I'm seeing a psychologist at the moment for mental health issues including depression and binging. As other people seem to struggle with overeating and binging I thought I'd post what happens in the sessions to see if it rings any bells for other people.
My psychologist recommended I read a book called Getting Better Bit(e) by Bit(e) over Christmas and gave me a worksheet to fill out. I was meant to fill out the worksheet every time I ate and to write down thoughts or feelings I had before a binge and write down thoughts or feelings after a binge. I found this so difficult to do and just got really angry. I didn't really know why but at first I got angry at the way the form was arranged, then angry with her for making me do this and then I went on a two-day binge - but I felt so angry I didn't know what else to do. Since then I didn't feel right and have been sleeping and eating - plus there was Christmas which I find difficult. When I prayed I just often prayed please Lord just take me because I want to die and felt really grieved.
I managed to write a few thoughts down that I had before binges and they were things like thinking about relationships, 'I may as well give up', 'My life is over' (since I've had a child) etc. Finally, last night I stayed awake all night and as I had to go back to the psychologist today I thought I'd better write something else on the form. So in the end I wrote down all the things that have made me angry or that I'm angry about.
Today in the session my psychologist, Clara, asked me what happened to the thoughts and feelings when I ate and I realised that the eating blocked them. They went away. She then explained that because binging blocked the bad thoughts I had learnt that this was a way I could stop the bad thoughts and feelings and had therefore become a habit.
After I binged I was left with bad feelings or thoughts but they were more manageable than the out-of-control ones I had before the binge. Somehow eating made me feel in control of the bad stuff.
We also looked at other ways I've been blocking bad thoughts and feelings - sleeping and yes, using the pc. All these have become coping mechanisms for managing difficult emotions.
Whilst I grew up I was given the message by my parents that it wasn't okay to express your feelings. Because I've been trying to control and block difficult emotions for years, we agreed to gently look at these thoughts and feelings and find new ways of coping in future sessions.
If anyone would find it helpful, I'll share what strategies she brings to future sessions.
My psychologist recommended I read a book called Getting Better Bit(e) by Bit(e) over Christmas and gave me a worksheet to fill out. I was meant to fill out the worksheet every time I ate and to write down thoughts or feelings I had before a binge and write down thoughts or feelings after a binge. I found this so difficult to do and just got really angry. I didn't really know why but at first I got angry at the way the form was arranged, then angry with her for making me do this and then I went on a two-day binge - but I felt so angry I didn't know what else to do. Since then I didn't feel right and have been sleeping and eating - plus there was Christmas which I find difficult. When I prayed I just often prayed please Lord just take me because I want to die and felt really grieved.
I managed to write a few thoughts down that I had before binges and they were things like thinking about relationships, 'I may as well give up', 'My life is over' (since I've had a child) etc. Finally, last night I stayed awake all night and as I had to go back to the psychologist today I thought I'd better write something else on the form. So in the end I wrote down all the things that have made me angry or that I'm angry about.
Today in the session my psychologist, Clara, asked me what happened to the thoughts and feelings when I ate and I realised that the eating blocked them. They went away. She then explained that because binging blocked the bad thoughts I had learnt that this was a way I could stop the bad thoughts and feelings and had therefore become a habit.
After I binged I was left with bad feelings or thoughts but they were more manageable than the out-of-control ones I had before the binge. Somehow eating made me feel in control of the bad stuff.
We also looked at other ways I've been blocking bad thoughts and feelings - sleeping and yes, using the pc. All these have become coping mechanisms for managing difficult emotions.
Whilst I grew up I was given the message by my parents that it wasn't okay to express your feelings. Because I've been trying to control and block difficult emotions for years, we agreed to gently look at these thoughts and feelings and find new ways of coping in future sessions.
If anyone would find it helpful, I'll share what strategies she brings to future sessions.
Your story sounds almost exactly like mine. Since I was 6 or 7 I have used food & binging to numb my feelings and try to block out my problems. I was sexually abused and raped in my childhood, and eating was a way for me to 'stuff' the feelings down inside so I didn't have to deal with them. I became very disassociative, very out of touch with the world & especially my feelings.
