Broken Circut

[Hermit7]

This is gonna sound weird, but here it is:

I keep an item in my chest pocket as a declaration to God that I won't bargain away my salvation as long as the item remains in this pocket (despite what thoughts come into my mind). It helps me cope with my OCD.

But at one point of the day, I was afraid that the item wasn't there so I checked it. Around the time I checked it, I had thought in my mind, "please let it be there". And somehow that became asking God to make sure its there in exchange for my salvation. And I found out it was still in my pocket.

But that's where the borken circut lies--bargaining my salvation away for an item to insure that I don't bargain my salvation away.

I feel that my mind is going to explode. Even posting this makes me worrry of my salvation.

-Hermit

 

[OCD=Owie]

This is gonna sound weird, but here it is:

I keep an item in my chest pocket as a declaration to God that I won't bargain away my salvation as long as the item remains in this pocket (despite what thoughts come into my mind). It helps me cope with my OCD.

But at one point of the day, I was afraid that the item wasn't there so I checked it. Around the time I checked it, I had thought in my mind, "please let it be there". And somehow that became asking God to make sure its there in exchange for my salvation. And I found out it was still in my pocket.

But that's where the borken circut lies--bargaining my salvation away for an item to insure that I don't bargain my salvation away.

I feel that my mind is going to explode. Even posting this makes me worrry of my salvation.

-Hermit

Hermit, you're not weird for thinking that. Everybody here has gone through crazy OCD symptoms. You're no different from the rest of us.

You do need to realize though that you can't allow yourself to ask people whether you're still saved or not every time you have an instance where you're afraid you bargained away your salvation. A common theme for OCD users is that they have to ask others whether something is okay or not. In your case, it seems, you seek reassurance from others that you're still saved and haven't bargained away your salvation. It's a compulsion.

It's much more helpful to treat such situations as what they are: OCD symptoms. Try to cut yourself a break every once in awhile when worrying about this stuff. When you're afraid you have bargained away your salvation, just do your best to shrug it off and not think about such fears, whether to tell yourself they are silly, or to worry that they are real. Just try your best to ignore them. (Not easy, I know)

 

[tripletiger1200]

Jesus died on the cross for your sins. He bargained for your salvation. Unless you have something of equal or greater value than Jesus' life to ask for then you can't bargain with that. Imagine this. Every time you bargain away your salvation, Satan goes to God and says "Look, Hermit bargained his salvation away, I have Him now." then Jesus says to God, "I love Hermit. My sacrifice on the cross ensures that no sin no matter how great will go unforgiven if someone asks for forgiveness. My blood buys Hermit back from Satan. I paid the price for his sins, He belongs to me now." God agrees with Jesus, and you are saved because you appealed to Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Jesus has you. As Ephesians puts it, you are now a slave to Christ Jesus.
The Bible says that Satan is our accuser. Every time you sin, every time you bargain your salvation away, Satan steps in and accuses you. He tries to gain ownership of you, because you have sinned and have given him a right to it. God doesn't like this any more than you do, so that's why He sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for your sins. Now, if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, Jesus is like the lawyer in your trial. Satan is your prosecutor, Jesus is your defense attorney. Lucky for you, God is the Judge and jury, and He listens to Jesus, not Satan. Jesus puts your plea in as not guilty because He loves you and His blood has forgiven you of every sin, even bargaining away your salvation. You are not guilty in the eyes of God, and since you are not guilty you get to spend eternity with God. Isn't that wonderful?

 

[OCD=Owie]

It's funny that you describe it as a "broken ciruit" since that's essentially what is wrong with the brains of those with OCD. Our brain doesn't properly handle our "worry circuit," causing a seemingly endless cycle of anxiety.