Did you bond with your baby instantly? If you've had a previous loss or had a long ttc journey did this make a difference to your feelings just after birth?
Just curious.
Just curious.
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Bonding
- Thread starter Assisi
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sparassidae
In Christ Alone
Yes I did (all of them 
). I had a very early loss between 1 and 2, but I don't think that made any difference to how I bonded.
Actually, to me, the really close bonding (vs the pregnancy bonding, which while significant is still a bit abstract) begins when labour starts. I really start to talk to baby, encouraging etc, and start to feel the love that just accelerates when I actually get to meet him/her.
I don't really know if that makes any sense.........
). I had a very early loss between 1 and 2, but I don't think that made any difference to how I bonded.Actually, to me, the really close bonding (vs the pregnancy bonding, which while significant is still a bit abstract) begins when labour starts. I really start to talk to baby, encouraging etc, and start to feel the love that just accelerates when I actually get to meet him/her.
I don't really know if that makes any sense.........
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TCat
Daily surrender
I was in love with and bonded instantly with my first, but it took a little while longer with my second. I was ambivilant about having a second child and was in a rough place emotionally. But oh, it did not take long, she was so little (4 lbs) and so absolutely perfect.
Ahhh, actually 4 years later I still think she is little and nearly perfect!
Ahhh, actually 4 years later I still think she is little and nearly perfect!
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My experience is similar to TCAT's. I bonded with my firstborn quickly and took longer with my second...
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A
AJ29
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I think I bonded quicker with my first too... but now... as much as I don't like to play favourites, I am just so in love with my second. He is everything a baby should be!
If you have trouble bonding, seriously, seek help. It can be an early indicator of post natal depression. I think bonding with a baby after a loss would be more difficult. It could feel quite surreal to finally get to the moment of holding your living, breathing child after such great losses.
If you have trouble bonding, seriously, seek help. It can be an early indicator of post natal depression. I think bonding with a baby after a loss would be more difficult. It could feel quite surreal to finally get to the moment of holding your living, breathing child after such great losses.
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i don't know. i don't think i was every not bonded to my kids. i know during the pregnancies of my 5th and 6th children i had a harder time being happy about being pregnant, but once they were in my arms i was in love.
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~Mrs. A2J~
According to your faith will it be done to you
I bonded with my first during pregnancy but when she came out it was like starting all over again for me. I think it was a week or two before I felt like I was actually bonded to my daughter and not just have that "borrowing her" feeling.
With my second he came under very stressful and emotional circumstances. I had very little attachment to him while pregnant except that I just knew he was a boy so strongly (we didn't find out the sex) so a guess I bonded in that very small way. But it wasn't until my son was over a year old that I feel a really started to bond properly with my son and I think that was directly related to the emotional climate improving surrounding his existance.
I haven't done much bonding with number 3 (36 weeks pregnant). I feel like I've been too busy and too tired and preoccupied with other stuff. Hopefully things will change after I hold my baby in my arms
With my second he came under very stressful and emotional circumstances. I had very little attachment to him while pregnant except that I just knew he was a boy so strongly (we didn't find out the sex) so a guess I bonded in that very small way. But it wasn't until my son was over a year old that I feel a really started to bond properly with my son and I think that was directly related to the emotional climate improving surrounding his existance.
I haven't done much bonding with number 3 (36 weeks pregnant). I feel like I've been too busy and too tired and preoccupied with other stuff. Hopefully things will change after I hold my baby in my arms
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Black-bird fly
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My girls it was instant. With my son it took a few months. I didn't love him any less but his personality is so feirce that it was very difficult along with all the life stuff we were dealing with at the time. To be honest though I probably had PPD with him as well that went un-noticed. I'm sure that played a part in it.
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Me too-- with my second I believe it was the excruciating breastfeeding experience that I endured.... and I mean endured. I started thinking about her as a leech and dreading the next time I had to feed and touch her. That is the honest truth. After I stopped breastfeeding, things went much better and she's now my precious baby girl like she should be.
Jury is still out on the new baby, with two others to distract me I sometimes forget he has been born! I get him all fixed up and set him down for a nap and then forget about him until I hear a squeak.... he's so little he just squeaks
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heart of peace
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After a long and drawn out process towards the birth of a child (especially in light of all the hormonal changes taking place) it is natural to expect a sense of emptiness (I don't feel that word is the best choice). Kind of the drop of energy after the climax, it can be a very low feeling and some women who are prone to depression may enter into a mild to severe PPD of some sort. Nearly all women experience it to some extent and that is known as the "baby blues" but anything that lasts beyond that is what is what most think of when they hear postpartum depression.
This can also happen for those who hold high expectations for the birthing process and for parenting in general (including bonding with one's infant). If you have a high desire to bond but come from an upbringing that lacked warmth and affection, then that may serve as a stumbling block to the connection, which trickles down to how one feels about themself, etc.
PPD is something that should be talked about more openly in my opinion. The hospital had me watch a video of shaken baby syndrome and sign the form that I watched it but the hospital said nothing to me about PPD. I didn't read about it because I didn't know what it was. I had never met anyone that I knew had experienced it. It is like a taboo subject in our culture. It is truly unfortunate because many first time mothers lack the help they need in overcoming it and early treatment can do wonders in the mother-infant attachment.
This can also happen for those who hold high expectations for the birthing process and for parenting in general (including bonding with one's infant). If you have a high desire to bond but come from an upbringing that lacked warmth and affection, then that may serve as a stumbling block to the connection, which trickles down to how one feels about themself, etc.
PPD is something that should be talked about more openly in my opinion. The hospital had me watch a video of shaken baby syndrome and sign the form that I watched it but the hospital said nothing to me about PPD. I didn't read about it because I didn't know what it was. I had never met anyone that I knew had experienced it. It is like a taboo subject in our culture. It is truly unfortunate because many first time mothers lack the help they need in overcoming it and early treatment can do wonders in the mother-infant attachment.
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Great thread, I'm very intersted in this too. It's something I'm really scared- that I won't bond. Though already even at just 11 weeks I feel like I love this little baby so much. I can just stare at my ultrasound pictures all day if I could. I just love it sooooo much.
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I did not bond with my firstborn for several months. It was only through breastfeeding that it came about. With my other two it happened much faster.
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I actually felt rather bonded to my babies before they were born, so it was an easy transition for me
Rachel
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I never bonded with any of my pregnancies. I hated being pregnant. I did not bond instantly with my son—that came a few weeks later. But I had hemorrhaged severely during labor and was very weak for the first few weeks after delivery. So that may have played a part. I did bond instantly with my daughter, though. I think it was because I did not hemorrhaged with her as I did with my son.
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I was constantly questioned by hospital staff, my doctors, my midwife - even the pediatrician when he came to visit us at the hospital about how I'm feeling. They asked if I'm down or quiet, if I'm ok etc. For the follow up visits I continued to get questions. My midwife called home quite a bit.
I was speaking to a nurse in the East coast and she mentioned that California is slightly ahead in medical treatments - homeopathic treatments - natural alternatives than other states. It's interesting...
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I felt almost cheated that I did not have this, super fast instant bond with my son I expected. Although I don't connect it to my miscarriage. I think our emergency birth, him being away from me for the first 7 hours of his life, me being stitched up while they got him breathing - that ruined our chances for those quiet moments after birth where he could nurse.
Then between breastfeeding (I will block out the first two months for the next time around) and my postpartum almost insanity, I didn't feel 'bonded' until he was 8-10 weeks old. Maybe if my recovery from the birth had not been so hard or if breastfeeding hadn't been an up hill battle. In the end it's when I was able to nurse my baby pain free and those feelings of sheer love washed over me that I felt bonded to that child. Like someone else said - that I no longer felt like I was borrowing him.
Then between breastfeeding (I will block out the first two months for the next time around) and my postpartum almost insanity, I didn't feel 'bonded' until he was 8-10 weeks old. Maybe if my recovery from the birth had not been so hard or if breastfeeding hadn't been an up hill battle. In the end it's when I was able to nurse my baby pain free and those feelings of sheer love washed over me that I felt bonded to that child. Like someone else said - that I no longer felt like I was borrowing him.
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TCat
Daily surrender
What a great thread! I think that we're conditioned to believe that we are supposed to "bond" immediately with our babies and if we don't something is wrong with us.
I know many women who feel cheated out of those first few minutes after birth where ideally we are supposed to hold our newborn's and start bonding but because of cimcumstances we are unable to do so. The when we don't feel so loving or connected to them in those first few weeks we think something is wrong.
I am glad to see this thread, thanks.
I know many women who feel cheated out of those first few minutes after birth where ideally we are supposed to hold our newborn's and start bonding but because of cimcumstances we are unable to do so. The when we don't feel so loving or connected to them in those first few weeks we think something is wrong.
I am glad to see this thread, thanks.
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Singin4Him
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It was an instant bond which began early in the pregnancy. I had a very early loss a few months before I became pregnant with my DS so I think that helped me realize just how precious the life growing inside me was. When I had him I had no trouble bonding at all. I think breastfeeding and baby wearing encouraged that bond even further.
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