Burdening others with your secrets yes or no?

[seeker2122]

Ok,so here's something that crossed my mind. My youth pastor friend (we are similar in age) was trying to be nice and helping me by listening to my burdens. I didn't want to tell him everything because I felt a bit ashamed but also I knew that by telling him my secrets, I would be placing a burden on him. Why is it a burden on him I say? I realized that when someone is trying to be helpful and asks you to trust them and reveal your burdens or secrets, that person may not realize they going to take on something that may burden them.

Some shared secrets demand the person who now knows to have a responsibility to the burden. I feel that most people don't actually realize this or think about it when they encourage others to reveal their burdens or secrets. If you want to know, you better be sure you are ready to handle the burden of now knowing.

For example, and this isn't my case but just a made up scenario for extreme comparison purposes: Let's say I committed a serious crime like murder but I kept it a secret and it was burdening me to the point my good friend / youth pastor sees something is wrong with me. So being the good friend and youth pastor that he is, he wants to encourage me to just tell him my secrets and I tell him I don't really want to divulge all to you. He thinks maybe I just don't trust him or I'm shy, so he keeps on encouraging me not to worry and just tell him so that he can help me or pray for me and offer support etc. I tell him, "look buddy, you need to know that I'm doing you a favor by NOT telling you because some things that are told will unexpectedly place a burden on you and I don't want to get you into any trouble."

In this specific case, if I told him, he would now be in a very precarious situation. By law, he would have to report me to the police and if he doesn't he would endanger himself of becoming an accessory to murder or harboring a murderer etc. So this is why I think in some cases, not telling those you care about or love certain secrets is a good thing to protect them from getting themselves involved in something way over their head.

Another example would be let's say you crossed a drug cartel mob and now they are out to hunt you down and everyone you love or are involved with. Me telling my wife about what I did and the drug cartel goons after me would be endangering her life and sucking her into something she never chose to be part of. So the better course of action would be to simply not tell her so that she doesn't get involved and get her as far away from you as possible for her safety.

So in my case, not so extreme (haha), was about a girl I liked but I didn't want to tell him. He knew there was someone I liked on our missions team but I didn't want to tell him because it would mean that if I told him, he would now have to carry that secret/burden and I would expect him to have a certain level of responsibility. I told him the reason why I didn't want to reveal who it was I had a crush on on our missions team was because I didn't think he knew what he was getting himself into and that he would be able to carry the load of keeping it a secret or him having to behave in a proper way so as to not spill my secret with anyone else.

I don't know. I could be wrong. Do you think this is true? Are revealing certain secrets or burdens to loved ones or close friends a risk of getting them involved in something they might be prepared to handle or deal with or maybe I just add a burden on them for my sake?

 

[By_the_Book]

Ok,so here's something that crossed my mind. My youth pastor friend (we are similar in age) was trying to be nice and helping me by listening to my burdens. I didn't want to tell him everything because I felt a bit ashamed but also I knew that by telling him my secrets, I would be placing a burden on him. Why is it a burden on him I say? I realized that when someone is trying to be helpful and asks you to trust them and reveal your burdens or secrets, that person may not realize they going to take on something that may burden them.

Some shared secrets demand the person who now knows to have a responsibility to the burden. I feel that most people don't actually realize this or think about it when they encourage others to reveal their burdens or secrets. If you want to know, you better be sure you are ready to handle the burden of now knowing.

For example, and this isn't my case but just a made up scenario for extreme comparison purposes: Let's say I committed a serious crime like murder but I kept it a secret and it was burdening me to the point my good friend / youth pastor sees something is wrong with me. So being the good friend and youth pastor that he is, he wants to encourage me to just tell him my secrets and I tell him I don't really want to divulge all to you. He thinks maybe I just don't trust him or I'm shy, so he keeps on encouraging me not to worry and just tell him so that he can help me or pray for me and offer support etc. I tell him, "look buddy, you need to know that I'm doing you a favor by NOT telling you because some things that are told will unexpectedly place a burden on you and I don't want to get you into any trouble."

In this specific case, if I told him, he would now be in a very precarious situation. By law, he would have to report me to the police and if he doesn't he would endanger himself of becoming an accessory to murder or harboring a murderer etc. So this is why I think in some cases, not telling those you care about or love certain secrets is a good thing to protect them from getting themselves involved in something way over their head.

Another example would be let's say you crossed a drug cartel mob and now they are out to hunt you down and everyone you love or are involved with. Me telling my wife about what I did and the drug cartel goons after me would be endangering her life and sucking her into something she never chose to be part of. So the better course of action would be to simply not tell her so that she doesn't get involved and get her as far away from you as possible for her safety.

So in my case, not so extreme (haha), was about a girl I liked but I didn't want to tell him. He knew there was someone I liked on our missions team but I didn't want to tell him because it would mean that if I told him, he would now have to carry that secret/burden and I would expect him to have a certain level of responsibility. I told him the reason why I didn't want to reveal who it was I had a crush on on our missions team was because I didn't think he knew what he was getting himself into and that he would be able to carry the load of keeping it a secret or him having to behave in a proper way so as to not spill my secret with anyone else.

I don't know. I could be wrong. Do you think this is true? Are revealing certain secrets or burdens to loved ones or close friends a risk of getting them involved in something they might be prepared to handle or deal with or maybe I just add a burden on them for my sake?

"maybe I just add a burden on them for my sake"
More times than not I think this is the case. Sharing our secrets with other people may help us but it doesn't help them, usually not at all.
I heard my mother once tell someone, just live with the things that you've done don't share them with other people and make them have to live with it as well. I thought that was pretty wise, harsh, but wise.

 

[Tolworth John]

Some shared secrets demand the person who now knows to have a responsibility to the burden.

There is a purpose in confessing our sins or telling what burdens us to another and that is to get advice on what to do about them.

Your examples, you have murdered someone years ago, now as a Christian you go and confess to the police.
Durring the 1950s revival in Nigeia, the local police eventually told the churches, " tell your congragation to return the items to you, when you have a lorry load tell us and we will come and collect it.'

Becoming a Christian means trying to put right the wrong one did as a non christian.

Same applies to the drug cartel, you go to the police.

You fabcy a girl at church, but are afaid to talk to her. Telling your youth leader will get one of two responces.
Go and talk to her and ask her out, or she is already dating someone else.

By al; means talk to someone you trust about your burdens, but also pray with them about what you should do and be prepared to do something.

 

[timewerx]

It helps them if they help you.

The Lord has a reward for those who helps those in distress and punishment for those who are indifferent to those in distress.

It may only burden them for now because the reward comes much much later (like when you die) and most people are terrible at waiting!

 

[seeker2122]

"maybe I just add a burden on them for my sake"
More times than not I think this is the case. Sharing our secrets with other people may help us but it doesn't help them, usually not at all.
I heard my mother once tell someone, just live with the things that you've done don't share them with other people and make them have to live with it as well. I thought that was pretty wise, harsh, but wise.

Wow. This is exactly what I mean. It seems like there is a responsibility or burden you place on others when divulging certain secrets or information. If you know that person is not ready or not able to handle the burden of the information, and also puts myself at further risk for telling someone else because they will 'let me down', then it seems prudent to be careful who we tell what, and what we tell them.

Doesn't God sort of work this way also? He doesn't tell us EVERYTHING. He only tells us what we need to know like a "Need to know basis". If he told us everything and all the secrets of life and the universe and people, it would utterly incapacitate us and paralyze us from being able to function. I believe God does withhold information we don't really need to know because it will only bind us in a situation we have no way of tolerating or digesting (even though we pray and beg the LORD to answer our questions).