bf dilema

[hugnluvable]

If I talk about breaking up with my boyfriend to my friends do you think that meants that I should actually break up with him?

You see, he isnt a Christian. He wants me to move up North (about 3 hours away from where I am now) away from my job and new church, away from my best friends etc etc. There are plans in the future for us to get married........ but I'm doubting stuff at the moment.

If I feel and realise that I know that life will go on and I can move on without him - does that neccasarily mean that I can?

Thanks to all those who give me some advice - I need all the opinions, good or bad, I can get!

Love and hugs
Erica

 

[Iggster]

Honestly, unless you two are married, forget it. There is no commitment. It's too soon. You'll only be led astray from what you truly believe in.

I'll be brutally honest. From a guy's stand point-of-view, he might just be looking to get you in bed. You've compromised enough just by being yoked with an unbeliever. Will you compromise on your relationship with the Lord too?

Just my .02 cents....

 

[Wakeup2god]

Hi Erica
Iggster made a good point about being unevenly yoked with an unbeliever. Honor the Lord and He'll honor you, stand by him and He'll stand by you. If you're thinking maybe your fella will change then sorry but think again. What's already been said is so true, one compramise leads to another. If he truly loved you then I don't believe he'd want to take you away from friends and church. If he was a believer and you were married then you'd have to seriously consider what he was asking but he has the mind of flesh where as you have a mind of spirit. The heart can be deceitfull. Sounds like he has a controlling problem to me. I know it's hard when you're in your position but you have to judge all things by the spirit behind them. Judge what he's asking of you by the word of God.

Stay close to the one who loves you the most.

Rick

 

[lady_of_god]

First off I always like to say, do absolutely nothing without prayer. Jesus Christ is our best counselor in all areas of life.

You've compromised enough just by being yoked with an unbeliever. Will you compromise on your relationship with the Lord too?

Now for my personal opinion,

I agree with that statement made by Iggster ....

You don't want to become yoked with an unbeliever and your faith for the Lord should be non-negotiable.... Period!

More than likely later on, you'll start to compromise your beliefs by being with him. You'll find yourself saying "Well, If i do that... it's not_so_bad... right?" He will become an influence on you and you will begin to rationalize doing certain wordly things, in turn, drawing you away from the Lord.

If you speak of constantly ending the relationship with friends (or even think about it for that matter), that seems to be a clear indication that you've loss interest in him already. By what you've said, your mind seems to be made up... its over. It's better to be with a person who you share the same values and beliefs.

......By the way, if he were truly "the one" and marriage were in the future, you would not question moving 3hrs up north. You would just do it.

Still prayful
- Lady.

 

[Hooch]

More than likely later on, you'll start to compromise your beliefs by being with him. You'll find yourself saying "Well, If i do that... it's not_so_bad... right?" He will become an influence on you and you will begin to rationalize doing certain wordly things, in turn, drawing you away from the Lord.

Agreed. The last thing you want to do is start rationalizing things. The Good Book tells us what is right and what is wrong.

 

[sweetmercy]

Ooh, ooh, ooh! I wanna talk about this!!!

I went through this EXACT same thing not too long ago! I was with my non-Christian bf for almost two years (and had sex with him the whole time:o) and pretty much the WHOLE time we were together I had doubts and wasn't fulfilled. I too talked to my friends about how I kinda knew he wasn't the one for me, but it took me almost two years to finally end it. I loved him so much and couldn't imagine being without him, even while I couldn't fathom spending the rest of my life WITH him. Weird huh? Anyway, God finally gave me the strength to break it off after I became more and more miserable in the relationship, and guess what? It's so much easier being without my ex than being with him! I couldn't stand the thought of being single, but it really isn't so bad Life does move on, and you will get over it...honest! I know its hard at first, but you can do it! Remember, Jer. 29:11 and Phil. 4:13...those verses speak directly to your situation!
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about this more!
Jen

 

[hugnluvable]

Thank you all for the posts.

I know at the moment it is indeed crunchtime. And Lady of God you made one very good comment about if I knew he was the one then I wouldnt question moving 3 hours up the road!

All I can say is that I'm still praying....

Love and hugs
Erica
xxx

 

[Cordy]

Hey Erica,

You have had some pretty exciting posts recently about how God is providing for you and how you are excited about what He is doing in your life. It is so encouraging to read about God's goodness.

I agree with the others that it is not a good idea to marry a non-believer.

For me, as a believer, God is THE most important thing in my life. I try to do everything I do for Him. When I study, I study for the goal of giving glory to Him. When I work, I work to glorify Him. In my relationship with my husband, I want to glorify Him. Our faith is such a huge part of our marriage. We have both really grown as individuals and in our faith because of the constant support, encouragement and prayer we find in each other. When I have a bad day, I come home and my husband prays about it with me. When we don’t agree on something, we don’t have to worry about “who wins”, we apply it to our faith, and things are more easily solved. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is! I think that is because that is how God designed marriage, because two are stronger than one.

If I feel and realise that I know that life will go on and I can move on without him - does that neccasarily mean that I can?

Yes, you can. It might not be easy, but you can. God has shown you how He is there for you before, and His goodness continues when we are walking according to His will.

Blessings to you through this time

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Read what Paul wrote about being not unequally yoked with non-believers. If that does not convince you to end your relationship now then proceed to read what happend to Israelites in the OT. It is best to learn from the mistakes of others rather than makes those same mistakes yourself.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Iggster again.

You've compromised enough just by being yoked with an unbeliever. Will you compromise on your relationship with the Lord too?

Amen!

I agree with what the others have said here. Usually your gut instinct is never wrong. The first thought that crosses your mind is usually the correct one. If you're having doubts about moving away to be with him then please, don't do it. I went all the way up until my wedding day having doubts. Here I was in my wedding gown standing in the bride's room at the church crying to my mother that it just didn't feel right going through with it. She begged me not to. I did it anyway and less than two years later, I was divorced. I'm just saying, uprooting your life is hard enough without the added stress of being unequally yoked and having doubts about the relationship. Just pray about it and be open to the Lord's direction.

 

[Cherub8]

I'm glad this hasn't turned into a debate. She asked for advice, and she got it. Very good advice at that. I still can't stop thinking, however, that the replies would have been quite different if the OP were a male......

 

[hugnluvable]

I'm glad this hasn't turned into a debate. She asked for advice, and she got it. Very good advice at that. I still can't stop thinking, however, that the replies would have been quite different if the OP were a male......

Hi there, I am so glad too that its not turned into a debate! And I am so grateful for all the advice.

Cherub - you make a good point.... if we turned it round though.... what would you do in my boyfriend's position having a girlfriend doubting moving away from her home and new career etc etc.

Love and hugs
Erica
xxx

 

[Iggster]

Things wouldn't be any different as God sees us and loves us all the same way.
In fact, if the person I was moving for didn't love the Lord as I did, I'd sever the relationship. Not because I don't care for the other person or it's easy to do. But because I love the Lord too much to let Him go.

 

[hugnluvable]

Thank you Iggster... thats reinforcing that fact into my heart yet again! I really need to act on it! Urgh!

 

[lady_of_god]

I went all the way up until my wedding day having doubts. Here I was in my wedding gown standing in the bride's room at the church crying to my mother that it just didn't feel right going through with it. She begged me not to. I did it anyway and less than two years later, I was divorced.

Hello Erica,

I'm glad I gave you some food for thought.... I think fluffy's experience is something to keep in mind too.... She shows us that we should listen to what our Spirit tells us. She had doubts (like yourself), and you know... she was right about it.

Listen to the Holy Spirit in all that you do, and you will make the right decision on things everytime.

Just another thing to think about.... Do you think he loves you enough (and himself) to give up worldy things,obey God, and become a man of God you so need him to be if he will be your husband? Could you talk to him about Christ? Have him pray with you? Lead a christian household? Walk in faith?

If the answer is "no" to any one of these questions (or other questions that is important to lead a sucessful relationship and/or marriage) then you already have huge red flags telling you it will not work.

Keep praying and the Lord will make everything more clear to you and help you come to a decision you'll have no doubts on.

Be blessed.

-Lady

 

[Hooch]

That is a crock.. You can't decide not to go thru with it the last minute based off some flukey idea in your head. If you think it is wrong-- call it off. Don't changed your mind at the last minute based off nerves.

Divorce is not an option. It is a direct ticket to the infernos of Hell.

 

[jarrol]

well u know have u guys been reading what question she asked?

or did u just jump straight on the unequally yoked bandwagon???

erica - i think talking things over with your friends is really healthy... whether or not you actually follow through on their advice, is up to you... but just talking about it helps.

I mean just cause you discuss breaking up with your friends doesn't mean you HAVE to break up with your bf. I mean you can talk to your friends about wanting to buy a new car... but you don't always go out and do that.

so don't let your doubts build for the sole reason that you are weighing up options and discussing them with friends. In the ends it's what you feel is right... something may change and you'll see something new in your b/f which will change your mind.

i mean personally i believe Christians are meant to be with each other... but hey with only what i've read i can't make any call on your situation... i can only answer your question.

so listen and chat with your friends... tell them everything so you can be comforted and helped... but don't say 'just cause i'm talking about it i have to do it'

God Luv Ya

 

[Cherub8]

Divorce is not an option. It is a direct ticket to the infernos of Hell.

Sin is sin; divorce is no greater than another sin. So if divorce can send a person to hell, then I guess we should just give up and accept our destiny there.

 

[Wakeup2god]

Oh Hooch my friend are you really worthy to cast that stone? I can see some writing on the ground from where I'm stood.

Love in Jesus

 

[Hooch]

I don't cast stones-- I just tell it like it is my friend.

People can feel free to ignore the words of God all they want.