Calliegh's Diary of 39 Days on the Island

[JPPT1974]

From both the prequal and telling of "Calliegh's Story" when she comtemplating breaking up with her then jerk of a boyfriend John Micah. And that he kept ignoring her. And how he had been mistreating her. She took a vacation, her first in like ten or eleven years. She was a huge fan of Survivor and wanted to try to live on an island. With no electricity, no internet, not tv, no technology of any kind. Only fifteen changes of clothes as well as a bible, devotions, a journal to keep up with her days, and a small CD player with batteries and some CDs. She would stay on the island for thirty-nine days. Like in the real Survivor. But this would be part-tv show and part Calliegh her way.

Day 1: Came on an airplane from DC to the Pearl Islands. My first vacation in about over a decade or so. I had only brought a few changes of clothing and will be without no technology. No internet, no tv, no electricity of any kind. Also I would bring some devotions and a journal. As well as my Bible. I know previously the contestants would bring one luxury item. But since 2003, they are now playing with only one change of clothing. The clothes on their backs when they get there. And no luxury items whatsoever.

I boarded the Americans Airlines Flight 911(Oddly the name of something the world will go down for in world history on that tragic second Tuesday in September 2001). Flying used to scare me that it took me more than five months to get on an airplane. But hey, I am not going to let some terrorists ruin my "fun!" I needed to prove to myself that I am independent. And that I need to get away from it all. I need to not think about work after all of the people that I have been working with lately. Have been shunning me for a pretty long time.

How that jerk of a boyfriend who I thought was so, so caring and understanding, turned from the handsome prince to the toad. Heck, I don't want to think about work at all. I just want to relax not just my body. But my wounded and broken heart, spirit, and soul. As well as most of all, my pride and dignity. So badly hurt! Then when I landed on the Pearl Island after a twelve hour flight that included changing planes twice. No more thinking about work. Nor no more real world.

I was treating myself to a real vacation. Well half-Survivor style being a "reclusive" hermit while also I would be no long Calliegh Patricia Andrews Laura Kerr Niece(Yea a long name!) Well, I am adopted and an only child. But my parents wanted to make my name long and special. Bless them as I got some of those names from each of them.

I then went and shopped for a huge, huge, packets of rice which I will be living on for at least thirty-nine days. As well as gotten some Beef-o-roni and some steak and chicken for one day. To just splurge on things. As people there thought I was kind of crazy to live off things like that. But hey, it was my vacation. As I checked in and gotten into my hut. To live there also for a month and nine days. It was all right as it looked like it was in the vacation brochures.

There was a pot, a pan, a stove. As well as a bed, some wood, and a night lamp next to the bed which I will be sleeping in for the next thirty-nine days. The outside had the beach. It was very crystal clear as beautiful indeed. Very like the blue eyes of my dad. While I just didn't feel like eating, I put up the groceries. And also took some flint and learned how to use it. It was hard to learn at first being such a city girl. I haven't been to the beach in like years and years. I learned how to do it over and over to get use to it. Warming up. It hurt at first when you matched them together but then I got a pretty good fire going with some wood. As I learned from the locals how to turn it off as well as starting the fires again. Afterwards, after unloading and putting my clothes in the drawels all day long and grocery shopping. I then slept for the day. Only it was daylight but I was tired and really needed to sleep after changing planes and going all over a circle. This was only the warm-up as to what was to happen the next thirty-eight days. I only brought soap and not even dedorant at all.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 2: I woke-up after a long, long sleep. As I went to see if what time it was. I brought along an alarm clock. I went and it was a little after ten. I went to read my bible and write in my journal. I had a bathing suit on. As I did some aerobics. I worked out after missing yesterday. Since I was so, so tired after being on planes. Getting adjusted to my new surroundings. And unpacking.

I went to go down in the oceans. It was really busy at all. Sure the beach had a few families. With kids and parents watching over each other. No lifeguards since the beach was mainly not a deep. Mainly just shallow. I went into the oceans after a long workout. It felt really good. After I had just sweated a lot.

I then played in the oceans. Pretending like I didn't have a care in the world. As I just played in the waters. Taking a swim. There would be no showers at all for a month. As I would be washing in the oceans. With only some soap. No shampoos or conditioners. I wanted to have a life-changing experience hopefully. Not taking life for granted. Much less the smaller things in life.

After a swim, I went wet as I cooked some rice. I made the rice to be more watery. Since I preferred it that way. I would only be drinking sea water. I tasted it, expecting it to be awful. But to be honest, it didn't taste that bad at all. It was pretty good though had pretty much a lot of salt. Then I ate my rice. I wanted to do my best to consume the rice. I brought only white rice because that was the Survivor meal that the castaways ate.

I wrote some things in my journal. Hoping that I will change my attitude on life. And not to take stuff for granted. As well as not to be mean at all to others. Like they have been mean to me. I want to also live life like it is my last day on earth. I did bring some medications here. To make sure I can control my asbergers and my temper. And not to be depressed as I have depression issues. As everybody knows me that I do.

I finished writing in my journal. Cleaning up after my meals. And also just chilling out looking at the night fall. I read my devotions and my bible. I would also go and clean up the hut after I am over and done. For the next person, which would be nice of me. Then I hit the sacks at ten.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 3: Woke up at 10:00 am again. As I went and wrote stuff in my journal. Have a lot to write down. As for the Island life, not use to it yet. But then again, I try the best not to be a give up and quit person unless I have to. And I want to be here for thirty-nine days. I need to really change my outlook on life. As I have been thinking negatively for a long, long time. Hopefully time at the Pearl Islands will help me to do that.

I then listened to some music. I listened to some classical music and some Jack Johnson. I watched people play in the oceans. As the kids were building sand castles. It hasn't been busy on the beach. But it will be long after I have left the "building" as I borrow a line from the King of Rock & Roll Elvis. But this is only day three for me so far.

I then worked out again on my aerobics. I do a thing called taebo. It is a combination of martial arts, dance, and aerobics. It helps to do in order not just to make me feel good. But to get a better sense and way of life. As I am really sweaty. And need to jump into the oceans to cool off. In which I do. Also I see people hooking and catching some fish. I tried fishing once. It stinked because the fish stinked. Anyway, I hate seafood. But I may try to get a fish if I feel like eating anything.

I went back to the hut. And I took a little nap. As I layed down, I thought about not just my present. But also I thought about my future. On what my future will hold. Once & for all as I will get back to the states. Maybe I need to resign from the ICB. And find a job with good people. As long as I have bills paid off and a roof over my head, money isn't a problem. As much as I love money, I need to sacrifice one or the other.

These past few months have been nothing but heck for me. And I need to stop and get off of the world. It has not been a piece of cake at all. I read my bible as my bible has been my solace. And also something positive as I learn the lessons of not just in the present. But in the future as well. As I prayed to the Lord and tearfully want to rebuild my life. And though I can't go back and change anything at all. The mistakes and the damages that have been done. Still, I feel as though I need to start all over again. And to hopefully do things much more better. And never, ever make the same mistakes twice or even three times.

I am eating some rice I have cooked up. While I am also reading and writing into my journal. It was watery as I cooked it way, way too done. But hey, rice is rice IMO. People I saw walking on the beach as I started the fires. And also I just sat there. With staring at the wall. And just laid down and drifted off to sleep. Slowly & surely.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 4: I woke up and it was 9:00 am in the morning. There is one thing I am missing from the morning that keeps me going. Cappicino as I need it to get me up in the mornings. To start off my day. Sadly I don't have it. But hey I am trying to play hard you know. I am trying to make it as hard as possible on me. People criticize me for being hard on myself.

But hey that is just being me perhaps. Whether they like it or not, I am never, ever sastified with life. Because until the Lord comes back, that is when I am satisfied with life. As I read in my journal and writing. As I see the people on the beach. And played on my cd headphones. And read some devotions while listening.

I went and I worked out on my taebo. I needed to workout as I needed to be lose. I used to woke out on weights. I thought I needed strong arms. But really it is the cardio that is important. As I heard it is important to workout on cardio. It makes you live longer as I found out....THE HARD WAY!

Afterwards I went into the oceans as I swam a bit. As I went to swim a bit. I went and I just relaxed. While there were people building sand castles with their children. Just having fun without a care in the world. As I went to swim and got out of the oceans. Too bad that I didn't have a towel to dry off on. But again, I am trying to play hard on myself. As much as possible.

Before I left to hit the Pearl Islands, I cleaned out my apartment. I vaccumed as well as dusted. I did my bathroom, bedroom, and other rooms. I cleaned the toilets and bathtubs. And I asked my parents to watch over the loft. As I wanted it to be nice and clean when I got home. I paid for the next two months in advance to my landlady. To get it out of the way. Turned off every utility I can and could think of.

I asked the mailman to stop the mail delivery when I got back. And also my mom promised to clean up my loft when I got back. The thirty-ninth and last day. I gave her and my dad the keys. I then felt so tired that I didn't feel like eating at all. And I cleaned out my plate and my pan. So I didn't also feel like reading my bible. I took a few shots and painkillers before I left to go to the Pearl Islands. I took out a few months advance to let my bosses know. They were in shock all right. Since they knew that I never, ever had taken a vacation in my life for years. Since I was ultra competative as well ultra-workaholic. As I layed down and slept. It was only eight o clock in the evening.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 5: I got up at 10:00 am. I don't know why I was getting up at those times. But I got up at those times. I then read my bible and I wrote in my journal. I wanted to catch up on my Bible reading. I was a month and a half ahead. I love to be ahead of time. I love to be an overachiever. I guess it is I hate to be behind things. That is just me I think. As I got on my bathing suit. Getting ready to go swimming in the waters.

But first I had to workout on my taebo. I usually workout at least five to six days a week. But now I am working out seven days a week lately. Guess I want to be strong and not be weak. Is the reason why. I skipped or have been skipping my warmups. And going straight to the workouts. As working out takes me about thirty to forty minutes. With all due respect, I love to go to the workouts. As the warming ups take a pretty long time than the workouts itself. As I found out in the tapes.

Then I went into the waters swimming. As I saw the kids coming and playing in the waters. And watching the kids just planning sand castles. And the parents watching them. It usually isn't busy in the middle of the week. That is when school wasn't out for the kiddies. And also when the summer wasn't there at all. But summer was about to come on out. I swam for a pretty long time in the oceans today. Then I got out and dryed myself off with one towel that was provided for the hut.

I went into the hut and dried off and changed into the clothes I have been wearing for five days. Again I only brought fourteen changes of clothing. And that I needed to conserve my clothing as much as possible. When I read my devotions and bible. Listened to some music. Just acting like I didn't have a care in the world. Then I went and had some rice. When the fires were going on. Making sure I was warm in the evenings. Since it can get pretty cool lately in the night.

I went and I ate some rice. I missed eating rice the other day. I ate as I was pretty hungry. To be honest with the rice, it wasn't that good. But also it was good at the same time. At least I had some food. I kind of felt weak and kind of felt very hungry. But hey if those people on Survivor could do it. Why not I? And I read in my journal and wrote in it. While I watched the couples walked hand & hand on the beach. It has been so darn hot lately. It hasn't rain one day at all while I have been here. But I better be careful not to say that or else it could come and bite me in the rear in the end!

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 6: As I slept, I wonder if my co-workers, friends, and soon-to-be ex-boyfriend knew I was out here. In the Pearl Islands on a vacation. Just soaking in the sun and swimming in the oceans. And that I am isolated. Woo as me! Just sitting there caring about nothing and nobody in the world. Well, at least almost nobody as my parents are hoping that I am ok. I am listening to the Survivor theme music. Beautiful & breathtaking music it is.

While they are out just doing their 9-5 job catching criminals. While I am just sitting here looking at the sun. Having and being at peace. Just reading my bible and devotions. I am sleeping a lot now more than ever. I am doing things that I thought would never be done are now being done. And now I am waking up this time at 11:30 am. I have slept a pretty long time have I. Then I went to read my bible and look at my journal on what I wrote.

I was warned to always turn out the fires. As the fires need to be turned out. So that I wouldn't have a fire started at all. And nobody would want that now would they. I got used to using the flint. It hurt a few times when I first started it. But then I got used to it. Again it can get cooler in the evening you know.

I went to workout and do my taebo. I did about thirty minutes of it yet again. It made me feel good. Not just physically but mentally and spiritually. I also hit the oceans yet again. Again also wasn't that busy at all. As I went for a swim. I swam the longest ever. For a long, long time. I only brought three changes of bathing suits. People may wonder why I swam in the same one. That is what the Survivors did.

One change of clothes and now one change of bathing suits. I went in to dry off. And I listened to the cd player. I played some classical music cds. I napped a bit. It wasn't that cold at all. I also brought along a toothbrush, toothpaste, and tooth floss. I couldnt' live without flossing my teeth. Floss made my teeth cleaner.

I ate some rice again. And also I watched the people walk around the beach. Then I listened to my walkman. I thought that I couldn't live without tv at all. But now it didn't bother me as it was now more healthier for me. After I cooked, ate, and cleaned. It was really hot in the hut. So I opened some windows. And then I layed down to go to bed at ten.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 7: I guess the reason I don't have any rats nor spiders(which would frighten my father)is because I have managed to keep my hut clean as possible. Despite having only rice for supper. And the one & only meal of the day. As I went to sweep and clean up the hut. Making sure it was nice and tidy as I got back. And also I would be changing into a new bathing suit after wearing this one. Hanging it on the hook to let it dry.

I listened to my walkman. I also read my bible and devotions. As well as worked on the journal for my thirty-nine days on the island. It was really windy and was about to rain. Rain that is! No I am not joking at all. As the rain was about to pour down. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to swim at all. Gosh dang it.

At least I can workout and do my taebo. I did thirty minutes of it again. I was hot and sweaty. There were some people out in the oceans. Surfing and swimming in the waters. And I looked at them like they were crazy. To be in the middle of a huge storm. But if I told them what I was up to, they would think that I belong in a mental ward.

I then napped a bit. Layed down in order to calm my body. As it was sweaty and hot. I also never thought of it as well. I have been having one change of clothing as well. All week. Not one change of clothign just yet. But that will change come tomorrow afraid so. Then I would go in the waters with soap and water and wash my clothes off. As well as my bathing suit.

I will wash in the oceans when everybody isn't around. Hopefully by the mornings. Get the soap ready and get the clothes hung up to dry. As I ate some rice. And cleaned up the cooking afterwards. I read my bible and listened to the radio. And I got some journaling going on as well. Then afterwards, I went to sleep.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 8: As I would have a new bathing suit as well as a new change of clothes in a week. I went to clean up my clothes with soap. As I washed them in the ocean. I also haven't bathed like soap and water in a week. But I felt again I need to play as hard as I can get. As I went and cleaned up my clothes and got them dried on the clothes like that was I set up.

I went and got the clothes on the line. To get them to dry out. They would take at least two days to dry out. As I went and got them on the line. I read the bible and devotions. And did my journal. As I sat there and watched the kids swim in the ocean. And build sand castles. While their parents watched.

I went to workout as I went to do taebo for thirty minutes. I went then in the oceans. I played in the oceans and swam in them. The thunderstorm last night or two ago. Made me go to sleep. And I slept like a log. Sure I have gotten a few nights sleeps on the island. But this one was one of the best.

I felt really good as I changed into my bathing suits. And that I am now changing some clothes. I am either living like a pirate or living like a hermit. Then I went to lay down on the bed. It had only a pillow and a sheet. But it was like ninety degrees here on the island in the day. But at night, a little cooler.

I went and ate my rice dinner. Afterwards, I cleaned up. I swept and got clean the hut really good. To make sure I didn't have no spiders, nor rats, snakes, etc. I went to bed and then I saw it was about 11:00 pm. The latest I have ever stayed up.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 9:I decided to take it easy today. No working out at all. To give both my body and my mind rest. As well as my heart and soul. They all have been in the rebuilding stage. Or pick up the pices of my heart, soul, mind, and body stage. This is day nine. I wrote in my journal and read my bible. As I listened to my cd walkman player. Listening to classical music.

I am also thinking about food other than rice. I want some steak and veggies. I went to visit my doctor. As he took an annual checkup of my health. I am 199 as 200 is the magic number for my cholestorol. As though I need to cut out on sweets. I am trying to eat more fruits, grains, vegetables, and take more vitamins as well. Trying to lower my choloestral with exercising.

Also I wonder what it will be like when I go back to the states. Will everybody welcome me back with open arms? Or just ignore me like they always have been. Or will it be just a normal day. Well, I am really considering getting another job. A job where I am accepted as well as working with nice people. People that are understanding and more kind and considerate. It has really this job, has taken a toll on me.

I really needed some time off. To not just take it easy on the body. But also let my mind and soul give it a rest. As I am weary as well as sick and tired of all the excuses my friends at work have been giving me. They have been really busy for sure. But that is no excuse for them to ignore me. And if they say that they are just only doing their jobs. Really is no excuse whatsoever at all. No matter how many times they have say it.

I also didn't go into the ocean and swam. This day gave me a day to reflect upon and rest. On what will happen when I go back to the states. I am kind of nervous. Kind of not wanting to go back. Dreading it. Having all sorts of mixed feelings. With it leaning towards not so good. Sad but true as it has been. As I didn't have also the stomach to eat at all. As I laid down. For the first time I was crying my eyes out. For all the things that were happening to me. I laid there and rested. Until I went to sleep.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 10: After sleeping a long time after crying a long time. I got up at noon. The longest that I have ever slept before on this island. So I wanted to soap and water today. After not being able to since I was so tired. I originally was going to clean-up yesterday. But I was way, way too tired. Also I was very hungry indeed. I decided to make myself a salad. To have some veggies in my body. I also got myself some salad.

It was a break from the rice that I was eating. Sometimes you get sick of rice. And I was cooking it watery. So I need to not cook it as watery as I have been. As I went and ate some salad. Oh, man it hit the spot and tasted really good. That is of course, my humble and modest opinion. I also felt like working out though.

Since I missed working out due to being tired. I worked out on taebo for thirty minutes as I always do. Since I can't live without working out. And that I only take it easy from working out. When I am either tired. Or the week that I am on my PMS break. When I am on my PMS break, I get tired and weak. And it would be upcoming in a few days. So please avoid me when I am on that stage. After I worked out, I jumped into the oceans.

I betcha those people missed me while I was gone from the oceans the other day. But hey I thought that I gave them a break. As I also gave myself a break. And by not showing up, they had the oceans all to themselves. It was cold at first when I went into the waters. But then I got my body warmed up. And it became getting better and better. When I went swimming as well as would wash off myself tonight in the oceans. Which would feel good. As there was a catch. I would be doing it in my bathing suit though.

I went into the waters tonight with soap and I felt really good. It felt good to soap and also good to wash myself off. There weren't many people around when I went and did that. Then I dried myself off. Afterwards, I didn't read my bible nor journalled. As I gave myself a day off of doing that. I ate some rice and listened to some music. Then I went to bed and turned off the fires.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 11: I went for a swim the first thing in the morning. Because I felt pretty sweaty the other day. I went for a swim very early since there was nobody here. At least not yet since it was early. I bathed and it felt good in the evening. But now I feel very sweaty. I made sure I stayed in the water for a pretty long time. Then I came in and sat down on the bed.

Usually I workout and then head to the water. But I didn't this time. I went and workout after I went swimming. Because I needed to dive in the waters. What was so different about this beach is that there were no lifeguards. And the water was shallow and not deep. But also when you get in it feels cold. But when you are in for awhile, you get used to it afterwards. I needed to wipe off my sweatiness.

I got done working out. As I wrote in my journal while listening to some music. I listened to some Jack Johnson. Along with some classical music. I began loving Jack Johnson after hearing a song of his. Times Like These when they played it on a tv station. The year's end like MTV. Music videos staging what happened during that year and so forth. I loved it so, so much. I called my station to see what the song was called.

After I layed around a bit and listened to some music, I went back into the water. As the kids were playing with the sand and building sand castles. And their parents were watching. While they drank beer and read books. I just swam in the water. Saw a lot of seashells. Then I went back into the hut. I noticed then there were only twelve huts on the Pearl Islands. Well, they were very remote.

It is good if you don't like tv or want to get away from the noise. Also it is good for relaxation and to hear mother nature. As I went and dried myself off. And ate some rice for dinner. The chicken and little cube steaks really appealed to me. But I will only eat them when I am ready to leave. Or allow to splurge for one day. Day 11 is now in the record books as I layed down and turned off the fires.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 12: I layed around a very long time. As I journaled in my journal. As well as got up and worked out and did taebo. And listened to my headphones with classical music. And just hanging out. Watching all of those children and parents with their kids on the beach. I won't wash until the 20th. I promised not to do so for ten days each.

I have been wondering what I will do for the last day I am on here. I will be going to a hotel. I will gourge myself with food and my favorite drink, Diet Dr Pepper. I use to be a Diet Coke drinker for fifteen years. And I drunk on "accient" Diet Dr Pepper. As I accidentally was trying to get Diet Coke. I punched Diet Dr Pepper. I don't know why but I was very, very thirsty that day. And I took a drink and that is when Diet Dr Pepper & I fell "in love!"

To that day, I have never looked back. Well, almost never, ever looked back at all. If restaurants don't carry Diet Dr Pepper, I go to Diet Coke. Diet Dr Pepper won't give you headaches. Like Dr Coke does. And plus, it tastes just like the original. I love it very, very much is the reason why. As I sat down and rested.

And later on, I worked out on taebo. Again doing thirty minutes of it. I loved working out and it made me feel good. I one time did yoga. I didn't like it at all. It is the "in" thing these days. Well, it isn't exactly my cup of tea at all. Taebo is my cup of tea! Well, that is IMO! You know ha!

I went into the oceans to go swimming. As I went swimming, I looked at the birds flying. Actually they were seagulls. They were very, very beautiful indeed. Flying around like a V-shaped. It was so wonderful and glorious to look at. I found myself loving the Pearl Islands. Even more that I didn't want to be going back to work. Not just work but the real world.

Into my was or has-been friends. Or better yet or even worse, my soon-to-be boyfriend. Speaking of John Micah, I had on his ring that he gave me. When we officially began dating. Now how I wished that in dreams. I would just throw the ring right back at him. And tell him that we were finished. Over and done. I would love to see the look on his face. But I don't think that he would care that much at all. But still, I had his ring on.

I ate some rice and also journaled again. I also felt my hair was getting very hot as well as way too long. So I wanted to cut my hair. As it has been hot on my hair. The back of it down my shoulders and on my neck. Then I went to sleep. I didn't want to have a fire because it was pretty hot here. A rare hot day in the Pearl Islands as I drifted off to sleep at midnight.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 13: I am nearly halfway through as I have survived thirteen days. Thirteen times minus thirty-nine days is twenty-six days left. I am just resting a bit. And just chilling and hanging out. I was reading my bible and devotions. And did some journaling. I am really beginning to love the Pearl Islands.

I did my taebo work. As well as sweated a bit. Then I watched the kids play in the sandcastles. While their parents watched a bit. So it was so, so sweet as well as very, very tight-knit of their families. As the kids also walked around with their parents. Just chilling and being kids. Since they were out of school. Or soon would be.

I went into the oceans and swam a lot. I swam into I was so, so tired. It cools me off a lot. Also even though it is cool when you get in as well as when you get out. It feels warmer when you get the hang of it. I swam all underwater. Though I hate it when water gets up my nose, I have to hold my nose under the water. Then when I got out and dried off and headed back to the hut.

I wonder what I was going to do. When I get home. As I had so many decisions to make. And it seemed as though not enough time. I layed around in my bed. The crew and people that owned the huts would come in and cleaned. They would make sure when you got in, you would have the hut clean and the sheets cleaned. As I did my part to clean-up and make it as easy as possible.

I then cooked myself some rice. And I got back to my bible reading. And did some devotions. It was kind of hot in my hut so I just opened the windows up to get some air. And boy the air felt really good. As I watched from the hut people walking around.

I admit to seeing some people go skinny dipping. But that isn't me at all. As I closed my eyes and went back to thinking. I was just wondering why John was being such a total prince one minute and wanting to spend every minute with me. And now he went from being a toad & a total jerk. I was thinking of ways to "break it to him gently." I think before the hurt and pain intensefies, I need to end things with him. Once & for all.

I have never, ever been in a long-term relationship before. And never, ever been hurt before. The relationship with John was pretty long I admit. As well as deep in love about. But I need to really, really think about what I am or was going to say to him. But the hard part was really getting him to listen. Or sit down and break it to him gently. Since he was always on the run. As I drifted off to sleep.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 14: I slept for a pretty long time. As I went and journaled a bit. Wrote down things I was going to do. Things that I needed to do. And things I didn't want to do. When I get back to DC. It won't really hit me until like days in-between 35-39. But I have emotions full of angst and full of sadness.

I am just really wanting again to pick up the pieces of my life. The pieces of my broken heart and soul. Trying to reclaim back my life. I am really looking forward on a positive note. Seeing my parents and knowing what they have been up to. Deep down though they haven't said yet to my face. They probably want to have some grandkids and fast. But first, I want to get married and wait at least three years to have children.

But I have had a rough relationship with someone with whom I thought would be my soulmate. But he turned out to be rotten. Me getting married and having children was a long-shot. Well, it will be up to the Lord and not me. To decide if and when I get married and have children. Because He will provide a way when the world will not.

I went and worked out. I did some taebo and I went and swam in the oceans. It as really, really beautiful day. All clear and blue skies. And that it was really very warm. Not too hot nor too cold at all. As I went for a swim in the oceans. But it was getting pretty buiser as the summer was here. And with it, would come tourism.

Then I went and changed into the same shirt and shorts I had since day 8. I will keep these until another day. And then change again. I will go by and wash in the oceans. And put some soap and wash them. I again only brought fourteen changes of clothings. And three bathing suits. I layed down and rested a bit.

I ate my rice for supper. I got up and looked into the mirror. As my stomach was shrinking. Though I was playing hard almost Survivor-like, there was one perk to it. And that I was losing some weight. Maybe a good five to ten pounds. Eating only rice and no seafood. As I went to bed. I had two helpings of rice. I only had one helping ever since I got here. But I was just way too hungry today. As I got myself two helpings. The most as I ate on a pretty full stomach.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 15: I woke up and went to stare at the oceans. The oceans were really beautiful and clear. Just like anybody's blue eyes would be. I was reading my bible as well as journaling. I don't know what to do when I break it to John gently. I really need to get out of this relationship. Before it gets much more worse. I mean how worse can it get. I am very worried about this. But IMO, he doesn't seem to care one bit.

I am so, so sorry it has to come down to this John. John you really ruined my life really bad. And for that I can never, ever forgive you. Nor will I ever as far as I am concerned. I need to start writing my Dear John letter to him. I will do a rough draft at least twice or three times. Before I do the real draft.

To me John is cancer in my life. Or like a cancer in my life. The more that I stay, the more he will grow on me. And I can't let that happen one bit. As I worked out again on taebo. And also went into the oceans. It felt good to go into the oceans. Cold at first but then warmer. When you got use to it.

Then I got out and dried myself off. And I layed on my bed. Again just thinking and vegging out. I wished that I had some cappicino. It would really wake me up. I have been taking my medication like I should. To combat my depression as well as my aspbergers. Then I went to read my bible. And to do some journalling. I cooked some rice as well.

I decided to cook it like it was crunchy. No watery rice. As I went to clean up my loft. And the pans and pots. Everybody has been going out to eat. Eating out a lot. Again, I decided to save some money and not go out at all. And to just hang out and chill. I need my privacy. Afterwards, I went to bed at nine.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 16: I woke up at 9:00 in the morning. And I read my bible and devotions. As I watched the sun go up. It looked cloudy as it was about to pour down big time. I had no way of knowing what to expect. As I may only have to exercise instead of jumping in the waters to cool off. I then went and worked out on taebo. For about thirty minutes.

I then layed down and just wanted to go to sleep. Sometimes if I went to bed. I wished sometimes when I go to sleep. I would just sleep deep down. Not wanting to get up and not wanting to wake up. Just wanting to get rid of the way life has treated me. I wanted to go to sleep. And the one & only time to awake is when I get to heaven. And to be with the Lord Jesus Christ. And get rid of my worries and let them be over and done with.

I wrote in my journal about wanting to sleep and never wake out. And that I wished that sometimes if I haven't been born. I would be in heaven for all eternity. With nobody being mean to me. And nothing cruel happening to me. As I again await the "verdict" getting back to DC. As well as knowing what needs to be done. Not just the job I have held since I was fifteen. The youngest person ever to have a job. Full-time!! I loved every minute of it. I enjoyed working with my friends. As well as being with them. How fun they were to be around with.

But these past six months about has been anything but heaven to me. And that it was now like getting to be more like working. Just going into work, hoping to survive. As well as getting my paycheck. It wasn't just the work. It was the people that I was working with. Especially what happened last month ago on that cruise. I mean, I didn't mean to let go of the convict. I thought he was a good guy. And John chewed me out in front of the others. It was an accident John.

Again I crunched the rice up. As it tasted pretty good. A change from watery rice these past few two and a half weeks that I have been eating. I learned about crunching the rice up by a good friend of mines. His name was Scott & he was from Texas. In matter of fact, that was the man John replaced. Scott was a true southerner and a true gentleman. He was with impeccable manners. He was also a devout Christian. He was the one who got me to open up as well as wanted me not to be or act phony. But most of all, be myself.

It rained all day today on the PI. The morning, noon, and evening. Nobody was on the beach hardly today. It thundered and lightening every step of the way. And no way no how! Nobody wanted to be in the waters at all. When it was lightening and thundering like that. As I went to bed drifted peacefully off to sleep.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 17: I woke up at 9:00 am est. I read my jounal to see what I put in. I made sure that this experience would be life-changing. For my life and for others sakes as well. Hopefully that things will turn out better after this experence is gone. But no matter what I experience, I will be hoping for the better. And if it turns out to be the worse, then I have to take something bad and turn it into something good.

After I woke up, as well as journaled, I did my taebo workouts. I did thirty minutes of working out. It felt good to workout if you ask me. As it always doed. Not good for the body but also good for the heart and soul. I have worked out almost all the time I have been here. I can't live without working out. The skies have definately cleared up. As the skies took a 860 degree angle. Very beautiful and very clear. No rain the skies whatsoever.

Afterwards, I went to take a dip into the oceans. As the oceans were beautiful and nothing at all dirty. The kids went to dig in sandcastles. And the parents came to watch them. The parents went and they walked with the kids. And couples there alone as they digged up seashells. The seashells were very pretty. I thought about taking some seashells.

But I am afraid that since this is a post-9/11 world, they won't at all let me have them. When I read the bible and did my devotions afterwards. I went and I layed down in wet hair and clothes. I changed into another pair of clothes. My third pair of clothes. Again I have only have fourteen pairs of clothings. I will wash in a few days. Because I also need to not wash my bodies. But also need to clean out my clothes. And hang them out to dry.

I worried and dream about what will take place when the last few days come. When I am on my last days here in the PI, it will hit me very hard. It will really begin to sink in. But for now, I am enjoying just relaxing as well as not worrying about work. And about what will happen come day thirty-nine. I almost threw up today. I almost wanted to go and puke it all out. I don't know if I am not eating that much. Or not eating little.

I crunched up the rice yet again. It tasted really good. Dry but good. But if I had to choose, I would pick rice that is crunchy & dry. And not watery and wet. It tasted awesome as I will from now on, crunch my rice for the rest of the days here at the PI. Afterwards, I went and did some bible reading. Then hit the sacks at ten.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 18: I woke up at nine in the morning. I read my bible and I did some writing in my journal. As I was just chilling out. Also I had a lot on my mind. I was reading the bible depending on the Lord. All I could think about is food. I thought about food all the time, and everytime it seems. From chicken, steak, roast, and veggies.

Also I was a dessert person as well. I ate some fruit and some cakes. I love icing on cakes. Also I wanted a frappicino when I got back to the states. I heard the hotel next door of the huts would have not just great food. But also they would have a beauty shop. I wanted to cut off my hair about three to four inches. It was getting longer and longer by the minute it seems.

I listened to some music as well as gotten ready to workout. After a workout, I went to the oceans and swam a lot. I saw the kids playing with their parents. Not a lot of sandcastles though. But hey, maybe they needed a day off. I couldnt' blame them if their hands needed time to rest and heal. The sea shells were beautiful as ever. Even better than they were of yesterday. I went into the hut and changed into some clothes. I will wash off in two days.

When I met John, he was very romantic. Very sincere and caring. It was like he and I were meant for each other. He was widowed and no children. Though he wanted some children. He was kind of like a James Bond. He travelled all over the world. He was daring and had no fear in his bones whatsoever. He was a daring and whenever there was a challenge, he would meet it. He told me after his wife's death(they were married for like over twenty years)he didn't date for nearly five years. Because he wanted to honor his wife and not get married at all. Because he loved his wife way too much.

Then he went and met me even though I was kind of quiet and shy. And I was not really a very much talkative person. But his words and mannerisms were warm and gentle. John & I dated for like nearly six and a half months. We were very inseparable. We became friends for two months before we started dating. He gave me a special ring that I have on my left pinky. And I haven't taken it off in the nearly sixteen months that we were dating as well as being separated.

I don't think that I didn't do anything wrong at all. Wondering why he went from being so sweet into being such a total creep for the past eight months. Not emailing me, nor returning my calls, not even acknowledging me when I said hi to him. Everytime I tried to talk to him, he wanted me to leave him alone. Like if he was or wasn't busy at all. It was like I wasn't there for him. And that really hurt me a bit.

As I started cooking the rice, I thought long and hard about the words I was going to say. And also how I would and should handle the break-up with him. If he doesn't want anything to do with me, then he should have his ring back. I don't know why I even have it on in the first place. As I hit the sacks at ten. I saw people walking on the beach. Even one or two of them swimming in the beach. Maybe even nude. But I just closed my eyes. Not wanting to see them. The one and only person I wanted to see naked is my husband. But first he needed to be a friend and boyfriend in that order repsectedly.

 

[JPPT1974]

I had a really long and good night sleep yet again. And it was only my second good night sleep here. On Day 19 on the Pearl Islands. My hair is getting really long as well as hot. Not just on my shoulders. But also in the back on my head. The heat was intesnifying not just in the PI. But also on my hair and body. I will get a haircut after I leave here. To be honest with you, I can't wait to get a haircut asap.

My life has been consisting of really nothing. When I am laying around and sleeping. Also I workout and I swim in the oceans. Give me a window as well. And I will be also daydreaming. Also watching people walk by the oceans. Kids playing in the sand and water. People skinny-dipping as well.

I went to workout again as usual. I have only missed one workout. And I have been on a roll working out. As well as also going swimming. I have missed going swimming twice. Also due to thunderstorms. But I headed for the waters and oceans. And went diving and swimming. The water felt really good. Cold at first but then it really warms up your body. If you know what I mean. I also skipped jounaling & reading my bible.

To give both my hands and eyes a "day off." To enjoy my day off and just relax my brains and eyes. As I layed around in my bathing suit wet. Wet suit and wet hair. It was very hot in the hut. I was thinking maybe I need to take a walk on the PI beach. Just to see how it feels to walk down the beaches. Since couples do that all the time here. But then again, I wasn't with a boyfrend.

It was really very pretty as well as cool. Not so hot and not so cold. But just right. When I went walking on the beach. I saw again couples walking hand & hand. There were hardly any children at all. Everybody walked around the beach like they didn't have a care in the world whatsoever. Then I came and got into my hut.

I made some rice that was fried. Again it was good. I only have missed two helpings of rice. That was when my stomach didn't agree with me those nights. As I didn't hardly have an appetite. But I again had two helpings of fried rice. I listened to some classical music as well as just layed around. Before hitting the sacks at ten.

 

[JPPT1974]

Day 20: I got up at 10:00 in the morning. Just layed around and just rested a bit. I really didn't feel like doing nothing. I even didn't feel like working out. As I wanted to perhaps give myself a break. Rested my body and my soul. As I just rested on my bed. Playing with my pillow. And just really thinking about my present and future. When I get back to the nation's capital.

I now wish that I had a guitar here playing. But the fact of the matter is, I don't know how to play one. And I wished that I did. Because yipes!! My soon-to-be former boyfriend John knows how to play a mean guitar. As I was listening to my cd walkman. And just reading my bible and journaling.

Then I felt I needed to workout really bad. I did taebo for thirty minutes. I did it until I sweat pretty good. It felt good to workout afterwards. I then hit the oceans and swam. It wasn't that bad at all. Nobody was there hardly at all. I don't know why though. God was thinking that I needed to be alone. No way Calliegh! As He made all of His resources for His children and children's children.

I swam again for a long time. It felt good to swim in the oceans. As I felt like Esther Williams swimming. Like she was a fish in the water. Or better yet, a mermaid. I love the idea of being a mermaid. As I felt like one later on. Then I went back into the hut. And I layed on the bed. Soaked all wet and just drippy soaked.

Afterwards, I read my bible and did more jounaling. Later on, I cooked and crunched my rice up. It tasted again good without it being watery and just not as good like that. It later on would rain. As I went to turn on the fires. The fires needed to be turn on. Because it has been pretty hot these past few days. But it was cool tonight.

I listened to some classical music. Then I cleaned up the hut and swept. Cleaned up my pots and dishes. And dried them as well. I felt really tired as well as really beginning to feel fatigue. I need some meat in my body and fast. Maybe tomorrow. Or a day or two you know. Then I hit the sacks at ten. Nobody was on the beach when the thunderstorm came. But it put me to sleep asap.