boundries and desires

[lovefire]

Ok this may seem a little bit strange. But it is an actual consern of mine. You see, my gf and I have layed down some rules. They are to help us to keep from going too far or really even from being tempted. Because we both want to save EVERYTHING for the proper time. If you haven't noticed I am talking physical effection rules.

I agree and am very happy about that. I want our relationship to be strong in God and I want to respect her and myself. The thing is, it doesn't take much for her to make me aroused. Though I never tell her when I am. All she has to do is say something provocative (not even on purpose) and I get aroused. I don't think it is a bad thing and I have no problem bringing myself under control when it happens. But what I wonder about is if I could have the same effect on her. I mean I think as a husband (which I plan to marry her) it would be good to be able to arouse my wife. At the moment I just don't know if I could. Because there are times we can talk about things and I will get aroused, yet she will be like she is just having a normal chat (and no it isn't dirty talk, it is just things like discusing our views on certain things).

At times I wonder if I can even turn her on at all. I don't think I ever have, and I know she doesn't want me to. I don't want to cross any lines. And I don't want to tempt her. I just want to know that I could "turn her on". I would be crushed if we got married and she told me she never gets aroused by me.

How can I know that I can arouse her without actualy doing so? Because I want to know, but I dont want to tempt her and me either.

 

[FatBurger]

1. God would never put you with someone who you couldn't "turn on". Why would He want you to have a marriage devoid of sex? He wouldn't.

2. She wouldn't be with you if she wasn't attracted to you. Trust me, I've gotten enough "let's be friends" talks to know that.

3. Unless she was just sitting there while you were talking, the simple fact that you need to lay down rules says that there's temptation on her part.


And by the way, you're far from the only person who has asked this question, either to themselves or out loud.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I think in most cases, guys are easier to arouse than girls. So don't think of it as you, but as a gender difference. That type of attraction needs time to develop for most women.

You also say she doesn't want you to turn her on. Well, if a woman, in her mind and heart, is strong enough in that she really does not want to be aroused.... it'll be awfully hard for you to change that before the proper time. Look at it as a good thing, though... she has a very strong desire for purity.

Yes, I am generalizing here, and there always will be exceptions.

 

[lovefire]

And by the way, you're far from the only person who has asked this question, either to themselves or out loud.

Thx, I was wondering about that. I think it is a good thing that she doesn't want me to arouse her. I am very glad that there is a strong sence of purity in her. It's one of the things I love about her in fact.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

At times I wonder if I can even turn her on at all. I don't think I ever have, and I know she doesn't want me to. I don't want to cross any lines. And I don't want to tempt her. I just want to know that I could "turn her on". I would be crushed if we got married and she told me she never gets aroused by me.

How can I know that I can arouse her without actualy doing so? Because I want to know, but I dont want to tempt her and me either.

Well the thing that jumps out to me, is that you have never even really talked to her about this. SO you are just assuming that you DONT turn her on. I can immagine that this could be a very akward discussion, but if its bothering you that much, maybe you should mention it to her. Chances are there is a good possibility that she thinks or feels the same as you do.

Comming from a female's perspective, chances are you DO turn her on. I dont think she would be with you (and from the way you sound in your post-it sounds like you have talked about marriage with this girl) if she was not attracted to you in any way. And yes, chances are you do turn her on. She is probally just really good at not showing it, and it sounds like she is gurding her heart. (Which is a very good thing.)

In my case, I am VERY attracted to my S/O, he is very sexy and Im crazy about him, and yeah I think well what if I dont "turn" him on? Or does he ever think im sexy blah blah blah. SO chances are, your girlfriend is thinking the same tihngs that you are. Just be really careful though, to me it sounds like you may be crossing lines or boundaries in your mind that maybe you shouldnt be. If you are becomming aroused at the thoughts of your girlfriend, perhaps your thoughts arnt where they should be.

It its bothering you that much, Id say talk to her. But be careful that your conversation dosent lead you down a dark path. Or better yet, talk about it somewheres where you are not alone. Maybe out at a restaurtant or something, but I wouldnt have this discussion alone. It might be too tempting.

 

[loved]

Ok this may seem a little bit strange. But it is an actual consern of mine. You see, my gf and I have layed down some rules. They are to help us to keep from going too far or really even from being tempted. Because we both want to save EVERYTHING for the proper time. If you haven't noticed I am talking physical effection rules.

Me and My boyfriend discussed "boundaries", I think It's good for people in a christian relationship to do that.

I agree and am very happy about that. I want our relationship to be strong in God and I want to respect her and myself. The thing is, it doesn't take much for her to make me aroused. Though I never tell her when I am. All she has to do is say something provocative (not even on purpose) and I get aroused. I don't think it is a bad thing and I have no problem bringing myself under control when it happens. But what I wonder about is if I could have the same effect on her. I mean I think as a husband (which I plan to marry her) it would be good to be able to arouse my wife. At the moment I just don't know if I could. Because there are times we can talk about things and I will get aroused, yet she will be like she is just having a normal chat (and no it isn't dirty talk, it is just things like discusing our views on certain things).

The things with guys is that it's much easier to tell if they're aroused , with girls you can't.

Also I think Guys do get more aroused easily. It probably hasn't even crossed your girlfriends mind that you are getting aroused, because females don't think like that .

At times I wonder if I can even turn her on at all. I don't think I ever have, and I know she doesn't want me to. I don't want to cross any lines. And I don't want to tempt her. I just want to know that I could "turn her on". I would be crushed if we got married and she told me she never gets aroused by me.

How can I know that I can arouse her without actualy doing so? Because I want to know, but I dont want to tempt her and me either.

Just talk to her about it, it's better to be open and honest about things like sex, because if you plan to marry this girl, then you should both know where you stand on the issue.

Also, I can guarantee that if she marries you, that she will be turned on by you Sex is just as important to women as it is men. I think anyway.......

 

[Eluzai]

Can you arouse her? God created men and women to be companions (read Genesis)... God blatantly loves sex in marriage. I can guarentee that God can sort out ANY problems you have with sex. If you are worried, pray about it. Pray to God that you will have good sex when you get married... If I get worried about it that's what I do. I'm hoping all these prayers will stack up and its going to be AWESOME! Haha... but anyways its not a problem for like 99% of couples... pray about it and cross the bridge when you come to it.

Don't be tempted to try and to arouse her... you will arouse her and then you'll feel gutted that you had so little faith. So have faith... Christian sex in marriage is the best sex in the world... (or so serveys say). You're going to have great sex mate, just make sure you save it for the right time when God's blessing it!

Sorry I went on a bit... I just get excited... (in a non sexual way!!!)

 

[FatBurger]

...but anyways its not a problem for like 99% of couples...

...Christian sex in marriage is the best sex in the world... (or so serveys say)...

Can you tell me where you got both of these facts from? I'm curious.

 

[TriptychR]

I dont think she would be with you (and from the way you sound in your post-it sounds like you have talked about marriage with this girl) if she was not attracted to you in any way. And yes, chances are you do turn her on. She is probally just really good at not showing it, and it sounds like she is gurding her heart. (Which is a very good thing.)

Bingo. I couldn't have said it better myself.

I don't think you should worry so much about physical attraction, though. It sounds like you have a very solid relationship outside of that factor. It also sounds like you two are capable of keeping your physical feelings in check, which is fantastic. Like Fish said, just be careful.