Best Relational Book

[Cherub8]

Agreed - so what's the problem in using the brain that he gave me to study and learn more about the person he wants me to be?

There is a difference between wisdom and pragmatism. Agreed? I would say wisdom is perfect, because it is from God. Pragmatism, by contrast, is flawed because it comes from the flawed heart of man.

There's 'leaving it all up to God', and not taking time to 'mature up' in my faith, instead just praying and expect God to 'put it all in place for me'... Believe me - I see A LOT of people like this!

Then there's putting my future into God's hands, but being active in pursuing psychological, emotional and spiritual growth in myself...

There is a 3rd option, expressed best in Proverbs 3:5-8.

We cannot grow in Godliness within our own heart/mind. It has to be from God. If I'm going off-topic, then perhaps I'm not thinking of this from a proper perspective, or perhaps I'm misunderstanding. Be patient.

If you could give a specific example, that might help.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

What I meant by that was - growing MYSELF spiritually, emotionally and psychologically - and that's by using a biblical framework. Not ONCE do I go outside biblical teaching (ie I may use non-Christian resources, but I always check it alongside the Bible - if it goes AGAINST biblical teaching, and would lead me to sin I just get rid of it).

Maybe the sentence structure I used left you with the impression I'm going outside of 'using God's wisdom' - that's not what I meant. I'm using the brain God gave me to discover HIS framework for me to have the most balanced, healthy life I can. For me, that includes reading books, studying His word, and interacting with others I am inspired by and respect to learn how to grow into the person He wants me to be.

Am I saying that relying on God is a waste of time? By no means. I would say I am fully reliant on God in my life. And to me, that means, utilising my brain, and utilising the brains of others that are inspired by God to teach about such things (relationships for example) to ensure I am not believing what the world teaches me, or a watered-down 'Christianese' example of Godly living, but am actually searching out what being 'A Godly woman' entails in all my life.

Like InTheFlame said, we utilise other means than the bible to gain information to grow in our lives (academically, occupationally, etc) - why can't I do the same thing in something that is as important as relationships - something that lasts a LOT longer than a career!

I don't see the problem, if it's kept within a Godly framework. And that can be applied to secular books and teaching as well! Granted they will not discuss the spiritual side of things, but there are many commonly held truths that can be discovered through reading from John Gray, for example, that are in line with the Bible, but without overt acknowledgement as such.

Sasch

 

[Cherub8]

What I meant by that was - growing MYSELF spiritually, emotionally and psychologically - and that's by using a biblical framework. Not ONCE do I go outside biblical teaching (ie I may use non-Christian resources, but I always check it alongside the Bible - if it goes AGAINST biblical teaching, and would lead me to sin I just get rid of it).

Maybe the sentence structure I used left you with the impression I'm going outside of 'using God's wisdom' - that's not what I meant. I'm using the brain God gave me to discover HIS framework for me to have the most balanced, healthy life I can. For me, that includes reading books, studying His word, and interacting with others I am inspired by and respect to learn how to grow into the person He wants me to be.

Am I saying that relying on God is a waste of time? By no means. I would say I am fully reliant on God in my life. And to me, that means, utilising my brain, and utilising the brains of others that are inspired by God to teach about such things (relationships for example) to ensure I am not believing what the world teaches me, or a watered-down 'Christianese' example of Godly living, but am actually searching out what being 'A Godly woman' entails in all my life.

Like InTheFlame said, we utilise other means than the bible to gain information to grow in our lives (academically, occupationally, etc) - why can't I do the same thing in something that is as important as relationships - something that lasts a LOT longer than a career!

I don't see the problem, if it's kept within a Godly framework. And that can be applied to secular books and teaching as well! Granted they will not discuss the spiritual side of things, but there are many commonly held truths that can be discovered through reading from John Gray, for example, that are in line with the Bible, but without overt acknowledgement as such.

Sasch

Okay. I suppose that clears things up to some degree, but there are still a few statements given throughout this topic that seem conflicting to me. Oh well. I think sometimes we just have a hard time understanding each other. Thanks for sharing/trying.

God Bless,
Cherub

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Ok, Cherub, here's a question for you:

How are you developing yourself into the man God wants you to be? How are you learning to be the husband your future wife (if you plan to be married) will desire? How are you ensuring your behaviour is that of a mature, God-focussed, well-adapted man?

How do you go about growing yourself psychologically, emotionally and spiritually?

Just to me it sounds like you have a real issue with going outside the Bible itself to learn more about life and healthy behaviours/attitudes.

Sasch

 

[Cherub8]

Ok, Cherub, here's a question for you:

How are you developing yourself into the man God wants you to be? How are you learning to be the husband your future wife (if you plan to be married) will desire? How are you ensuring your behaviour is that of a mature, God-focussed, well-adapted man? How do you go about growing yourself psychologically, emotionally and spiritually?

The more I surrender myself to God, the more He will grow in me. Jesus is the perfect representation of maturity. By submitting to Him and allowing Him to reign in my mortal body, I will gradually become a reflection of His maturity, goodness, and all other Godly qualities. Thus I do not see it from a perspective of me growing myself, but rather, God growing in me.

Just to me it sounds like you have a real issue with going outside the Bible itself to learn more about life and healthy behaviours/attitudes.

I do not object to reading those books; I've read many of them myself. What I object to is the assertion that a person must read them to have a healthy relationship. Books/knowledge cannot make a person mature, or at least not in the Godly sense of maturity. Yes, God can use those sources to reveal His Word, but no wisdom comes from the sources themselves. True wisdom comes from God by walking in the Spirit.

What it comes down to is, I disagree with the claim that one has to read these books to improve their relationship. That's all.

Warm Regards,
Cherub

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

You said that books can not make a person mature - that is correct - a person has to WANT to mature in order for anything to work!

But what some of these books CAN do (and this is why I like the Cloud/Townsend books over some others out there) is provide practical ways on applying the Bible to our lives, especially in regards to relationships, and how to protect ourselves from making dangerous decisions relationship-wise.

Some people, myself included, find that the Bible is not specific on certain issues, and we can get a general gist on how to handle ourselves, but sometimes need some nitty gritty graphic detail to learn how to separate the 'chaff' that we learn each day from the 'wheat'.

That's why I started this thread, and I'm hoping it can stay on-topic. A lot of us read good relational books, and a lot of us are searching for good books to help us understand what it is God requires from each of us - take a look around your local Christian bookstore - whenever I go to mine, most adults are congregated around the relationship area of the store!

I thought this could be a good thread for us to share which books have been instrumental to us becoming healthy relating adults. Some people might think that these books are a waste of time, and choose to read nothing but the Bible about this issue. That's fine for them, and it's not what this thread was about. If you feel that way, well you don't need to read this thread then! However, if you do desire to read some good books on being a healthy individual in a relationship, and developing a healthy relationship (or are looking for good books to give to young people in your congregation/family) within the Biblical framework, than you'd do worse than to look at this thread!

Cherub, I would recommend you have a read of Boundaries though. A lot of Christians have issues with the word 'boundaries', as we're continually told to open our hearts, serve continually, bless each other, etc etc. Sometimes, however this 'serving' gets into unhealthy areas (often ones of co-dependance, an inability to say no to people, a lack of time for family, etc etc), and that's why I believe this Boundaries series is one of the most important ones to hit Christian bookstores.

Anyway - back to the topic. If you were to recommend a good book for young people or ANY person wanting to develop a healthy relationship - what books would you recommend?

Sasch

ps. Other books from Cloud/Townsend include Boundaries, Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Kids, Boundaries Face to Face, Safe People, Who's Pushing Your Buttons, God Will Make A Way, How People Grow, Changes That Heal, The Mom Factor, Hiding From Love and 12 "Christian" beliefs that can drive you crazy. Alternatively check out www.cloudtownsend.com

 

[Cherub8]

Cherub, I would recommend you have a read of Boundaries though. A lot of Christians have issues with the word 'boundaries', as we're continually told to open our hearts, serve continually, bless each other, etc etc. Sometimes, however this 'serving' gets into unhealthy areas (often ones of co-dependance, an inability to say no to people, a lack of time for family, etc etc), and that's why I believe this Boundaries series is one of the most important ones to hit Christian bookstores.

I'll check it out, probably on Spring break. Thanks