Birth control in marriage

[Aino]

Hey!
What would you married folks say about birth control - first of all, is it OK to use it at all or should people just not have sex if they don't want kids? And if you believe that birth control is all fine, do you think it makes any difference what sort you use? What about Natural Family Planning? Does it actually work?

 

[roseread]

I personally see nothing morally wrong with birth control. I don't think the Natrural Family Planing or rhythm method works very well. I've seen to many women have "ops" babies on the rhythm method. I think it is more wrong to bring a baby into this world if you do not have the means to take care of it.

I think it does make difference in what sort of birth control you use--and the best way to know is to talk to your spouse and your doctor. I have trouble with some of the spermicides and jellies but tolerate the pill very well.

 

[ex-pat]

The pill can cause early abortion, so if you don't want to risk that, use another method if you must use birth control. If you don't care how many children you have, when, you may want to see the Quiverfull forum in Parenting.

 

[Created2Write]

I don't see anything wrong with using birth control either. Like Rose said, I think it's even more wrong to bring a baby into the world if you can't provide for it.

I use the Mirena IUD and it has worked for me. I knew I wouldn't remember to take a pill everyday so I chose the IUD. I sometimes have a bit of pain, but I just take ibuprofen and I'm fine.

 

[roseread]

The pill can cause early abortion, so if you don't want to risk that, use another method if you must use birth control. If you don't care how many children you have, when, you may want to see the Quiverfull forum in Parenting.

We have a little group of women at my church who takes this stance. I don't get it. All they can say is that a fertilized egg may not be able to implant using the pill. But medically speaking, that is not an abortion because a woman is not considered pregnant if a fertilized egg has not implanted.

This group of women at my church always love to get up on their high horses and try to make the rest of us feel bad, they do they "tsk, tsk, at least I don't have to worry about causing an abortion" (their actual words at one of the ladies meetings).

It just seems to clouds the issues. Many women on and off the pill have shed fertilized eggs. Many women have lost early pregnancies (where there was implantation) and will never know it. From what I have read most women have lost a fertilized egg or had an early miscarriage, most of the time without their knowledge.

So what is the point in us women trying to hurt other women with this whole thing? Why can we not just love one other? Why call something an abortion when it is not one? What is the point in trying to make another woman feel shame or hurt her just because you don't like her choice of birth controll?

 

[chaz345]

Ok first off I'll say that I find no moral issues in terms of using birth control. To those who would say that it thwarts God's plans I'll say, as the father of an almost 5 year old who was conceived 2 years after my wife's tubes were tied, that nothing we can do can thwart God's plan. We can take what we think are absolute and 100% effective steps to prevent pregnancy, but God always has veto power.

Now, for reasons other than pregnancy, my wife has had a total hysterectomy and I've been snipped too, I would flippantly say "I'd like to see her get pregnant now"
but somehow I don't think that challenging God in that way would work out so well.

 

[iambren]

Had an older Catholic lady in my exam chair one day that swore by the test of checking the woman's vaginal fluid viscosity to see when fertile. I have NO clue how reliable that is, just throwin' it out there.

 

[citizenthom]

We have a little group of women at my church who takes this stance. I don't get it. All they can say is that a fertilized egg may not be able to implant using the pill. But medically speaking, that is not an abortion because a woman is not considered pregnant if a fertilized egg has not implanted.

That's how it's supposed to work, but every birth control my wife and I looked into can also cause an implanted egg to abort. There is nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with that.

The other major side effect that makes newlyweds shy away from birth control is that it decreases many women's sex drives, sometimes dramatically. Sex is central to marriage, and there is some wisdom in NOT wanting to mess with your drive until you have already developed a healthy understanding of each others' needs and desires.

It's ultimately a matter of preference and weighing the pros and cons.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Birth control is a rejection of God's Providence and the spouse. Being open to having children gives flow to God and respect and solidarity to your partner. Rejecting the possibility of having children with them is an intimate form of rejection.

 

[Speculative]

Had an older Catholic lady in my exam chair one day that swore by the test of checking the woman's vaginal fluid viscosity to see when fertile. I have NO clue how reliable that is, just throwin' it out there.

We did that for awhile. It worked, but it does require a lot of work, dedication and self control.

 

[united4Peace]

Birth control is a rejection of God's Providence and the spouse. Being open to having children gives flow to God and respect and solidarity to your partner. Rejecting the possibility of having children with them is an intimate form of rejection.

!
There is also nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy each other for a few years before bringing children into the mixture. Nor is there anything wrong with wanting to finish one's education and be financially ready!!

 

[hijklmnop]

I personally see a fertilized egg as a conceived human being; that's just where I draw my line. So for many years I wouldn't take any form of hormonal birth control; we just used barrier methods. I personally have no issues with prevention of fertilization. A few years ago, my h had a vasectomy and I started to have hormonal issues. The doctors kept suggesting birth control. I finally weighed the pros, cons and risks and decided to take BC for my own health. It's been great and I have no regrets as the risk of us even fertilizing an egg with the vasectomy is so low I choose not to let it stand in the way of improving my health. I think choice of BC is a very personal choice. Everyone has to figure out where their ethical line in the sand is. Grey area! I don't judge anyone else's choices. I also don't see using BC as a form of rejection of one's spouse. It's only a rejection of bringing biological children into the world at that point in time. It's often wiser and fairer to the hypothetical child to choose to wait or not have children at all. Everyone's life circumstances and limits are different. Ideally, spouses choose if and when to have children and how to go about pregnancy prevention together, but ultimately a woman, IMO, shouldn't be pressured to do anything with her own body that she doesn't to.

 

[united4Peace]

There isn't anything wrong with wanting to eat a whole box of jelly donuts either.

Nope...especially if they are Tim Horton's

 

[ex-pat]

Nope...especially if they are Tim Horton's

Spoken like a true Canadian!

 

[hijklmnop]

Mmmm....Tim Horton's doughnuts.....*drool*

 

[WolfGate]

Educate yourself about how different methods work. Pray, ask God for discernment and try to really open your heart to listen.

We used the pill for a while, but didn't understand the actual workings. We would probably have chosen a different method if we did. But no judgement of anyone who uses the pill either on our part. Now it's the big V so any conception there will be, of course, carried.

Birth control fall into the non-essential elements of Christian faith. Whatever you choose, don't let other people guilt you about it. Leave conviction to the Holy Spirit.

P.S. Krispy Kreme, Hot 'N Now glazed donuts.

 

[Aino]

Some would say that it's wrong to not want any children since the Bible says that children are a blessing from God... Would that make sense to you?

 

[mina]

Educate yourself about how different methods work. Pray, ask God for discernment and try to really open your heart to listen.

We used the pill for a while, but didn't understand the actual workings. We would probably have chosen a different method if we did. But no judgement of anyone who uses the pill either on our part. Now it's the big V so any conception there will be, of course, carried.

Birth control fall into the non-essential elements of Christian faith. Whatever you choose, don't let other people guilt you about it. Leave conviction to the Holy Spirit.

P.S. Krispy Kreme, Hot 'N Now glazed donuts.

This ^ especially the bolded. There are lots and lots of info/ resources about FAM (which is like NFP) online and offline. It works if you follow it very closely and have the discipline to do so. There is a lot involved , but you really do get to know your body and read the signs of fertility/ infertility without taking hormones.

 

[chelsea89]

My pregnancies have all been complicated by me having 1 kidney, preeclampsia, failure to dilate, and we nearly lost our 9 week premature daughter to a 5 inch blood clot and placental abruption. Theyve also all been C-section deliveries heightening our risks of complication next pregnancy. Im on the copper IUD to ensure my and potential babys saftey. I don't think God has anything against this and had I been born a generation earlier my kids and I might not be here or my spouse and I may not have been able to enjoy sex for fear of pregnancy.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Hey!
What would you married folks say about birth control - first of all, is it OK to use it at all or should people just not have sex if they don't want kids? And if you believe that birth control is all fine, do you think it makes any difference what sort you use? What about Natural Family Planning? Does it actually work?

I have never seen Scriptural evidence that suggests that using birth control is wrong. What type of birth control a couple uses is fairly unique to them, in that there are many options and they have to choose the one(s) that work best for them. NFP can work, but it takes a lot of careful tracking and self-control during certain times of the month if you are trying not to get pregnant. I, personally, prefer a BC method that allows more freedom in intimacy for me and hubs.

Some would say that it's wrong to not want any children since the Bible says that children are a blessing from God... Would that make sense to you?

I won't pretend to understand people that prefer to be child-free, but I certainly respect their choice. I would much rather a couple did not have children unless they were absolutely certain they wanted them or were ready for them. A child is a blessing and an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy is not always seen as such.