyone, including you, can feel stressed out and totally tired by this process.
There does seem to be a basic distrust of God and yourself. More often than not, this distrust has been learned in childhood. I struggle with OCD tendencies and I can attribute most of them to my childhood. It is much easier to say "Oh, I am feeling this way because of the distrust that happened with my parents" than "I am feeling this way because I am weak, messed up, and lost."
While it is essential that we examine our pasts for answers, clues, and revelations we must also let it go when the time comes. I have figured this out in my own life. I have received a ton of helpful information that has encouraged growth and movement in my life. But, if you dwell on the past too much you lose your drive and focus for the present so it is a tough balance for sure.
But, you do need to take some of the focus off yourself. The constant obsessions only create misery for you. My advice would be to examine your past, apply those insights to your present, eat healthy and exercise, challenge the false beliefs, and attempt to rely on truth instead of feelings.
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thanks for your thoughts steeler.
for me i feel like i have to pray for forgivness for my sins in order to be truly forgiven. its just that feeling like i have been forgiven is the hardest part for me. i do take meds to help with the chemicals that are all messed up in my head, but they only help so much.
i really do want to imporve in my life to where my ocd does not rule me. but its very hard for me to tell what is real and what is my ocd.
i can look at my pest and see the ways that have gotten me through the battles. and so far the ways that im using are the ways that have gotten me through. i really dont know any other ways that would work.
its not that i distrust God, its just that im afraid of not being forgiven for my sins because of all the things that i feel like i do wrong when i pray about those sins. i dont know if im forgiven or not, thats one of the main issues with me. and when i dont feel forgiven i cant rest and be ok. as is i have been putting off dealing with areas of sin that are still bothering me because of how wiped out i have been all day. and i still have that fear and worry in me because of those sins still being there.
i have delt with ocd since i was about 7. i can look at things that happed in the times that the ocd started and things that reinforced the ocd, and maybe helped cause it in my life at that time. but its hard for me to be helped by those things as is.
when it comes to taking the focus off of myself i really dont know how to because if i have sin on me then i need that forgivenss so that i can move beyond that sin that makes me focus on myself so much. for me when i have sin on me, meaning like i feel i do now, it just rules every aspect of my life because i feel like there is something wrong between me and God. so i cant focus on other things but my current condition.
please dont think that im just trying to say "i cant do this and i cant do that" just to be frustrating. that is truly not my intent. it is just the way that things work in my mind. i want so bad to be able to find ways that i can be forgiven that does not cause me so much struggle and pain. but i have yet to find a way to get there. i am still searching but from what i can tell everyone has to ask for forgivenss in the same ways.
i have slept all day today because of my head hurting so bad from yesterday. i still have things that i need to deal with that i have been putting off because of the pain that it causes me. i do have faith that its ok with God that i have been waiting to deal with theses things because he knows the struggle that it causes me. my foot is also hurting from tensing up so much when i was praying to try to show that i really meant what i was praying for by hurting myself.
i just want so bad to be ok with God and to be ok in my salvation. i try so hard to stay right with God but i always end up back to the place where i feel like i have rejected him and walked away from him. i dont know if this is just my ocd or if it is real. i just cant seem to get to a place where i stay ok.
i really dont know how to have the victory in these areas, and i want that victory so bad. it causes me so much pain to feel like im rejecting God all the time and to have to deal with the effects of the disorder when i pray about it so that things can be right between me and God.
i dont know how i can have any lasting success in my life when these things come every few days. i get so depressed and discouraged because of all of these struggles. and then also having to deal with pain in my foot because of feeling like i have to hurt myself when i pray to show that i mean what im praying. i can logically say to myself that God does not want me to hurt myself when i pray, but i still feel like i have to.
i still really need prayer. prayer to know how to deal with the battles in a way that is really effective so that the battles dont rule my life like that have been doing for so long.
for me i feel like i have to pray for forgivness for my sins in order to be truly forgiven. its just that feeling like i have been forgiven is the hardest part for me. i do take meds to help with the chemicals that are all messed up in my head, but they only help so much.
i really do want to imporve in my life to where my ocd does not rule me. but its very hard for me to tell what is real and what is my ocd.
i can look at my pest and see the ways that have gotten me through the battles. and so far the ways that im using are the ways that have gotten me through. i really dont know any other ways that would work.
its not that i distrust God, its just that im afraid of not being forgiven for my sins because of all the things that i feel like i do wrong when i pray about those sins. i dont know if im forgiven or not, thats one of the main issues with me. and when i dont feel forgiven i cant rest and be ok. as is i have been putting off dealing with areas of sin that are still bothering me because of how wiped out i have been all day. and i still have that fear and worry in me because of those sins still being there.
i have delt with ocd since i was about 7. i can look at things that happed in the times that the ocd started and things that reinforced the ocd, and maybe helped cause it in my life at that time. but its hard for me to be helped by those things as is.
when it comes to taking the focus off of myself i really dont know how to because if i have sin on me then i need that forgivenss so that i can move beyond that sin that makes me focus on myself so much. for me when i have sin on me, meaning like i feel i do now, it just rules every aspect of my life because i feel like there is something wrong between me and God. so i cant focus on other things but my current condition.
please dont think that im just trying to say "i cant do this and i cant do that" just to be frustrating. that is truly not my intent. it is just the way that things work in my mind. i want so bad to be able to find ways that i can be forgiven that does not cause me so much struggle and pain. but i have yet to find a way to get there. i am still searching but from what i can tell everyone has to ask for forgivenss in the same ways.
i have slept all day today because of my head hurting so bad from yesterday. i still have things that i need to deal with that i have been putting off because of the pain that it causes me. i do have faith that its ok with God that i have been waiting to deal with theses things because he knows the struggle that it causes me. my foot is also hurting from tensing up so much when i was praying to try to show that i really meant what i was praying for by hurting myself.
i just want so bad to be ok with God and to be ok in my salvation. i try so hard to stay right with God but i always end up back to the place where i feel like i have rejected him and walked away from him. i dont know if this is just my ocd or if it is real. i just cant seem to get to a place where i stay ok.
i really dont know how to have the victory in these areas, and i want that victory so bad. it causes me so much pain to feel like im rejecting God all the time and to have to deal with the effects of the disorder when i pray about it so that things can be right between me and God.
i dont know how i can have any lasting success in my life when these things come every few days. i get so depressed and discouraged because of all of these struggles. and then also having to deal with pain in my foot because of feeling like i have to hurt myself when i pray to show that i mean what im praying. i can logically say to myself that God does not want me to hurt myself when i pray, but i still feel like i have to.
i still really need prayer. prayer to know how to deal with the battles in a way that is really effective so that the battles dont rule my life like that have been doing for so long.
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Everlasting33
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Can you tell me about your history with Christianity. Were you brought up Christian? Did you attend church often? How did your parents view Christianity? Do you feel you had a healthy perception of God as a child?
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sure. i have been a christian either since i was 13 or 18 ( i first accepted jesus when i was 13 but then backslid when i was 15 till i was 18. so thats gets into was i saved at 13 or 18. buts that a whole other discussion). both of my parents belived in jesus and God but nether were committed christian. i did not start attending church until i was 17 or 18. when it came to my perception of God when i was younger, from what i can remember i still delt with a lot of fear of punishment from God. and i still delt with a lot of fear of going to hell because of things that i did when i was a kid.
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