ive a question. What do you do when you find out that your bio-dad apparently doesnt think that you're his child, and treats your older brother far different than you? My bio-dad used to say that he never had much to do with us because he didnt want to "intrude" on my mom and dad's marriage. But thats no reason to not keep contact with your kids. So after going to jail, getting out and years later he's some bigshot minister who thinks he knows everything (sucks since i was the one praying for his silly butt to change) and you live probably 10 minutes from him, yet he has not called/seen you in over a year. Matter of fact, he got married and I was only invited because my granny needed a ride to the wedding, he had new daughter, i didnt even know until last week that he has a new kid, he calls my brother who lives in wyoming at least once a week....i dont know if you can imagine how this makes me feel, especially since im not sure what ive done that wronged him so much? Anyways my mom thinks i should get a DNA test just to prove to him that I'm his, but part of me doesnt even want to bother with someone who obviously doesnt want me anyway. Anybody else ever have biological parent problems? And am i sinning by being so angry at him and not even wanting to have anything to do with him? sometimes....i can swear i almost hate him...
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Bio-dad issues
- Thread starter MyangelDems
- Start date
if he dosen t wnat to accept you you can t make him.. i am sorry you are going through this. from your picture you look like a lovely young lady andy father would be proud of. my husband hardly ever hears from his bio-dad or the three children from his second marriage. his step-mothe has tried to stay neutral. it is not hard feelings it is just lack of intrest. to be honest my husband makes no effort to keep in touch either.
has your step-father been a dad to you ?
has your step-father been a dad to you ?
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*hug*
First off. It's ok to be angry. The issue is what you do with that anger. I was angry with my dad when he left and I imagine your situation is more messed up than mine. To me, it sounds like this creep doesn't deserve to have you as a daughter. I care about you guys so much as it is I can't imagine what having a daughter will be like.
If you have tried to have a relationship with this guy and nothing has worked, don't drive yourself crazy over it. It takes two.
It's going to take some time to straighten this out in your mind. But you are not less of a person because of this guy.
*hug*
First off. It's ok to be angry. The issue is what you do with that anger. I was angry with my dad when he left and I imagine your situation is more messed up than mine. To me, it sounds like this creep doesn't deserve to have you as a daughter. I care about you guys so much as it is I can't imagine what having a daughter will be like.
If you have tried to have a relationship with this guy and nothing has worked, don't drive yourself crazy over it. It takes two.
It's going to take some time to straighten this out in your mind. But you are not less of a person because of this guy.
*hug*
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Yes he was much more of a dad, but to tell the truth my mom was both my mom and dad for most of the time, my step-dad i love dearly but he had a problem with drugs for years, hes been clean now for just about 10 years (praise God! :o) but the other bio-dad was selling drugs and hes now a minister and saved (praise God! even though hes a butt-head) so really....i've had sort of a father figure, but mostly it was my mom raising us.
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my dad and I have gotten closer as i have gotten older and understand more about him. it makes my mother mad though--she want s to be the one loved most in every relationship.
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Myangeldems, first of all, you are a BEAUTIFUL girl, with a smile that just lights your whole face up!
I wish I had advice for you. I've never been in your situation, and I certainly don't envy you, but you sound so strong and so determined and you seem to really have a good head on your shoulders. Have you tried to talk to your biological dad about how you feel? Sometimes writing a letter works best for me. That way, I know I am able to get out exactly what I want said, and will have a chance to say ALL that I want to say without letting my emotions (I'm terribly emotional!) get in the way. Often if I try to actually TALK, I end up crying and not saying half of what I intended to say. Writing a letter eliminates that problem. It also keeps me from forgetting to mention things, and gives me time to really think out what I want to say and pray about it before I jump into a discussion and say something that I will regret later.
Maybe you could try that with your dad? Let him know exactly how you feel, but at the same time, prepare yourself for what his response might be. Often times, just letting someone know what is going on in my mind and how I feel about the situation takes a HUGE load off of my shoulders.
I'll be praying for you!!!!!!!!!
I wish I had advice for you. I've never been in your situation, and I certainly don't envy you, but you sound so strong and so determined and you seem to really have a good head on your shoulders. Have you tried to talk to your biological dad about how you feel? Sometimes writing a letter works best for me. That way, I know I am able to get out exactly what I want said, and will have a chance to say ALL that I want to say without letting my emotions (I'm terribly emotional!) get in the way. Often if I try to actually TALK, I end up crying and not saying half of what I intended to say. Writing a letter eliminates that problem. It also keeps me from forgetting to mention things, and gives me time to really think out what I want to say and pray about it before I jump into a discussion and say something that I will regret later.
Maybe you could try that with your dad? Let him know exactly how you feel, but at the same time, prepare yourself for what his response might be. Often times, just letting someone know what is going on in my mind and how I feel about the situation takes a HUGE load off of my shoulders.
I'll be praying for you!!!!!!!!!
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Joyfulbeliever I truly thank you for you prayers.
My dad has all but officially disowned me, and thats just something I'm going to have to deal with. But I've been praying about it because I don't want to feel this anger towards him or even start to go down the road to hating him. I think he is scared of me....I say things that God tells me to but theyre not always at the right time. I'm very much aware of my father as a person and the persona he lets his church, the rest of our family, the world and his own wife see is not what he truly is, and something in him knows that I know it. He wouldnt be the first person that i've observed who got scared of me without me ever saying a word, I tend to see the truth about people whether they like it or not. I don't think he's a terrible man, but God let me know that HE thinks he is a terrible man and has to hide some of his worst faults from everyone, even from God. So he can never truly be fixed by God, because he is too busy trying to hide his "bad" traits. He never could hide anything from me, even as a child I would question things he was doing like selling the drugs and I'd tell him "I'm going to ask God to fix you" and he knew that I wasn't fooled. The very last time I spoke to my dad i told him, "you know, you think you have the entire world fooled. They see you as this great man of God, strong and kind and pretty much all things that any person could want to be....but i see you as a child still locked up. Youre only going to grow so far in the Lord before the child stunts your growth."....I'd forgotten until I started praying that I'd said this to him, I was so angry the last time we'd met face to face because I knew, in the depths of my soul, I knew that he was only coming to my wedding to try to stop it simply because he didnt think it was right, and God made him so late he got there just as we were all filing back out the chapel doors, but I still knew, something in his demeanor just waved a red flag at me and I knew....i was quite angry and although what i said to him was true, the way I said it was not Godly at all....for that I had to ask forgiveness, the rest is up to him.
My dad has all but officially disowned me, and thats just something I'm going to have to deal with. But I've been praying about it because I don't want to feel this anger towards him or even start to go down the road to hating him. I think he is scared of me....I say things that God tells me to but theyre not always at the right time. I'm very much aware of my father as a person and the persona he lets his church, the rest of our family, the world and his own wife see is not what he truly is, and something in him knows that I know it. He wouldnt be the first person that i've observed who got scared of me without me ever saying a word, I tend to see the truth about people whether they like it or not. I don't think he's a terrible man, but God let me know that HE thinks he is a terrible man and has to hide some of his worst faults from everyone, even from God. So he can never truly be fixed by God, because he is too busy trying to hide his "bad" traits. He never could hide anything from me, even as a child I would question things he was doing like selling the drugs and I'd tell him "I'm going to ask God to fix you" and he knew that I wasn't fooled. The very last time I spoke to my dad i told him, "you know, you think you have the entire world fooled. They see you as this great man of God, strong and kind and pretty much all things that any person could want to be....but i see you as a child still locked up. Youre only going to grow so far in the Lord before the child stunts your growth."....I'd forgotten until I started praying that I'd said this to him, I was so angry the last time we'd met face to face because I knew, in the depths of my soul, I knew that he was only coming to my wedding to try to stop it simply because he didnt think it was right, and God made him so late he got there just as we were all filing back out the chapel doors, but I still knew, something in his demeanor just waved a red flag at me and I knew....i was quite angry and although what i said to him was true, the way I said it was not Godly at all....for that I had to ask forgiveness, the rest is up to him.
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hotknikkels
™Barbarian Christian™
You know that you have the best father anyone can have - He loves you and delights in you!!!
I had the same kind of thing but my real dad I only knew when I was 16 and then he is a drug dealer - not the best role model. I love my step-dad but it ain't the same. My grandfather is more like a father figure to me and I know that I have God on my side and He is the best Father anyone can have!!!
My prayers are with you!!!
I had the same kind of thing but my real dad I only knew when I was 16 and then he is a drug dealer - not the best role model. I love my step-dad but it ain't the same. My grandfather is more like a father figure to me and I know that I have God on my side and He is the best Father anyone can have!!!
My prayers are with you!!!
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