Can an Atheist date a Christian (and vice versa)?

[Dave RP]

I am an Atheist, but I respect the right of anybody to believe their beliefs and I would never criticise anybody for holding a true faith in the heart. I met a lovely lady and we have started dating, she is a Christian and regular church goer, is the relationship doomed to failure or can the two coexist? We're both middle aged, divorced and with grown up family so we wont be looking to procreate, there is therefore no great imperative for marriage or cohabitation, we both have our own homes and like it that way.

What are the thoughts of the Christians on here?

 

[Albion]

Such relationships have been known to work out fine SO LONG AS each side really does accept the other's beliefs and can refrain from 1) debating it all the time, 2) making jokes or snide remarks about the other's views, and 3) feeling some resentment if the partner practices his faith (as opposed to merely holding certain beliefs). For people who are inclined to be militant about their views, this is a challenge.

For others who are genuinely happy to know that the loved one finds satisfaction is his particular views and isn't trying to impose them on anyone, it works just fine! You sound like you are in this second category, but it can't be a half-way thing. It has to be a perspective that comes naturally IMHO.

 

[AHH who-stole-my-name]

It depends on where you want to go with any relationship and who you want to be when you get there. Religion matters according to the emphasis people put on it. It's the person who is most intense about their ideals that sets the attmoushpere and nothing is permanent in dating.

What matters is marriage and I know at least one person who is not a Christian, but is happily married to a Christian. I don't know the wife but the husband is one of my best friends.

 

[football5680]

Christians shouldn't have relationships with unbelievers.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

 

[Albion]

It's being yoked together unequally that we're warned against.

In this case we were presented with in the OP, neither yoked nor unequally is in prospect.

 

[Grafted In]

Bad idea. I suspect you knew that before you started thread.

 

[grasping the after wind]

I am an Atheist, but I respect the right of anybody to believe their beliefs and I would never criticise anybody for holding a true faith in the heart. I met a lovely lady and we have started dating, she is a Christian and regular church goer, is the relationship doomed to failure or can the two coexist? We're both middle aged, divorced and with grown up family so we wont be looking to procreate, there is therefore no great imperative for marriage or cohabitation, we both have our own homes and like it that way.

What are the thoughts of the Christians on here?

I would say it depends entirely upon you and the person you are dating. There is no reason why a Christian could not enjoy the company of an atheist and vice versa. Unless there were arguments about the fact that one believed one thing and the other did not that is. If you are neither of you looking for some lifetime commitments and only enjoying being around each other I see no problems at all arising from that. As for the sexual part of the relationship, well that is not my business and between the two of you but it can cause problems if the Christian and the Atheist have completely different expectations based upon their different POVs on religion. Again that would depend upon you and the person you are dating. I do not seem to be able to find any one single Christian or one single Atheist opinion upon what is and what is not appropriate for single people to engage in.

 

[Dave-W]

Christians shouldn't have relationships with unbelievers.

1 Cor 5.9 I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people;
10 I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world.
11 But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one.

 

[Albion]

The question we were asked was this: "...is the relationship doomed to failure or can the two coexist?" It certainly is not doomed to failure and the two can coexist.

The question of the morality of it applies only to the Christian party and then only depending upon her view of this Bible passage. The passage actually does not apply in this case, as explained, but if she thinks that it does, then that's a consideration for her. But as for the question itself, no, there's no inherent or unavoidable reason the two cannot coexist.

 

[Soyeong]

I am an Atheist, but I respect the right of anybody to believe their beliefs and I would never criticise anybody for holding a true faith in the heart. I met a lovely lady and we have started dating, she is a Christian and regular church goer, is the relationship doomed to failure or can the two coexist? We're both middle aged, divorced and with grown up family so we wont be looking to procreate, there is therefore no great imperative for marriage or cohabitation, we both have our own homes and like it that way.

What are the thoughts of the Christians on here?

I think everyone should see a marriage counselor before they get married even if everything is going fine because there are many potential sources of conflict that are good to discuss beforehand that they might not think about. For instance, one of both of people might have strong feelings about whether a potential child goes to a private or public school and it is better to work things like that out before you're approaching a deadline where you have to make a decision and find out that you're not on the same page. However, I would especially advise this when you're already not on the same page about something that is important to her.

Many Christians think that Christians shouldn't get married to non-beleivers, so she likely will get advice from other Christians not to get married to you, or might have friends and family who wouldn't be happy with her decision. The decision to get married is up to you and her, but the reality is that there are people you would have to interact with. Then again, it might be the case that they approve of you, but that is a potential problem that should be considered.

Another issue might be whether either of you have hopes of changing the other. Does she have hopes of you converting to Christianity? Will she become put off if she sees that reject Christianity? Have you investigated whether or not Christianity is true? Becoming a Christian would alleviate this tension, but you should not become a Christian in order to please her, but because the evidence most strongly supports that it is true.

 

[grasping the after wind]

I think everyone should see a marriage counselor before they get married even if everything is going fine because there are many potential sources of conflict that are good to discuss beforehand that they might not think about. For instance, one of both of people might have strong feelings about whether a potential child goes to a private or public school and it is better to work things like that out before you're approaching a deadline where you have to make a decision and find out that you're not on the same page. However, I would especially advise this when you're already not on the same page about something that is important to her.

Many Christians think that Christians shouldn't get married to non-beleivers, so she likely will get advice from other Christians not to get married to you, or might have friends and family who wouldn't be happy with her decision. The decision to get married is up to you and her, but the reality is that there are people you would have to interact with. Then again, it might be the case that they approve of you, but that is a potential problem that should be considered.

Another issue might be whether either of you have hopes of changing the other. Does she have hopes of you converting to Christianity? Will she become put off if she sees that reject Christianity? Have you investigated whether or not Christianity is true? Becoming a Christian would alleviate this tension, but you should not become a Christian in order to please her, but because the evidence most strongly supports that it is true.

You seemed to have missed the part.

there is therefore no great imperative for marriage or cohabitation, we both have our own homes and like it that way.

 

[AHH who-stole-my-name]

1 Cor 5.9 I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people;
10 I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world.
11 But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one.

Thank you for this.

 

[Dave-W]

I think everyone should see a marriage counselor before they get married even if everything is going fine because there are many potential sources of conflict that are good to discuss beforehand that they might not think about. For instance, one of both of people might have strong feelings about whether a potential child goes to a private or public school and it is better to work things like that out before you're approaching a deadline where you have to make a decision and find out that you're not on the same page. However, I would especially advise this when you're already not on the same page about something that is important to her.

Pre-marital counseling should be REQUIRED for everyone getting married. An invasive (even overly-so) round.

 

[Soyeong]

You seemed to have missed the part.

Dating is for the purpose of seeing whether you want to get married, otherwise it's just two friends hanging out.

 

[Dave-W]

I am an Atheist, but I respect the right of anybody to believe their beliefs and I would never criticise anybody for holding a true faith in the heart. I met a lovely lady and we have started dating, she is a Christian and regular church goer, is the relationship doomed to failure or can the two coexist? We're both middle aged, divorced and with grown up family so we wont be looking to procreate, there is therefore no great imperative for marriage or cohabitation, we both have our own homes and like it that way.

Just remember she is a Christian and therefore is prohibited from having sex outside of marriage. (and yes - all those other hormone-relieving things couples can do count as sex)

 

[keith99]

I am an Atheist, but I respect the right of anybody to believe their beliefs and I would never criticise anybody for holding a true faith in the heart. I met a lovely lady and we have started dating, she is a Christian and regular church goer, is the relationship doomed to failure or can the two coexist? We're both middle aged, divorced and with grown up family so we wont be looking to procreate, there is therefore no great imperative for marriage or cohabitation, we both have our own homes and like it that way.

What are the thoughts of the Christians on here?

By now you have seen some of the replies to this thread, including the standard misapplication of 2 Corinthians.

Do I think a marriage between an atheist and Christian can work? I know it can. At least if still in love til death which was over 50 years counts.

Do I think there can be issues? Of course and most of those seem to come from the Church going side of things.

My advice? Go with her to Church a few times. See what her Church is like, see what she experiences regularly. There you will find your answer. If it is an environment hostile to all that is different I'd suggest you get out now. If it is instead concerned more with helping the members become better people in the image of Christ then rejoice for you have no problem from the Church end.

 

[Dave RP]

By now you have seen some of the replies to this thread, including the standard misapplication of 2 Corinthians.

Do I think a marriage between an atheist and Christian can work? I know it can. At least if still in love til death which was over 50 years counts.

Do I think there can be issues? Of course and most of those seem to come from the Church going side of things.

My advice? Go with her to Church a few times. See what her Church is like, see what she experiences regularly. There you will find your answer. If it is an environment hostile to all that is different I'd suggest you get out now. If it is instead concerned more with helping the members become better people in the image of Christ then rejoice for you have no problem from the Church end.

Thanks for the response, I did go to church for a carol service and the people were nice. From my point of view I don't have a problem, as she's not going to try to convert me. She has to deal what what might be sinful and how her relationship with her God will be affected. For me, doing what people enjoy doing without affecting anyone else is not what any caring God would seek to prevent.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

What are the thoughts of the Christians on here?

People over-analyze relationships.

Do you believe that the two of you can make it work?

If your answer is yes, then make it work.

If your answer is no, then no amount of analyzing by you or other people is going to make much difference.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

Christians shouldn't have relationships with unbelievers.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

The problem I have with this, is Atheist are well behave, they have high morals. They don't go around breaking laws. They aren't convinced there's a God. But they aren't bad. They mind their own business.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I am an Atheist, but I respect the right of anybody to believe their beliefs and I would never criticise anybody for holding a true faith in the heart. I met a lovely lady and we have started dating, she is a Christian and regular church goer, is the relationship doomed to failure or can the two coexist? We're both middle aged, divorced and with grown up family so we wont be looking to procreate, there is therefore no great imperative for marriage or cohabitation, we both have our own homes and like it that way.

What are the thoughts of the Christians on here?

I think that's up to her, and her wiliness to live her life with an Atheist. Also can you live with someone that might constantly think your going to hell or constantly debate you about it. Or maybe she's not that bad.