Bible Study Group Leader Funnels Single Women into home to take advantage of

[lilalleycat]

I left my old Church a few years ago due to leaving their singles Bible study group. I attended their singles group run by a male Bible study group leader who funneled single women into his home to take advantage of these lonely single women looking for love. How do I know? There have been 4-5 women who have complained of this man and I was one of them. What happens is he is extremely flirty with women who join his group (lots of hugging, tells them how beautiful they are, etc), invites them to stay after hours (when other members have left when group time is over), gets them to drink wine and touches them inappropriately (sexual parts) on the couch. He insisted that since intercourse does not happen, he claims he is "celibate" as the Bible commands of single people. Since, technically, he doesn't cross that line, he has never been taken down as being the singles group leader. The singles pastor also turns a blind eye on the situation. His actions do cause havoc amongst the women, causing jealousy and often misleading these women into thinking he's dating them exclusively. I talked to friends of mine still in that Church and they say he continues to do the same thing, with women still complaining, but nothing ever changes as far as having him removed as a Bible study group leader. He's already been reported to the singles pastor, who turns a blind eye. Nothing else to do, but pray?

 

[Habbit Animal]

Is there a higher authority that oversees the church management that you can report him to?

 

[ValleyGal]

Report to the police. If these women are touched inappropriately, it is a sexual assault. All of you should go to the police.

 

[Habbit Animal]

Amen!
That would get the singles pastors attention. When they find out this guy has been put in cuffs for his crimes.

 

[contango]

If the "singles pastor" (never heard of one of those before) won't listen then go up a level until someone does listen.

Assuming the sexual touching was unwanted and uninvited it's almost certainly an offence in the eyes of the law. Whether you want to talk to the pastor first or go straight to the police is something you'd need to decide between you.

 

[Max Shade]

What does Matthew 18:15-17 say you should do?

Here it is in the ESV:

5 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Feel free to use any translation you like, but the Bible, in the words of Jesus, tells you exactly how to deal with this.

 

[onenarrowdoor]

If you even suspect a crime has been committed according to the law of the land, you should not hesitate to inform the police. Sounds from your report that this man is manipulative, abusive, a groomer.

His behaviour is likely to wax worse unless God Himself steps in.

There are victims of rape and molestation out there - I have met some (both male and female) - who are so ashamed that they are convinced they were in some part to blame.

Don't delay.

 

[onenarrowdoor]

Incidentally, when there is a hierarchy of abusers within a church organisation , the 'Two or three witnesses' card is used as an ace.

They hide behind it whilst continuing in their depravity.

Just google Jehovah's Witnesses / Child abuse / Two or three witnesses. You will need a strong stomach.

 

[ValleyGal]

What does Matthew 18:15-17 say you should do?

Here it is in the ESV:
...17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Feel free to use any translation you like, but the Bible, in the words of Jesus, tells you exactly how to deal with this.

Apparently some women have gone to the church (meaning the pastors). The church pastors are not listening, so it's kind of hard when the church pastors refuse to listen to the witnesses.

Imo, this situation needs the police. They tried the biblical approach.

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

As everyone has already point out, this is sexual assault. Doesn't matter if you or others were confused or liked it. This is taking advantage of lonely women while in a position of authority. This is a crime, don't belittle it. This kind of thing destroys people on the inside. I would think there would be an elder, deacon, or another pastor you should talk to, but what these men should be doing is kicking him out of church and seeing that he is convicted of his crimes by the law of the land.

So since the church is not listening, you need to get as many women together and go to the police. There is power in numbers. They have to take action if so many women make reports! If people stay silent in shame, this man with continue using the name of God to abuse vulnerable women!

Do Not Ever Let Someone Get Away With Sexual Assault or Rape.

I am glad that you got yourself out of the situation! You did the right thing! But you have a chance, other women are depending on you to step forward! Please be strong and do this for them, do this so no other women are abused! If no one steps forward, it will continue.

I never reported my first sexual assault and I regret it.

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

I might add, we are to forgive others and know that God can bring good out of evil circumstances.

But if someone, especially a Christian, refuses to listen to rebuke and refuses acknowledge sin this severe he should be thrown out of the church. If he breaks the law of the land, he should faces the consequences of his sin.

This isn't so much retribution but so that he MIGHT wake up and realize what he's done is wrong. Aside from protecting women from this particular man.

 

[Pal Handy]

I left my old Church a few years ago due to leaving their singles Bible study group. I attended their singles group run by a male Bible study group leader who funneled single women into his home to take advantage of these lonely single women looking for love. How do I know? There have been 4-5 women who have complained of this man and I was one of them. What happens is he is extremely flirty with women who join his group (lots of hugging, tells them how beautiful they are, etc), invites them to stay after hours (when other members have left when group time is over), gets them to drink wine and touches them inappropriately (sexual parts) on the couch. He insisted that since intercourse does not happen, he claims he is "celibate" as the Bible commands of single people. Since, technically, he doesn't cross that line, he has never been taken down as being the singles group leader. The singles pastor also turns a blind eye on the situation. His actions do cause havoc amongst the women, causing jealousy and often misleading these women into thinking he's dating them exclusively. I talked to friends of mine still in that Church and they say he continues to do the same thing, with women still complaining, but nothing ever changes as far as having him removed as a Bible study group leader. He's already been reported to the singles pastor, who turns a blind eye. Nothing else to do, but pray?

You did want you could and nothing changed and you left, did you find another church?

 

[BFine]

Why hasn't he been reported to the police?

This has been going on for several years and with all the women
who are complaining about this man, I'm amazed that any of the women
who are still complaining about the man attend his group or that
particular church since the church leaders don't believe in disciplining
"one of their own" who's behaving inappropriately.

 

[boogalaboogala]

Report to the police. If these women are touched inappropriately, it is a sexual assault. All of you should go to the police.

i'm with valleygal, on this one..
so why not alert the authorities.. i mean, how else are you going to force the situation, in order to get this guy some help...
blessings sister...

 

[lilalleycat]

Thanks for all your support and advice.
Short of turning this into a criminal case I feel like the church should deal with this first. I think this is just another case where the leaders of the church let us down again. I often wonder why if it's God's house why doesn't he guide better leaders to the top. Why do the wolves in sheep's clothing get some of these positions?!

 

[seashale76]

Thanks for all your support and advice.
Short of turning this into a criminal case I feel like the church should deal with this first. I think this is just another case where the leaders of the church let us down again. I often wonder why if it's God's house why doesn't he guide better leaders to the top. Why do the wolves in sheep's clothing get some of these positions?!

I agree with everyone who said to go to the police.

This type of situation is why priests aren't allowed to date in the Orthodox Church. If a man who intends to be a deacon or a priest wants to get married then he has to do so before he is ever ordained (and then his wife must also agree with him being ordained as well). Once a man is ordained there is no dating or dallying around. I have no idea why other churches don't adopt this policy because it cuts way down on shenanigans.

Unfortunately, when you have authority with no accountability, then you'll get people who fully intend to take advantage. Not only do I have my own story- I have heard countless similar stories over the years. I was propositioned by a single youth pastor when I was nineteen (back when I was AOG). He got another girl in the parish alone at his house and then he flat out had sex with another later on. The thing is they knew he had a history of that type of thing and hired him anyway. He wasn't held accountable at all. I also visited a Baptist church once where a pastor of some sort stood in front of everyone and apologized for fornicating with a woman in the congregation (that was the last time I ever went to a Baptist church).

 

[blankCrossfire]

Thanks for all your support and advice.
Short of turning this into a criminal case I feel like the church should deal with this first. I think this is just another case where the leaders of the church let us down again. I often wonder why if it's God's house why doesn't he guide better leaders to the top. Why do the wolves in sheep's clothing get some of these positions?!

A lot of churches are in shambles and sometimes it takes devastating situations to take place before the church can get back on its feet and focus their eyes back on Christ. Although, some never recover. Nonetheless, it's important to expose darkness for this very reason. More women will be assaulted if you stay silent.

 

[znr]

All I can think is DOH.

What does Matthew 18:15-17 say you should do?

Here it is in the ESV:


Feel free to use any translation you like, but the Bible, in the words of Jesus, tells you exactly how to deal with this.

 

[Habbit Animal]

Thanks for all your support and advice.
Short of turning this into a criminal case I feel like the church should deal with this first. I think this is just another case where the leaders of the church let us down again. I often wonder why if it's God's house why doesn't he guide better leaders to the top. Why do the wolves in sheep's clothing get some of these positions?!

Yes, and you see how long the abuse of children lasted in the church because people let the church deal with it for decades.

Whereas if the parents had gone to the police, or the abused children had, the church would have been held responsible sooner. And countless children could have been saved from pedophile priests.

If what you're saying is true, and you know there's a minister that knows about this guys behavior now and hasn't done a thing about it, what do you think others in the church are going to do about it?

Go to the police and do something to save yourself and other women. Otherwise, this predator, who's preying on you because he knows he has the authority that will probably get him out of any accusation made against him to the church elders, is going to make more victims!

And if you let the church deal with someone who will make them look bad if they face it, you'll be partly responsible for every single victim he creates in future becuase you thought to tell a board full of strangers about this guy, but didn't think you should tell the COPS!

 

[lilalleycat]

This is not a sexual abuse case because these are grown women who thought that they were dating him. I mean how many men do you know like to set a nice romantic ambience so they can get a little action? Unfortunately you can't arrest somebody for being a scumbag. He is a predator in the sense that he used his home and Bible study group leader status to funnel women toward him, he would do this to women simultaneously and would mislead them into thinking they were dating exclusively just for some action. I would say he is going against the church because he is using the "bible group leader" status to have women trust him. But for the law of our land this is not illegal.