born again virgin?

[lori96]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and half. He's incredible. Neither of us were virgins coming into the relationship.

I've spent many years denying God, and it's only recently that I've come back to the church. I've felt God tugging at my heart telling me to live a different life. My boyfriend has been so wonderful and supportive, and he seems to enjoy coming to church with me. We've been having sex throughout our relationship, and I recently told him that I wanted to wait until we were married. He doesn't share the same beliefs, but he told me he respected the decision and was willing to wait.

I'm so scared. It's not about sex, it's not even about being scared that he'll change his mind and leave me. I know that he loves me. I guess I'm scared of what God's going to ask me to do next. What if I end up driving this wonderful man away? He's my best friend. I can feel myself pushing Christianity on him. I know part of him is interested. I want to introduce him to Jesus in a loving way, but I feel so overwhelmed.

I need help. Sometimes I feel such peace because I know that I'm doing what God has asked. Other times I feel...trapped. Is it even worth waiting until marriage at this point? I need some words of encouragement, advice, anything...

 

[shaslove]

I would say allow your lifestyle to change him. Do not overwhelm him...be Jesus with skin on.

 

[Jonesie]

I would highly suggest that y'all wait to continue having sex until your married. At this point it may seem like there is no reason to wait, but by waiting you are denying your own desires and instead honoring God's will in your life. A very real concept that you must understand is that it is dangerous for you to be marrying someone that is not a Christian. It is not necessarily dooming the marriage, however it may lead to many circumstances in which you are "unequally yoked" with your partner. It is awesome that he is interested in persuing Christianity. The best thing that you can do in this situation is to let your life be an example of Christ. Don't let your actions be stumbling blocks. Going to church on a regular basis and inviting him to come is very important. Reading your Bible everyday is crucial. The time that you get to spend with God each day will help you to grow and God will bless you in more way than one. If y'all are living together, I would highly suggest considering moving out. Granted that is way easier said than done, but many problems come from being housed together before marriage. The temptation for sex is much greater when you are in this setting. If you are wanting to refrain from sex, DO NOT tempt him in anyway. As men, we fall into sexual temptation very quickly. Do your part for him. Also, God calls us not to do certain actions before becoming marriage. Just more food for thought. Gently "evangelize" your significant other. Your willingness to understand and be able to answer questions for him will go a long way. Keep praying.

 

[OceanGirl]

Totally wait! I believe there is such thing as being a born again virgin. Because if you confess this sin to God and ask him to forgive you, it's like it never happened. As for your boyfriend, I think that him being willing enough to respect your decision is good. It may also be a test. If all he wants from you is sex and wants out of the relationship because he isn't getting it, then it probably isn't worth it to stay in the relationship since it would appear to be mainly physical attraction.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

That is something to be proud of; stopping an activity that you know is not honoring God. Yes, it is a very good idea to wait until marriage before having sex again. Your relationship has a chance to grow in other important areas. You're also being an example of how Christians should act to your bf-not taking him farther away from a relationship with God.

My ex-h was not a Christian when we started dating and got engaged. I was not a good example to him in our physical relationship. His "conversion" after I finally did start living like a Christian never took and let to divorce and two kids without a father.

 

[holo]

I don't want to tell you what to believe or how to behave. But I suggest you figure out why you believe God would have you abstain from sex until you're married. Don't just accept it as some sort of given christian rule. Get some substance to it (my GF did that recently. She decided to rethink the whole thing, since her determination to stay virgin until marriage was basically just a christian rule she'd adopted. She thought it through and decided that she wants to wait until marriage).

Anyway, your BF sounds like a good man. Let him know how much you appreciate his respect and patience.

 

[Paddington]

It's definitely worth waiting especially if you feel that what God's asked you to do I find it hard to talk to my boyfriend about my faith as well without feeling like I'm "pushing it onto him", but I know that God's pleased that I try and that's the most important thing.

 

[RenewedbyFaith]

It's natural for an unsaved person to want to have sex outside of marriage. We were all raised with the teaching that sex is okay as long as you have protection. And tv certainly teaches the same thing. In all the sex scenes, the only thing that matters is they have a condom.

Christians aren't natural people though. We are special people. We don't follow our natural instincts, we follow the teachings and morality of God. God has certainly condemned sex outside of marriage.

There are all sorts of penalties for people who have sex outside of marriage, and not just religious penalties. In my work, I see a lot of girls and women who are suffering the consequences of sex outside of marriage. I see about 50 women a week who have sexually transmitted diseases, from candida to HIV. It's hard for me to tell a young woman, "I'm sorry, the condom didn't protect you and you will have herpes for the rest of your life." And that's one of the easier ones. Telling a young woman that her abortion scarred her uterus so badly that she will probably never have children, telling her she has HIV, telling her that her skin is yellowish because she has hepatitis, those are all very unfun byproducts of sex outside of marriage. Many of the women I see have more than one STD, and some have more than 3 STDs all at the same time. God's people shouldn't have to deal with any of that.

If you are saved and your boyfriend isn't, it is not possible that he is God's will for your life. Your lives will be like travelling with two different maps. Your map wants to lead you to heaven, but his map wants to lead you to a lot of pain and agony. You can't take both paths, you will have to choose, and more often than not, women choose to follow their men, which will lead to a lot of agony. If he can't respect your values now while you are dating and he is trying to convince you he loves you, he will never respect your values after he has you.

Trust me, breaking up with an unsaved guy is a lot easier than living with half a dozen STDs. A guy who pressures you for sex, or even asks you for sex outside of marriage doesn't really love you, he just loves the sex.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

If he leaves you because of your convictions, then he doesn't deserve you. If he really cares about you, he will support and respect your decision. That is that.

 

[RenewedbyFaith]

And I've seen lots of women try to evangelize by dating, but it doesn't work. It's a lot more likely that you will end up not practicing your faith than it is that he will adopt your faith.

 

[Anna207]

I think your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful person-- a real prize! Not many people would be so understanding and supportive if their partner suddenly announced they wanted to put a halt to intimacies until marriage.

I agree with what some of the people posting said. The best way to go about it is by example. You said he attends church with you and "part of him is interested". The potential is there, but please don't push it on him. I know this is a strong way of putting it, but it is a lot like being "nagged" into doing something. The person is less likely to go along with it.

As for a Christian and an unsaved person in a relationship, I had not been baptized yet when I married my husband (and it took a lot of paperwork and counseling before the church would approve it). I eventually took that leap. It was all around me and I felt comfortable because nobody was pushing me into it. You have to feel like it was your choice and not somebody else's in order to give it wings.

As for your fear of what God will ask you to do next, you can't let that drive you. That's like walking around in constant fear that an airplane is going come out of the sky and crash down on you. Go about your life. When the time comes, I truly believe that God never asks of us more than we are capable of handling.

Anna

 

[RenewedbyFaith]

It's different for women than it is for men.

Statistically, if a man comes to faith in a religion, his wife/GF will follow him into that faith. But if it is the woman who has the faith, chances are less than half that her husband/BF will follow.

Men often have the attitude that faith is for women, or that they don't want to do something just because their woman expects them to.

This is true over all the religions and cultures. Whether a man is a Buddhist, a Muslim or a Christian, chances are about 75% that his female significant other will convert to his religion.

If she wants a Christian marriage, she's better off dating a man who's already a Christian.

 

[Lumen]

It's natural for an unsaved person to want to have sex outside of marriage. We were all raised with the teaching that sex is okay as long as you have protection. And tv certainly teaches the same thing. In all the sex scenes, the only thing that matters is they have a condom.

Christians aren't natural people though. We are special people. We don't follow our natural instincts, we follow the teachings and morality of God. God has certainly condemned sex outside of marriage.

There are all sorts of penalties for people who have sex outside of marriage, and not just religious penalties. In my work, I see a lot of girls and women who are suffering the consequences of sex outside of marriage. I see about 50 women a week who have sexually transmitted diseases, from candida to HIV. It's hard for me to tell a young woman, "I'm sorry, the condom didn't protect you and you will have herpes for the rest of your life." And that's one of the easier ones. Telling a young woman that her abortion scarred her uterus so badly that she will probably never have children, telling her she has HIV, telling her that her skin is yellowish because she has hepatitis, those are all very unfun byproducts of sex outside of marriage. Many of the women I see have more than one STD, and some have more than 3 STDs all at the same time. God's people shouldn't have to deal with any of that.

If you are saved and your boyfriend isn't, it is not possible that he is God's will for your life. Your lives will be like travelling with two different maps. Your map wants to lead you to heaven, but his map wants to lead you to a lot of pain and agony. You can't take both paths, you will have to choose, and more often than not, women choose to follow their men, which will lead to a lot of agony. If he can't respect your values now while you are dating and he is trying to convince you he loves you, he will never respect your values after he has you.

Trust me, breaking up with an unsaved guy is a lot easier than living with half a dozen STDs. A guy who pressures you for sex, or even asks you for sex outside of marriage doesn't really love you, he just loves the sex.

I just love how you are saying he's unsaved, and you don't even know him. Talk about judging.

 

[Lumen]

It's different for women than it is for men.

Statistically, if a man comes to faith in a religion, his wife/GF will follow him into that faith. But if it is the woman who has the faith, chances are less than half that her husband/BF will follow.

Men often have the attitude that faith is for women, or that they don't want to do something just because their woman expects them to.

This is true over all the religions and cultures. Whether a man is a Buddhist, a Muslim or a Christian, chances are about 75% that his female significant other will convert to his religion.

If she wants a Christian marriage, she's better off dating a man who's already a Christian.

If she really loves this person and he loves her, there's no reason for her to date anyone else.

 

[Maceor]

How do i become a born virgin?

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I just love how you are saying he's unsaved, and you don't even know him. Talk about judging.

The original posted SAID already that he's not a believer. Go read the original post again and don't try to cause trouble.

 

[sherri]

What others have said. If he leaves you because of your convictions then he doesn't really love you and never has. You don't want to end up married to a guy like that.

Also, if you obey God then he'll be on your side in that you'll have his support. If you ignore him then you can't expect him to be walking with you through the relationship and blessing it.

And as for being worried about what God is going to ask you to do next? God only asks us to do things that will bless us in the long run not hurt us. He's for us not against us.

 

[OceanGirl]

As for the comment on evangelizing while dating, yes, it can be successful. My boyfriend and I were both slipping in our faith before we met each other. Now, together, we are stronger in God's love.

 

[Sketcher]

Well, you've got your work cut out for you. He may be thinking that Christianity is coming between him and sex with you, and therefore to him it would be coming between him and you period. All I can tell you though is better to obey sooner than later. Yes, it will be worth it to wait until marriage, because by doing so you are starting to please God and He never fails to reward us for obedience either in this life or the next.

 

[Lumen]

The original posted SAID already that he's not a believer. Go read the original post again and don't try to cause trouble.

#1. No. The post did not say that. It said he had different beliefs than Christianity.

#2. Different beliefs than Christianity does not mean the person is "unsaved", or that they're not going to heaven.

#3. To say so is to imply you are God, because you think you know who's "saved" and who isn't.