Breaking up with non-Christian boyfriend?

[hrr16]

I am a Christian girl in highschool. I really needed advice so I made an account on here, I hope you all can be helpful
I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. He isn't a Christian, but I love him so much. We've talked about our future together and all these plans we have and I can't imagine not having him in my life. He's been to church a few times with me but doesn't believe in anything, and it causes a lot of arguments between us.
Now let me backtrack... over the summer, we almost broke up. I had just gotten home from church camp and it was extremely life changing. I didn't want to fall into old habits & as much as I love my bf it didn't feel right for us to be together... I tried to break up with him but it was horribly painful. He brought up how I said I would never break up with him, and that he would blame our break up on camp. He kept saying that if I loved him I wouldn't do this, and that I didn't have to bring religion into our relationship. So we decided to make things work. After a few months, I fell back into old habits and other bad things. (having sex, experimenting with drugs/alcohol) I felt guilty but eventually stopped thinking about it and tried to suppress it when the thought did come up. But now I can't stop thinking about it and I don't know what to do. Since the summer I have changed in a lot of ways. I overdosed and have since stopped doing drugs and anything related to them. I am working on stopping cussing. I also am attending church every sunday & fca meetings at my school. I'm trying to get back on track, but I don't know what to do about my boyfriend. I love him and don't want to hurt him, but I want a relationship based on God. I just don't want him to hate me or be turned away from God, and I feel that I am too weak to break things off because I am so afraid.

 

[thehehe]

I hope I won't seem cruel or anything, but I think to break up is the best for you two. Yes, to believe or not is an huge difference between two persons. If you really plan your future with him, you have to be very careful: a life with someone is quite a long business and this difference can break your couple. I'm not saying that a good relationship of this case can't happen, just that it is much more difficult and if you already have problems.. And remember, you don't have ONE soul mate! You can build a love life with many people. If you feel that God must be a part of your future and especially in your romantic relationships, then this is better to break up. You both are changing and growing: this is called the transition to adulthood. Perhaps you don't correspond anymore to each other.

Good luck! Tell us when you made your decision, and feel free to ask if you need any support.

 

[Charlie7399]

Well, this is complicated. I can't give you a simple answer, but I think you just need to weigh the consequences on both actions. Do you often err and sin because of him? Could you perhaps convert him if you stay together? You need to think very carefully about everything. Don't be hasty. And, most of all, pray. In times like this, God can both comfort you and give you wisdom to act. Ask that His will be done over your boyfriend, you and your relationship. I'm sorry that I can't give you any solid advice, but I wouldn't dare to meddle in something like that without being personally involved. I hope everything works out well for you. God bless!

 

[The Portuguese Baptist]

I am a Christian girl in highschool. I really needed advice so I made an account on here, I hope you all can be helpful
I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. He isn't a Christian, but I love him so much. We've talked about our future together and all these plans we have and I can't imagine not having him in my life. He's been to church a few times with me but doesn't believe in anything, and it causes a lot of arguments between us.
Now let me backtrack... over the summer, we almost broke up. I had just gotten home from church camp and it was extremely life changing. I didn't want to fall into old habits & as much as I love my bf it didn't feel right for us to be together... I tried to break up with him but it was horribly painful. He brought up how I said I would never break up with him, and that he would blame our break up on camp. He kept saying that if I loved him I wouldn't do this, and that I didn't have to bring religion into our relationship. So we decided to make things work. After a few months, I fell back into old habits and other bad things. (having sex, experimenting with drugs/alcohol) I felt guilty but eventually stopped thinking about it and tried to suppress it when the thought did come up. But now I can't stop thinking about it and I don't know what to do. Since the summer I have changed in a lot of ways. I overdosed and have since stopped doing drugs and anything related to them. I am working on stopping cussing. I also am attending church every sunday & fca meetings at my school. I'm trying to get back on track, but I don't know what to do about my boyfriend. I love him and don't want to hurt him, but I want a relationship based on God. I just don't want him to hate me or be turned away from God, and I feel that I am too weak to break things off because I am so afraid.

I highly suggest that you break up with him. I'm sorry, but you must. Things will go terribly wrong if you remain together, and even if you get married.

You know full well that it is not good for you to be together. Do you know how I know that you know this? Because you clearly said you were having sex, doing drugs, drinking alcohol and cussing — and you added that you feel guilty. You know that your boyfriend has led you into these things; and you know that these things are bad. Therefore, you know that remaining with your boyfriend is bad.

Remember that God requires full submission. Everything we have — even our very self — is to be given to him. This includes any love partners. Remember that time when the rich man came to Jesus, asking him what he should do to be saved; Jesus asked him to give everything he had to the poor (you know what happened next). Remember Paul, who gave up his life for Christ, by allowing himself to suffer from shipwrecks and torture at the hands of the Jews. Do you remember what Paul said? ‘For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.’ Two notable desires he expressed with this statement: 1) that his life was supposed to be all about Christ, which required total and unconditional surrender to God's will, and not about him; and 2) that he thinks of his death as something good, because he has the hope that, when he dies, he will go to Heaven, which will be excellent. Paul's life was neither for himself nor for this Earth; rather, it was for Christ and for Heaven. The same thing should happen to us. You must understand that every part of you is to be given to God, including your boyfriend.

I know it can be painful, but you must bear with it. Surely you do not want to die and wake up one day in Heaven to find God reprimanding you for not obeying him. Living in sin is terrible. Do not let sin control you. Cut evil by its root: tell your boyfriend that you cannot go on. If it becomes too difficult for you, you can lay part of the guilt on me and say that this Portuguese Baptist told you to break up with him! Pray that God will help you do this and give you the courage to break up with him. You must place your relationship with God above your feelings.

I can assure you that this guy is not the guy God has prepared for you (or, at least, not until he converts, if he does). I can also assure you that the plan God has in store for you is so wonderful and amazing that, in the end, you will be so overwhelmingly happy for having chosen what God had wanted for you rather than what you had wanted!

God bless you!
The Portuguese Baptist

 

[hrr16]

If he has driven you to the point where you almost lost your life because of things that he has brought you into doing (drugs) than maybe it is time to let go and find someone else to partner with in life.

I would like to clarify that he did not bring drugs into my life - that was my own doing and I chose to do them with people who were a bad influence to me.

 

[hrr16]

Good luck! Tell us when you made your decision, and feel free to ask if you need any support.

I did want to let you all know that we broke up 2 nights ago. It was extremely painful for both of us as we do love each other very much, but thankfully there wasn't any anger or hate. I miss him a lot and it will be difficult having to see him everywhere. But I think we bogh concluded that we could use some time apart to think. So I figured I would take a month (or longer) to do a lot of praying and thinking about what I want in the future and out of a relationship. I already have an idea of what I want. I'm not expecting to figure my entire life out, but to at least have a plan. We both expressed that we don't want to get our hopes up, but after we've both had some time apart to think I was thinking we could talk again. And if our futures lined up to a point, and if we both wanted to try again then we could. Obviously I don't want to force the relationship which is why I'm avoiding counting on this. But anyway, what do you all think about this plan? I would really appreciate some feedback.

 

[Gerald3199]

I did want to let you all know that we broke up 2 nights ago. It was extremely painful for both of us as we do love each other very much, but thankfully there wasn't any anger or hate. I miss him a lot and it will be difficult having to see him everywhere. But I think we bogh concluded that we could use some time apart to think. So I figured I would take a month (or longer) to do a lot of praying and thinking about what I want in the future and out of a relationship. I already have an idea of what I want. I'm not expecting to figure my entire life out, but to at least have a plan. We both expressed that we don't want to get our hopes up, but after we've both had some time apart to think I was thinking we could talk again. And if our futures lined up to a point, and if we both wanted to try again then we could. Obviously I don't want to force the relationship which is why I'm avoiding counting on this. But anyway, what do you all think about this plan? I would really appreciate some feedback.

Having read this thread, I am very sure that your decision to break up was the right decision. Remember, you need to honor God with your life and that includes the relationships in your life- family, friends, classmates and the like. And being in a relationship with that guy would not be beneficial to your spiritual life or your overall well-being. Don't worry too much about the future, just remember to continue having fellowship with God, asking him for forgiveness of sins and that he may bring the peace and joy that only he is capable of. I think you could approach him to have a conversation soon, but don't rush anything-take it easy and avoid making impulsive, rash decisions. Don't harbour any bitterness towards him but remain compassionate and understanding, and be concerned for his salvation. Hopefully God will grant you wisdom so that you can successfully navigate yourself out of this difficult situation. Remember, God wants to aid you during moments like these, it's important that you depend on him and show a Christ-like character.

Don't hesitate to ask us for help. We love you and support you sister. God Bless!

 

[The Portuguese Baptist]

I did want to let you all know that we broke up 2 nights ago. It was extremely painful for both of us as we do love each other very much, but thankfully there wasn't any anger or hate. I miss him a lot and it will be difficult having to see him everywhere. But I think we bogh concluded that we could use some time apart to think. So I figured I would take a month (or longer) to do a lot of praying and thinking about what I want in the future and out of a relationship. I already have an idea of what I want. I'm not expecting to figure my entire life out, but to at least have a plan. We both expressed that we don't want to get our hopes up, but after we've both had some time apart to think I was thinking we could talk again. And if our futures lined up to a point, and if we both wanted to try again then we could. Obviously I don't want to force the relationship which is why I'm avoiding counting on this. But anyway, what do you all think about this plan? I would really appreciate some feedback.

You did the right thing! I will keep on praying for you, so that God may show you exactly what he wants for you.

May the Lord bless you richly!
The Portuguese Baptist

 

[Heatios]

If you are breaking up with him solely based on his position on the subject of god, that is a pathetic reason, and a terrible idea that you feel you need to cut ties with someone simply because they disagree with you. I don't believe in god, but I know that "God" would most certainly want you to accept those who disagree with you, treat your neighbor as yourself, if the situation was reversed would you want him to cut ties because you were christian?

However, hopefully, there is some other reasoning behind it, and based on your description I think the result of the arguments you had with him speak for the situation itself, that it's simply not working out. Try to work out your differences, and I stress again, him being atheist is NOT a reason to break up with him. Try to work out your differences in a respectable manner, agree to disagree, I can garuntee there is a large amount of couples who have different positions on the subject of god, and get along just fine. If you want him to have a relationship with god that's fine, however you need to respect HIS view as well and know it is not based on nothing, i'm not saying you're not doing this, but be careful, don't try to force him to agree with you, because that's a sure fire way to spark and argument.

If you can't agree to disagree, if he can't be willing to accept that you have different opinions, or tries to resolve it in an agressive manner, by all means end the relationship, because it is not healthy.

As cruel and harsh as this may sound, the actions you took to solve and self-treat the situation with are on you, not him. Even if he's aggressive, and a terrible person, self-treatment by use of drugs, and alchohol are not caused or a result of his actions. In the end of the day, just evaluate your relationship, decide whether or not it's healthy or unhealthy, don't look to god for advice(I know you want to), but look to yourself, this is a decision about your life, god may influence your life, but in the end of the day it's still yours, and your decision.

Best of luck, and best wishes.

 

[The Portuguese Baptist]

If you are breaking up with him solely based on his position on the subject of god, that is a pathetic reason, and a terrible idea that you feel you need to cut ties with someone simply because they disagree with you. I don't believe in god, but I know that "God" would most certainly want you to accept those who disagree with you, treat your neighbor as yourself, if the situation was reversed would you want him to cut ties because you were christian?

However, hopefully, there is some other reasoning behind it, and based on your description I think the result of the arguments you had with him speak for the situation itself, that it's simply not working out. Try to work out your differences, and I stress again, him being atheist is NOT a reason to break up with him. Try to work out your differences in a respectable manner, agree to disagree, I can garuntee there is a large amount of couples who have different positions on the subject of god, and get along just fine. If you want him to have a relationship with god that's fine, however you need to respect HIS view as well and know it is not based on nothing, i'm not saying you're not doing this, but be careful, don't try to force him to agree with you, because that's a sure fire way to spark and argument.

If you can't agree to disagree, if he can't be willing to accept that you have different opinions, or tries to resolve it in an agressive manner, by all means end the relationship, because it is not healthy.

As cruel and harsh as this may sound, the actions you took to solve and self-treat the situation with are on you, not him. Even if he's aggressive, and a terrible person, self-treatment by use of drugs, and alchohol are not caused or a result of his actions. In the end of the day, just evaluate your relationship, decide whether or not it's healthy or unhealthy, don't look to god for advice(I know you want to), but look to yourself, this is a decision about your life, god may influence your life, but in the end of the day it's still yours, and your decision.

Best of luck, and best wishes.

Well, you are not a Christian, so you do not really understand. But I can tell you that there are severe problems when a Christian and a non-Christian are dating. There are many, many differences between Christians and non-Christians, which makes it unreasonable for them to get together.

Let me just begin to enumerate the problems:

1. The non-Christian party may motivate the Christian party to have sex before marriage, which is immoral by Christian standards.
2. The non-Christian party may motivate the Christian party to do other immoral things, like drugs, for instance.
3. The non-Christian party may influence the Christian party into, for example, swearing very often, which is inappropriate, especially for Christians.
4. The non-Christian party may motivate the Christian party to skip church.
5. The non-Christian party may ultimately lead the Christian party away from following Jesus.
6. It will not be possible for the Christian party to have a devotional time — Bible study and prayer — in his/her relationship, which is what should happen in a normal relationship between Christians.
7. The Christian party will not be able to use his/her relationship to glorify God, as it should be.
8. In marriage, the non-Christian party may not agree to go to church.
9. The non-Christian party may not agree to let their children go to church.
10. The non-Christian party may swear in front of the children, which the Christian party does not accept.
11. The children will receive completely opposite instruction and teaching.
12. It will not be possible for a devotional time to exist in their house, so as to teach children the Word of God.

I could go on...

Ultimately, what you have to understand is that this is not just simply an issue of ‘You don't agree with me, I won't date you’, and it is not a lack of respect or of tolerance. Rather, it is more like: ‘Our differences are too abysmal for us to secure a stable relationship which would last till death do us part.’

We, Christians, know what we are doing. Though it may seem ridiculous for us to refuse to date non-Christians, there is a reason for that: and the reason is that Christianity is just so greatly important for us that we would never agree to associate for ever with a person who does not share this with us. Christ is key, absolutely key, in every single aspect of our lives, because he is the One by whom we see everything — our entire world view becomes absolutely different in everything when we let Christ rule our lives. It is unthinkable for us to associate with someone who does not share this world view.

Ultimately, for us, Christianity is key, though perhaps it is not for you. Perhaps you would not mind to date a Christian girl, because you see religion as a minor issue in your life. However, we see it as the most important thing, so we absolutely need to be in agreement in that. It is not a minor thing; it is a very significant thing.

I hope you understand! Feel free to come and talk to me at any time, if you wish!