Broken

[JTC_DayByDay]

Well, after more than a year of separation, I signed the divorce papers last week. This has been the most difficult year of my life. My wife has refused counseling and all attempts made by me to reconcile. She has no interest. This is the worst pain I've ever felt. I often find myself overwhelmed with grief, sadness, anger, and everything in between. I don't know what to do at this point. I've so many unanswered questions. I still love my wife very much. I've been praying for a miracle for more than a year. I know in my heart that I should stop loving her and move on but I am not able to. I am so broken right now that I can't imagine ever being whole again. I do have shared custody, but the fact is that I'll never "live" with my kids again. They will always be visiting when at my house. I've looked forward to being a father all my life and to have the day to day interaction taken from me is more than I can bare. Now at 39, I'm supposed to start over??? Divorce is worse than death.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Prayer would be appreciated.

Regards,
John

 

[McScribe]

I know exactly how you feel. Praying for you.

 

[he4rty]

Been in your situation, and all I can say is hang on in there. Sure there will be some tough times ahead but enjoy the time you have with your kids, let them understand that you will be there for them 24/7 and are only a phone call or internet chat away.
Yes they might not be living with you, but some people sacrifice family for work, some children have parents who have died.
so praise God for your blessings Children you can see who still have a loving father.
I no this most probably doesn't help much, like I said I've been there, and the last thing you really want is advice more a sounding board to get rid of any uptight emotions or frustrations.
So PM me if you just want to unload.

 

[marksaysay]

I know how you feel. I've been separated for 10+ months and to top it off, yesterday was our anniversary. I'm praying for you.

 

[Autumnleaf]

You can't move on until you're done mourning the loss. So have a wake and a funeral and throw a blood red rose on the grave of your former relationship. Then walk away into your future destiny.

 

[Bazman1]

I sort of understand just starting the process now. It doesn't sound as though it gets any easier. Divorce is like bereavement extremely painful there is no other way to describe it and I feel for you.

 

[JTC_DayByDay]

Thanks for the replies and your prayers. It is good to know that other Christians can relate and more importantly, survive! I was so certain that my ex-wife (that sounds so weird to me) would come around. I still am struggling with letting go. I keep thinking that perhaps a year from now, she will have a change of heart. Part of me wants to hold on to that splinter of hope but I feel like I'd be setting myself up and prolonging the healing process. I'm at the point now that I'm reluctant to pray for reconciliation, for doing so would be fostering hope. It is the "what if" that kills me.

Thanks again for your prayers,
John

 

[CrystalBrooke]

I can't relate on the sadness part, I hate (yeah I said it) my ex husband with a passion. But not having my daughter 24/7 is something I'll never get used to.

It will get easier with time. Plan for fun activities when your kids come over, make sure you're always doing something with them. As for your ex wife, I have no advice. Just take it a day at a time and soon enough it won't hurt so bad.

 

[Bazman1]

I'm with you guys. I miss my wife so much. She is/was my best friend. We had our problems but... She said we drifted apart. It hadn't been right granted. All I want to do is fix it but she has had enough. She won't tell me what exactly is the issue and that kills me as I don't know how to fix it.

It's horrible. I hate my life at the moment. However, I have found someone to embrace and hold onto. Someone who will comfort me through this. I have never felt so close to this person. This person being God. He is right there I can't describe it but without him I think I would just collapse. In times like this he is right there.

He wants you to get back with your wife like he does for me. However, and this is the thing that kills me and probably does for you. He doesn't interfere with free will. Her free will. God's a gentleman.

I am like you mate my wife has said it is 100% over there is no turning back. I am being friends to her but it feels as though by being a friend I am just pushing her away not bringing her near.

Keep holding onto God he doesn't promise to bring her back although it is his will. He does promise to be there though.

 

[outdoorman]

Man, I can relate with you JTC DaybyDay in missing your wife and the pain you feel. My wife of 24 yrs left about 8 months ago. Take about everything you said of your feelings and her refusal to reconcile and its about the same. Dont know if your wife is a christian but truthfully,my wife had been the spiritual leader in our home till she finally said she prayed for God to deliver out of this marriage. Then she left. Now she comes around renting a hotel room so my son (who lives with me) can visit her. 2 days ago, I was so stricken, i took off work for the day and saw a christian couselor. Then spoke with 2 other christians who told me to focus on my relationship with God. You know, I think that has been my problem. never completely surrendering my life to him. I prayed and for the first time and talking to Jesus like he is listening to me and I believe he is. It gives me comfort like I could not imagine. I know he is my friend and comforter and 'has my back'. I only wish I could have listened to him earlier. But now, I will trust that all will be ok as long as I follow him. I dont know what my marriage will come to but I pray for it and am giving my wife space. I pray for you and all the others here who are in pain from the devils work in our marriage and lives.
Also CrystalBrooke:
I pray for a change in your heart toward your husband. I think hate is not what God wants us to have towards one another. maybe feel bad about what he's done but forgive him. I'm not preaching but talking to myself as its something Im trying to use.

 

[Bazman1]

I'm with you outdoorman. Everyone is telling me to be angry with my wife for leaving. All I feel is sadness for her. I worry that she is making a huge mistake and hasn't got many people to turn to. Everyone sees me as a victim but I am more worried about her than about me at this time. As I know God is with me but I don't know whether she wants him to be with her.

 

[Bazman1]

So I find out from my youngest that my wife is in love with this guy she is seeing as "just friends". Bitter sweet to swallow that. Had to go out of the room not to show my feelings in front of the children.

It's something I have thinking was going on but wasn't allowing myself to think about it. Wow it's like a massive thump in the face. Absolutely gutted. Still got a keep a straight face for the children even though I am dying inside. How has it come to this. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. All she says to me we did well in comparison to many marriages you know 9 years is a long time. Yeah but that is not what I signed up for.

I am not giving up. I believe rebound relationships never work. I still would have her back as I just think she is going through something and when she sees that... Oh who am I kidding I don't know what to do. I desperately want her back but I can't show her that. It will just put her off.

HELP!

 

[CrystalBrooke]

stupid thing posted twice.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

Also CrystalBrooke:
I pray for a change in your heart toward your husband. I think hate is not what God wants us to have towards one another. maybe feel bad about what he's done but forgive him. I'm not preaching but talking to myself as its something Im trying to use.

My EX husband. I will not forgive anyone who isn't sorry for what they've done.

 

[iambren]

Your words describing your wife are very much like my ex. Man, there are a lot of hurting guys from divorce around here!!! Sometimes I ask--"when will the pain end?" But it must for others have gotten through it.

What I keep telling myself is this--even if you were unfairly wronged it is the fallen,sinful world we live in. BUT, the Christian ALWAYS wins in the end, no matter what. God is your first priority and He will never leave you.