Beyond Forgiveness...

[msmistk]

I'm not sure where to post this... (BiPolar, OCD, Psychosis forums??...)

Anyway - I have been struggling with an Antichrist delusion that I get confused with reality/spiritual experiences, if you want to read about the background see this post:

Antichrist Delusion Share Your Scariest Moments

Honestly this whole time I keep worrying I'm unforgivable, it started with a fear of the unforgivable sin. And trust me I've read every article/forum out there on that...
as if that wasn't bad enough, then it got worse:
- First thing that happened was I saw what I thought was God (light that was invisible) tell me I'm going to hell in a vision and the only thing that stopped it was when I said why?
- Eventually I had more anxiety with tachycardia attacks making me feel like I'm going to hell, and I say wait and why again...then I had a mental breakdown that seemed to answer the why...telling me I'm 666, I'm the AC and the worthless shepherd etc. All these things seem like a spiritual experience but I use the word "delusion," others tell me it's a delusion, and I hope it is, hard for me to tell which.
- I also have spiraling thoughts that go deeper and deeper trying to figure out if I am actually the AC or not using scripture...and each thought strain ends with a thought that seems unforgivable and impossible to back track from. I have "supernatural confirmations," after them...which affirm them to me.
- These thoughts even led me to worry I could be Satan...
- one was that since theres a holy spirit influencing the world, the opposite is there is an evil spirit influencing the world (satan) and since humans have spirits maybe he is the spirit of a fallen human explaining why he had free will...but hope this is wrong

Most recent thing that happened to me was I felt like I was being convicted to repent, but I wasn't sure and didn't want to if it was just my own brain and not God telling me this, so I didn't repent...a while after that prayed for God to 'tell me when was the line crossed for me? and do I still have time to repent?'...then after the prayer immediately I was thinking 'why is Satan unforgivable?'...and then i was reading about the pride and I will statements of Satan because of which God him cast out of heaven...then it seemed those things entered my heart and I thought them for myself and then I felt a weird sensation in my heart and pride well up in me. It really freaked me out! Like this is it, this is the line, I crossed it now I'm REALLY unforgivable...like perhaps I'm Satan and this was my fall. (Because I didn't repent.) I'm super depressed about this. I also keep wishing I could go back in time and change these things.

And this seems to confirm my worries that I'm either Satan or I'm a human that is just like him and open to future possession and end of the world type stuff which scares me...

Has this ever happened to anyone else?? Especially has anyone ever had this thoughts of pride ascending higher than God enter their heart and worry they couldn't be forgiven for that?? Did you get reassurance that you could be forgiven?

 

[Ceallaigh]

Basically the unforgivable sin is refusing forgiveness; refusing Christ as your savior. It's not that God won't forgive you. It's that you won't let him. God doesn't force Himself and salvation on us, it's something we choose to either receive or reject. Yes, you can reject it now and accept it later. If your decisions are being affected by mental illness, God is fully aware of that. God is completely understanding and fair regarding such matters.

 

[Ivan Hlavanda]

There is no sin than cannot be washed by Jesus' blood. If there was, His blood couldn't wash any sins.

When Jesus was on the cross, all the sins of the world were lay on Him. Because a sinless Saviour died, He defeated death and the power of the sin. Those who in their hearts believe what Jesus did on the cross for them, are forgiven.

Many people don't want to believe this, because they think they have committed something God would never forgive thus they live in a lie there's no God, because if there was there would be no forgiveness. Or they think they can save them selves with their own deeds. This is a lie of Satan.

But you will have to battle this yourself. I too had a phase when I was like 'I'm weak and pathetic, there's nothing I can offer to God, He would never bother with me and forgive'. But God is more loving than that. Hold on to Christ, even if you don't know why, feel down as He is your only hope. You will do mistakes, feel weak but battle it out like Jacob did in Genesis.

 

[Tolworth John]

I have been struggling with an Antichrist delusion that I get confused with reality/spiritual experiences

It is as you say a delusion.
You are a human being, a sinner saved by grace, a mentally ill person, not a emon or the devil etc etc etc.

Talk to your councellor/doctor about your delusions.

Remember Matthew 12:20 “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.”
He knows your weaknesses.

 

[Mark Quayle]

I'm not sure where to post this... (BiPolar, OCD, Psychosis forums??...)

Anyway - I have been struggling with an Antichrist delusion that I get confused with reality/spiritual experiences, if you want to read about the background see this post:

Antichrist Delusion Share Your Scariest Moments

Honestly this whole time I keep worrying I'm unforgivable, it started with a fear of the unforgivable sin. And trust me I've read every article/forum out there on that...
as if that wasn't bad enough, then it got worse:
- First thing that happened was I saw what I thought was God (light that was invisible) tell me I'm going to hell in a vision and the only thing that stopped it was when I said why?
- Eventually I had more anxiety with tachycardia attacks making me feel like I'm going to hell, and I say wait and why again...then I had a mental breakdown that seemed to answer the why...telling me I'm 666, I'm the AC and the worthless shepherd etc. All these things seem like a spiritual experience but I use the word "delusion," others tell me it's a delusion, and I hope it is, hard for me to tell which.
- I also have spiraling thoughts that go deeper and deeper trying to figure out if I am actually the AC or not using scripture...and each thought strain ends with a thought that seems unforgivable and impossible to back track from. I have "supernatural confirmations," after them...which affirm them to me.
- These thoughts even led me to worry I could be Satan...
- one was that since theres a holy spirit influencing the world, the opposite is there is an evil spirit influencing the world (satan) and since humans have spirits maybe he is the spirit of a fallen human explaining why he had free will...but hope this is wrong

Most recent thing that happened to me was I felt like I was being convicted to repent, but I wasn't sure and didn't want to if it was just my own brain and not God telling me this, so I didn't repent...a while after that prayed for God to 'tell me when was the line crossed for me? and do I still have time to repent?'...then after the prayer immediately I was thinking 'why is Satan unforgivable?'...and then i was reading about the pride and I will statements of Satan because of which God him cast out of heaven...then it seemed those things entered my heart and I thought them for myself and then I felt a weird sensation in my heart and pride well up in me. It really freaked me out! Like this is it, this is the line, I crossed it now I'm REALLY unforgivable...like perhaps I'm Satan and this was my fall. (Because I didn't repent.) I'm super depressed about this. I also keep wishing I could go back in time and change these things.

And this seems to confirm my worries that I'm either Satan or I'm a human that is just like him and open to future possession and end of the world type stuff which scares me...

Has this ever happened to anyone else?? Especially has anyone ever had this thoughts of pride ascending higher than God enter their heart and worry they couldn't be forgiven for that?? Did you get reassurance that you could be forgiven?

For many, many, benefits, soak yourself in the Word of God, and in prayer.

Renew your mind. You don't need to listen to what you already recognize as Garbage and confusion, in your head. Hang onto God for dear life, not onto your own understanding.