lostchildhood said:
I am not a bad person, i have had a hard life, I have been abused,
I have found in my work with mostly children (& a few adults) - that
most had a difficult, utmost-challenging Beginning, even when he/she was still developing in the womb. That plays out as a common denominator repeatedly (with rare exceptions) - so what you are saying fits that picture, sadly.
Like God, I am sorry that you had such an unfortunate beginning experience..
lostchildhood said:
I am a good person I help others whenever I can .
so
why whould god be punishing me.
That is another unfortunate mistake most of my Christian brothers & sisters make. They assume & conclude, erroneously so, that for whatever circumstances they fail in finding a ready explanation for - it MUST be "God's
will, doing & punishment". ~
But most of the time, especially for example where such people via Guidance have allowed *
God-blest self-healing* to take place, apparently - God had nothing to do with the dis-comfort, dis-ease, sickness, and other evils.
Consider, if you will, God loves *you, dear one* soo much, that He created your own Soul, and then additionally blessed you with a Mind, a mind you can think of like a most exquisite Learning-computer that God pre-programmed for *self-healing*. And then, when you wanted to, you were given the additional opportunity to be conceived-physically, and this Mind of yours learned to develop your own body, inside your mother's womb.
Now, God did all these things for you out of His
perfect 
Love, with only one intention: He wants your best, finest, highest, happiest Joy; truely He does

Believe this, and more - which is why God was willing to take on physical-form, as a man, and suffer & die for you, me, and all other humans' mistaken sins. He gave His life, so you, me, and any who will just simply *Accept God/Jesus as our Savior, and Welcome Him into our being, will enjoy Life-everlasting, with God forever*.
In other words, GOD is not of a nature to harm/hurt you.
And the fact that you were harmfully influenced by your fighting parents, - yet, you "help others whenever I can" - speaks worlds about what a kind & goodly

person you are. Good, for you!

~ And often, such individuals can learn how to positively help yet other people, in like straits - find abundant joyful happiness.
lostchildhood said:
i am a bit confused, are you saying before we are born,
we have free will, and we make bad choices and that is why we have birth defects?
I was born with spina bifida, and NF - both which I believe can be passed down.
re "passed-down": Was your own sister also born with your health-challenges,
Identical to yours? -
Or is that just more of "man's theories" - you've heard?
Did you know, that babies in the womb can hear? - and this Mind of yours (not the brain it later developed in the womb) can make other decisions at the level beneath your conscious awareness, what we call the sub-conscious. (As an example, you do not need to think consciously about beating your heart, or breathing, or self-healing from a sunburn, or a trillion+ other actions like these - because your own (along with subconscious) Mind has learned to take good

care of all these actions for you, right?
Well, this same subconscious & other Mind, was also making decisions for you, while it was developing your own body in the womb. But there, it was much more limited in its choices, and sometimes, it makes mistakes.
But know, it can learn to act better for you. I helped a few such children

already: kids (formerly) on Vents, in wheelchairs, you name it.
Think about these things, and allow God/Jesus to bless

you!
Annie
