BF overseas. Need advice.

[Glamgoddess]

Hi there.

I need some advice or people's insight into why I might be feeling the way I am, about my BF.

My BF went away a week ago, to Sri Lanka with his family to have a reunion with other relitives over there, and for the first few (2 or 3) days, I missed him a lot, and thought about him, and often wondered what he was doing as I went to sleep, and woke up. Now that he's been gone for a week, I've stopped thinking about him, and I've stopped wondering what he's doing, and I don't seem to even CARE that's he's gone. I'm still praying for him....when I remember him. It used to be everynight...but now it's every other night.

I find myself feeling single, as if he was never here in the first place. The past year of my life with him, is fading from my memory, and I'm having trouble remembering his voice, and what he looks like. I can't even envision a hug with him in my mind.

I don't have a photo of him, I don't have anything to remind me of him, except a gold ring I gave him, which he gave me before he left, because I was worried it might get stolen or lost.

I know I love my boyfriend, so why don't I care that he's gone? The night he left, I didn't get to say good bye. I tried to go to his house before he left, but I had one hour with him before he was gone. Since he's ben gone, I haven't had so much as a phone call or a letter, or anything, and I know he's gone for a few weeks, but I don't even know the day he's comming back home.

I'm scared that I don't seem to to missing him, and that I'm coping so well with his abstance. This has made me cry, more than him not being here. Does this mean I don't love him after all? Is it normal to forget your SO?

 

[Living4Him03]

I may be wrong, but it sounds like you are not dealing well with the fact that you haven't heard from him since he's been gone and don't know when he is coming back. Sounds like there are some trust issues there and you are wondering if he will decide he does not want to date you anymore. Did he tell you if he would call you or not while he was gone? Did you talk about your relationship any and where it's heading before he left? If he brought up something about it or gave you the ring back for some other reason, then he may not feel he can continue the relationship.

The next time he is going out of town for awhile ( I know how you feel, I forget what my b/f's voice sounds like when he is away for a week or so and cannot call, just emails), talk about how you could contact each other over the time he is gone. If he will be really busy, ask if you can contact him somehow. Also, make sure to ask when he thinks he will return so that you know when to expect him. Don't expect him to call every day in those cases, and when he does get back home, give him a little time to adjust and rest! I think you do love him and it seems you miss him so much that you want the thoughts of him out of your mind so that you aren't constantly reminded how much you miss him Take it easy and do your thing and wait for his return and continue to pray for him, just because you don't remember every day doesn't mean you still don't care. God bless!

 

[Glamgoddess]

Well, I told him before he goes, I want the ring to stay with me, and he was really puzzled as to why. I told him I was scared it would get stolen like another ring he once had. His mother and father hate me and so I hardly got any chance to be with him for the week before he left.

On the day he was leaving, his mother refused to let him go out to meet me (he is currently living with his folks till he gets work) so I had to go up to meet him near his place. I was with him barely an hour before he had to go back home to get all his things together for the trip.

He said he'd be gone for two or three weeks, but I never got to ask him about it, because his mother wouldn't let him and I be together for a whole week....and when she found out I'd planned a going away dinner with me and some of his friends, she took the phone away from him and started screaming at me about how it's none of my bussiness when they were leaving, or anything like that.

His mother and father hating me is an entirely other thread....one which I've been contemplating about asking for a while.

Bottom line is, he said he loves me just before I watched him walk away (and practicly out of my life as I know it now) and I told him I love him, and I was crying on the train as I went home...

As for the trust issues...I'm not worried he'll cheat on me or anything, if that's what you mean. I'm scared that I'm not missing him...I feel like there must be something wrong with me to NOT feel sad he's gone. All week I've been keeping myself occupied so I'm really busy, and my mind has constantly been on other things...maybe I'm doing it on purpose so I don't think of him.

All I know, is that I wish I could talk to him. Not to tell him I miss him, but to hear his voice...bring the memories of him back to life or something.

 

[DaveKerwin]

It does not necessarily mean that you do not love him. This could be a phase, or an indication of your true feelings. I find it odd that you would miss him so bad then not miss him at all. Something is not right there. I know that when I have felt really stressed, my emotions tend to drop for my fiancee. But a short while later that changes. So I encourage you to do some meditation and reflection, and maybe you will understand yourself a bit more. Most definitely ask for God's guidance as well.

 

[Breetai]

You really missed him, then you didn't miss him so much. I think that's natural. I wouldn't worry at all that you don't seem to be missing him. It just means that you don't rely on your bf. You rely on yourself and on Jesus. That's a very good thing. I don't think that it means that you don't love him, you just have your own life to live. Relationships go through stages. Maybe you're just moving from the crush stage to the mature love stage.