Do you think I am gaining treasure in heaven by not asking or pushing for what I want? Will I be rewarded for giving others what they want when at times it is probably not in their best interest in the long term to have it? I know sometimes I'm enabling those around me to persist with selfish or unhealthy lifestyles. What say you - are motivations more important than deeds?
Hi Curty, we are called (as
@turkle just said) to be wise, and to
speak the truth in love to others ..
Ephesians 4:15. However, if you always choose to say nothing, or to tell your friends what you think they 'want' to hear (rather than what they 'need' to hear), you are disobeying the entirety of that command (IOW, you are neither speaking the truth of God to them, nor are you being loving towards those who need to hear the truth).
Remember too that "loving" others cannot be done by denying or avoiding the truth. As St. Paul said elsewhere,
1 Corinthians 13
6 Love .. does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.
Psalm 85:10b tells us that righteousness and peace have "
kissed" one another. The very same can be said for truth and love. So, always remaining silent, or saying things (especially as a Christian) that cause someone who is outside of Christ to feel good about their sin/sinful lifestyle, is actually the opposite of loving them, isn't it?
As for "enabling" these friends of yours to persist in their sinful lifestyles, I don't think you are doing that, but you are encouraging them (especially if they know that you are a Christian). You have to be wise in how and when you approach them, of course, but if you persist in your silence and never tell them the truth, they will take your ongoing silence as a tacit approval of their behavior.
Praying for them, for their salvation, is the best place to begin, I think, and then pray that the Lord would give you the opportunity to speak to them about Him as well. And if they won't receive the truth when you try, then go back to praying for them again (and for future opportunities to speak to them, for yourself and for others). Sometimes we never know what our prayers and our words mean to others, but God makes us a wonderful promise about not losing heart/persisting in doing good for others, yes ..
Galatians 6:9
Look, I know we live in tough times to be a Christian/speak as a Christian, and I know it's no fun to make people, especially your friends, feel bad, but if we don't love them by speaking the truth to them, who will? Personally, I FAR prefer people pleasing silence to speaking up, so much so that I used to justify my silence by that famous quote that is credited to St. Francis (that he actually neither wrote nor lived), "
Preach the word always, if necessary, use words". Now I try to remember the words of Ligon Duncan instead (see his quote in my signature line below).
Ask the Lord for His help with loving others properly, and then choose to be brave, especially while we have the kind of opportunity to speak the truth of God openly that we do today (because the time may be just around the corner when sharing the truth of the Gospel with others could end up getting us thrown into prison or worse).
Praying for you.
God bless you!
--David
p.s. - I'll add my favorite Spurgeon quote as well, as a means of encouragement, not admonishment