Boundaries

[none the wiser]

This is a topic that has long been debated, but being as the forum is rather messed up atm, I wanted to post a new topic about it, and perhaps group the previous topics a little bit.

How did you decide how far was too far, physically speaking? What were those boundaries, once you did decide them? Did the two of you have differing ideas of where you should stop? I'm a little bit new...well very new, to all of these questions, so I'd like some opinions. Thanks

 

[peanutbutter12]

If you need to question whether something is right or wrong, chances are that it's wrong and you shouldn't be doing it. Nuff said.

CJ

 

[fungku]

no kissing.

I like kissing way too much, and it leads to other things way too easily.

so, for me, i can't do it.

i don't mean a peck on the cheek or even the lips, though. which i think would be fine. i mean a real kiss.

 

[none the wiser]

If you need to question whether something is right or wrong, chances are that it's wrong and you shouldn't be doing it. Nuff said.

CJ

That's the thing though. The previous poster draws the line at kissing, because he feels it's wrong. I don't feel the least bit wrong about kissing. So is it individual to each couple? Aside from sex, that's not really up for debate.

 

[keyz]

That's the thing though. The previous poster draws the line at kissing, because he feels it's wrong. I don't feel the least bit wrong about kissing. So is it individual to each couple? Aside from sex, that's not really up for debate.

Everyone is different. Everyone will have different convictions. Everyone is affected differently by different actions. You draw the boundary line where you go down a sinful path or where you cause your partner to go down one (they must communicate though). Boundaries are set to keep us from going into a place of sin.

Kissing is not necessarily the sin. It's what develops. For some it might cause lust. For others it might cause a need of man. That need of man can develop into idolatry. For some it turns into an act of selfishness. It just depends who you are and if you are really honest with your heart. Some people have no problem smooching.

It really comes down to.. what does God say about this? In my actions, is there sin attached?

 

[peanutbutter12]

Everyone is different. Everyone will have different convictions. Everyone is affected differently by different actions. You draw the boundary line where you go down a sinful path or where you cause your partner to go down one (they must communicate though). Boundaries are set to keep us from going into a place of sin.

This pretty much sums it up. If you are not convicted of something, you are more than likely not going to question it. What it comes down to is common sense. Think about it.

CJ

 

[TravellingGrace]

I think it really depends, because no matter where you set your boundaries, you're going to push them... so sometimes I think it's a good idea to just... set them so ridiculously far from what you normally would just so you don't cross a line...

 

[fungku]

That's the thing though. The previous poster draws the line at kissing, because he feels it's wrong. I don't feel the least bit wrong about kissing. So is it individual to each couple? Aside from sex, that's not really up for debate.

I don't feel kissing is wrong at all.

It just make it way to easy for me to stop thinking clearly, and the "stop lines" quickly get blurry.

So, for me, kissing isn't wrong, but it can quickly lead me into things that are.

 

[fungku]

I think it really depends, because no matter where you set your boundaries, you're going to push them... so sometimes I think it's a good idea to just... set them so ridiculously far from what you normally would just so you don't cross a line...

*a-hem*

 

[TravellingGrace]

*a-hem*

my point proven

 

[barefeetonholyground]

If you walk in on your teenage doing it in 20 years or so and you get upset, don't do it.

 

[jesusfreak2313]

What do you think of touching and kissing the gf's bare breasts and it doesn't lead to anything else?

 

[Inperfected]

If you walk in on your teenage doing it in 20 years or so and you get upset, don't do it.

Brilliant!

What do you think of touching and kissing the gf's bare breasts and it doesn't lead to anything else?

Ok, I think i need to give the general male population a "female stimulation" lesson. This is a sensual zone. It will lead to sexual arousal, not only for her, but obviously you as you do this. It may not lead to "anything" else at the start, but trust me, it will in due course.

This is how I lost my virginity. Only thing that can be saved at all, is at least he is going to be my husband.

 

[fungku]

jesusfreak2313, i hope you're not serious

 

[miss_klara]

It was a little bit tricky knowing where I was crossing my boyfriend's lines, at first. We played with a little too much fire from the start, and I found it easy to draw back when I needed to, but it wasn't till after more than a month that he stopped one day and pointed out what a struggle it was for him. That first boundaries talk hurt, because we both kinda realised that we'd been heading down a very serious path... We still need to revise boundaries just about every week. But a lot of our behaviour has changed. In fact, we haven't needed to discuss boundaries for the last two weeks because we introduced a rule which says "if it causes heavy/faster breathing, it's too much". So we can both see the tell tale signs and put the brakes on. Plus, from our previous times together, we both have good ideas of what brings on the faster/heavier breathing.... So we avoid it.

My boyfriend was saying that a youth pastor at his church did a talk on boundaries, and the different levels. He said he was amazed to find out that couples who kissed with tongue, statistically were more likely to have pre-marital sex... Despite a lot of the teenagers in the congregation believing otherwise!!

 

[Kitten87]

ideally kissing and a cuddle tht'll be it.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

The problem with my current bf was that we didn't discuss clear boundaries at the start other than no sex before marriage. With my ex bf he set very clear boundaries by the second or third date before we had even hugged.
I was taken by surprise after my current bf and I kissed for the first time after not being kissed in more than 7 years. I had no idea that this man who I would never have looked twice at could cause such a reaction with a kiss. The boundaries that I had in my mind were crossed before I knew what was happening in subsequent dates.
It doesn't help that my bf, even though he knows premarital sex is not what God wants, want to engage in it and has in previous relationships. The fact that we've both been married before probably puts a different spin on things too.

 

[yourusernameoptionsSUCK]

I hate to bring up a differing point of view, but does the Bible say anything about boundaries? I know someone pointed out that if it leads to lust its wrong, I want to know exactly where in the Bible does it say it is ok to kiss before marriage?

 

[Briseis]

That is a very different take. Usually ppl say, "where does it say I cant?" not, "Where does it say I can?" The bible is very unclear on physical boundaries. Aside from sex, all it really says is to not arouse love before it is ready. But it is clear on following our convictions, no matter what they concern. Aside from things that cause lust and arousal, I think that whenever you wonder or feel the slightest bit dirty, its God telling you its too much.

 

[lovesbrightpink]

When I would meet guys before my fiance My line was kissing and a little more, I wish I had just stopped at kissing or never kissed all of those boys. When I met my fiance and we knew that we were going to marry. We are married in our hearts and so I kinda let those boundaries move alot.