Can a child be too independent?

[ChristianMama84]

Remy's 14 months old now and he hates help! Once he starts learning to do something he gets soo angry if you try and assist him. He's been using a sippy cup since he was around 10 months and he has to hold and carry it and he walks great now so he doesn't want to be held. I taught him to be independent by showing him how to do things and taking a step back, but whenever I've offered help he's gotten mad.

 

[lucypevensie]

That sounds normal to me. If he has trouble doing something, instead of stepping in to help immediately, try letting him figure it out for a while. It can be a fine line trying to figure out when to step in and even *if* you need to step in. If you step in too soon he'll get frustrated and if you step in too late he'll be frustrated. There are times when you just have to let him experience some frustration because there are non-negotiables to consider - you have to hold my hand while we cross the street, sometimes we are running late and Mom must dress you even though I know you can do it yourself.

In other words, you'll both need to learn how to deal with each other

 

[ChristianMama84]

That makes sense, thank you. BTW, should he be trying to pull his shirt off already? Poor kid, he despises clothes! So when I go to strip him down for his bath, he helps! lol

 

[moonkitty]

I don't think it's impossible to be too independent. I was a very independent child, and it drove my mother nuts. It drove me nuts cause she kept trying to stifle independance in me, her motto was that it was unnatural for girls to be indpendent. I hated it.

Of course don't let him do anything that is dangerous--but as he grows up let him be independent. It will work out for him in the long run.

 

[sparassidae]

He sounds very normal to me, and don't expect it to stop anytime soon. DD is 22 months, and insists on trying to get herself dressed, shoes on etc, but is still far from competent. Makes life one long negotiation

Regarding the clothes thing- DD is also sitting here in just a nappy, even though it is still winter here. No idea why she decided to get undressed but that is normal too.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

A little boy I used to watch was just like that. He would refuse help, but if he couldn't do it he would get so frustrated and then start banging his head on the floor or hitting himself. Finding the right moment to step in was sometimes difficult.

He also HATED clothes. He wouldn't keep on pants, he was always in overalls or a onesie. He was also really slender so if the shoulders were a bit lose he could just wiggle it down himself and step out, we had to do some creative pinning, lol.

But yea, all you said sounds normal.

 

[ChristianMama84]

Okay. :sigh of relief: I want him to be independent, I was afraid maybe I was pushing it on him too much? I must not be, though, cause he still climbs up in mine or hubby's lap to be put to sleep. lol Hmm, maybe I can relax and accept I'm doing something right for once?

 

[Linnis]

DS is 22 months old and has been in the "I do it!" faze for months now. He resists outside help and will undo anything an adult has done to help. I actually had to get him shoes without laces because he prefers to put on his own socks and shoes. Still working on putting on shirts though...

 

[ChristianMama84]

Aww, that's cool he can already do that!!