California Drivers!

[Susan]

I had written this a while back, so I decided to cut and paste it in here. I hope you really like it!

California Driver’s Rules Of The Road
(WARNING: Practicing the following rules will make you a bona fide California driver, complete with revoked license and an arrest record as well as a smashed car.)

1: Red lights don’t mean “stop” until they have been red for one second.
2: “Stop” signs really mean “slow down slightly and go on through.”
3: A cell phone is an absolute necessity, so your attention will be across town while your car speeds down the freeway at 100 mph.
4: Illiteracy is a plus.
5: “Yield” is for everyone else, not you. If anyone refuses to yield to you, honk at them . . . but refuse to yield to those who ask you to move. You’re more important, and why should your self esteem suffer?
6: “Speeding” is not defined by any posted speed limit, but rather by how fast the guy next to you is going.
7: If you’re really in a hurry and are tired of waiting, drive on the sidewalk to avoid a traffic jam.
8: While you are littering, don’t just toss out paper products. Mix in a few glass bottles and nails so everyone behind you will get flat tires.
9: When asked to pull over by police or the Highway Patrol, don’t do it! Sure, you go to jail, but you will also get your 15 minutes of fame on every TV station in town.
10: “No U-turn” signs are to be ignored. Tear up the ticket later.
11: If you must apply makeup, shave, drink hot coffee, or sleep, the best time for this is the morning driving hour.
12: If you are literate, read a book, paper, or map while driving.
13: BE CAREFUL AROUND VEHICLES CARRYING LAWYERS AND/OR PIT BULLS!
14: AVOID TRUCKS WITH AN AK-47 IN THE GUN RACK!
15: Always drive with at least eight passengers or more.
16: For a real fright, drive on a holiday night. (Happy New Year!)
17: Green lights mean “Wait a while.”
18:Yellow lights mean “The race is on!”
19: Honk at absolutely everything.
20: Yell at red lights.
21: When some crazed felons nearby begin fleeing from police, pull over, get out of your car, wave your arms, and say either “GO! GO! GO!” or “HEY MOM! I’M ON TV!”
22: After your first day on the California roads, drive straight to a psychiatric hospital and check yourself in for a much-needed rest. You’ll need to. Rrrreeeeaaalllyyyyy.......

 

[Celtacian]

LOL

 

[Susan]

Thanks. . .you know, although I'm 18, I don't have my driver's license yet. However, while a passenger I've actually seen other drivers on the road practice rules 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 17, 18, 19 and 20.
EEK
I'm thinking I will stick to other forms of transportation. . .

 

[Kristen]

So true...LOL!

 

[hollygirl]

I grew up in a small town in Nevada...very small...Winnemucca. We moved to Cali. when I was 16. I didn't get my drivers liscense until I was 21 'cause I was so afraid of the way they drive over there. However, living in Texas, I have gotten over my fear of California drivers and abide by the rules of the road here. California drivers have nothing on the idiots here! lol

 

[Susan]

Yeah? What is it like there?
Speaking of Texas I once heard a great joke about drivers there.
Two Texas Rangers (no not the baseball team, the cops) are patrolling a long stretch of road when a car whizzes by at 100 miles per hour.
The rangers are about to pull the driver over when one of them asks the other "What city is this?"
"Nacogdoches," the other replies.
"Forget it," the first ranger grumbles, tossing the wadded-up ticket at the backseat. "Let's pick him up in Waco. I can spell that!"
LOL LOL

 

[jeremiah]

well born and raised in California I can say Susan you are right on the money there girl.
Peace
Jeremiah