Brother creeping me out...

[ahmunmun]

I could use some major prayers. For many years, my brother (who has autism) has been doing things which aren't making me comfortable. He has repeatedly been suspended in school for touching people. He used to lick things as well but he stopped that. Now he just touches people, and things, but of course, without people understanding autism they might not know this is something they do. Now, my worst fear has manifested: He is starting to touch me as well. It's nothing extreme and it's more like poking or quick pat, but it catches me by surprise. I would scream out loud, only to have my parents get more upset at me than at him. To my parents, they think I should understand my brother's condition and not mistake it as harassment. They also say "He's your brother. Why should you be afraid?" My response would be "It's BECAUSE he's my brother that I find this creepy, and also he does it out of nowhere so it does make me jump." I don't know if you can imagine YOUR brother doing that to you. A lot of people I talk to can't even hug their brother because it's plain weird to them. I'm one of those people, let alone dealing with him suddenly come and touch me. When asked why he touches people, he said "something inside him" told him it would give him luck. We have no idea who taught him what luck was. He has been a Christian since he was a child. He said luck wasn't something that needed to be taught, and that it was just right here (and he would point to his brain). Lately he's saying things that are really weird. Even when he tells him to stop touching people, he would refuse to listen and said he couldn't control himself. I am not even sure if this is schizophrenia or if he is being oppressed by Satan. We've taken him to a psychiatrist who thinks it's "chemical imbalance". We've taken him to a deliverance minister as well who didn't think this was demonic.

I can't live at home peacefully and this is making me VERY stressed. I don't know what else he could do to me. And if you ask me why at my age, I still live at home, it is more common in my culture to live at home until you are married. I can't stand the thought of moving out anyway because I would feel like an orphan and would get lonely and give me temptation to sin. My brother wants to move out though (so he could rebel?), and my parents are looking for someone who can take care of him as obviously my brother can't be independent.

If you want to give me advice, please do so in plain language as I have trouble understanding autism jargon. And while I won't ignore your advice, I also ask that you PLEASE pray for me. I am not one of those people who would talk till people run out of things to say, and then pray. I would rather pray upfront than anything.

 

[GarfieldJL]

Without knowing the functioning level of your brother for sure I can't offer an informed opinion.

It could be that he actually is a victim of abuse and is just acting out what abuser is doing to him. It could be there is something else wrong with your brother...

 

[ahmunmun]

You don't have to understand it. A prayer would mean more to me to anything. Could you give that to me?

As I indicated, I don't want to talk and talk until we run out of solutions, and then pray. A lot of my Christian friends tend to do that - give a gazillion piece of advice first and talk for hours and only at the last few minutes, offer prayer. I don't think this can solely be resolved with advice.

By the way, not that I follow my brother 24/7, but as far as I know he isn't a victim of abuse.

 

[Darkhorse]

My older son has high-functioning autism, and used to touch people "inappropriately" until he was 10 or 11 (of course, the ages mean nothing because of different functional levels). We had explained how this touching was unwelcome and bothered people, but he seemingly did not understand. All at once (I don't know why), he stopped. I think he may have suddenly understood, somehow.

He has never been abused, and now is quite appropriate with his behavior. Being around understanding friends helped a lot (he's 20 now).

And yes, I will pray for you and your brother.

 

[ahmunmun]

My older son has high-functioning autism, and used to touch people "inappropriately" until he was 10 or 11 (of course, the ages mean nothing because of different functional levels). We had explained how this touching was unwelcome and bothered people, but he seemingly did not understand. All at once (I don't know why), he stopped. I think he may have suddenly understood, somehow.

He has never been abused, and now is quite appropriate with his behavior. Being around understanding friends helped a lot (he's 20 now).

And yes, I will pray for you and your brother.

I am grateful for your response and of course your prayer. I thought my brother's behavior was something that is common for autistic people, but I just need a reminder!

If I could ask, did your son used to touch family members or just people outside? And how would he explain his behavior? As stated, my brother said voices inside him told him to behave that way which led us to more confusion and took him all over the place (psychiatrist, deliverance minister, etc.).

 

[Darkhorse]

My son would touch both family members and non-family - not total strangers, but people in our church, some of my employees, etc. He never gave any reasons for the touching, but I think it was an expression of affection, and he simply didn't understand that others considered it inappropriate.

On a side note, we are a very touchy - huggy family, and he still touches and hugs family members, but not in ways we object to. Some people might consider this inappropriate, but I think it's just a cultural matter. We have never had reason to wonder about psychiatric or theological issues with him.

 

[ahmunmun]

Updates: My brother tried to come into my room, twice, when I was sleeping. You can imagine how incredibly freaked out I was. I screamed, and then he made up some excuses about how he thought he saw a fly going in my room. Then my mom came in and said that my brother asked her if she could come into my room and pray for me, and then he would sneak in behind her. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY MY BROTHER WANTS TO COME INTO MY ROOM! This is getting more and more creepy. I want to believe that my brother is harmless, but how can I after all this???

 

[Darkhorse]

Of course, I don't know your brother, and I don't know how old he is, but I have some experience with this also:

When he was younger, my older son would often wander into our bedroom when my wife and I were having sex. He seemed totally oblivious to what we were doing (like he didn't notice), and he seemed to want reassurance about different things. Sometimes he heard "noises" that bothered him, sometimes he just wanted to know we were there and that everything was safe. The last time he did this he was 16, and was very embarrassed. He has been careful not to do it anymore.

He has normal male sexual desires, but no sisters (just 1 brother), so I don't really know how he would act with one. He acts very appropriately with girls he knows at church and elsewhere, so I'm sure he understands the expected limits.

Again, I can't say for sure, but your brother may just want assurance that you are there, and that you (and he) are safe. If he comes into your room again, you might try quietly re-assuring him that everything is good and safe. I doubt that he has any improper intentions.

 

[ahmunmun]

Of course, I don't know your brother, and I don't know how old he is, but I have some experience with this also:

When he was younger, my older son would often wander into our bedroom when my wife and I were having sex. He seemed totally oblivious to what we were doing (like he didn't notice), and he seemed to want reassurance about different things. Sometimes he heard "noises" that bothered him, sometimes he just wanted to know we were there and that everything was safe. The last time he did this he was 16, and was very embarrassed. He has been careful not to do it anymore.

He has normal male sexual desires, but no sisters (just 1 brother), so I don't really know how he would act with one. He acts very appropriately with girls he knows at church and elsewhere, so I'm sure he understands the expected limits.

Again, I can't say for sure, but your brother may just want assurance that you are there, and that you (and he) are safe. If he comes into your room again, you might try quietly re-assuring him that everything is good and safe. I doubt that he has any improper intentions.

Awww... Darkhorse, you have done it again. I think God sent you here to make me feel better because I started feeling calm while reading your post. My brother have said before "I just want to know if you're here (or home yet." I used to say to him it wasn't his business. Again, I was creeped out so I snapped. I just didn't know how to react. Next time I will follow your advice and reassure him that I am safe and fine. Thanks again dear brother, and may you use your experience to comfort many more people. Be blessed!

 

[Darkhorse]

Thank you for your kind words! I'm glad I could be helpful...