Breaking Point?

[satguy2000]

I have been reading over a lot posts from people that have been seperated, and I hope yall dont mind me asking, but what was the point of no return. I am struggling with a marriage that may be headed that direction(though I will do everything in my power to avoid that) I guess I would like to share and understand what may have lead to this direction. One theme that I suspect will be where one partner quits and refuses to work on the relationship. That seems like a difficult thing to overcome.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Adultery.

Not the act itself, but the justification my wife gave for it; "I never loved you as a wife should her husband, and any lover should".

And it hit me, utterly true.
And as I recieve form others in such meagre ways, I realise how little she was able to give.

That any help?

 

[tryingtobeagain]

For me it was that my husband is a sex addict and has never been faithful in our relationship at all. I could have worked past that but he tried to pull attention away from his actions by trying to pretend that I neglect and abuse my daughter. When he messed with my daughter I broke.

 

[4Christ2]

I have been reading over a lot posts from people that have been seperated, and I hope yall dont mind me asking, but what was the point of no return. I am struggling with a marriage that may be headed that direction(though I will do everything in my power to avoid that) I guess I would like to share and understand what may have lead to this direction. One theme that I suspect will be where one partner quits and refuses to work on the relationship. That seems like a difficult thing to overcome.

I separated from my husband when the physical and emotional abuse started with the children. I left to protect them (not really thinking about myself).

I can't say I ever had a "breaking point". Even though I left the marital home - divorce was never an option for me. Instead I sought the Lord for repentance (true repentance) in my husband - while allowing the Lord to work repentance in myself (alcohol addiction). The Lord delivered me from the alcohol - Praise His Mighty Name!

The marriage ended (breaking point) when he decided to divorce me and remarried another. As christians, I believe we are allowed to divorce our spouses but it is not what brings glory to God. I also believe that if we do divorce our spouse; we are called to a life thereafter of celibacy and service to the Lord as long as that spouse lives. Only death of our spouse allows us to remarry another.

 

[Indea88]

My husband leaves repeatedly, blaming me for a messy house, not enough meals, "claiming I don't care...He has a drug and alcohol addiction and still says it's all my fault. All my fault for enabling him and allowing the revolving door. He says this is the last time. I should make it his last time. I never would leave my marriage unless I or the kids were being abused. He just packs up and quits, and he is a born again believer, although new in Christ.

 

[dbhost]

I hit my enough is enough point when I realized I wasn't her husband in reality, I may have been married to her, but she was never married to me. Even though I am not Catholic, we went to a Catholic counselor, and when a priest, and a Catholic counselor both tell you that you are not bound to her, well something died in me.

 

[churchgurl]

My husband told me he hadn't loved me for a long time and might not have ever loved me. He isn't willing to go to a counselor and just left, he doesn't even want to talk about our relationship. I haven't reached the breaking point though. If he wanted to come home he could. I am still praying for reconciliation and restoration. God can heal your marriage.

 

[mimi4him]

My breaking point came after my dad passed away and husband had a one nighter just weeks afterwards. After 27yrs of him cheating on and off and begging me to forgive him and that he would never do it again , I finally said enough is enough. He may not physically abuse me but he has mentally. I prayed and believed always that God would heal my husband of his sexual addiction and our marraige , But the last time I prayed God to forgive me for what I had done to cause husband to not get it toagther and God told me it wasnt me, that he couldnt heal husband or marriage because husband was unwilling to turn around and live a life for Christ.
So I said ok God this is in your hands , and I told husband conseling or leave he chose to leave. that was july last yr, I filed for divorce in October and it will be final in march.
Its a long hard storm and God will carry u all the way no matter the outcome. I still have whatifs but realize Im a lot stronger mentally than I have been in yrs.
God has better plans for me Im sure of that as Im sure for everyone here that desires HIS will in their life.
blessings carol/mimi

 

[kanga22]

Last Oct. he told me that I wasn't the wife he wanted and proceeded to look for a better one. My heart was broken, but I worked hard at trying to save our marriage. He didn't work at it at all. I recently asked him if what I was doing was too little too late. He looked right in my eyes and said, "no, it's not too late for us." Then, while I was at work, he invited his latest online girlfriend to our house so they could consummate their relationship.

That was my breaking point.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

My wife gave up last week. Even though she admits taht she's seen a change, something is keeping her from believing it's real or lastinng. I still mess up when we argue, but it's less often and less dramatic. I guess that's it - the damage is done and anything hits her hard now.

Still praying, but I'm going to wok hard on letting go and changing myself. I'm hoping that if we work on ourselves a while, she'll open up to me. It takes a year to get divorced in my state, so maybe after a while she'll be willing to go to a Smalley Marriage Retreat.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Yes it is. Everyone being different but strangely similar would lead me to believe that everyones breaking point is different but there are many common ones. Some may find the idea of being spoken to harshly is enough. Others would say adultery. Some the cold emptiness of a spouse that won't talk to them anymore.
Mine was after a difficult 10 years, 2 separations, an attempt at reconciliation then over 6 months on the couch. She chose divorce. I was still willing up until recently when it became painfully obvious that I didn't matter to her.

 

[satguy2000]

Yes it is. Everyone being different but strangely similar would lead me to believe that everyones breaking point is different but there are many common ones. Some may find the idea of being spoken to harshly is enough. Others would say adultery. Some the cold emptiness of a spouse that won't talk to them anymore.
Mine was after a difficult 10 years, 2 separations, an attempt at reconciliation then over 6 months on the couch. She chose divorce. I was still willing up until recently when it became painfully obvious that I didn't matter to her.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences. to some extend, I find it so humbling that you all are willing to share such with us here and also that where to draw the line depends on the person and the situation.

Also, I am young so many of my peers are neither married or close to such a situation. I will continue to pray for my marriage to be restored, but there are some that have walked in these same shoes and felt the pains. If you guys do have any advice or inisghts on a difficult situation, please so share as I am open

May God bless on you all and I pray that your lives been shed with some great light of hope.

 

[KristyAnne]

My ex is an alcoholic, and a small part of my love for him would die with each horrible thing he did because of alcohol and while he was drunk. He used being drunk as an excuse to emotionally abuse me; he actually had a go at me for being adopted, saying that no-one wanted me from birth! But it was all okay, because he was really sorry for it the day after, he can't control what he says when he's drunk, blah, blah, blah.

There were a few things that really ended it though, and that was spending what little money we had on alcohol when there were more important things to spend it on. The first time was our daughter's playgroup money, then I had to endure a lecture from the playgroup co-ordinator about how it wasn't fair that everyone else could pay on time, but I couldn't; then it was our grocery money, so I had to go begging at a charity to get a grocery voucher; then, it was money that I had scraped together for us to go to relationship counselling. That told me that he cared more about himself than our family, and I wasn't going to put my daughter's or myself through that any longer.

 

[VioletLady]

I think the breaking point was...when I knew in my heart of hearts that I was wasting my time...was when I was about to have surgery on my arm that needed general anaesthetic. He screamed at me in the morning when I was trying to get ready, called me a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], and abandoned me at the hospital doors. We hadn't even argued, and as far as I know I hadn't committed any great crime. He went home and didn't talk to me when I was in the hospital at all. He even tried to prevent me from taking any painkillers after the op, as it is against his Scientology religion, or something like that.