Birth control question?

[Elliebean]

Hello,

My husband and I have been married since August. We’re both Catholic and attend Mass regularly (I’m actually an organist at my parish), and we both want children, but . . . not yet. Neither of our careers is quite to the point where we would feel ready (finances are a big deal right now). Because of this, I’m on the Pill.

I know I’m not the best Catholic, I do try, but the birth control issue is something I’ve never been able to get on board with. I’m OK with using it, but it bothers my FH somewhat more than me. I know it bothers him, but I will need to continue to use the Pill until I get tenure a couple of years from now, which is about the time he should become a partner in his law firm if everything works out. He understands and accepts this—as I said, we’re in agreement that it isn’t time yet, and before the Pill my cycles were crazy irregular so NFP wouldn’t work, but it is a struggle for him.

Does anyone else have this same dynamic with your DH, and is there anything I can do to help him be more at peace about this? Thank you for any advice!

--Eleanor

 

[Jane_Doe]

This question seems to be a Catholic one more than Christian-in-general one. You might have better luck getting an answer on the Catholic-specific sub-forums of ChristianForums, or on the CatholicAnswers forum.

 

[Elliebean]

This question seems to be a Catholic one more than Christian-in-general one. You might have better luck getting an answer on the Catholic-specific sub-forums of ChristianForums, or on the CatholicAnswers forum.

Thank you for the reply. I'll consider it, but I also don't want to have to debate my decision on religious grounds, which is what I'm afraid might happen there, even if it is well-intentioned.

 

[Jane_Doe]

Thank you for the reply. I'll consider it, but I also don't want to have to debate my decision on religious grounds, which is what I'm afraid might happen there, even if it is well-intentioned.

I see your logic there. I would not recommend CatholicAnswers then. Maybe maybe the Liberal Catholic subforum here.

Sorry I can't help personally-- my faith believes that children are a gift from God and important stewardship, not leaves the timing of them as decision between God/wife/husband and does not frown on ABC.

 

[Poppyseed78]

My husband and I started trying to conceive three years after we got married. Neither of us were opposed to birth control, but we used NFP to avoid pregnancy because my cycles were regular and it worked for us. In my opinion, you are still newlyweds, and there is nothing wrong with enjoying each other and working on your finances. You haven't even been married for one year yet. I don't recommend waiting *too* long to start a family, due to things like advanced maternal age, but if that's not a factor, then I believe when you have children is fully your decision. Children do the best when they are wanted and loved, and so I encourage couples to feel as ready as possible before becoming parents. However, keep in mind that you are never 100% "ready," because it is a life-changing experience.

Anyway, this is just my opinion, and you may encounter others that differ. But I do not consider birth control sinful or wrong, I think it is a matter that is up to the couple's discretion.

 

[Elliebean]

I see your logic there. I would not recommend CatholicAnswers then. Maybe maybe the Liberal Catholic subforum here.

I didn't know there was one of those and can't find it--do you have a link? Thank you!

 

[All4Christ]

Would he be more amenable to using some other form of birth control other than the pill? The pill does have more risks with the way it works (on the moral side, considering the ability to prevent implantation after conception).

A thought to consider: I waited until we were at a more secure place financially. I now have been trying for a very long time to conceive. I wish that we hadn’t waited, in case that my age (34) has something to do with the difficulties we have. I’m not trying to tell you what to do - but it is something I am struggling with now, which potentially is a related to me waiting to have kids until my career was secure. We both were in agreement then, but we are struggling now to handle this.

 

[Paidiske]

I think it matters why it bothers him, and we don't know that from your posts. If you can get to the bottom of that, you might be able to find a way to do things which meets your shared need for family planning and whatever it is that's bothering him as well. But it probably needs a long conversation between the two of you exploring his thoughts and feelings about this.

 

[RaymondG]

I agree with Jane......It will be hard to get a good answer here as I, myself, have first heard of birth control being wrong, from a Catholic. You need an answer from someone who grew up believing this.

I would say, however, it you believe in the Catholic view and desire to be a devout Catholic, go to the devout Catholic forum...as opposed to picking a forum that will mostly say what you want to hear. Your Soul is too important to play around with...