This is my first time posting on this forum. Ive been reading the posts for about a year and it has been really encouraging to know that I am not the only person going through this.
I have just recently been separated from my husband of almost 6 years. Our anniversary is later this month. Its going to be tough.
My husband is addicted to porn. I found out after we were married for 2 years. I found out by accident. I am not by any means computer savvy but felt lead to press the back page and voila, I almost fell off my chair.
I couldnt believe what I saw. But now that I look back, I realize that this was just considered soft porn. Over the years it has progressed to hard core disgusting disturbing porn. Thats when I decided to leave.
Would you believe that I heard a small still voice tell me to check the computer? IF I hadnt I wouldnt have known what he had been up to. It was an eye opener to say the least.
He works shift work, and his sleep can get messed up. But when he should have been sleeping he was on the computer looking for porn. Spending hours doing this, so when he should have been up helping me with the kids or with dinner he was too tired. One time when he was supposed to start dinner and he hadnt he told me he was sleeping.... lies! He was on the computer.
Furthermore he has been on adult friend finder. He has registered and has received photos from some of the tramps. I dont know if he had actually met any of them. I dont trust him.
I have two small daughters how can I live with this garbage?
He would never confess to me, I always found out by accident or by looking for it. I found porn on the computer many times over the years of our marriage. We separated briefly for two days two years ago when I was pregnant. This was because of porn. I was so hurt because during the pregnancy I was very sick and he was too busy to help me because of his addiction. Our then pastor told him to move back home, and that I had to forgive him 70 times 7. We left that church shortly after but since the separation he is back there with his parents. I visited with my daughters this past Sunday, and boy was it weird. Lots of stares and whispers, its a very small church, and it was so obvious. Immaturity in full effect.
I am now so confused. Its been two months that hes been gone. He is living with his parents. His mother sent me a nasty voice mail message that I cant seem to get over. She told me that this was my entire fault. That I wasnt taking care of my husbands needs. She also told me that I was crazy.
This family has a serious family history of mental illness and sexual abuse. His parents were swingers. Both have had numerous affairs. My STBEx was exposed to porn at an early age, him and brother were brought to the swinging parties and had to wait in a room while parents swapped partners.
His mom left his step dad while we were engaged and moved in with her high school sweetheart. I invited her to go to a bridal show with me and she shows up with this guy! I couldnt believe it.
His brother committed suicide four years ago, and claimed that his parents abused him, but he never elaborated. My husband denies this, but since the latest discover of porn and the search history of German incest sprits he told me that he was having flashbacks about seeing a cousin being molested by his grandfather.
I feel so bad for him. He has so many issues that he has in the past refused to deal with. And I am now realizing that I have a co-dependency thing going on.
I miss him terribly. My kids miss him too. Its so painful to try to explain to a four year old and a two year old that daddy doesnt live here anymore.
I wish that we could work it out, but my Ex, quit marriage counseling earlier this year. He said nothing is wrong with me and Im not changing you have the issues
Mind you his psychiatrist didnt agree. HE was diagnosed with ADD, Paranoid psychosis, anxiety and depression. He refused meds and treatment, saying that nothing was wrong with him, and he blamed all his problems on the devil.
For years he as been complaining about being spiritually attacked by demonic forces. At first I wasnt to sure about this because I was a new Christian, and he seemed to know it all. But as I grew in the Lord, I noticed that he was not walking in love, but tended to focus on the devil and not on God. If he as being attacked it was because he opened a door through sin.
While we were courting I asked him about porn. He said he never looked at the stuff. After I discovered it he confessed that he has had this problem as long as he could remember. He lied to me.
As the years passed, I would find stuff confront him, he would deny, I would show proof, he would confess and expect everything to be fine.
I remember in the early years, B4 I knew, I wondered why he was so emotionally distant, detached from me. I just couldnt seem to please him in any way. Sexually I made myself available to him, lost weight, wore lingerie, tried to seduce him, nothing worked, he didnt seem to like it. It was a blow to my self esteem. Eventually I withdrew from him. Honestly, our sex life has been non-existent. From the start. I wondered why he only wanted sex twice a month. Little did I know ..I was so stupid and naïve. I wondered why he preferred to stay up all night on the computer while I waited for him to come to bed. I wondered why he wanted the computer in a secluded area of the home. I wondered why the door was often shut. SOOOO STUPID.
You see, my husband comes across as very shy, innocent and childlike. Any I fell for it.
Well, his secret is out. I have told my family and boy were they all shocked. They never would have expected my husband would be addicted to porn; hes always talking about the devil and spirituality, condemning and warning about false religions, cults and Satanism.
I could go on for days, but for now I just wanted to unload. I hope someone reads this and can offer some encouragement.
Even though our marriage was terrible, the pain of losing the dream and hope is so hard. I wish that I could just wish it all away. But I cant.
More later, if anyone is interested.
Spinderella
I have just recently been separated from my husband of almost 6 years. Our anniversary is later this month. Its going to be tough.
My husband is addicted to porn. I found out after we were married for 2 years. I found out by accident. I am not by any means computer savvy but felt lead to press the back page and voila, I almost fell off my chair.
I couldnt believe what I saw. But now that I look back, I realize that this was just considered soft porn. Over the years it has progressed to hard core disgusting disturbing porn. Thats when I decided to leave.
Would you believe that I heard a small still voice tell me to check the computer? IF I hadnt I wouldnt have known what he had been up to. It was an eye opener to say the least.
He works shift work, and his sleep can get messed up. But when he should have been sleeping he was on the computer looking for porn. Spending hours doing this, so when he should have been up helping me with the kids or with dinner he was too tired. One time when he was supposed to start dinner and he hadnt he told me he was sleeping.... lies! He was on the computer.
Furthermore he has been on adult friend finder. He has registered and has received photos from some of the tramps. I dont know if he had actually met any of them. I dont trust him.
I have two small daughters how can I live with this garbage?
He would never confess to me, I always found out by accident or by looking for it. I found porn on the computer many times over the years of our marriage. We separated briefly for two days two years ago when I was pregnant. This was because of porn. I was so hurt because during the pregnancy I was very sick and he was too busy to help me because of his addiction. Our then pastor told him to move back home, and that I had to forgive him 70 times 7. We left that church shortly after but since the separation he is back there with his parents. I visited with my daughters this past Sunday, and boy was it weird. Lots of stares and whispers, its a very small church, and it was so obvious. Immaturity in full effect.
I am now so confused. Its been two months that hes been gone. He is living with his parents. His mother sent me a nasty voice mail message that I cant seem to get over. She told me that this was my entire fault. That I wasnt taking care of my husbands needs. She also told me that I was crazy.
This family has a serious family history of mental illness and sexual abuse. His parents were swingers. Both have had numerous affairs. My STBEx was exposed to porn at an early age, him and brother were brought to the swinging parties and had to wait in a room while parents swapped partners.
His mom left his step dad while we were engaged and moved in with her high school sweetheart. I invited her to go to a bridal show with me and she shows up with this guy! I couldnt believe it.
His brother committed suicide four years ago, and claimed that his parents abused him, but he never elaborated. My husband denies this, but since the latest discover of porn and the search history of German incest sprits he told me that he was having flashbacks about seeing a cousin being molested by his grandfather.
I feel so bad for him. He has so many issues that he has in the past refused to deal with. And I am now realizing that I have a co-dependency thing going on.
I miss him terribly. My kids miss him too. Its so painful to try to explain to a four year old and a two year old that daddy doesnt live here anymore.
I wish that we could work it out, but my Ex, quit marriage counseling earlier this year. He said nothing is wrong with me and Im not changing you have the issues
Mind you his psychiatrist didnt agree. HE was diagnosed with ADD, Paranoid psychosis, anxiety and depression. He refused meds and treatment, saying that nothing was wrong with him, and he blamed all his problems on the devil.
For years he as been complaining about being spiritually attacked by demonic forces. At first I wasnt to sure about this because I was a new Christian, and he seemed to know it all. But as I grew in the Lord, I noticed that he was not walking in love, but tended to focus on the devil and not on God. If he as being attacked it was because he opened a door through sin.
While we were courting I asked him about porn. He said he never looked at the stuff. After I discovered it he confessed that he has had this problem as long as he could remember. He lied to me.
As the years passed, I would find stuff confront him, he would deny, I would show proof, he would confess and expect everything to be fine.
I remember in the early years, B4 I knew, I wondered why he was so emotionally distant, detached from me. I just couldnt seem to please him in any way. Sexually I made myself available to him, lost weight, wore lingerie, tried to seduce him, nothing worked, he didnt seem to like it. It was a blow to my self esteem. Eventually I withdrew from him. Honestly, our sex life has been non-existent. From the start. I wondered why he only wanted sex twice a month. Little did I know ..I was so stupid and naïve. I wondered why he preferred to stay up all night on the computer while I waited for him to come to bed. I wondered why he wanted the computer in a secluded area of the home. I wondered why the door was often shut. SOOOO STUPID.
You see, my husband comes across as very shy, innocent and childlike. Any I fell for it.
Well, his secret is out. I have told my family and boy were they all shocked. They never would have expected my husband would be addicted to porn; hes always talking about the devil and spirituality, condemning and warning about false religions, cults and Satanism.
I could go on for days, but for now I just wanted to unload. I hope someone reads this and can offer some encouragement.
Even though our marriage was terrible, the pain of losing the dream and hope is so hard. I wish that I could just wish it all away. But I cant.
More later, if anyone is interested.
Spinderella
