Bored and lonely...man, what a life!

[5kidsdad]

Just needed to vent, as we all do at times. I don't have the kids this weekend, so I am left to my own this weekend. I will see them Sunday, and have them for a few hours after church. With school starting, they will have to be with their mom, instead of staying with me on Sunday nights. That is really tearing me up. Her sin, my punishment, just dosen't seem fair. I now live in another city, so I can't see them every day. We will see how the case goes. Hopefully it will work out, and I can get the kids in a shared plan. I called to talk to the kids, and she doesn't have the kids tonight either, they are styaying with family. Oh well, just bummed I guess. I miss the talks, the friendship, etc. Not enough to go back, but still miss it. When the kids are with me, the void is filled with laughter, smiles hugs, kisses and pure love. Man, I miss them. Anyway, not trying to bring anyone down, just venting I guess.

Try to enjoy the weekend all, and God bless,

5kidsdad

 

[whimzgirl]

Hang in there! I can only imagine how hard this is for you but I know there are lots of people praying for you. Feel free to vent anytime -- that makes it ok for us to vent too!! See you're really helping us along!!

 

[5kidsdad]

Easier said than done. I will not put myself in the position to be messewd with again. In her own words, she has looked before when she was married to me. This time, she actually went out and acted on it. Meanwhile, she is filling others minds with garbage about me. There is no repentence in her heart, no remorse, nothing. I confronted her and her family with the proof, and she flatly denied it. There is absolutely no doubt about the proof. It is good. So, I'm sorry, but you do not know what I have had to face for the years of my marriage, and the garbage that I am facing now. I am clear by the Word of God. I would have been willing to work on it, but her attitude and spirit after the confrontation will not allow it. She needs help, mentally and spiritually. I am going to move past, and be a great father to my 5 kids. With any luck, I will get split parenting, if not full custody. I wish that life were so easy as to say, go back and work it out. That only happens if there is a willing party on the other side. I didn't leave the marriage first, and I am only "playing the hand that I have been dealt." As I have told my pastor, I am very pro marriage, just not so much on this one now. It is hard enough to try and work past my feelings of inadequacy, and feeling like a complete failure. Some people who are on this site have tried, and it has been thrown back in their face. I am one of them. We are trying to move past the hurts, and trying to be the best Christians we can be, and be the best parents that we can be. There are no misconcepptions about this in my heart. This is going to be hard, tough, and it will stink. We all need God's help, no questions asked. We need the support of each other here on these posts. That's what we are trying to do. May God help us all, as we are small and weak without Him and His grace.


5kidsdad

 

[RobinRedbreast]

5kidsdad just try to stay positive about everything going on, and cling to God because the likes of man really tend to mess up the likes of God. No one knows your heart, and no one knows the path God has planned for you, except YOU and GOD. Don't worry Stay positive. And make good use out of the ignore list

 

[Orev905]

Wow man, that suks. Hope you find something amazing to do or you're gonna be bummed of a while.

 

[5kidsdad]

Please do not misunderstand my last post. As I have found in this forum, we all have our bad and good days. Again, I have no misconceptions of the hill that I have to climb. I also have a great support group with me, including friends, family, and church members. I also have a great big God who is able to all things, and comfort me as well. I have my moments, as we all do. As this is a fgresh wound, and something that I never thought I would go through, it is tough. However, I will come through it, and will be stronger, and better in the end. Today is rough, because I don't have any of my kids. I am with family, and will try to enjoy the day, and just relax. I will remember this, however, "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

God bless,

5kidsdad

 

[5kidsmom]

i am new to this site. I seen we have choose close to the same names. LOL I can only imagin how you feel. with 5 kids in the house all the time to them being gone alot. I feel for you. I love my kids alot also. and i am very proud of you for wanting to be a good father and still leaning on God thru this and not doing the wrong things like cheating also just to get even or anything like that. God will make it better for you in the end. I have been thru alot also and i know the pain your feeling. It is not fun to have the one you love and want to spend your life with to dump on ya. I know i have been thur things like this also. maybe we can talk in private. but i am not sure how to go about it on here as i am new to this site. Know i am thinking about you and would love to talk to ya.

 

[5kidsdad]

Well, welcome 5kidsmom. This is a great site that has been a great help to me these past few months. You will find that the people here are amazing, and that they have insight that we need when we need it, and we have insight for them when they need it. It is truly a great place to be. I am looking for a miracle, but still have realistic expectations concerning custody. There is a court hearing in a few weeks, and the judge will be acting on our teams submissions for custody. As a man, no matter where you are, it is a tough, uphill climb to gain custody of the children. All I can do is pray and hope. That is what I will continue to cling to. I really enjoy the time I have with my 5 when I have them, and count the days until I see them again. Only a couple of days left, and they are with me. I'll keep you all up to date.

God bless,

5kidsdad

 

[TealTuesday]

i just cry alot.

 

[catlover]

I think it is best to get in touch with who you are again...

 

[leadinglady311]

I applaud you 5kidsdad. I sent my oldest son to live with his father for 5 months due to his acting up my needing help. This was in another state. Group it was the hardest 5 months of my life. I cried every day, I missed my baby so much.

So hence my disgust when I think of my husband who has seen my youngest son so little, how can you have been in a childs life every day for 5 years and just jump out of his life.?? It hurts me to feel my son's hurt. I applaud you again and I pray for peace for you and that you are able to be around your kids more often including holidays. It will happen, I call it forth for you. Stay encouraged.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I have my kids, but I'm lonely. Never bored. I have a million things that I'm trying to avoid. I hate doing this single parent thing. It's much better than what my marriage was, but come on God! Just put me in the right path and open my eyes to the right one!

 

[5kidsdad]

I am bored and lonely most of the time. I have the kids this weekend while their mother is away. Good for me!!! At least I know they are safe. I want so much to have custody, and realize it is an uphill strugle for men. If I were to be blessed with that, it would take care of the loneliness. After the divorce is done, and I have had time to heal, then maybe I would be ready for someone. But honestly, who is going to think a middle aged man, with kids, gray hair, and some extra baggage is going to be a catch? I am somewhat realistic in my expectations here. I just want to be a good dad in any siituation. I also want the female that I married to get help, get her head on straight, and be a good mom to my kids. I also want her to be saved. Right now, not a chance...too much lying. I would like us to be civil, but I will not trust her ever again, ever. I am hurt, yes. I guess time will tell whether there will ever be healing with her. I am tired of feeling like a "donor" to the DNA of my children when it comes to her. Very, very aggrivating. Sorry, began to vent...

God bless,

5kidsdad

 

[hope4today]

It's ok to vent 5kidsdad. It's a tough road and like David did in the Psalms, we just need to cry out our pain. I encourare you to take it to God as well, but by the sounds of it, I'm sure you're already doing that.

I too am often lonely and bored. I understand. Like EBL I have plenty to do but manage to avoid most of it most of the time and be bored instead

I have 3 daughters and they are all out this morning. I was just lying here in bed longing for someone to share this quiet sleep-in day with.

It wasn't meant to be this way and it's normal to ache with the seperation from your wife and children 5KD but praise God, he is faithful. He has proven that to me over and over through my separation and divorce. It has not always gone the way I wanted it to but he has always been there, always seen us through and he will do the same for you.

A line from that John Denver song is going through my head "Some days are diamond, some days are stone" There may be more stone days than diamond right now but the time will come when there will be diamond days again. Faith, Hope and Love remain.

Bless you heaps

 

[leadinglady311]

I also want the female that I married to get help, get her head on straight, and be a good mom to my kids. I also want her to be saved. Right now, not a chance...too much lying. I would like us to be civil, but I will not trust her ever again, ever. I am hurt, yes.
5kidsdad

you are so not alone on this statement. God had directed me to change the way I pray for my soon to be ex and not to pray for the reconciliation of our marriage but to pray for his soul and his mind. Mind you this is hard because my (H) is also saved and knows the word of God for himself. There is nothing less than a spiritual attack on him and it has caused him to act, talk and and behave like a complete jerk and be very hurtful at times. My concern now is like 5dads, I just want him to be a better father.......

 

[eatenbylocusts]

After the divorce is done, and I have had time to heal, then maybe I would be ready for someone. But honestly, who is going to think a middle aged man, with kids, gray hair, and some extra baggage is going to be a catch? I am somewhat realistic in my expectations here.
God bless,

5kidsdad

I know a lot of women who just want a godly man. A lot of us have experienced enough bad relationships, that a godly man shines like a diamond. They aren't easy to find.

Maybe you are already doing everything you need to do, but many of the men I've dated are not reading the Bible every day and aren't involved with a small group which would give them some accountability. I went to a seminar last night and I'm planning on making Bible reading an everyday event, go to my orientation classes at my new church and then get plugged in to a small group. Now I have a list of things that I'm going to be looking for in a man because I'm looking for a spiritual leader.

 

[LivingProof8]

It's very difficult not to fluctuate between feeling "strong and empowered" to feeling "lonely and vulnerable". My husband left my son and I almost 4 months ago and everyday is an uphill battle for piece of mind. My husband is also saved and knows God but is, I believe going through a difficult, depressive period that he refuses to get help for or even acknowledge his problem. Although, he asks to spend time with our son and visits with him, I still believe that we a person walks out on a marriage, then also walk out on a family, which for me, makes it difficult for me to allow him that sort of "entry". Somedays, it's OK and I focus all my energy on my son and activities with him and other days, I long for adult companionship. I know that God does not insight marital woes but I do believe that every trial we endure is for a reason; whether it be to make us stronger, to learn things about ourselves or to save us future devastation, it's for a reason. I just try daily to hold on to that and continue to pray that Christ lead me where I should. Though patience is very difficult.

 

[Carolyn H]

Easier said than done. I will not put myself in the position to be messewd with again. In her own words, she has looked before when she was married to me. This time, she actually went out and acted on it. Meanwhile, she is filling others minds with garbage about me. There is no repentence in her heart, no remorse, nothing. I confronted her and her family with the proof, and she flatly denied it. There is absolutely no doubt about the proof. It is good. So, I'm sorry, but you do not know what I have had to face for the years of my marriage, and the garbage that I am facing now. I am clear by the Word of God. I would have been willing to work on it, but her attitude and spirit after the confrontation will not allow it. She needs help, mentally and spiritually. I am going to move past, and be a great father to my 5 kids. With any luck, I will get split parenting, if not full custody. I wish that life were so easy as to say, go back and work it out. That only happens if there is a willing party on the other side. I didn't leave the marriage first, and I am only "playing the hand that I have been dealt." As I have told my pastor, I am very pro marriage, just not so much on this one now. It is hard enough to try and work past my feelings of inadequacy, and feeling like a complete failure. Some people who are on this site have tried, and it has been thrown back in their face. I am one of them. We are trying to move past the hurts, and trying to be the best Christians we can be, and be the best parents that we can be. There are no misconcepptions about this in my heart. This is going to be hard, tough, and it will stink. We all need God's help, no questions asked. We need the support of each other here on these posts. That's what we are trying to do. May God help us all, as we are small and weak without Him and His grace.


5kidsdad

Do you pray for your ex-wife??? I pray for my ex-husband!