Hello from adelaide,
I'm new to this forum and have been searching for answers to my problems for a while. I had been in a relationship about a year ago with an english guy who moved from england to adelaide. He moved to australia with his de-facto partner of 10yrs to australia for work and adventure in hope of achieving citizenship in 4 years. Prior to meeting i had no idea of his past with his ex. After 3months of being in adelaide his partner became extremely homesick and decided to fly home to england for christmas for 10day, leaving steve here alone. 10days passed and his ex rung up to say that she has cancelled the flights and will not be returning. After all this drama he found job application letters which were suppose to be posted off underneath the bed.
5months later he met me at the hospital i was working at. he was the engineer to fix the machines i used. We hit it off immediately but i had no idea what happened to him and 2weeks prior to that he had actually bought an engagement ring for her hoping to win her back but never pulled through with it.
In the end to cut a long story short, i regretfully went out with him after he told me the truth about his ex and how he was abandoned. We had a strong attraction with each other and he had never felt this way with anyone else nor i. he told me he was waiting for her still yet i was immature and naive in the hope that he would easily forget her in time. a few months later she rang up and told him that she was coming back, it was an emotional roller coaster for me, we were going strong and i was on cloud 9. when she returned, she was devastated and they met each other for the 3 days that she came. i felt jealous and overwhelmed with worry, but that didnt stop them meeting up. he told me he didnt feel any sort of attraction towards her anymore but that he couldnt understand why he couldnt feel the strong feelings of love he use to have for her. she told him that she was going to move back to adelaide and be with him. in saying that i think the emotions he was feeling was confusion and indecision. his heart broke when he was left in australia on his own and when i came along i was like a breath of fresh air. he had begged her for months crying on the phone for her to return but she wouldnt.
once she told him she was moving back, he waited, but it was one excuse after another : at first she would only move back on the condition that they would get married, or she wouldnt come back unless they have a baby, then it was that she hated australia, then it was that she didnt have money to come back. in the mean time she had gotten herself a job back in england, got herself a dog and bought a house while promising she was going to move back to australia. she booked her flights and just kept posponing her flights for 2yrs.
he had told me to wait during this period, i stupidly at the age of 24 did. while all this was happening i'd be travelling with him when he had to go interstate or overseas for his job and thought the world of him because he treated me like i was his partner and we did everything together. 2 yrs later she finally returned on back on holidays to finally try to find a resolution with him, they spent 2 weeks in new zealand to try to sort things out. they agreed to let each other go and packed up all her things to take with her back.
finally it was over and we were both able to move on happily. 6months after that she called him up to tell him how unhappy she was and that she had changed her mind again. this turned things for the worst in our relationship, it all went downhill and he developed depression and anxiety. she would be in contact with everyday. every minute i'd spend with him he began to feel extreme guilt. he became very very indecisive and couldnt decide to let her come back. i tried to be understanding but my mind had been conditioned to put up with what was going on and to wait.
further down the track our situation became ugly, i would text him alot about how terrible he had treated me and how miserable he had made me, it was frequently abusive and miserable and angry which in turn caused his anxiety and stress to increase. he seeked a psychologist and is now under treatment for severe depression with social anxiety of which his pshycologist said that i was the primary cause of his anxiety.
our relationship remains broken but i have so many memories of our nice holidays together and when we did get on, we'd laugh and had so much fun. the ex is still in contact with him and is still wanting to get back with him. he's been back to see her in england every year to try to sort things out but never have. I have tried very hard to get over our relationship but how do i let go emotionally, no one else seems to measure up to him. i use to go to church every week and feel God close to me but now i have lost faith and i seem to falter in every decision i make. deep down i am still hoping for a happy future with him but he has made it clear that there is no future for us romantically. why is it so had for me to get over this and he wants me to go see a psychologist but i have been to two but felt that they are not listening to my cry for help.
i feel like i will be alone for the rest of my life, i wanted a life with him but he's gone and i cant seem to accept what has happened because the situation has gone on for so long. i even took 12months off work to get away and move to england for work and travel but became too homesick being on my own with no friends and being back here knowing that he's now trying to expand his circle of friends through an online dating website makes me feel so worthless. he wants us to remain friends and he still has the presents i gave him. i seem to evaluated everything and anything he does in the hope of getting back with him but deep down i am emotionally and spiritually drained. i do not know how to get back on my own two feet. i feel that God has cheated me and allow such trauma to go through my life even after my mum passed away from cancer when i was 16 was enough to impact on the brokeness of my family.
if there is someone out there that can help me through this or have any advice, i will truly be greatful and take it on board.
I'm new to this forum and have been searching for answers to my problems for a while. I had been in a relationship about a year ago with an english guy who moved from england to adelaide. He moved to australia with his de-facto partner of 10yrs to australia for work and adventure in hope of achieving citizenship in 4 years. Prior to meeting i had no idea of his past with his ex. After 3months of being in adelaide his partner became extremely homesick and decided to fly home to england for christmas for 10day, leaving steve here alone. 10days passed and his ex rung up to say that she has cancelled the flights and will not be returning. After all this drama he found job application letters which were suppose to be posted off underneath the bed.
5months later he met me at the hospital i was working at. he was the engineer to fix the machines i used. We hit it off immediately but i had no idea what happened to him and 2weeks prior to that he had actually bought an engagement ring for her hoping to win her back but never pulled through with it.
In the end to cut a long story short, i regretfully went out with him after he told me the truth about his ex and how he was abandoned. We had a strong attraction with each other and he had never felt this way with anyone else nor i. he told me he was waiting for her still yet i was immature and naive in the hope that he would easily forget her in time. a few months later she rang up and told him that she was coming back, it was an emotional roller coaster for me, we were going strong and i was on cloud 9. when she returned, she was devastated and they met each other for the 3 days that she came. i felt jealous and overwhelmed with worry, but that didnt stop them meeting up. he told me he didnt feel any sort of attraction towards her anymore but that he couldnt understand why he couldnt feel the strong feelings of love he use to have for her. she told him that she was going to move back to adelaide and be with him. in saying that i think the emotions he was feeling was confusion and indecision. his heart broke when he was left in australia on his own and when i came along i was like a breath of fresh air. he had begged her for months crying on the phone for her to return but she wouldnt.
once she told him she was moving back, he waited, but it was one excuse after another : at first she would only move back on the condition that they would get married, or she wouldnt come back unless they have a baby, then it was that she hated australia, then it was that she didnt have money to come back. in the mean time she had gotten herself a job back in england, got herself a dog and bought a house while promising she was going to move back to australia. she booked her flights and just kept posponing her flights for 2yrs.
he had told me to wait during this period, i stupidly at the age of 24 did. while all this was happening i'd be travelling with him when he had to go interstate or overseas for his job and thought the world of him because he treated me like i was his partner and we did everything together. 2 yrs later she finally returned on back on holidays to finally try to find a resolution with him, they spent 2 weeks in new zealand to try to sort things out. they agreed to let each other go and packed up all her things to take with her back.
finally it was over and we were both able to move on happily. 6months after that she called him up to tell him how unhappy she was and that she had changed her mind again. this turned things for the worst in our relationship, it all went downhill and he developed depression and anxiety. she would be in contact with everyday. every minute i'd spend with him he began to feel extreme guilt. he became very very indecisive and couldnt decide to let her come back. i tried to be understanding but my mind had been conditioned to put up with what was going on and to wait.
further down the track our situation became ugly, i would text him alot about how terrible he had treated me and how miserable he had made me, it was frequently abusive and miserable and angry which in turn caused his anxiety and stress to increase. he seeked a psychologist and is now under treatment for severe depression with social anxiety of which his pshycologist said that i was the primary cause of his anxiety.
our relationship remains broken but i have so many memories of our nice holidays together and when we did get on, we'd laugh and had so much fun. the ex is still in contact with him and is still wanting to get back with him. he's been back to see her in england every year to try to sort things out but never have. I have tried very hard to get over our relationship but how do i let go emotionally, no one else seems to measure up to him. i use to go to church every week and feel God close to me but now i have lost faith and i seem to falter in every decision i make. deep down i am still hoping for a happy future with him but he has made it clear that there is no future for us romantically. why is it so had for me to get over this and he wants me to go see a psychologist but i have been to two but felt that they are not listening to my cry for help.
i feel like i will be alone for the rest of my life, i wanted a life with him but he's gone and i cant seem to accept what has happened because the situation has gone on for so long. i even took 12months off work to get away and move to england for work and travel but became too homesick being on my own with no friends and being back here knowing that he's now trying to expand his circle of friends through an online dating website makes me feel so worthless. he wants us to remain friends and he still has the presents i gave him. i seem to evaluated everything and anything he does in the hope of getting back with him but deep down i am emotionally and spiritually drained. i do not know how to get back on my own two feet. i feel that God has cheated me and allow such trauma to go through my life even after my mum passed away from cancer when i was 16 was enough to impact on the brokeness of my family.
if there is someone out there that can help me through this or have any advice, i will truly be greatful and take it on board.
sorry you've been through so much. he's toxic to you? it sounds like it. bless your heart. xo dee
