Can I be forgiven?

[now_am_found]

Please help me! I'm ready to come back to God but I don't know how.

I come from a physically and emotionally adusive background, at the hands of my father. For so long i've been wandering this earth with cold, empty eyes and a hardened heart.

I hated men so much and I hated God too. And I thought I was handling it, okay, but I wasn't.

Then the most amazing person I have ever known came into my life. My first boyfriend. (He isn't a Christian). Within the first week of going out, I told him everything (more than i've ever told anyone) because I found it so hard to be around him without feeling physically ill, I had to tell him. It felt so good. He told me he would help me and that I could talk to him.

And he did help me. He was there for me like no one has ever been there for me. He cared about me in ways I never thought anyone could care for me. He let me rant and cry and scream. And I was getting better.

For five months he stood by my side. He swore that when our relationship ended (we knew it would have to for various reasons) he would still be there for me as my friend. And I know he was telling the truth. In time I fell in love with him. I didn't mean to, I never thought it was possible, but it did.

He gave me the strength to move out of my parents house where the abuse was in many ways still happening. It was the hardest thing i've ever had to do. I've felt trapped for so long long. My father has a hold on me that has been so hard to try and break away from. When I first took the decision to get my own place, I was physically sick. And he was there with me, telling me it was ok.

I told him everything, except one thing. Something that until now I didn't think was important. And he found out. He won't even speak to me anymore. He said he hopes I get theropy and I agree. But originally he told me that if I did ever go, he would go with me. How can I go now. He was my strength, the only thing holding me up.

I don't want to tell you exactly what it was he found out, but it's a place that i've been directing my anger. Until he told me he knew and that it was over between us (including friendship) I didn't realise the impact of it all. But now I do. And I take it back. I take it all back. I realise now what I have been doing. I've been hindering the healing process by feeding my anger. And it doesn't make me happy. I'm a good person really, just messed up.

Sometimes I feel like there is this demon inside of me, waiting to make his move. It's only when my actions have impact or consequence that I realise that i'm wrong and I feel guilty and I feel angry with myself. I just end up hating myself anymore.

Satan has had his way with me for too long, but nothing is worth losing the one I love and the only one that has ever cared about me. I realise this now and I will get help.

Although I wish that it had never happened and that he still liked me, I think this is what I needed to take the final step towards acceptance and deliverance. My boyfriend helped me get so far, but there was more that needed to be done. Well, here it is. Out in the open. I've been laid bare. There are no more secrets, no more lies.

I need help. Will God help me?
And do you think I can ever make my former boyfriend forgive me. I guess this is too much for him to handle. But is there anything I can do?

I'll fight this. But I can't do it alone. I'm so broken right now.

 

[now_am_found]

He just emailed me and said he never wants to see me again. I hate myself so much for what I have done and just don't know if anything is worth it anymore.

I know this probably seems like such a meaningless problem and no one seems to want to offer any support. There is so much more than i've told you, and just yeaterday I was on the brink of suicide. I came here instead, but those thoughts keep coming back. I think things would just be better if I were dead.

You don't need to say much, just tell me that it will be ok. Please?

 

[tapero]

Dear Sister,

Hi, in revealing what you did to your boyfriend, you did nothing wrong see. Since he took offense, it's honestly his situation. Please don't blame yourself.

Think of it this way, have I a friend who I suddenly reveal some truth about me to that they didn't know before would they stop loving me?

No.

So something there was innappropriate to begin with for him to break up with you over this issue. Perhaps he was overinvolved or such, I don't know.

But however he took it is his situation, nor yours.

I feel badly for how you feel and the pain you are going through but it's not your fault at all.

I want to tell you that nothing is too small for Jesus. He cares for our every need and desires us to tell him all. In telling Jesus all we are recieving help because he helps us with our burdens and it helps to be honest to God about things who knows us through and through. It helps relieve us of the stress of carrying the burden alone, and deep within.

What I mean by being honest with God, it's not so easy as one would think to reveal everything to God, but it can be done of course. Some don't struggle with this but I know I do in some instances. I'm afraid to reveal certain things as that means then He may guide me to a place I may not want to go, so what I do now, is just say Lord, I don't want to go through this particular situation, and that's what I mean about being honest.

God loves you very much, very much.

I'm glad hon, that this has motivated you some to seek help, which is awesome! Sad to have come out of heartbreak, but good nonetheless.

And your not alone. With counseling you will have support, and also here we at Christian Forums we care very much. So you are not alone friend, though it may seem that way.

God bless you,
tapero

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[now_am_found]

Thank you so much for your support. It means the world to me. I feel so broken, but I feel that I only have one option left. I neem to have hit rockbottom and there is nothing more for me to do but to turn back to God. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want my life back!

I have spat in God's face so many times and I've listened to Satan's lies. I'm revolted by it now and I need God to heal me.

I think perhaps my boyfriend was sent to me to help me take the first few steps towards healing, and I will love him forever for that. But he isn't a Christian, and there is a lot of spiritual issues I have which I need to deal with that only make him think i'm even more crazy. I'm afraid I haven't given him any good impressions of a Christian. When I am strong enough in Christ again, I will pray for him.

I don't have many friends, and none who are Christians so I'm constantly alone. He was the first person who cared enough to reach out for me. But I think that God wants me to stop looking to humans for love, but look to him instead.

After years of rebelling, I feel maybe I am now ready to do that. This Easter weekend I will be on my own, but I will go to Church on Sunday (the first time in years).
I want to be saved. I just wish I could take back all the pain i've caused. And I wish I could reclaim my childhood.

Please pray for me. I've never been very good at making the right decisions. I want to be happy.

 

[tapero]

Thank you so much for your support. It means the world to me. I feel so broken, but I feel that I only have one option left. I neem to have hit rockbottom and there is nothing more for me to do but to turn back to God. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want my life back!

I have spat in God's face so many times and I've listened to Satan's lies. I'm revolted by it now and I need God to heal me.

I think perhaps my boyfriend was sent to me to help me take the first few steps towards healing, and I will love him forever for that. But he isn't a Christian, and there is a lot of spiritual issues I have which I need to deal with that only make him think i'm even more crazy. I'm afraid I haven't given him any good impressions of a Christian. When I am strong enough in Christ again, I will pray for him.

I don't have many friends, and none who are Christians so I'm constantly alone. He was the first person who cared enough to reach out for me. But I think that God wants me to stop looking to humans for love, but look to him instead.

After years of rebelling, I feel maybe I am now ready to do that. This Easter weekend I will be on my own, but I will go to Church on Sunday (the first time in years).
I want to be saved. I just wish I could take back all the pain i've caused. And I wish I could reclaim my childhood.

Please pray for me. I've never been very good at making the right decisions. I want to be happy.

Hugs hon,

Praying for you. Also just wanted to say that I met my only two friends (who live in other states) and one other, who is a spiritual mother (also in a another state) through bible studies, or the church. Bible studies are good ways to meet women. God has His women who will reach out to you and I pray that you meet them.

I too have no friends here, so I know it's difficult especially with what you've been through.

Hon, you may already be saved if you were in the past, we never lose our salvation, but if you don't think you are you can be saved today, you don't need wait till Sunday.

Here's what the bible says:

13And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

Once we believe we are sealed and indwelled with the Holy Spirit.

There are many Chrisitans who get angry at God, and all you need do it talk to Him about it. And we all sin, so we do have this constant spiritual battle going on. So please don't think you've done anything more than any other of us. Go to God, and tell a friend, if you have one you can trust, as that helps relieve the pressure.

Bless you precious one,
tapero

 

[xtreN]

Please help me! I'm ready to come back to God but I don't know how.

I come from a physically and emotionally adusive background, at the hands of my father. For so long i've been wandering this earth with cold, empty eyes and a hardened heart.

I hated men so much and I hated God too. And I thought I was handling it, okay, but I wasn't.

Then the most amazing person I have ever known came into my life. My first boyfriend. (He isn't a Christian). Within the first week of going out, I told him everything (more than i've ever told anyone) because I found it so hard to be around him without feeling physically ill, I had to tell him. It felt so good. He told me he would help me and that I could talk to him.

And he did help me. He was there for me like no one has ever been there for me. He cared about me in ways I never thought anyone could care for me. He let me rant and cry and scream. And I was getting better.

For five months he stood by my side. He swore that when our relationship ended (we knew it would have to for various reasons) he would still be there for me as my friend. And I know he was telling the truth. In time I fell in love with him. I didn't mean to, I never thought it was possible, but it did.

He gave me the strength to move out of my parents house where the abuse was in many ways still happening. It was the hardest thing i've ever had to do. I've felt trapped for so long long. My father has a hold on me that has been so hard to try and break away from. When I first took the decision to get my own place, I was physically sick. And he was there with me, telling me it was ok.

I told him everything, except one thing. Something that until now I didn't think was important. And he found out. He won't even speak to me anymore. He said he hopes I get theropy and I agree. But originally he told me that if I did ever go, he would go with me. How can I go now. He was my strength, the only thing holding me up.

I don't want to tell you exactly what it was he found out, but it's a place that i've been directing my anger. Until he told me he knew and that it was over between us (including friendship) I didn't realise the impact of it all. But now I do. And I take it back. I take it all back. I realise now what I have been doing. I've been hindering the healing process by feeding my anger. And it doesn't make me happy. I'm a good person really, just messed up.

Sometimes I feel like there is this demon inside of me, waiting to make his move. It's only when my actions have impact or consequence that I realise that i'm wrong and I feel guilty and I feel angry with myself. I just end up hating myself anymore.

Satan has had his way with me for too long, but nothing is worth losing the one I love and the only one that has ever cared about me. I realise this now and I will get help.

Although I wish that it had never happened and that he still liked me, I think this is what I needed to take the final step towards acceptance and deliverance. My boyfriend helped me get so far, but there was more that needed to be done. Well, here it is. Out in the open. I've been laid bare. There are no more secrets, no more lies.

I need help. Will God help me?
And do you think I can ever make my former boyfriend forgive me. I guess this is too much for him to handle. But is there anything I can do?

I'll fight this. But I can't do it alone. I'm so broken right now.

Hello and good morning,

Yes, God will help you.

All that is required from you (us) is to "ask."

"Ask and you shall receive." Matthew 7:7

Asking and begin speaking to God in all things in our lives will begin to make everything turn around for the better.

This is what you need to do whole heartedly sweetie inorder to truly be saved:

If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your Heart that God raised him from the dead you will be saved. Romans 10:9

I will be praying for you my friend and keeping you in all my thoughts, prayers and heart.

Jesus loves us

God be with you and God bless you as you begin your new life and journey with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

a friend,
xtreN

 

[CarolinaMom]

I posted in your other thread before reading this one. You CAN turn your life around. I'm sure you've cursed God for allowing the abuse. He was right beside you, holding you EVERY time. Not once did He leave your side. You are valuable to Him, and that's why you are still here. Put God first. Before your friends, before your family, before anything. Before your feet hit the floor in the morning, say a prayer. You don't have to go around talking about God all day, just keep Him close to your heart, and when you feel the negative feelings surfacing, picture Him holding and comforting you.

Nothing's too big or too small for God. He sent His Son to die for YOU. Get yourself some Christian friends, and don't be shy about asking for prayer when you go to church Sunday. The power of prayer is amazing!

 

[now_am_found]

Thanks guys. I went to church on Sunday, I spent the whole day praying and I've turned back to God. It's been a tiring weekend and in many ways it has been hard for me to confront the issues and confess my sins, and even harder, forgive myself. But I did and I feel so much more at peace. I really do feel the power of God and the work he is doing in my life. I have to move away from the past now and let go of the pain, but now God is with me so i don't feel so alone anymore.

Don't get me wrong. It's really been hard and a part of me is still trying to cling to the anger inside of me, but in time I will break free of it.

I turned back to God on Sunday and spent the day praying. I released my former boyfriend and the problems we had into his hands, which was hard to do because I was so broken.

But the next day, yesterday, he texted me! He texted me and said that he still wants to help me as my friend! I never thought he would talk to me again. He said he's going to come and see me this week and we'll talk. Thank you God! That was all I wanted, for him to forgive me and talk to me atgain.

The Lord has already started performing miracles in my life. He really is the only way to freedom and happiness! Thank you for all your support here at Christian Forums. It is just so good to know that there are other Christians out there who I can talk to. I've stopped crying and cursing and although I still feel slightly wounded, i'm getting better.

Please pray that when I see my former boyfriend this week that it will be okay and that he'll understand me and that I won't upset him. Also, please pray that I don't fall back into the dark pit of despair and that I keep holding on. Thanks guys!

 

[BelindaP]

God is showing you that He is in charge of your life now. He will help you through this, even though it will be tough sometimes. Continue to pray for your boyfriend. You may return his favor to him by providing a witness that will save his soul. He seems ready, as God is already having some influence on Him.

And remember, God is the perfect Parent. Even if you should fall back into despair and curse Him again, He will still love you. Just turn back to Him, and He will bless you with peace.

 

[Lehr]

Now_and_found, I can see that you have had a really rough life. I do think that your boy friend could not handle it and I think he reallly made a mistake by taking so much offense to what he found out.. Don't blame yourself, just remember that people love you, we love you, and we will pray for you.. Life is to precious to throw it away, god is with you and he will pull you through this. God loves you more then you can even imagin!!!

BE STRONG!!! Pray that the holy spirit will come upon you and give you strength and guidence.

GOD BLESS YOU!

 

[fellowshippingwithjesus]

Hello Now Am Found ,

So glad you came here looking for encouragment. May your spirit be spiritually nourished.

Here are some wonderful scriptures on LOVE that i would like to share with you.

Write them upon your heart hon. LOVE is the answer. Love ya

And God bless you

Jesus is with us!

May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness and patience of Christ and in waiting for His return. 2 Thessalonians 3:5

"He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor." Proverbs 21:21

"Let everything you do be done in love." 1 Corinthians 16:14

"Live a life of love." 1 Peter 4:8

Be rooted and grounded in love. Ephesians 3:17

"Let love never leave you." Proverbs 3:3

"My command is this, love each other as I have loved you.

Greater love has noone than this: that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples,
if you have love one another." John 13:35

The attributes that stem from LOVE:

Devotion, adoration, honour, tenderness, mercy, equiption, forgiveness, compassion, grace, service, gratitude, kindness, hope, life, preseverance, giving, peace, joy, faith, boldness, patience. belief and all Good things that make present the Lord our God's Great Reverence and Glory.

Thank you all for reading & may God bless each of you.

fellowshippingwithjesus

THERE IS LOVE AND ETERNAL LIFE IN JESUS CHRIST!




​

 

[pennsyginny]

There is a really wonderful Bible--T.D. Jakes WOMAN THOU ART LOOSED Bible; its NKJV. It is full of writings for wounded women, as well as God's words and those of Jesus. He also wrote a nonfiction book WOAMN THOU ART LOOSED and a workbook to go with it. (Not to be confused with the fiction book of the same title and the DVD. I think you would find a lot of encouragement in it.

It took me years to open up to anyone and longer to share my background with a man. I never have told a man yet without expecting to be rejected because of it. I never have been though.

You have so much pain to work through but I am so glad that you got back to church. Let the church family surround you with God's love!

Remember the woman who Christ healed who had been bleeding for years and told: Woamn thou art loosed from thy infirmity. Dear one, Jesus can loose you from your infirmity!