Bit of self discovery along my journey

[clo101]

Ok, so I've just realised that I have been going to church for a month and I've already seen some changes. I suppose at this point I should explain them;

• Drinking - I have totally cut down on it, I'm still having one drink a week but compared to the amount I was drinking it's a big difference, I don't know whether this has anything to do with my going to church but it's definately helping.
• Depression - I suffer massively with depression which coincides with the above point, it becomes a vicious circle, a circle that for ages I struggled with. The last time I had a massive "binge" was 14th May, I only remember this because I was at the docs the next day with a massive hangover and nearly crying. Anyway that turned into a bit of a moment of epiphany and I guess that's when I decided/realised things had to change. Anyway, since going to Church, and beginning to believe that there is a God, I feel safe, I just feel like whatever happens I will be ok because God is looking down at me. I feel safe for the first time in a long time.
• Cigarettes - I have smoked for 2 and a half years, it was part of my late teen rebellion but I have cut right back, this month I have bought 5 packets all together, wheras most months it's 30+ packets.
  
• Lastly - I'm seeing myself in a different light. I always prided myself on been very aware of other people, and considered myself been a thoughtful person, but actually I've realised that I actually struggle to put other people before myself, I think that might be some kind of defence mechanism, but one I would like to break.

Anyway, tonight the sermon was about Holy ambition and the preacher asked what our Holy Ambition was individuals and although I'm new to all of this, I have one Holy ambition that I am determined to keep:

• Pray for other people. All my prayers seem to be centered about my needs and I kind of want to step away from that, I want to begin thinking about other people more, even though it is quite difficult for me to do so.
  

There is alot i would like to gain from this experience and this journey and I am slowly starting to see things in a different light. It is difficult to adapt because alot of Christianity is about forgiveness, morals and not judging. I think I'm pretty good at not judging, but I find it very hard to forgive and really that is unhealthy and I would like to change that. I would also like to stop moaning and gossiping so maybe these can be long standing goals for the next few months.



I have just started reading "Carry on Warrior" which I think might help my journey of discovery



Anyway I'm glad I have been able to write this down

 

[Harry3142]

clo101-

Good for you! You've begun a growth process that will continue as you go forward with your life. Be patient with yourself, and be forgiving of yourself. Through doing this you will find yourself maturing spiritually.

A word of caution: Beware of those who would attempt to convince you that you need to have them or their particular denomination as your spiritual 'gurus' or else you will never please God. This occurs frequently with churches that are more radical (they call themselves 'evangelical'), and they like to target new Christians. I've seen these people in action, and so can tell you that their real goal is to have you under their total subjugation. And I'm not referring to their wanting you to be under God's authority; I'm referring to their wanting you to be under their own authority as if they were God.

 

[Peripatetic]

Wonderful! Thanks for sharing. Some may tell you that just "cutting down" on vices is not enough, or that you should be rid of all sin and bad habits. That is misguided and dangerous, as too much cold turkey quitting usually leads to spirals of guilt, failure, and self-condemnation. I had a similar story to yours... some of my bad habits slowed down, then just dropped away over time. Others remain a challenge for me, which is the case for most of us.

Depression is a similar case. Christianity and the perspectives it brings can certainly help, but depression has different causes - some of which may remain with us. My bouts with depression have improved, but it still does affect me during certain seasons and cycles. One thing that has helped me is to treat it like a bad cold. I don't feel good, but I just push through it and endure until it ends. I'm glad you are seeing improvement there too! Just be prepared and don't lose heart if it hits you again.

 

[fm107]

Ok, so I've just realised that I have been going to church for a month and I've already seen some changes. I suppose at this point I should explain them;

• Drinking - I have totally cut down on it, I'm still having one drink a week but compared to the amount I was drinking it's a big difference, I don't know whether this has anything to do with my going to church but it's definately helping.
• Depression - I suffer massively with depression which coincides with the above point, it becomes a vicious circle, a circle that for ages I struggled with. The last time I had a massive "binge" was 14th May, I only remember this because I was at the docs the next day with a massive hangover and nearly crying. Anyway that turned into a bit of a moment of epiphany and I guess that's when I decided/realised things had to change. Anyway, since going to Church, and beginning to believe that there is a God, I feel safe, I just feel like whatever happens I will be ok because God is looking down at me. I feel safe for the first time in a long time.
• Cigarettes - I have smoked for 2 and a half years, it was part of my late teen rebellion but I have cut right back, this month I have bought 5 packets all together, wheras most months it's 30+ packets.
  
• Lastly - I'm seeing myself in a different light. I always prided myself on been very aware of other people, and considered myself been a thoughtful person, but actually I've realised that I actually struggle to put other people before myself, I think that might be some kind of defence mechanism, but one I would like to break.

Anyway, tonight the sermon was about Holy ambition and the preacher asked what our Holy Ambition was individuals and although I'm new to all of this, I have one Holy ambition that I am determined to keep:

• Pray for other people. All my prayers seem to be centered about my needs and I kind of want to step away from that, I want to begin thinking about other people more, even though it is quite difficult for me to do so.
  

There is alot i would like to gain from this experience and this journey and I am slowly starting to see things in a different light. It is difficult to adapt because alot of Christianity is about forgiveness, morals and not judging. I think I'm pretty good at not judging, but I find it very hard to forgive and really that is unhealthy and I would like to change that. I would also like to stop moaning and gossiping so maybe these can be long standing goals for the next few months.



I have just started reading "Carry on Warrior" which I think might help my journey of discovery



Anyway I'm glad I have been able to write this down

It really sounds like God is calling you unto himself!

John 6:44
No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them

.............

Revelation 3:20
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hears my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will eat with him, and he with me.

It sounds to me like God is knocking at the door of your heart. Will you open the door and let him in?

 

[MarilynnD]

That is wonderful, I wish you the best on your new journey. I to have started on the righteous path and even thought it is difficult it feels wonderful.

 

[Tigger45]

Amen sister, that is as awesome! When one of His children declare the blessing of the Lord it lifts all of His children.

 

[Emmy]

Dear clo101. The way you have changed is good, and may I wish you a wonderful journey. There is something however, I wish to bring to your attention. You say that you do not find it easy, to put others before you. I must admit that I have heard that before. In fact that is not quite true.
In Matthew 22: 35-40: Jesus tells a Lawyer: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: love thy neighbour as thyself." God wants our Love, with all our beings for God our Heavenly Father, but note the difference: love thy neighbour as thyself. We start by treating all we know and all we meet, friends and not-friends, we treat them as we would love to be treated, kindly and always with friendly words, and if needed, with a helping hand. Jesus will give us His Love and His Joy, and the Holy Spirit will empower us with His Love, also. Jesus told us: " ask and ye shall receive,"
then we thank God and share all Love and Joy with our neighbour. God will see our sincere efforts, and God will approve and bless us. ( Matthew 7: 7-8)
We keep asking God and thanking God, then sharing all Love and Joy with our neighbour. We might stumble and forget at times, but then we ask God to forgive us, and carry on Loing and Caring.
God is Love, and God wants loving children/sons and daughters. a Christian`s
great weapon is Love, with love we will overcome all enmity and wrong behaviour. We are God`s only representatives in this imperfect world, and people around us will treat us the same as we treat people. Love is very catching, and slowly but surly, we will change into the men and women which God wants us to become. Enjoy your journey of discovery, clo.
I say this with love. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[parsley]

Pray for other people. All my prayers seem to be centered about my needs and I kind of want to step away from that, I want to begin thinking about other people more, even though it is quite difficult for me to do so.

Jesus gave us a simple prayer structure that we can lean on -- the Lord's Prayer. Walk yourself through it regularly, so you don't carry the guilt of missing something or doing it wrong. Our Father...

To help with the prayer focus shift, try something. Ask God to pray through you. There are things we don't know about situations, but He does -- He can add to your concern for people, with foresight and knowledge.

Since His Holy Spirit resides within you, you can act as a team. Let Him do some of the work of transformation, but also of knowing how to pray.

Romans 8:26

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Allow prayer to be more than words. If the Holy Spirit can use more than language, so can you. Allow yourself to be expressive. Walk around. Wave your arms for emphasis. Talk the way you feel. Pace with intensity. (Don't do this on a street corner, or you might get picked up.)

Allowing a little more expression can help a person feel less trapped or confined, and that can tie in with depression. Whole-being expression is not much different from verbal expression -- God can understand a stomp, tears, gasp, or a thwack on the head just as easily as He can hear a "pleasepleasepleaseGod."

Movement can help with bringing oxygen in and flowing it through the brain. Look at how Hasidic Jews rock when they pray -- movement can help with alertness. Some people mouth the words or pray out loud, which tends to reinforce conviction as you hear yourself say the words.

When prayer begins to feel more dynamic, it also helps a person get out of their despair and the focus on their own problems. Building that confidence and determination can lead one to being more assertive in prayer about other people's needs.

People talk about being a prayer warrior... someone with a mission of concern for others, and determined that God is mighty to rescue.

 

[jannikitty]

Sounds good and like you are well launched into applying some very important biblical principles to your life. Keep it up and expect many changes. Believe that God is with you loving you, guiding you, and has a wonderful plan for your life as you continue to seek and walk in His Will for you. And know that you'll never stop growing as He sends the Holy Spirit to give you strength and grace for the journey.

peace and blessings.