- Apr 12, 2011
- 17,008
- 6,087
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Anglican
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
Brace yourselves, it's a long story....
It all started when I was 14, and my parents announced we were moving across town (I grew up in Houston, and so that's actually a drastic move). I, unquestionably, did not want that move to happen. It almost like there was something speaking out through me that knew this was going to be bad, and I tried everything possible to prevent at least myself from moving there. However, we still ended up moving the summer between my 8th and 9th grade year. At my new school, I had this mentality that I wasn't going to make friends, and these kids didn't like me, which looking back on it was a terrible decision and ultimately resulted in being a self-fulling prophesy as there was really no evidence to actually support my mentality. As a result of this intentional, self-isolation, which had no evidence to support the claim behind it, I ended up getting Depression. It got systematically worse until I told someone that February that I starting considering how I might kill myself. I'm thankful that I did because it basically forced me to get the help that I needed and as a result starting seeing a psychologist and got on medication.
For lack of a better term, a lot broke in high school. Apart from God, the meds, and therapy, the one thing that got me through all of that was the hope that one day I knew I would move out: when I went off to college. What gave me the biggest hope was moving out, but that however, really didn't become fruitful. Yes, my life did get drastically better once I moved away for college, but I also had a lot of mental such that I had to fix. I was pretty much in constant counseling for social skills, loneliness, and several other things throughout college. All of which resulted in the hope that I had in high school becoming a reality. Around age 20/21 I felt joy and, well, acted like myself for the first time since 8th grade.
It wasn't just the Depression that made high school so miserable, it was my parents. My parents and I have never had a great relationship, even going back to when I was a child. The best way I can describe it is that I got the traits of my mom that clash with my dad and the traits of my dad that clash with my mom, plus not to mention my mom is a huge gossip and my dad is emotionally unpredictable and distant, and are both materialistic and shallow people, and as a result, our relationship has sort of always been best when we don't spend significant time around each other.
Now the actual story...
This past January, after graduating college, I took a job in Denver (my dream city). However, I was lied to about the job and it ended up being basically a legal pyramid scheme, and full commission (which is not what I was told at all). I knew that I had to get out as quick as possible, and also let my parents know what was going on. They said that I should stay on, despite not having any income, until I found another job. I stayed on for about three weeks and couldn't do anymore, and had a few leads so I decided to quit and look for work full-time. It only took about a week and half to find work, but because of having to wait for orientation and pay scheduling, I ended up not getting a paycheck until the first week of March, so I essentially went two whole months with no paycheck. I used up all of my savings and maxed out my credit card during those two months getting the essentials.
My apartment was super understanding about the whole thing and we worked out an agreement about rent until my circumstances changed (the first job said I would make $30,000 a year...I took a job making $12.00/hr). It looked like in Spring that I would get passed this after a bit of a bump and not to mention I was still looking for a better paying job. However, one day in May I came home to an eviction notice. I called my parents explaining the note, they got mad, and said I needed to speak to my apartment people and would need to come back home until I can actually get back on my feet. I spoke to my apartment management, who explained that while there was documentation from last month getting the approval, there was miscommunication when they switched upper management or something to that effect between April and May, but it was unfortunately too late to do anything however if I paid the rest of it off, I could break my lease and just move out at the end of the month.
There was really no search to find a roommate, my parents were pretty dead set on me moving home, and then once I'm financially ready, move back out. I knew that financially that was the right decision, but emotionally the wrong decision, but it was time to be an adult and make the smart financial choice. I moved home, and at that point, basically wanted to get out of Colorado. I ended up finding a job surprisingly quickly serving tables back home, and have been there since. However, looking back on it, I do think that I was right about it being the wrong emotional, psychological, and physical decision, but I've sort of realized it was also the wrong financial decision, especially in the long run. I'm actually making less money know than I was in Denver, due to not as many hours and wages, that's also not to mention that at this point, I would have either likely have been promoted at my job or found a better paying job if I would have stayed. I do have a plan, I'm going to be working on finishing on my teaching certification and be in the classroom by August.
Due to all that has happened this past year, I've become incredibly bitter. I still hold an optimistic vision of the future, but I'm just bitter about everything again, which was the first thing that happened back in high school before I became depressed. I don't really have any friends back home anymore, I don't really have any kind of IRL social interaction outside of work and two hours a week at my church's young adults group, and I've become incredibly lonely. My friends are all either up in Dallas or Colorado, which I do communicate with via text and such frequently, but that only helps so much.
It all started when I was 14, and my parents announced we were moving across town (I grew up in Houston, and so that's actually a drastic move). I, unquestionably, did not want that move to happen. It almost like there was something speaking out through me that knew this was going to be bad, and I tried everything possible to prevent at least myself from moving there. However, we still ended up moving the summer between my 8th and 9th grade year. At my new school, I had this mentality that I wasn't going to make friends, and these kids didn't like me, which looking back on it was a terrible decision and ultimately resulted in being a self-fulling prophesy as there was really no evidence to actually support my mentality. As a result of this intentional, self-isolation, which had no evidence to support the claim behind it, I ended up getting Depression. It got systematically worse until I told someone that February that I starting considering how I might kill myself. I'm thankful that I did because it basically forced me to get the help that I needed and as a result starting seeing a psychologist and got on medication.
For lack of a better term, a lot broke in high school. Apart from God, the meds, and therapy, the one thing that got me through all of that was the hope that one day I knew I would move out: when I went off to college. What gave me the biggest hope was moving out, but that however, really didn't become fruitful. Yes, my life did get drastically better once I moved away for college, but I also had a lot of mental such that I had to fix. I was pretty much in constant counseling for social skills, loneliness, and several other things throughout college. All of which resulted in the hope that I had in high school becoming a reality. Around age 20/21 I felt joy and, well, acted like myself for the first time since 8th grade.
It wasn't just the Depression that made high school so miserable, it was my parents. My parents and I have never had a great relationship, even going back to when I was a child. The best way I can describe it is that I got the traits of my mom that clash with my dad and the traits of my dad that clash with my mom, plus not to mention my mom is a huge gossip and my dad is emotionally unpredictable and distant, and are both materialistic and shallow people, and as a result, our relationship has sort of always been best when we don't spend significant time around each other.
Now the actual story...
This past January, after graduating college, I took a job in Denver (my dream city). However, I was lied to about the job and it ended up being basically a legal pyramid scheme, and full commission (which is not what I was told at all). I knew that I had to get out as quick as possible, and also let my parents know what was going on. They said that I should stay on, despite not having any income, until I found another job. I stayed on for about three weeks and couldn't do anymore, and had a few leads so I decided to quit and look for work full-time. It only took about a week and half to find work, but because of having to wait for orientation and pay scheduling, I ended up not getting a paycheck until the first week of March, so I essentially went two whole months with no paycheck. I used up all of my savings and maxed out my credit card during those two months getting the essentials.
My apartment was super understanding about the whole thing and we worked out an agreement about rent until my circumstances changed (the first job said I would make $30,000 a year...I took a job making $12.00/hr). It looked like in Spring that I would get passed this after a bit of a bump and not to mention I was still looking for a better paying job. However, one day in May I came home to an eviction notice. I called my parents explaining the note, they got mad, and said I needed to speak to my apartment people and would need to come back home until I can actually get back on my feet. I spoke to my apartment management, who explained that while there was documentation from last month getting the approval, there was miscommunication when they switched upper management or something to that effect between April and May, but it was unfortunately too late to do anything however if I paid the rest of it off, I could break my lease and just move out at the end of the month.
There was really no search to find a roommate, my parents were pretty dead set on me moving home, and then once I'm financially ready, move back out. I knew that financially that was the right decision, but emotionally the wrong decision, but it was time to be an adult and make the smart financial choice. I moved home, and at that point, basically wanted to get out of Colorado. I ended up finding a job surprisingly quickly serving tables back home, and have been there since. However, looking back on it, I do think that I was right about it being the wrong emotional, psychological, and physical decision, but I've sort of realized it was also the wrong financial decision, especially in the long run. I'm actually making less money know than I was in Denver, due to not as many hours and wages, that's also not to mention that at this point, I would have either likely have been promoted at my job or found a better paying job if I would have stayed. I do have a plan, I'm going to be working on finishing on my teaching certification and be in the classroom by August.
Due to all that has happened this past year, I've become incredibly bitter. I still hold an optimistic vision of the future, but I'm just bitter about everything again, which was the first thing that happened back in high school before I became depressed. I don't really have any friends back home anymore, I don't really have any kind of IRL social interaction outside of work and two hours a week at my church's young adults group, and I've become incredibly lonely. My friends are all either up in Dallas or Colorado, which I do communicate with via text and such frequently, but that only helps so much.
