Breaking it to the kids

[hisbloodformysins]

I'm about to put deposit down on apartment, will move out next month. What is the easiest way to break it to the kids?

I have four ages 8,5,2,1...

We are going to do what we're already doing... they are going to stay in the house with dad, except on the days i have off i'll take them home with me, bring them back after dinner, and alternate weekends with dad. I know that divorce is not good for children, but i want to make it as easy and positive as possible.

What would you suggest? Any tips?

HB

 

[Spiderlashes]

I don't really have any advice per se, but I just want to show some support. My husband and I split up almost a year ago and my children were 4.5 and 1.5 at the time. No, divorce/separation isn't the best thing in the world for kids but I have to say, mine have adjusted great. So don't automatically assume yours will be traumatized.

In my case, my ex was away from the house A LOT, working late, before we split up. On weekend nights, he would sometimes not come home all or come home early the next morning. It was common for me to say, when my older one asked, "Daddy is at the other place, working."

When I first asked him to move out, the kids didn't even realize he was gone; he still saw the almost every day. Eventually I just told them that mommy and daddy were arguing too much so we're going to try something new -- daddy would stay at "the other place" for a while.

Eventually, after we decided the separation would be longterm/permanent, I just told them mommy and daddy think it's better if daddy gets his own house...and they can do sleepovers there some nights and have two houses to go to with a whole other set of toys...and they could bring a suitcase like they're going on a trip.

Honestly, this has been the case for the past 10 months and each child has cried or expressed any sadness about this only once. Other than, that they are fine with it and actually enjoy the idea of spending the night at a different house a couple times a week.

It was a RELIEF to me when he moved out. And I think the kids picked up on how positively I felt about the change...and they adapted quickly and positively, too.

 

[McScribe]

I would agree with the above poster. The kids don't need to be part of an argument or tug of war; they just need to know that they are still loved and that the changes are about their parents wanting to live separate lives.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Thanks.. i just told them and we went to look at the apartment.. my son cried at first but now he's ok.. my daughter as happy at first but then it sunk in and she began to cry.. they are coping...

she said "we aren't going to have a family anymore" I explained that we are still family and that they'll still be seeing a lot of me and a lot of their dad, just not living in the same home anymore.

You know when I was out with them i had a flash back of being at my dad's place.. being excited about it when my parents divorced... i don't want to see myself like my dad... i didn't like that flash back.

I am hoping to still have some normalcy in their lives.

 

[McScribe]

The hard part is 'will we still be part of a family' and I think that God's grace can be upon you as you deal with that. Is there at least some cordiality between you and your former husband when it comes to dealing with the kids?

 

[hisbloodformysins]

yeah my husband and i are cordial toward eachother fortunately