BPD is a strange thing

[Sarah Louise]

I know that most people think that , whatever their particular problem might be, their problem is alot worse than anyone elses and that those who don't share their problems haven't the understanding as one who does. But BPD seems to be one of the worst for many frustrating reasons, as it affects our self esteem and view of ourselves, it distorts our outlook on the world and other people, alienates us from traditional interactions with others-it affects everything-life-death-guilt-self judgement,also dellusions and hallucinations,negative attention,suicidal feelings, which, for a Christian is even worse and a recipe for more self guilt and judgement. Sometimes my partner doesn't believe me when I try to explain how unbearable I feel and even laughs at me when I am suicidal. I try to behave civilized and self composed but I'll never be as 'normal' and never completely Psychotic-just teetering on the borderline, not quite either! I experience feelings of exilerating exitement and contentment at times & full of praise to God and creativity which makes everything seem worth it-even the extreem opposite realms of sorrow I'd felt last week-it can be beautiful to be so raw and sensitive to life-one time I am so eager and full of love for others and another time I could murder someone just for looking at me or for simply being in front of me in the post office queue. AAAARRRGGGHHHHHHH! God Bless(yes it's a tolerable day)! x

 

[goldenviolet]

have you exsperianced DBT (dialectical behavior theraphy)? i got so much out of it that i did it for two years, earning a certificate in it. i had both one on one theraphy and group counseling too. i just learned so much that i took the classes twice. being around others with BPD was a huge eye opener too. my eldest daughter took it too... she had the same results. we both walked away with so many managing skills.
i looked DBT on google and got several sites. xo dee

 

[madison1101]

Do not give up. Get into therapy with a licensed psychotherapist who practices Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I made radical changes in my behavior and thinking and have had years of peace and serenity. Three years ago, I relapsed with my alcoholism, and the behaviors and a lot of the thinking patterns as well. When I got sober in January of this year, I started to get a grip on my borderline stuff, but I am not back to where I was in 2005.

Are you on meds? They can help stablize the extreme highs and lows, and help your thinking settle down some, especially the suicidal stuff.

Hang in there. There is hope. This is not the end of the world, just a journey that requires a lot of footwork, and it will not happen over night.

 

[Sarabi]

Hang in there please, there is hope

 

[OlaOlala]

Dear Sarah, you just put into words what I couldn't. That's basically what BPD is in a nutshell. Thank you for finding the articulation for it!

Ola.

 

[mommo9kids]

It is so nice to know that there are people out there who feel like me. Especially a Christian. I wonder often why God has let me continue with this illness, I want so badly to serve Him but I am never able to follow through with things that I was sure he called me to do. I am also Bipolar and have Narcolepsy, so trying to find a medication balance is almost impossible. It is hard to fit in "church lady" circles, never knowing where my behavior might take me.

 

[madison1101]

It is so nice to know that there are people out there who feel like me. Especially a Christian. I wonder often why God has let me continue with this illness, I want so badly to serve Him but I am never able to follow through with things that I was sure he called me to do. I am also Bipolar and have Narcolepsy, so trying to find a medication balance is almost impossible. It is hard to fit in "church lady" circles, never knowing where my behavior might take me.

What type of behavior interferes with fellowshipping with other Christians? Are you in therapy? I don't have any problem fellowshipping. I learned in therapy how to change my behavior so I am appropriate in church circles. If you aren't in therapy, you should get a good Cognitive Behavioral Therapist and work on changing behavior. That is what I have spent most of my years in therapy doing.

I am also bipolar as well, and my meds are stable, so I am not acting out in any way. But, I lost my marriage to BPD and Bipolar Disorder, because I did not change my behavior soon enough.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[_jesusfreak]

it's soo comforting to know that there are other people that feel exactly like me...
sick, struggling with bpd, and we're all christians...
sometimes i get angry at god, everybody tells me that god will cure me if i just decide not to be sick anymore... that is just unacceptable...
god will cure me if he ever thinks that is the best for me, but i get desperate when i hear that i won't have this illness if i don't want to...
what could i say to people that do not take it as seriously as it sould be taken?

thanks,

god bless you all

 

[madison1101]

it's soo comforting to know that there are other people that feel exactly like me...
sick, struggling with bpd, and we're all christians...
sometimes i get angry at god, everybody tells me that god will cure me if i just decide not to be sick anymore... that is just unacceptable...
god will cure me if he ever thinks that is the best for me, but i get desperate when i hear that i won't have this illness if i don't want to...
what could i say to people that do not take it as seriously as it sould be taken?

thanks,

god bless you all

My response to ignorant people who don't understand mental illnesses and personality disorders is simple. "Unless you are a licensed psychiatrist or psychologist, I am not going to trust your opinion on my mental health."

Trish

 

[mommo9kids]

What type of behavior interferes with fellowshipping with other Christians? Are you in therapy? I don't have any problem fellowshipping. I learned in therapy how to change my behavior so I am appropriate in church circles. If you aren't in therapy, you should get a good Cognitive Behavioral Therapist and work on changing behavior. That is what I have spent most of my years in therapy doing.

I am also bipolar as well, and my meds are stable, so I am not acting out in any way. But, I lost my marriage to BPD and Bipolar Disorder, because I did not change my behavior soon enough.

Hugs,
Trish

The type of behavior that can interfere with fellowshipping with other Christians is my outspokeness, my depression which can make me negative, my Bipolar symptoms that leave me wanting things to move at a much faster pace.(why are they all such slackers and not out doing Gods work?). The problem with me feeling like I don't measure up etc...
I am a smart and articulate person and I am not inappropriate but I feel like if I have to change ME to be there, then what is the use? Yes, I am in therapy. I have been in DBT and individual therapy for a while now.
Maybe someday I will feel like I fit in, but I am not there yet.

Patty

 

[JadeTigress]

You did a good job describing it, OP. It's often so hard to describe it if someone asks what's wrong, atleast for me. It's more like, "Well...what isn't wrong?"

Also, for the people asking if other people are on meds or not, it can be a very difficult and lengthy process to figure out what meds work. Especially since BPD is typically not the sole diagnisis. For example, I finally went to see a psychiatrist because I thought I had BPD, and had some issues with depression as well (though my fiance kind of had to prod me a little bit because I couldn't decide if I should go get checked out or not). I came out with a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Compulsive Skin Picking (which is on the OCD spectrum), Borderline Personality Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.

And for anyone who thinks that it's all an act or that you can just stop being sick if you want to be, that's pure bunk. And they should be made aware of that. The way in which they are made aware is, of course, entirely dependent on my mood in that particular moment.

 

[madison1101]

You did a good job describing it, OP. It's often so hard to describe it if someone asks what's wrong, atleast for me. It's more like, "Well...what isn't wrong?"

Also, for the people asking if other people are on meds or not, it can be a very difficult and lengthy process to figure out what meds work. Especially since BPD is typically not the sole diagnisis. For example, I finally went to see a psychiatrist because I thought I had BPD, and had some issues with depression as well (though my fiance kind of had to prod me a little bit because I couldn't decide if I should go get checked out or not). I came out with a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Compulsive Skin Picking (which is on the OCD spectrum), Borderline Personality Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.

And for anyone who thinks that it's all an act or that you can just stop being sick if you want to be, that's pure bunk. And they should be made aware of that. The way in which they are made aware is, of course, entirely dependent on my mood in that particular moment.

I know how difficult finding the right meds can be for any psychiatric patient, not just us BPDers. The docs often have to try different meds out and then adjust the levels till they get the right therapeutic levels. I was fortunate, because my psychiatrist usually hit the nail on the head right away, and only has had to adjust a few times for me, due to me not liking certain side effects, or the med not being as effective as others. And that is over the course of 21 years of treatment.

Good luck with your therapy.

Trish

 

[JadeTigress]

I know how difficult finding the right meds can be for any psychiatric patient, not just us BPDers. The docs often have to try different meds out and then adjust the levels till they get the right therapeutic levels. I was fortunate, because my psychiatrist usually hit the nail on the head right away, and only has had to adjust a few times for me, due to me not liking certain side effects, or the med not being as effective as others. And that is over the course of 21 years of treatment.

Good luck with your therapy.

Trish

Lucky. I wish my meds worked out that easy. I've had a few changes so far, and honestly I can't tell any difference whether I take them or not. So honestly I see no point in spending the money on them when there's no difference, but I'm still taking them anyway just to keep people off my back. Who knows, maybe there is some sort of effect that other people are noticing, and I just can't see it.