Bipolar Support

[Seeking020]

I feel sad, then I feel manic then I make bad choices, I also can become paranoid and go days without sleep. I am dependent on medications to stay sane, I never asked for this!!! I have hurt my family, hurt myself hurt friends, and have had suicide attempts Drugs are difficult to ignore when the depression is unbearable, and I am not talking about the legal ones. I need love but then I also push it away, tonight is horrible, God is there for me, I am a christian, but what if your mind and emotions are unbalanced? it gets difficult to focus on God, I wish I could express the love for him that others do. I am afraid of my life, but I can't give in to suicide.... I just don't know what to do

 

[gsammo79]

hey Seeking020..

I had a long miserable bout with depression from 18-23, it was undescribably tough. There aren't a lot of people who can understand how horrible bipolar is, i can. There aren't words to describe how you can't feel, love or think. Its tough, but God knows exactly what kind of hand you've been dealt. Two years ago i had a big relapse, in a time when i was trying to ween myself off of medications and get my life back under control. The relapse came out of nowhere, i was frightened that i'd never make it through after almost 6 years of struggling. I prayed for two weeks constantly to be healed, i couldn't go two hours without crying out for help. One night i got what i asked for,... the depression broke ( tough to imagine i guess) within 5 minutes after i finished praying the clarity in my vision, colors and clarity of thoughts reappeared. The next morning i was so astonished at how different the world looked that i thought i was in heaven. What i'm saying is that your prime miracle material,..God is there and listening,..there isn't anything i can try to copulate to deny what happened to me ( i'm not perfect, there were plenty of reasons to overlook my prayers) but he healed my mind from bipolar disorder. I want to encourage you to pray loud and shed any doubt about Him not wanting to help you, i know how desperate it is in your shoes,..it's rough! I hope this helps..

don't give up

 

[zyklzy]

I feel sad, then I feel manic then I make bad choices, I also can become paranoid and go days without sleep. I am dependent on medications to stay sane, I never asked for this!!! I have hurt my family, hurt myself hurt friends, and have had suicide attempts Drugs are difficult to ignore when the depression is unbearable, and I am not talking about the legal ones. I need love but then I also push it away, tonight is horrible, God is there for me, I am a christian, but what if your mind and emotions are unbalanced? it gets difficult to focus on God, I wish I could express the love for him that others do. I am afraid of my life, but I can't give in to suicide.... I just don't know what to do

I can relate to your story 100%. I pray almost constantly to be delivered from this torturous existence but even if God miraculously took it away like what happened with gsammo79, i'm still left with the consequences from all the stupid choices I made whilst I was manic (or depressed for that matter). I know what it's like to seem as if the only way out is suicide, but that's exactly what Satan wants - than he's got you. Just keep praying - press into God. Stay off the illicit drugs - they're also a trap Satan will use to rob you off your life. If your mood is all over the place then it sounds like your dose of whatever mood-stabilizer your on is ineffective. Find a good shrink and get your meds sorted out but DO try and avoid antidepressants as they only do irreparable damage to your brain-chemistry and lead to chronic, debilitating depression.

 

[Sipes13]

I have bipolar disorder to, I dont know what to say that has not already been said..But i read alot, lots of interesting things you can read and study on.. gets your mind off things and you learn something..Jim carry has bipolar disorder!

 

[Laurel Crowned]

hi...

You don't know me from Spot... but I'm here to give you whatever "bipolar support" I possibly can. I've been treated for bipolar these past seven years... but I spent the worst part of my 20's struggling to figure out why I was so crazy. I find myself awake in the middle of the night stressed out with no one to call or talk to... so I come here to CF. I post in my journal.

Not having people who understand has been the worst part of being bipolar because I used to feel like a freak of nature. I knew non-christians who had mental illnesses... but few christians until I came to CF.

My ear and my PM box are always open to you and I will respond to any PM immediately. I agree with everything else posted prior to this post... but I also sensed a need to have somebody just standy by you. I've done all the things you've mentioned except for the thoughts of illegal drugs... so I can relate.

Peace and mercy for Jesus,
LC

 

[BlondieLashes]

Hi. I am new to Christian Forums and recently diagnosed with Bipolar type II. I am searching for answers about Christians and mental illness. I feel a bit lost and unsure of how to handle life right now...

 

[Alive again]

Welcome to Cf!!! You will find suppoprt and answers to your questions here!!! Blessings!!!

 

[BohemianChris]

Have you tried lithium? It's a great drug. Hang in there and keep working with your psychiatrist.

Best,
Chris

 

[Jeshu]

Welcome to Cf.

That God may help you to come to grips with the fact that you now know that you are mentally ill (like myself.) and that you will never give-up on life even though it is very hard at times.
Here we discuss whatever we need to discuss its great - lots of ideas and perspectives - lots of fun.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Thanks for welcoming me. I tried to log in to this site yesterday, but I guess it was down. I am on Lamactil 300 mg a day. I just increased to 300 yesterday. I have been on it about a month and a half now. I am also on Zoloft 200 mg. a day.

I am really struggling with my faith right now as I search for answers in my Bible on mental illness and either come up with examples of people being lost from God and therefore having "mental illness" -King Saul, Mary Magdalene before she knew the Lord, Judas, etc. and it makes me feel sick! I know that I love the Lord and I know at the same time I have been diagnosed as bipolar. Not sure how this all fits together.

I have not received much support from my church. They are telling me to pray and read more and that God is with me and to take my medication and that's about it. I feel as though since I shared my diagnosis with a few friends at church that I am being avoided and treated differently. I am very discouraged right now. Have any of you experienced the same, and how did you handle it?

 

[Alive again]

YES!!!!! I have experienced some of the same. The church I used to attend was like that. Very smiley faced Christian I call it. I was told things like I was demon possessed and that the fruit of the spirit was joy and that beings I was depressessed I didn't have joy and therefore I did not have that Holy Spirit and was not saved. I just don't care to remember the other things I was told. Let's just sum it up to say I went "into hiding" and didn't tell others whqt I was going thru and eventually just about quit going to church altogether. It became a place where people hurt me and I knew God and God and I were okay.

So what does the Bible say about mental illness. I agree it can get confusing. But what does the Bible say about cancer or diabetes? We have to be very careful ourselves not to confuse our illness with things like demon possesion also. They are different things, to us, but especially to God!!! So let's look at it as what does the Bible say about illness-Does God cause it-NO!!!!! Is it a punishment for sin???? NOOOOOO!!!!! I could keep going but I think you get the idea. What the Bible teaches us thru books like Job and other verses is that God loves us, is for us, and gives us strength to face illness and other trials. I has taken me years to r4ealize that joy, the fruit of the Sprit joy is not the same as happiness. Happiness is a fleeting feeling that is directly effected by my illness. Joy is like God's peace admist the storm. It is a state of being, despite the circumstances. Joy of my salvation amongst the storms and difficulties of life. The things man was accusing me of were untrue and I could stand and do stand before my Father in heaven, A BELOVED, ACCEPTED DAUGHTER OF THE KING!!!!! My illness does not have anything to do with my faith, but my faith has evreything to do with how I cope with my illness.


So how do I handle it now. different church (actually some of the same people from the old church) where anyone and all are accepted and loved-we actually have 5 or 6 people who have bp and ex drinkers/drug, quite a variety of real people. I have learned it is now safe to be more transparent in my church. The more I share, the more I am greeted by others and their stories. I am still careful what and who I share to, but coming here the Cf has helped me to know that we are all "working out our faith in fear and trembling". It's nice to have companions on the way.

I have also found a couple of good books written by Christians with bp that have been a tremendous help to me if you are interested pm me and I will tell you the titles.
Does any of my ramblings make sense??? I would be happy to visit withyou more if you are interested. BTW CF was down for repairs yesterday. The only time that has ever happened since I have joined! Blessings!

 

[BlondieLashes]

Hi Alive Again! Are you online right now?

 

[BlondieLashes]

Alive-
Yes it does make sense. Thank you for pointing out that cancer and diabetes, etc, are not mentioned in the Bible either.

Do you attend a church now?

 

[BlondieLashes]

I just noticed in your post that you did mention that you do attend a church now. Don't know why I didn't see that!

 

[Alive again]

re, tired and slow, but here!!! : )

 

[Jeshu]

I have not received much support from my church. They are telling me to pray and read more and that God is with me and to take my medication and that's about it. I feel as though since I shared my diagnosis with a few friends at church that I am being avoided and treated differently. I am very discouraged right now. Have any of you experienced the same, and how did you handle it?

Please be patient with your fellow Churchgoers. My experiences with Church are not that good either but God did sent a few very special friends my way through the Church over the years. Many people who don't understand mental illness demand 'conformity' or they simply deny you your existence - I think because we frighten their inner security or something. Only if we deny them the right to push us aside - through education - for example can we hope to change this for the future generation of mentally ill people.

The Church is the body of believers - a spiritual house build by God - and thanks to Jesus Christ also we are included as living stones of that godly dwellingplace.

God bless

 

[BlondieLashes]

Jeshu-

I know you are right in needing to be patient with fellow church-goers. I am sure that ther are many that will and do accept me in spite of my past and present struggles. I just need prayer to get over my fears of unacceptance!

Thank you for your post!

God Bless you!

 

[bornagain-053184]

hun i can relate. 4 yrs ago my parents split and my good friend Jason died. i became anorexic and balemic i poped pills tryed to end my life. i was then dragged to my dr wiith my friend he sent me to a shrink. she talked to me and did some tests i was diagnosed with a chemical embalance in my brain and bipolar/manic depressent.i was put on Paxil 40mgs twice a day and 500mgs in the am of DivolProex and 1000mgs at night.
i hated to be on them but i couldnt control myself my moods were beyond whacked. they still are only now i know how to deal and now i can cope,,, sometimes. iots been hard lately i stopped seeing my Dr. and stopped the meds .. and its been 6months and they closed my file so now i have to wait again to see one and get bac on my meds...
i hear voices in my head but the thing is its MY voice.. its more so MY rambling thoughs screaming at me... they went away for a good while and i was able to cope now they are back and im not on my meds anymore. and i need to get back on them but i have to wait again...... and its hard.... i dont know how long its gonna be but they better hurry up.