Broken dreams

[setmefree7]

Where do I start?Well here goes.I was saved by Jesus around the age of 16 and began to read Gods word and started to grow in faith.I became a youth minister intern at the church & loved it.I then went on a mission trip for the summer when I was in college and I felt a calling on my life to full time ministry.I pursued the calling on my life and went to a Christian University.Toward the end of my junior year I woke up one morning and felt something was not right and started to go into a deep depression.I left after the semester ended and came home and stayed in my room for the summer.My parents were concerned and I ended up going to a doctor and he prescribed anti depressents which sent me into a manic phase.Later I was diagnosed with Bipolar.Devasted I tryed the best I could.I have been in jail,homeless,hospitalized because of this illness.I feel wretched,ashamed,broken,forgotten about,pain,moodswings,anger,and taken advantage off by those who were once close to me.I have suffered with this illness for around 19 years and it does not relent.I pray and read Gods word daily.I have faith in God and believe that he started a good work in me and he will finish it in time.It is just very difficult to deal with.I have no friends who visit me.I am disabled and live my family.I need a miracle like most of us here.I used to love going to church and now I hardly leave the house.I so much wanted to serve God and become a minister but now it seems like my dreams are broken.Sorry for being so long and if you have read this far thank you.My heart goes out to those with mental illness.You are in my prayers and I need prayer too.

 

[Loven God]

Have hope and faith your dreames do not have to be broken . There are many with bipolar that have came to a point in their recovery to were they became stable and were able to go back to school or have their dream job . I belive if God wants you to server Him it will happen . Fouces on God and getting stable remember that God even uses the broken for His kingdom . I will keep you in my prayers .

 

[setmefree7]

Thank you for the kind words Loven God.You are a blessing.I am trying to focus on God and have faith.I was once full of Joy and since the illness not so much and that hurts deep.To be so close to God and sometimes I feel so far away.I believe there is purpose in pain,but sometimes it is overwhelming.I am trying to survive and battle bipolar.

 

[dabro]

I heard my calling too.....It was so strong...I was witnessing to anybody and everybody....Then my manic idea that God was going to make me a T.V. preacher and I was going to be with my ex all came crashing down....After I realized that I wasn't going to be with someone I used to love I was devestated....I decided to turn my back on God and the very day I made that choice I got hit with Pure O OCD....And thats when all my mental anguish started....So I know what it feels like to hear your calling and have a hunger for God......I often wonder, will I ever get it back?.....The answer is I don't know....So please just take comfert in the fact that you have brothers and sisters that are with you in this.....It was God's will...I know it seems hard for us to understand but, were not supposed to.....It is His will and what we do in this life was what was intended.

 

[Bomichaels1972]

I completely understand and feel for you. I am in a depression crisis right now and can't attend church. Or be around people right now. I had to also call into work today which I hate but had to. I am so irritable around people right now I don't trust how I will respond or act toward them. It would not be good for my coworkers to endure this from me today - they know I am Bipolar. I feel a bit ashamed of myself for being such a jerk to others in my thoughts. However, I do know I need a med change and more talk therapy. We can't just get over it ya know. A lot of the prophets were mentally ill too.

My dream in college was to be a rock star and then I found Jesus. I did get to fulfill that dream in a sense playing bass and guitar for mega churches over the years but that too left me empty. Nothing here on earth will fulfill us. I have come to accept that and believe Jesus came to save us from this hell. Really ourselves. We are our own worst enemy. Sometimes I think we who are Bipolar are more in tune with the falleness within.

I have learned our world favors extroversion, blarring personalities, and the strong. In my personal experience, church seems to so easily turn into a social club where the loud talking personalities win. I heard it once said, "The church doesn't need better people, it needs deeper people." God is more concerned about working in us than through us anyway. Our pain is the teacher to many. If only they would listen more.

Sorry to ramble. I know people hear are good folk This forum has comforted me many times. I will pray for you what I pray for myself, comfort, wisdom, and direction from the Lord. Take care my friend.

 

[redblue22]

I like what everyone has to say.

But honestly, the so called sane and extroverts aren't telling the message.

So, don't feel bad about telling others about God Jesus.

What you are doing is great and better than those who are silent.

Demonstrate God's love by loving and tell people about God Jesus and his taking our hell for us.

Who gives a BLEEP if we suffer from this or that, we can stand tall even if the rich do not.

You might think I'm crazy for saying this, but the real crazy are the ones who know and stay silent.

The world--sane or not--need the free option to decide on God Jessus.

And we might be the ones to present the option to them.

Who then is the sane?

 

[Loven God]

I am just thankfull that bipolar or not God will use us all , even in are darkest times God can use us that is when he is there the most . I would never use bipolar as an excuess not to share God with others in fact my bipolar has given me even more reasons to share God .
When I can tell others how God is the one that gets me through my day's and how it is only him that gives me my strength it shows others there is hope in their lifes to .We have that same hope in or Lord to we just need to lean on him , that is what he wants , to help us to give us strength to go from day to day . It is up to us to let God do that for us . If it were not for God I would not still be alive to day and I am sure many of us here can say the same thing .So I use my bipolar to share Gods love with others . It is a story of hope for them to carry with them .

 

[setmefree7]

Jehovah Jirah my provider all my provisions blessings indeed.The Lord God knows what we desire before we seek.Beyond Jupiter & Saturn,Mercury & Mars Gods love reaches into our hearts

 

[redblue22]

our purpose in life is to love God and love each other--and accept love from God and each other when they offer it. we demonstrate our purpose by loving and trusting. we demonstrate God and his love and trustworthiness by loving and trusting God and others. while many dreams we want are won and lost in life, the great dreams of love and trust are what we need. Love and trust are the dreams we are to hang on to that cannot be taken away.

 

[CraftyTurtle]

Some of the most inspiring ministers I have heard, were once jailed, homeless, on drugs, etc. Sometimes you have to go through hell yourself in order to truly understand what hell others are experiencing. Ministering to a teenager on the wrong side of the law, for example - is he going to see a pious do-gooder or a guy who was once exactly where he is now?
YOU are exactly what some of these lost lambs need. You understand them. You can mentor them because you really understand.

On the flipside, can you find yourself a mentor? Someone who had experienced what you have. Someone who has suffered debilitating depression, and understands what you are going through now?

I recently had the pleasure of meeting a young man of 20, who was a troubled kid from a bad neighbourhood. (I won't go into details) He is now one semester into becoming a minister, and he volunteers with homeless youth. What an amazing person, with such gumption to take control of his destiny. He had help - of course he had help. Nobody can do it alone. It's just a matter of finding that one person who gets where you are coming from, and can work with you to get you back on track. Is your family church able to help you here?
I'm praying for you, and all those who need that initial boost of a helping hand.