Break up decision-please help!

[rdielma]

I posted a few days back about my boyfriend Craig and I. We dated for about a year are I'm in my mid-twenties and he is 28 yrs old. We are both strong Christians and felt we were heading toward marriage. Well, as of recent, I started struggling with alot of anxiety and fear of the future, etc. I know this is not of God but it's something I am praying about and trying to let God heal me of. I know God is healing me of alot of things like that right now from my past and past relationships. During this time, I felt my feelings from Craig almost numbing inside....is that normal when we go through things like this? Does that mean I don't love him or we aren't meant to be? I guess I'm confused on how God speaks. I do love Craig and I did feel God leading me to marry him someday in the future but I don't know if this is God's way of telling me I need to work on some things before we date again or what? Craig and I are still best friends and talk alot....but I feel so numb inside right now....I know in my heart I love him so much and want to be with him...but my feelings are like numb........So we did feel like we needed to break up right now...and we are broken up although we talk and write every day...Has anyone experienced these doubts or numbness ever in dating or before your marriage or during engagement? What is God saying? Please help!!!!

 

[Izzo]

God speaks clearly. Satan speaks with confusion. Feelings will ebb and flow over long relationships. Is there anything besides just the wanning feelings that has caused you to break up? You need someone that when the passion fades you still wanna spend time with (which is sounds like you guys have that!). A good piece of advise I was told is to marry the one you can't live without, not the one you can live with.

Just remember, God does not cause anxiety. Christ tells us not to worry about anything. Some verses that might help:

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

and also ask for wisdom on this:

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Remember Satan destests strong Christian relationships and will do any thing in his power to destroy them.

May God guard your hearts and minds and bind the confusion and anxiety that Satan distributes to break up Godly relationships.

 

[DaveKerwin]

What is your biggest fear with relationships?

Did he feel the need for a breakup too?

 

[Katty]

I went through that in my last relationship. Do you know who you are apart from being "Craig's girlfriend"? I'm not saying that you should leave him completely, but establish your identity apart from him also. God loves us as individuals and with that in mind, we have to be individuals. With the anxiety and fear part, course it's scary. Thats normal sweetie but the thing is, you love this man and obviously he loves you. Identify what scares you about the future with him. Correct me if I'm wrong because I don't know the full story. God bless you.

~Katty~

 

[TheFirstNoelle]

I posted a few days back about my boyfriend Craig and I. We dated for about a year are I'm in my mid-twenties and he is 28 yrs old. We are both strong Christians and felt we were heading toward marriage. Well, as of recent, I started struggling with alot of anxiety and fear of the future, etc. I know this is not of God but it's something I am praying about and trying to let God heal me of. I know God is healing me of alot of things like that right now from my past and past relationships. During this time, I felt my feelings from Craig almost numbing inside....is that normal when we go through things like this? Does that mean I don't love him or we aren't meant to be? I guess I'm confused on how God speaks. I do love Craig and I did feel God leading me to marry him someday in the future but I don't know if this is God's way of telling me I need to work on some things before we date again or what? Craig and I are still best friends and talk alot....but I feel so numb inside right now....I know in my heart I love him so much and want to be with him...but my feelings are like numb........So we did feel like we needed to break up right now...and we are broken up although we talk and write every day...Has anyone experienced these doubts or numbness ever in dating or before your marriage or during engagement? What is God saying? Please help!!!!

Me and my boyfriend became engaged long distance (he's away right now for 5 months) and we want to get married when he graduates from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Training Academy in April (we've been together since last March). I was single for 4 years before this relationship, and I was a very independent person. In my current relationship, I can't imagine someone with whom I could make a marriage work, better than my guy (that was an awful sentence, grammatically). We know how to "fight" without remaining angry, without harbouring resentment. We have physical attraction, we have fun together, we have similar values and goals. But somehow, being apart and thinking of this lifelong committment, I've had horrible anxieties surface that were not there when we were discussing marriage before. I have to be aware that I compulsively second guess everything I do, and i also have to be aware that there have been weird things in our relationship that indicate that something is trying to keep us apart (for instance, stupid misunderstandings or miscommunications that almost lead to fights). I do think that Satan brings this kind of sickening anxiety - not God. For me, the anxiety was just dumped on me suddently, like a huge, heavy load. I have to keep telling myself that God doesn't speak in that way to me. God brings gentle conviction.

So don't worry about cold feet or doubts - if you can look at your relationship and see compatability, shared values, selflessness, and friendship, then I think you're probably on the right track. For me, my anxiety probably had to do with the fact that I'd been single for so long, and now I would be giving up my independence, to an extent.

 

[Erichero]

You know what ... reading all this has just dawned a new thought on me.

I have been praying a really difficult prayer for my relationship with my future wife (I may know who she is). I said "God, please test our relationship with fire." Whew! But if we don't test it early on, then it will get "burnt up" when it really does get tested.

I've heard about this anxiety a few times. And I'm not convinced it's from the devil. I think ... here goes ... God actually sends this anxiety to test what the relationship is really made of! How cool is that? God actually thinks that engagement is a great time to do a quick test on all the instruments to see if this plane is ready for lift-off, or whether it's going to crash later on.

So think about the anxieties - maybe God wants to show you something, or maybe he just wants you to think about the relationship and make sure everything is okay.

I Cor 3:13 - "...his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work."

 

[natgirl2002]

OHHH WELCOME TO MY WORLD!! my ex and i still talk...we have been broken up for a week now...and we still tlak, i miss him and all..i dunos im just as confused as you are
Love

nathis..
do you have aol? aim? anytihgn? maybe we can chat

 

[Koop]

Oh man. It's so great to konw there are others in this posisition. My girlfriend is having seriuos doubts right now. She says she loves me and i know she's telling the truth. She just worries about things. We are taking a little time apart right now too. I'm on the other side of the stick from some of you though. I konw what i want. I know it's not time for us to marry right now, but i feel it will be time somtime. Those of you who are confused PLEASE be understanding of the other party. I'm dying inside right now because the woman i love is unsure about "us." It's hard to accept. If they have a hard time giving you space it's only because they love you so much and they want to konw you love them too. I hope you all find peace in your relationships. God bless.

 

[charligirl]

During this time, I felt my feelings from Craig almost numbing inside....is that normal when we go through things like this? Does that mean I don't love him or we aren't meant to be? I guess I'm confused on how God speaks. I do love Craig and I did feel God leading me to marry him someday in the future but I don't know if this is God's way of telling me I need to work on some things before we date again or what? Craig and I are still best friends and talk alot....but I feel so numb inside right now....I know in my heart I love him so much and want to be with him...but my feelings are like numb........So we did feel like we needed to break up right now...and we are broken up although we talk and write every day...Has anyone experienced these doubts or numbness ever in dating or before your marriage or during engagement? What is God saying? Please help!!!!

Yes, yes and yes, I experienced what you are talking about right up until a bout amonth before the wedding. Feelings come and go, IGNORE your feelings, they can be the result of past, fear, the enemy, your subconscious, hormones, the weather, what you ate.... etc etc. Feelings can lie to you.

Love is NOT about feelings, you love someone even when (and this will happen) you don't much like them and feel 'nothing' for them. If God is telling you to break up He will do it loud and clear.


The book that saved me, and helped me make the decision to marry... and got me to the alter was 'Should I get Married?' by M Blaine Smith http://www.gospelcom.net/nehemiah/marriage.htm

Life changing.. get a copy and keep praying!!! God will come through!

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Feelings lie. Plain and simple. You can't trust them. You have to use your head and Scripture along with them. You can't trust on them alone.

 

[charligirl]

I've heard about this anxiety a few times. And I'm not convinced it's from the devil. I think ... here goes ... God actually sends this anxiety to test what the relationship is really made of!

I'm sorry, I just can't agree with that, I don't believe that God sends anxiety. Perhaps He'll use a situation to allow us to be tested and see how we cope and react, but the anxiety does not COME from Him.

I agree that it's not neccessarily the devil, I think mostly (having experienced it myself with 3 different men) that it is just us. Our subconscious, our fears, the influences we have had about what love is, or should be or what it SHOULD feel like when you meet 'THE ONE' (according to your mates, hollywood and society.)

We are fed so much rubbish, then we hear teaching from one preacher that there is ONE person and it's all about waiting for God to plonk them down, another tells you God gave you choice and reason.. so use it. (personally I think it's a mixture of these ) it's no wonder we worry, are unsure, our feelings go haywire and we get into a pickle not knowing what we think God may be saying.

But on one thing I am sure, God doesn't give anxiety.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

You've done the right thing.
It takes time to work through personal things and while we're working through them it is wise to not make any life altering decisions.

The only fear I had about marrying Holly was that something would go wrong with the wedding. But it went off without a hitch.

 

[RavenBrat]

I read all that you guys have said and I couldn't help but think omgosh, this is what I needed to see! Alot of what everyone has said, is what I am going through. I'm in a situation where I have been with my bf for almost 9 months and it's a long distance one. It hasn't been easy because things have definitely tested our love, exes, temperament, different beliefs. But, we've made it through all this and I thought that things would be fine. But, then we started to argue alot.....something we'd hardly done in the past. And it has taken a toll on me. I would get upset at the smallest things and lose it with him. I would cry because I didn't know what else to do. And it seems to still be going on, I don't cry like I used to, but I do still get upset. And Noelle something in your post made me think, "thats' what's going on with me too!"

But somehow, being apart and thinking of this lifelong committment, I've had horrible anxieties surface that were not there when we were discussing marriage before. I have to be aware that I compulsively second guess everything I do, and i also have to be aware that there have been weird things in our relationship that indicate that something is trying to keep us apart (for instance, stupid misunderstandings or miscommunications that almost lead to fights). I do think that Satan brings this kind of sickening anxiety - not God. For me, the anxiety was just dumped on me suddently, like a huge, heavy load. I have to keep telling myself that God doesn't speak in that way to me. God brings gentle conviction.

So don't worry about cold feet or doubts - if you can look at your relationship and see compatability, shared values, selflessness, and friendship, then I think you're probably on the right track. For me, my anxiety probably had to do with the fact that I'd been single for so long, and now I would be giving up my independence, to an extent.

I too have those anxieties and second guessings. Except in my case, they do lead to arguments and I hate that. No one wants that in a relationship. I know I love my bf with all my heart and I know that I do want to be with him for a very long time, to be married if it's God's will. It's just so hard sometimes to not worry and just leave it in God's hands. To listen to a verse like 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" . But, I'm trying, I pray constantly and I know that God hears my prayers. I do agree with those of you who say that God doesn't cause anxiety. He doesn't. Charligirl, I also agree with what you said "If God is telling you to break up He will do it loud and clear." I know in my heart that breaking up is not for me and my bf, I just need peace in my relationship so that it can continue to strengthen and so that I can continue to love my bf like I know I can. I will pray for all of your relationships as well and I hope that you can pray for mine too. I will definitely take your advice though not meant for me to heart and I thank you guys. God Bless! Btw: if any of you would like to pm me about these things or just to talk, you can find me on yahoo or msn

 

[lil_god_lova]

Love is not feeling it is an action... If you decide to marry him and love him (if you have god's blessing) then you will love him... Do something loving towards him 1 or 2 times a day purposefully. It could help a lot ok?